Author Topic: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"  (Read 6105 times)

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DavidH

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #30 on: August 15, 2014, 05:19:29 AM »
"There is no way to answer that question- "are those from him?"- without my response sounding like this: 'Nope, apparently he doesn't love me. I guess my sister loves me, but not HIM.'"

I'm not sure I see it that way.  I'd answer, "No, they're from my sister, gladiolas are my favorite"  If there's a follow-up question about your BF, then you can address that along the lines of, "We are getting together this evening/weekend" to celebrate.

nayberry

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #31 on: August 15, 2014, 08:46:26 AM »
a friend of mine had a nosy co worker and when some flowers were delivered, (which had been ordered by friend as was going to see someone and wanted to take them something nice), the cw was very interested so friend said "yes brad does spoil me, but i can't let angelina know about it so keep it to yourself!"  cw walked away puzzled and friend and her desk mate were laughing for days.


(yes she meant brad pitt which is why cw was puzzled, friend has a BP calender on her desk)

Promise

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #32 on: August 15, 2014, 09:24:58 AM »
Just because someone asks you a question, doesn't mean you have to answer it.

Co-worker "Are those from HIM?"
You "I am loved very much"
Co-worker "But who are they from?"
You "You seem to really want to know who these are from."
Co-worker "Why don't you want to tell me?"
You "I like keeping some things private."
Bean dip here.

Hmmmmm

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #33 on: August 15, 2014, 09:28:59 AM »
"There is no way to answer that question- "are those from him?"- without my response sounding like this: 'Nope, apparently he doesn't love me. I guess my sister loves me, but not HIM.'"

I'm not sure I see it that way.  I'd answer, "No, they're from my sister, gladiolas are my favorite"  If there's a follow-up question about your BF, then you can address that along the lines of, "We are getting together this evening/weekend" to celebrate.

I must agree. I don't see how receiving flowers from one person reflects on the feelings of another. I think you were either hurt that you didn't receive flowers from him or there is a lot more of a story than what we are reading in the OP.

SamiHami

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #34 on: August 15, 2014, 09:33:54 AM »
You could simply ignore her question entirely.

Her: Oooh! Are they from HIM?
You: Aren't they beautiful?
Her: Yes, but are they from HIM?
You: And look, daisies! Daisies are my favorite!
Her: But, but. him?
You: And they are so fresh! This must be a wonderful florist. I'll have to make a note of it.
Her: ....him?
You: Oh, well, I'd better get back to work now. Oh, are you finished with XYZ yet? I still need to do ABC...
Her: Aren't you going to answer my question? Are they from him?
You: Huh? What? I'm sorry, I was focused on my work. Don't worry about who they are from. Just enjoy how pretty they are. Now, about that beandip...

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

Goosey

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #35 on: August 15, 2014, 10:37:07 AM »
I think avoiding the question instead of just answering it is making a bigger "thing" of it than asking in the first place.

Just say, "Nope! From my sister!"

And maybe ask your sister not to send flowers to the office anymore if you're not comfortable answering questions about it.

TurtleDove

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #36 on: August 15, 2014, 11:29:38 AM »
I think avoiding the question instead of just answering it is making a bigger "thing" of it than asking in the first place.

Just say, "Nope! From my sister!"

And maybe ask your sister not to send flowers to the office anymore if you're not comfortable answering questions about it.

I agree with this.  Like previous PPs, I don't see a connection between your sister sending you flowers and your BF's feelings toward you at all. 

Browyn

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #37 on: August 15, 2014, 11:43:53 AM »
I think the history with the co-worker might explain things.  I had a annoying co-worker (ACW) who would walk around on valentine's day to see who had gotten flowers.  If you hadn't you got this forlorn looking face and pitying comment - "no flowers yet"?  If you had flowers she would avoid you.

She was single but working on ex-husband #3.  When I got my engagement ring her comment was "White gold or Silver?" with a tone and look that indicated my DF was cheap.  When I explained it was platinum she avoided my desk for the next 3 weeks.  I called it my ACW repellent.

Aquamarine

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #38 on: August 15, 2014, 02:06:37 PM »
"They're from a good friend".  Repeat as needed.
Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

JoieGirl7

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #39 on: August 15, 2014, 02:32:36 PM »
"There is no way to answer that question- "are those from him?"- without my response sounding like this: 'Nope, apparently he doesn't love me. I guess my sister loves me, but not HIM.'"

I think she means it will sound like that to the annoying cow-irker, not in general.

DanaJ

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #40 on: August 15, 2014, 03:42:55 PM »
I guess I really don't understand why this question is so offensive. I've been asked the same thing:

<snip>

That it would be translated into a jab about how much someone does/does not love you is bewildering to me.

It all depends on how the question was asked. I can really sympathize with the OP because at my former office many years ago, we had an employee (known as the in-house gossipmonger) who was similarly aggravating. It wasn't the question that was asked, but the... overzealousness with which it was being asked, as if it was some huge morsel of particularly juicy gossip.

When you heard the question, complete with dramatic pause: "Is it from.... HIM?" you could hear the hamster wheel of assumption turning in her head and you know she would be off telling everyone about the grand gesture HE made and completely fabricating all kinds of details about your private life.

There was no good way to answer that question. "Yes" meant the entire office would be talking about your relationship as if HE had just proposed, and "No" would mean the entire office would be talking about how your relationship was on the skids. All fueled by Ms. Blatherblabby.

If you got flowers, you'd try to hide them before she found out. (She'd find out anyway.)

lady_disdain

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #41 on: August 15, 2014, 03:56:49 PM »
You could simply ignore her question entirely.

Her: Oooh! Are they from HIM?
You: Aren't they beautiful?
Her: Yes, but are they from HIM?
You: And look, daisies! Daisies are my favorite!
Her: But, but. him?
You: And they are so fresh! This must be a wonderful florist. I'll have to make a note of it.
Her: ....him?
You: Oh, well, I'd better get back to work now. Oh, are you finished with XYZ yet? I still need to do ABC...
Her: Aren't you going to answer my question? Are they from him?
You: Huh? What? I'm sorry, I was focused on my work. Don't worry about who they are from. Just enjoy how pretty they are. Now, about that beandip...

I would not recommend this approach. Suddenly, who sent the flowers becomes a big secret the OP doesn't want to talk about and gossip fodder for days and days. Acting nonchalant and moving on is usually the best way, in my experience.

knitwicca

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #42 on: August 20, 2014, 10:57:07 AM »
Quote
When the flowers arrived, co-worker loudly asked, within earshot of most of the office, "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!" She does this every year. I've never had an SO send flowers or gifts to the office.

It should be noted that co-worker is quite bitter about being single.


The above is from the original post.
I get this.

I work in a cube-farm.  There is a woman about whom I have posted before. She has never been married and actually stated marriage as a short-term goal in a business meeting.  :o
She is in her mid-40s and fancies herself as the fashionista of the group.  She also makes disparaging remarks about how other women in our group dress.  She is insanely jealous if a male co-worker compliments a female co-worker for any reason from "You look nice today" to "Great job on XYZ project"

She also is nosy on the rare occasions when flowers have been delivered to anyone in our group.  I.E. Very Nice Co-worker's husband works in the building next to ours. On their wedding anniversary, Very Nice Co-worker's husband brought her a small bouquet of flowers and a picnic lunch for the two of them to share in our outdoor area. 

While they were outside having lunch, Judgemental Co-worker (JW) went into Nice Co-worker's cubicle and searched for a card that would have come if a florist delivered the flowers. When she could not find one,  JW came to my cubicle and asked who sent the flowers to Nice Co-worker. I replied "I have no idea" (truthfully because I did not know there were flowers)
JW haunted our area until Nice Co-worker returned to her desk then JW pounced. 
Once JW found out who and why regarding the flowers, she made condescending remarks "After being married for that long, the bouquet should have been bigger" and "What? He didn't get you jewelry, too?  You need to train him better." 

It seems as if the OP is dealing with a similar co-worker.  Someone who is a gossip-monger and vicious if denied her supply while being vitriolic if someone has something she wants.  It can make the workplace uncomfortable and, sadly, is usually a sign that the angry person is actually fearful that others have gotten her supply of the good things in life.

CaffeineKatie

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #43 on: August 24, 2014, 06:24:17 PM »
Oh yep, yep, yep--I worked with the same woman DanaJ and Knitwicca worked with!  It's not that the question as written is so offensive--it's all the assumptions and innuendo behind it that turn it into a landmine.  I think you should go with the "no", and if (when) she persists, I'd be tempted to ask "Why are you so interested?"  and then change the subject when she can't stammer out an answer fast enough.

bonyk

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Re: "Ooh! Are those from HIM?!"
« Reply #44 on: August 25, 2014, 06:54:35 AM »
Oh yep, yep, yep--I worked with the same woman DanaJ and Knitwicca worked with!  It's not that the question as written is so offensive--it's all the assumptions and innuendo behind it that turn it into a landmine.  I think you should go with the "no", and if (when) she persists, I'd be tempted to ask "Why are you so interested?"  and then change the subject when she can't stammer out an answer fast enough.

Yeah, she's currently at my place of employment.  I think the best response is a gushing, "My sister sends me flowers every year! I have the best sis in the world! I'm so blessed!"  Make the conversation be about how wonderful sis is; don't mention HIM at all.  If she persists asking what he got you, I'd put an evil smirk on my face and respond, "He always gives me my gift in private."