Author Topic: We all paid, but they took home all of the food  (Read 3103 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6284
Re: We all paid, but they took home all of the food
« Reply #15 on: August 25, 2014, 04:12:40 PM »
Threads like this (and the ones with people going nutso over free food at work) are so baffling to me!  In my family, everyone tries to get everyone else to take leftovers.  No one views family gatherings as a chance for free food! I would probably not even notice who took leftovers so long as it wasn't me!

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6215
Re: We all paid, but they took home all of the food
« Reply #16 on: August 25, 2014, 04:22:16 PM »
The fact that it was BIL's birthday is irrelevant and a red herring.  He and SIL were rude and greedy to take food that everyone had paid equally for, especially without even offering other people the chance to take their share.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6284
Re: We all paid, but they took home all of the food
« Reply #17 on: August 25, 2014, 04:37:54 PM »
The fact that it was BIL's birthday is irrelevant and a red herring.  He and SIL were rude and greedy to take food that everyone had paid equally for, especially without even offering other people the chance to take their share.

I feel that if people wanted "their share" they should assert themselves and take it then. I don't think they need to be offered their share.

mlogica

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 207
Re: We all paid, but they took home all of the food
« Reply #18 on: August 25, 2014, 05:06:07 PM »
The fact that it was BIL's birthday is irrelevant and a red herring.  He and SIL were rude and greedy to take food that everyone had paid equally for, especially without even offering other people the chance to take their share.

I feel that if people wanted "their share" they should assert themselves and take it then. I don't think they need to be offered their share.

In my mind, this is one of those "it depends" situations.

If the process was something like the wait staff taking away the leftovers, boxing them up, putting the boxes in bags and then giving the boxes to your BIL - all this on their own initiative, not at BIL's request - then I can understand him just taking the bags.  Once the situation is at that point, in the absence of someone speaking up and saying, "Oh, I had wanted to take some of that leftover fettucine home", it's the path of least resistance.  And as TurtleDove said, it's on the people who want leftovers to make that clear.

If, however, the process was more like BIL asking the wait staff to box everything up and give it to him, well, yes, there is some rudeness there.  At the time of his request, someone else could still speak up and say he/she wants to take something home, but it's awkward (at best) to basically overrule the guest of honour.  Not rude, but awkward.

And if the process was that the wait staff boxed everything up, left the (unbagged) containers on the table, and BIL just took them all without saying anything, that seems rather rude to me as well.  Although, again, at the point the containers were left, everyone else had a chance to speak up and claim something.

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6215
Re: We all paid, but they took home all of the food
« Reply #19 on: August 25, 2014, 05:47:47 PM »
The fact that it was BIL's birthday is irrelevant and a red herring.  He and SIL were rude and greedy to take food that everyone had paid equally for, especially without even offering other people the chance to take their share.

I feel that if people wanted "their share" they should assert themselves and take it then. I don't think they need to be offered their share.

The polite thing to do is to ask the group 'would anyone else like to take some of this home?', not just unilaterally deciding that it all belongs to you (BIL in this case).

jpcher

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8767
Re: We all paid, but they took home all of the food
« Reply #20 on: August 25, 2014, 06:33:33 PM »
Right now, I'm on this side of the fence:

Eh.  For family style I'd be inclined to let BIL take the leftovers as a birthday gift.

if it was individual meals - those are all mine.

I agree with the above simply for ease and the avoidance of possible quibbling. To me, this seems to be the most polite thing to do.



However, I'm assuming that the bill was split equally amongst all attendees.

I'm also assuming that the ordering of the dishes was agreed upon by all. As in "We only have 2 fish-dish takers -- would you eat the veggie pasta instead since there are 10 veggie takers and nobody else wants fish?" type of thing where everyone was in agreement with whatever was ordered and could, if desired, take their fill of any dish on the table.

If Couple1+child ordered spaghetti to pass between the 3 of them (with other guests getting a taste), and they paid for that spaghetti dish (only) then they should have been able to take that particular dish home with them.

We went out to dinner for BIL's birthday.  It was a decent size group about 15 of us.  This particular restaurant you can order off the menu or  do family style.  It is understood that everyone pays their own way and everyone is fine with that.  We did family style,There was a ton of food leftover,  and it was boxed up.  BIL & SIL took all of it home.   I was thinking that if everyone paid for themselves,  that everyone should be able to take leftovers home if they wanted to.   What do you all think?

Does "pays their own way" mean that they paid for the dishes that they ordered?


purple

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 629
Re: We all paid, but they took home all of the food
« Reply #21 on: August 25, 2014, 10:41:02 PM »
Threads like this (and the ones with people going nutso over free food at work) are so baffling to me!  In my family, everyone tries to get everyone else to take leftovers.  No one views family gatherings as a chance for free food! I would probably not even notice who took leftovers so long as it wasn't me!

Same here.
I don't think we've ever split the bill or taken leftovers from a restaurant in our family.
I can't imagine 'fighting' over food with my family.

The only exception to the not taking food from a restaurant thing for us is birthday cakes, where someone brings the cake for the GOH and the leftover cake is always boxed and taken home by the birthday person.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6284
Re: We all paid, but they took home all of the food
« Reply #22 on: August 26, 2014, 01:31:49 AM »
The fact that it was BIL's birthday is irrelevant and a red herring.  He and SIL were rude and greedy to take food that everyone had paid equally for, especially without even offering other people the chance to take their share.

I feel that if people wanted "their share" they should assert themselves and take it then. I don't think they need to be offered their share.

The polite thing to do is to ask the group 'would anyone else like to take some of this home?', not just unilaterally deciding that it all belongs to you (BIL in this case).

I think it is silly to not speak up if you want leftovers rather than sit idly and be annoyed no one specifically asked you (general). I wouldn't assume BIL unilaterally decided the food belonged to him but rather he assumed no one else wanted it because no one else indicated that they did.

LifeOnPluto

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6778
    • Blog
Re: We all paid, but they took home all of the food
« Reply #23 on: August 26, 2014, 11:22:23 PM »
The fact that it was BIL's birthday is irrelevant and a red herring.  He and SIL were rude and greedy to take food that everyone had paid equally for, especially without even offering other people the chance to take their share.

I feel that if people wanted "their share" they should assert themselves and take it then. I don't think they need to be offered their share.

The polite thing to do is to ask the group 'would anyone else like to take some of this home?', not just unilaterally deciding that it all belongs to you (BIL in this case).

I think it is silly to not speak up if you want leftovers rather than sit idly and be annoyed no one specifically asked you (general). I wouldn't assume BIL unilaterally decided the food belonged to him but rather he assumed no one else wanted it because no one else indicated that they did.

I agree that it would not have been rude for the OP to speak up and ask for some of the food (especially as there was so much!). But I can completely understand why she didn't. If no one else was speaking up, she might not have wanted to appear like she was being greedy / quibbling / etc.