Author Topic: For destination wedding - should you cover room and board?  (Read 828 times)

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Cali.in.UK

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For destination wedding - should you cover room and board?
« on: August 15, 2014, 04:03:01 AM »
Hi everyone. My sister is getting married and neither of us know a lot about wedding etiquette but I have this forum so I thought I would ask on her behalf.
She had expressed interest in a place "Tahoe Lodge" that is about 7 hours from where my parents/friends live and the owners said they would hold it for her unofficially until she paid her deposit. This place can sleep 60 people and my sister will have about 12 guests coming from her fiancees country so that was a relief. Well, apparently in the last month the place changed ownership, didn't inform the new owners about my sister because she had not paid yet and the new owners have booked it for that weekend already!

Now my sister is trying to scramble to find a new place and she is considering Napa (about 1 hour from where we grew up) and another place in Tahoe that only sleeps about 30 people.
edit: The wedding will be taking place in about ten months
I'm curious, is she inclined to offer room and board to people if she holds her wedding in Tahoe? It's pretty far and her guests will definitely have to rent a place if they want to come. She might also only have the housing for the fiancees international guests and her immediate family, is this rude?
We don't really know so I thought I would ask this board. Thank you!
« Last Edit: August 15, 2014, 04:04:41 AM by Cali.in.UK »

DavidH

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Re: For destination wedding - should you cover room and board?
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2014, 05:04:09 AM »
I've been invited to destination weddings and never had he venue paid for by the host, so there shouldn't be an expectation on anyone's part that it's paid for.  That said, if she wants to offer to pay for close family or some other group, I don't see that as a problem.  I also wouldn't send out an email letting those who are not paid for know others are, since it is bound to cause problems. 

In general, if you're having a destination wedding and want relative X to come, who you know has tight finances, you may need to either pay for them or accept that they cannot afford to come.  For close family, I think some sensitivity is in order, so if you know that they are unlikely to be able to afford to come, choosing a close venue or helping them afford it is probably a good idea.

Hmmmmm

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Re: For destination wedding - should you cover room and board?
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2014, 09:49:37 AM »
As a general rule, the guests pay for their own lodging when attending a out of town wedding, whether it's a "destination wedding" or if they just don't happen to live in the area where the wedding is occurring.

But there is nothing to prevent your sister and her fiance to offer to cover lodging for a select group of guests. In this instance if I could afford to cover the lodging for the people having to pay their own international travel costs I probably would. Or if I had a bridesmaid who was a broke grad student or a great aunt on a fixed income I might offer to pay for her lodging. Other guests do not need to know about the financial arrangements you make with others.

jmarvellous

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Re: For destination wedding - should you cover room and board?
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2014, 10:34:32 AM »
Short answer: No, you don't have to pay for it, but if it's feasible, it's kind.

A friend rented a place that slept about 30 for her wedding, and they asked people to pay a nominal rate per room (maybe $50/night, definitely cheaper than the nearest hotels), but not everyone had to travel in that case -- it was in our town, but most family members had to travel 3+ hours to get there. She asked me to please pay for a room, but I couldn't justify the expense in light of living 20 minutes away. They were on a budget and it helped recoup some of the higher cost of having a larger venue.

They still listed a local hotel on their invitation information, I believe.

I'm curious how many people she's inviting to the wedding. If it's many times more than 30 and they anticipate guests having difficulty finding rooms at that time, then I think they should definitely go with the closer venue.

Carotte

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Re: For destination wedding - should you cover room and board?
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2014, 10:36:35 AM »
The only thing your sister should check before hand is if there are other lodging facilities nearby. It's one thing to not provide lodging, it's another to plan a wedding knowing lodging will be difficult or impossible.
If there are other hotels nearby it's not a problem and your sister can even include a note in the invitation about different accommodations near the wedding venue.

lowspark

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Re: For destination wedding - should you cover room and board?
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2014, 10:37:42 AM »
It's not rude to pay for some and not others. I went to the destination wedding of a friend a while back. She rented two houses next to each other where her family, the groom's family, and the wedding party all stayed. Other guests were on their own and all stayed in nearby hotels. No one thought it was rude.

The wedding was on the beach and the reception was in the backyard of one of the houses. It was really nice.

lakey

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Re: For destination wedding - should you cover room and board?
« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2014, 12:15:15 PM »
The bride needs to find out how difficult it will be fore guests to find hotel rooms in Tahoe the month of the wedding. I have no idea what Tahoe is like, but I do know that near some of the national parks it is almost impossible to get a hotel or motel room during some parts of the year.

Cali.in.UK

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Re: For destination wedding - should you cover room and board?
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2014, 07:49:02 AM »
Thank you everyone!