Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up

[kingsrings]

I agree, vetterbetter. I am thinking that the wedding took place in very old cemetery with very old gravestones, but that still doesn't mean that the place doesn't need any respect and proper behavior any longer.

[TZ]

I agree with you 100%, Vedderbetter.  I was actually going to post the same thing.  Couples do have a right to the wedding theme of their choice, and guests should not criticize them.  However, marrying in a cemetary is pretty disrespectful  If I went to visit a loved one's grave and discovered a couple getting married near it, you'd better believe that I would complain to the cemetary management.

[Lisbeth]

Long time lurker and first posting attempt, but I felt compelled to say something about this.

I absolutely agree that guests of ANY event should be gracious and not comment on things that occur that may not reflect the guest's personal tastes but the tastes of the host/hostess.  This is doubly true for a wedding.

Secondly, it was completely inappropriate for the OP to leave a snarky note for the bride and to make such rude commentary on the bridal parties' choice of attire.

However, I do take issue with holding celebratory events (such as weddings) in cemeteries.  Cemeteries, by their very nature, are places for families to mourn the loss of loved ones, to provide a final resting place for those we have lost, and are peaceful and somber so that quiet reflection and mourning can occur.  They are not meant to be used by those who are fascinated by death/the macabre/other "dark fantasy" ideas as a backdrop for a theme wedding.  To use such a emotional (and not good emotion, most people interring a loved one are grieving, angry, depressed, etc.) disrespects the dead and more importantly, disrespects the families that would likely object quite strenuously to having their loved ones gravesite used as a wedding location for strangers.  It's almost as if part of the fun of the wedding is enjoying the loss that a cemetery represents for many people.  I for one would be very upset at any cemetery that would allow such an event to occur, especially at the site of one of my family members. 

I know this is an unpopular opinion, and yes, death isn't the end, and yes, we should celebrate life, but it still strikes me as disrespectful and, frankly, innappropriate.  I apologize in advance if I have offended but I simply had to say what I had to say.

Ehelldame actually said the same things in a letter someone wrote in response to this story (the Mail Bag feature doesn't seem to be available on the website anymore, but that's where it was).  I agree with you and her.

[Virg]

vedderbetter wrote:

"However, I do take issue with holding celebratory events (such as weddings) in cemeteries."

It may only be an academic note and may not change your view of the event, but the original post states that the wedding took place in front of a cemetery, not within it.  Since the original post was written by the horrified guest, I'd figure that detail can be trusted as I'm sure she'd have complained if it was actually held in the cemetery.

Virg

[Gigi]

Out here people hold weddings at Forest Lawn all the time. 

[Cupcake Fiend]

I could see someone holding a wedding in a cemetary, if they had lost someone very dear and held it near that person's grave so as to feel like they were part of it.  Maybe.  I don't personally have that mindset -- I don't even want a grave when I die, but I could kinda sorta understand someone thinking that way.  I know people who do.  Not that they take it to that level, but they'll visit the grave and talk to the person.

[Sterling]

I feel that inside the cemetary would be bad but they were in front of it.  they were not on blessed ground.  Also it seems the wedding was really small so other that hte +1s brought by guest the HC would know if thier friends had recently lost someone.

[Buffy2424]

There were two male and two female groom's attendants, and two male and two female bride's attendants, too. There was NO clear MOH or BM.

This made me laugh.  And the part where she mentions that the bride, who has black hair btw, is a foot taller than the groom. 

It's just like, isn't the wedding description unconventional enough without having to add these nuggets?  If you went to a leather-clad goth wedding in a cemetary, would you really be like, "and there was no clear MOH!"?  Ha. 

[Slartibartfast]

I guess I'm really of the opinion that cemetaries are for the living.  They're somewhere the loved ones of the deceased can come to terms with the death, and keep the feeling the deceased is still in one physical location (in addition to whatever spiritual location their religion suggests.  We only treat cemetaries as "holy ground" because we know specific people were buried there - chances are, we are all right now on or near a site where a human being died some centuries ago - but since we don't know the people who died a thousand years ago, we don't worry about it.

I would definitely have a problem with a wedding in an *active* cemetary, where living people are still grieving the loss of friends and family members they loved, but an abandoned cemetary wouldn't bother me a bit. (Well, I wouldn't hold a wedding there, but I wouldn't have a problem with someone else doing so.)

[LissaR1]

You know, I was sort of thinking the same thing.  To be honest, if I was dead, I'd rather happy things were going on above me.  I would have a problem if there were people present at the cemetary to mourn their loved ones.  But if the cemetary's deserted, I'd never do it, but I wouldn't have a problem with it, either.

[Sleepingmediocre]

This made me laugh.  And the part where she mentions that the bride, who has black hair btw, is a foot taller than the groom.

Yes, how DARE that bride have black hair or be tall?  Doesn't she know that brides don't DO these things? 

I also enjoyed her getting angry at one guest for having a dress that was "floor-length" and then getting upset because the bride's dress didn't cover the tops of her boots.  Apparently everyone at the wedding should have presented themselves to her beforehand for a hemline inspection!  OTOH, if they'd worn pants, the way the bride's and groom's attendants did, it wouldn't have been a problem, but wait!  That's wrong too!

[LJM]

To use such a emotional (and not good emotion, most people interring a loved one are grieving, angry, depressed, etc.) disrespects the dead and more importantly, disrespects the families that would likely object quite strenuously to having their loved ones gravesite used as a wedding location for strangers.  It's almost as if part of the fun of the wedding is enjoying the loss that a cemetery represents for many people.

I would have had a lot more respect for the letter-writer if she had made this argument, but she didn't. Your points didn't seem to be an issue for her-- rather, the entire letter could be summed up as "how DARE these people I've never met have a wedding I disapprove of?"

[kathrynne]

I guess I'm really of the opinion that cemetaries are for the living.  They're somewhere the loved ones of the deceased can come to terms with the death, and keep the feeling the deceased is still in one physical location (in addition to whatever spiritual location their religion suggests.  We only treat cemetaries as "holy ground" because we know specific people were buried there - chances are, we are all right now on or near a site where a human being died some centuries ago - but since we don't know the people who died a thousand years ago, we don't worry about it.

I'm a cemetery person, and have been for decades. Nice, peaceful places to hang out and read, and nobody's ever complained. There was a cemetery near my college campus that was huge and interesting, and full of incredible monuments, including a small pyramid (about two stories tall).

I've told DH that if there's any way it can be done I want a bench as my headstone. I'd love to have people sit and read or meditate there. Just don't put me next to some babbling brook that'll have me needing the bathroom for eternity!

The OP here would probalby balk at any ceremony that doesn't conform 100% to what she expects. Too much like one of my great-Aunts, who walked away from my Dad's funeral saying, "Not enough religion in it for me." Well, Dad wasn't a religious man. Deal with it.

[magicdomino]

While I'm not into the Goth scene, I would have enjoyed a wedding like that.  It's much better than a BWW starring Bridezilla complaining about the wedding gifts not being expensive enough to cover the cost of the dinner.

I can understand why someone would be distressed at having the wedding actually in the cemetary

[Pixie]

I'm always happy to go to any wedding where the  Couple getting married are in love and committed to sharing the rest of their lives together. If they are happy and comfortable, then so am I.   Many people would not have had a wedding like mine, but Hubby and were happy.   I think LOVE is the most important thing at any wedding.


I agree, that guest was rude.