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Author Topic: Saw off creeper with variation of this  (Read 15736 times)

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Raintree

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #15 on: November 29, 2014, 11:25:57 PM »
Good for you. This guy reminds me of the "You have to kiss me because it's New Year's and it's midnight" guy of parties gone by. I say parties gone by because nowadays I prefer small, intimate gatherings with people I know and like, but when I was in my 20's, the big parties where you didn't know everyone was common, and equally common were the somewhat-to-much-older men whose only hope of getting a kiss was to shame much younger women into it by acting as though they were prudes for not kissing them at midnight.

cicero

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #16 on: February 08, 2015, 05:55:30 AM »
good for you.

and i say this often - if your hinky meter is going off, it's *usually* going off for a reason. many of us tend to ignore it, not wanting to seem mean/make a fuss, etc but there are reasons that we have that instinct.

and the fact that this creep, instead of immediately apologizing and moving on, chose to berate you and then sulk? yeah, charmer, that one.



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Oh Joy

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #17 on: February 08, 2015, 11:54:01 AM »
Yes, he was only hugging the women.

Creeper and misogynist, what a charmer.

While I'm 100% on board with our OP choosing her own boundaries and picking up a creeper vibe from the guy, I don't think it's fair to equate a man not hugging men with misogyny.

For example, in my professional office we are very close with our long-term clients.  It is a very common combination for a male and female from our office to greet a male and female pair of clients.  The women hug each other and the males, and the men shake hands with each other.  And this is a group with great respect for each others' value.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #18 on: February 08, 2015, 02:03:39 PM »
Yes, he was only hugging the women.

Creeper and misogynist, what a charmer.

While I'm 100% on board with our OP choosing her own boundaries and picking up a creeper vibe from the guy, I don't think it's fair to equate a man not hugging men with misogyny.

For example, in my professional office we are very close with our long-term clients.  It is a very common combination for a male and female from our office to greet a male and female pair of clients.  The women hug each other and the males, and the men shake hands with each other.  And this is a group with great respect for each others' value.

I think its only really in this context.  If you work in a culture where this is expected that is one thing.  But in general, socially, a man, or a woman, for that matter, shouldn't go around giving full body hugs to people they don't know and particularly who they are meeting for the first time.


Women, in particular, might see this as predatory behavior.

Benni

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #19 on: February 08, 2015, 04:15:26 PM »
Women, in particular, might see this as predatory behavior.

What a great use of the term.  I will remember it.

Anyone who is forcing contact with another person is being predatory.  Today I was speaking with a friend who kept trying to get closer and closer.  This made me try to discretely back up, sway to the side, turn a bit, etc.  She was in my personal space.  My friend had a very specific reason she wanted to speak with me, she had something she wanted me to do.  Her behavior, while not being predatory in the usual sense of the word, was predatory in a dictionary sense of the word.  She is a close friend and I was okay with her touching my arm, etc.  A man I did not know exhibiting the same behavior would have been creeping me out in a major way. 

Auntie Mame

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #20 on: March 14, 2015, 07:52:33 AM »
Yes, he was only hugging the women.

Creeper and misogynist, what a charmer.

While I'm 100% on board with our OP choosing her own boundaries and picking up a creeper vibe from the guy, I don't think it's fair to equate a man not hugging men with misogyny.

For example, in my professional office we are very close with our long-term clients.  It is a very common combination for a male and female from our office to greet a male and female pair of clients.  The women hug each other and the males, and the men shake hands with each other.  And this is a group with great respect for each others' value.
so glad I don't work in that office Or an environment where women aren't respected.
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Oh Joy

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #21 on: March 14, 2015, 09:48:56 AM »
Yes, he was only hugging the women.

Creeper and misogynist, what a charmer.

While I'm 100% on board with our OP choosing her own boundaries and picking up a creeper vibe from the guy, I don't think it's fair to equate a man not hugging men with misogyny.

For example, in my professional office we are very close with our long-term clients.  It is a very common combination for a male and female from our office to greet a male and female pair of clients.  The women hug each other and the males, and the men shake hands with each other.  And this is a group with great respect for each others' value.
so glad I don't work in that office Or an environment where women aren't respected.

I'm not quite sure I understand.  Can you explain, and perhaps I can clarify?

MariaE

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #22 on: March 14, 2015, 04:21:26 PM »
Yes, he was only hugging the women.

Creeper and misogynist, what a charmer.

While I'm 100% on board with our OP choosing her own boundaries and picking up a creeper vibe from the guy, I don't think it's fair to equate a man not hugging men with misogyny.

For example, in my professional office we are very close with our long-term clients.  It is a very common combination for a male and female from our office to greet a male and female pair of clients.  The women hug each other and the males, and the men shake hands with each other.  And this is a group with great respect for each others' value.
so glad I don't work in that office Or an environment where women aren't respected.

I'm not quite sure I understand.  Can you explain, and perhaps I can clarify?

Yeah, I don't get it either. Sounds a lot like my office and I've never felt an ounce of disrespect towards women there - despite working in a male dominated field.

It's not like the women are expected to hug - just that they are more likely to feel like doing it than the men.
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

Tea Drinker

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #23 on: March 14, 2015, 08:56:29 PM »
Yes, he was only hugging the women.

Creeper and misogynist, what a charmer.

While I'm 100% on board with our OP choosing her own boundaries and picking up a creeper vibe from the guy, I don't think it's fair to equate a man not hugging men with misogyny.

For example, in my professional office we are very close with our long-term clients.  It is a very common combination for a male and female from our office to greet a male and female pair of clients.  The women hug each other and the males, and the men shake hands with each other.  And this is a group with great respect for each others' value.
so glad I don't work in that office Or an environment where women aren't respected.

I'm not quite sure I understand.  Can you explain, and perhaps I can clarify?

Yeah, I don't get it either. Sounds a lot like my office and I've never felt an ounce of disrespect towards women there - despite working in a male dominated field.

It's not like the women are expected to hug - just that they are more likely to feel like doing it than the men.

It's hard to tell from this distance what's expected, though. What would happen if one of the women didn't want to hug anyone, or only wanted to hug other women? I also wonder what would happen if one of the male staff or clients started offering to hug others of the men.
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pattycake

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #24 on: March 14, 2015, 09:41:28 PM »
I have had this happen to me at church. All the ladies hug one another. There are one or at most two men that some of us ladies will hug, because they are like a dad or grandpa, and all others are either no touching or handshake. One man, who I figured out a long time ago likes me (it is not reciprocated - he's a nice fella, but...) caught me unawares one Christmas and hugged me before I could prevent it. The next year, and actually any time after that Christmas, I was ready to thrust out my hand for a handshake and was able to forestall any close contact. I could see he was surprised, but he didn't press the issue. Unfortunately I have to keep an eye on where he is and avoid him as best I can without being rude - he is not stalker-creepy, more like Jr. High School follow-y!

Benni

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #25 on: March 14, 2015, 09:50:16 PM »
Non-hugger here.  There is no work situation where a hug would be acceptable to me.  It doesn't matter if the hugger is male or female, I don't want to suffer through a hug.  AND it is suffering.

Some of us have a great need for personal space that can only be breached by those who are very near and dear to us.  To me, that means my immediate family - parents, spouse, children (including my in-law children) and grandchildren.  That is my list and it is only 9 people.  Anyone not included in those 9, I suffer when they touch/hug me.  Co-workers/visitors often hug me, and I hate it.

diesel_darlin

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #26 on: March 14, 2015, 11:17:02 PM »
Well done, OP! I am a hugger, but only when its wanted. I hug people back that hug me first. And its only people that I am comfortable with. Several men hug me at church, and its the one armed sisterly type hugs. While their wives are present.

MariaE

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #27 on: March 15, 2015, 02:14:31 AM »
Non-hugger here.  There is no work situation where a hug would be acceptable to me.  It doesn't matter if the hugger is male or female, I don't want to suffer through a hug.  AND it is suffering.

So you just don't hug. Simple as that. I don't know about Oh Joy, but I didn't mean to say that all women at my work hug - they definitely don't. I agree that expecting somebody to hug would be disrespectful no matter the situation.
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

Twik

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #28 on: March 27, 2015, 10:28:25 AM »
Non-hugger here.  There is no work situation where a hug would be acceptable to me.  It doesn't matter if the hugger is male or female....

OK, if I have just personally saved the company and enabled everyone to retire rich, they can hug me. Or if the roof collapsed, and I dragged someone out from the rubble.

Otherwise, hugging is not appropriate.
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EllenS

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Re: Saw off creeper with variation of this
« Reply #29 on: March 27, 2015, 11:57:15 AM »
I am a hugger. I hug both men and women, in both social and informal-professional situations. But not strangers, and not everybody. And I never grab. I lean back on my heel, elbows at my sides, and open my forearms. A gesture that could also read as, "hey, whaddaya know?" and is easily transitioned into a handshake, if that's the preference. If I am talking to someone who is upset, I will ask if they want a hug.  This way, I only hug people who actively consent.

There is also a huge difference in the message and intent of different hug positions. I can't think of anyone outside my DH and very small children, that I hug with full-body contact. A side-arm or "A-Frame" hug is most common. Full-body hugs are intimate. A man who is full-body-hugging all the women in the room is, in my book, creepy.

The whole point of a hug is to foster good feeling, which means it's got to be all about consent.