Author Topic: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up  (Read 47192 times)

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Gambitgirl

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #30 on: February 07, 2007, 11:12:50 AM »
So apparently it's wrong for female attendants to wear pants?

or to have black hair or be taller than the groom?

yes, the wedding was non-traditional in the extreme, but i didn't see anything that revolted me nearly as much as a money tree.

mindyourmanners

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #31 on: February 17, 2007, 11:56:30 PM »
Long time lurker and first posting attempt, but I felt compelled to say something about this.

I absolutely agree that guests of ANY event should be gracious and not comment on things that occur that may not reflect the guest's personal tastes but the tastes of the host/hostess.  This is doubly true for a wedding.

Secondly, it was completely inappropriate for the OP to leave a snarky note for the bride and to make such rude commentary on the bridal parties' choice of attire.

However, I do take issue with holding celebratory events (such as weddings) in cemeteries.  Cemeteries, by their very nature, are places for families to mourn the loss of loved ones, to provide a final resting place for those we have lost, and are peaceful and somber so that quiet reflection and mourning can occur.  They are not meant to be used by those who are fascinated by death/the macabre/other "dark fantasy" ideas as a backdrop for a theme wedding.  To use such a emotional (and not good emotion, most people interring a loved one are grieving, angry, depressed, etc.) disrespects the dead and more importantly, disrespects the families that would likely object quite strenuously to having their loved ones gravesite used as a wedding location for strangers.  It's almost as if part of the fun of the wedding is enjoying the loss that a cemetery represents for many people.  I for one would be very upset at any cemetery that would allow such an event to occur, especially at the site of one of my family members. 

I know this is an unpopular opinion, and yes, death isn't the end, and yes, we should celebrate life, but it still strikes me as disrespectful and, frankly, innappropriate.  I apologize in advance if I have offended but I simply had to say what I had to say.

I'm with you about the Cemetary thing.... it just seems disrespectful of the dead and their loved ones.

BUT... the rest... uh uh. Okay we shouldn't comment on the particulars TO the bride but
This is what we DO.
We come here and criticize the way people dress, plan or lack there of their celebrations, how they conduct themselves etc... We most definitely judge to say we don't is just crazy.

Now I do think it was rather rude to leave a NOTE like that.
I mean I personally would fake a headache and tell my bf time to go.
Then later rip him a new one for putting me in that situation.
Did he not know her at all?
Did he really think she would be comfortable at such an event?
I mean ..if anything I really do blame him more than anyone else.

twinkletoes

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #32 on: February 18, 2007, 04:27:16 PM »
A few of you have mentioned that maybe the boyfriend should have "warned" the letter-writer as to what the wedding would entail (e.g., "Tom and Susie's wedding will be unlike anything you've ever seen.  Trust me.").

I don't.  He's presumably a friend of the happy couple and knows what they do.  In all honesty, he probably thought "they're big on the Goth scene, so they'll probably have a Goth wedding" and didn't think beyond that, and why should he?  I guess it would rather be like me telling my husband "oh, Joe and Kelly are Lutheran, so the wedding will be a Lutheran service.  Just so you know."  Sounds ridiculous, right?  I don't do that, and why should I?  I trust my husband enough not to make a scene and scream about how things are being done in the wedding.

Although, if the writer was that uncomfortable, she should have faked a headache or said something to her boyfriend and tried to leave.  It would have been much more polite for her to leave early than to sit around and leave a nasty note for the bride and groom.

RoseRose

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #33 on: February 18, 2007, 10:30:22 PM »
A few of you have mentioned that maybe the boyfriend should have "warned" the letter-writer as to what the wedding would entail (e.g., "Tom and Susie's wedding will be unlike anything you've ever seen.  Trust me.").

I don't.  He's presumably a friend of the happy couple and knows what they do.  In all honesty, he probably thought "they're big on the Goth scene, so they'll probably have a Goth wedding" and didn't think beyond that, and why should he?  I guess it would rather be like me telling my husband "oh, Joe and Kelly are Lutheran, so the wedding will be a Lutheran service.  Just so you know."  Sounds ridiculous, right?  I don't do that, and why should I?  I trust my husband enough not to make a scene and scream about how things are being done in the wedding.

Although, if the writer was that uncomfortable, she should have faked a headache or said something to her boyfriend and tried to leave.  It would have been much more polite for her to leave early than to sit around and leave a nasty note for the bride and groom.

Actually, I'd appreciate knowing if it would be any different than what I'm used to.  Like, if it was a Catholic wedding with a Catholic Mass... I've never been to a church service in my life.  I'm Jewish, and just never had a reason to go.  So... a heads up that it would be different would be APPRECIATED by me- so I could make sure to wear my black boots to the Goth wedding.  I'd appreciate knowing what to expect, so I'd know what to wear.  If there's anything uncommon, or something I wouldn't think to expect going to happen, it isn't necessary, but it's nice to have advanced warning.



Vanity Fair

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #34 on: May 01, 2007, 07:07:17 PM »
 :o  Wow!  It was unconventional ... SO WHAT?  Some people are extremely ignorant!
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Sibby

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #35 on: May 02, 2007, 04:20:03 PM »

Actually, I'd appreciate knowing if it would be any different than what I'm used to.  Like, if it was a Catholic wedding with a Catholic Mass... I've never been to a church service in my life.  I'm Jewish, and just never had a reason to go.  So... a heads up that it would be different would be APPRECIATED by me- so I could make sure to wear my black boots to the Goth wedding.  I'd appreciate knowing what to expect, so I'd know what to wear.  If there's anything uncommon, or something I wouldn't think to expect going to happen, it isn't necessary, but it's nice to have advanced warning.

But then again a normal person would ask.  If you were invited to a wedding wouldn't you casually ask the date time & place?  And then upon hearing it's at a Catholic Church you might ask more questions.  The writer went to a midnight wedding for goodness sake and didn't know what to expect?  I can forgive the man for not saying anything, because every man I've ever known is just not forthcomming like that, but I can't imagine if I were invited to a midnight wedding of a couple I didn't know (heck any wedding of a couple I didn't know!) not asking a few basic questions like "what is the formality of the wedding, what should I wear?"  etc.

For the record, I think the goth wedding sounds lovely and I think I would have enjoyed it very much.  It's not something I would ever consider doing myself, but I would be thrilled to be invited to something so personal and unique!

RoseRose

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #36 on: May 02, 2007, 11:04:06 PM »

Actually, I'd appreciate knowing if it would be any different than what I'm used to.  Like, if it was a Catholic wedding with a Catholic Mass... I've never been to a church service in my life.  I'm Jewish, and just never had a reason to go.  So... a heads up that it would be different would be APPRECIATED by me- so I could make sure to wear my black boots to the Goth wedding.  I'd appreciate knowing what to expect, so I'd know what to wear.  If there's anything uncommon, or something I wouldn't think to expect going to happen, it isn't necessary, but it's nice to have advanced warning.

But then again a normal person would ask.  If you were invited to a wedding wouldn't you casually ask the date time & place?  And then upon hearing it's at a Catholic Church you might ask more questions.  The writer went to a midnight wedding for goodness sake and didn't know what to expect?  I can forgive the man for not saying anything, because every man I've ever known is just not forthcomming like that, but I can't imagine if I were invited to a midnight wedding of a couple I didn't know (heck any wedding of a couple I didn't know!) not asking a few basic questions like "what is the formality of the wedding, what should I wear?"  etc.

For the record, I think the goth wedding sounds lovely and I think I would have enjoyed it very much.  It's not something I would ever consider doing myself, but I would be thrilled to be invited to something so personal and unique!

You're right... I just haven't been to a wedding since I was four (I was the flowergirl at the wedding of the last of my uncles to get married), so I didn't think of that part.

I think I would also have enjoyed the wedding described, it sounds wonderful.



punkinhead

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #37 on: May 03, 2007, 01:59:42 PM »
Most of the guests wore black. Some even had black hair and makeup.

Wow. I had no idea that I and my black hair have been a faux pas at every wedding I have attended.  Including my own, apparently.  Perhaps those of us with darker shades are expected to wear wigs?

I'd better not even get into my mostly black wardrobe.

Asharah

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #38 on: May 03, 2007, 11:43:59 PM »
Asharah's comments are in red
It's kind of long, but this story may even qualify as Faux Pas Of the Year, instead of just "Weddings From Hell". Talk about delusions of grandeur! Although dubbing it "From Hell" would certainly be appropriate. A couple of years ago I was dating a guy named Tay, and he told me that some friends of his that I didn't know were getting married, but they'd invited him "and guest" so would I like to be his date? He'd take care of the gift, since I didn't know the couple. He said I'd find them somewhat strange, but how strange could a wedding be, I thought. (DUN DUN DUNNNNN.... ominous music) I said I'd be delighted to go. Big mistake. You did have the option of asking for more specific of what "strange" meant.

It wasn't just a tacky wedding. EVERYTHING about the wedding was downright HORRIFIC. One disaster after another. I shudder to think about it even now. To start off, the wedding was held outdoors. In the dead of night. On a full moon. In front of a CEMETERY. AAAAAHHHH! There were even no decorations in the wedding area. The closest thing there was the flowers scattered throughout the cemetery. Most of the guests wore black. Some even had black hair and makeup. Even male guests. I couldn't believe it. And one woman wore a floor-length (or ground-length, I suppose) white gown. Okay, wearing white to someone elses wedding might be considered inappropriate, but if the bride isn't wearing white, is it considered a faux pas? Another guest was carrying a cat, another was carrying a SNAKE..... you get the idea. I LOVE SNAKES! Although my brother's would be too big to carry!

The bride and groom had hired a string quartet, they were dressed all in BLACK LEATHER and didn't play anything that wasn't in a minor key. Even the "here comes the bride" music sounded like a dirge. Okay, that might have been a bit of a downer! But to each his own.

The wedding party, that's where I finally admitted to myself it wasn't going to improve. There were two male and two female groom's attendants, and two male and two female bride's attendants, too. There was NO clear MOH or BM. SO! The groom's attendants all wore purple shirts and black pants, purple lipstick and black eye makeup and white face paint, and carried one white candle. The bride's attendants all wore white shirts and black pants, black lipstick and eye makeup and white face paint, and carried one purple candle. No flowers, pants on the female attendants, and makeup on the male attendants. At least they all matched! It's SO HARD to get some bridal attendants to agree on the same outfit! And since it was a nightime outdoor cemetary, I think candles were probably better than flowers!

THEN came the couple. The groom wore leather pants and boots, and a white, open-necked shirt. In any other setting, that shirt may have been nice, if a bit nineteenth-century. Needless to say, it may have been the highlight of the event. Anyway, he was wearing a LEATHER COLLAR, five earrings, and an eyebrow ring, and the same makeup as his attendants, and his hair was purple to match it, his attendants, and the bride's attendants' candles. And the bride's gown. YEAH! COLOR COORDINATION!

The bride... where do I begin? She was about a foot taller than the groom, So she should have married a basketball player instead? she wore white face paint and black lipstick and eye makeup that swirled onto her temples and cheekbones. And combat boots. Did she keep them on for the wedding night?  ;D No veil, no train, no flowers, nothing. Her gown showed off her arms, back, and some of her legs above her boots. It also showed off the tattoos she had all over those parts of her body. Do you know how much a good tattoo costs? You can hardly blame her for showing them off! Her (black) hair was pulled back to show off the seven rings in each ear.

I don't know who told these people that this was acceptable at a wedding. The pastor was old, he looked about five minutes away from disintegration. The blessing was unbelievable, he said the most appallingly inappropriate things, like how in just a few short decades they would be buried here in this cemetery, side by side, six feet under, in matching coffins, rotting together for all eternity. Okay, that might have made me a little nauseous too! I remember that part word for word because it was in the Addams family. I thought I was going to be sick. (Not at the imagery, but at the fact that it was being said as nuptials.)

I only stayed because I wasn't sure I wanted to be seen leaving early by these people. Needless to say, I spent most of the ceremony reconsidering dating anybody who'd have that type as friends. How fortunate for poor Tay!

We all had to walk to the reception which was at a big old house three blocks away from the ceremony. The leather string quartet came with us to provide music there, much to my dismay.

It didn't get better away from the cemetery. The house was dimly lit and full of cobwebs. There was no champagne, instead they had a lot of red wine to drink and toast with. Hey I like red wine! I didn't recognize a single one of the dishes in the buffet, and a lot of them were cold. There was no planned seating arrangement, they barely had tables. A lot of people had to just stand around holding their plates in one hand, with their wine glass on a nearby sideboard. Or else sit on a sofa with their plates in their lap. Tay managed to get us seats at a table, but then I had to work to avoid making eye contact with anybody.

Since there was no best man, nobody made a speech, YAY! and most of the guests who tried to dance didn't have partners. Hey, most of the parties I go to, only the girls dance anyway! All the gifts had been given earlier, and they were on display on a table. Not a one of them was an appropriate wedding gift. I guess they didn't register at Macy's! Maybe they already had a full set of china, siver and crystal! Only one person had even given money, and HE had folded a check up and put it in a puzzle box. My brother got those for our nieces for Xmas one year. I guess he figured if they get $100, they should work for it!  ;D Tay pointed out the gift with the tag that said "From Tay and [my name]". It was a pair of hip flasks, one with a dragon on it, the other with a skull and crossbones. Where can I get my own?

So I wrote two notes, one saying they should be disgusted at what they're doing to the tradition of marriage, and another breaking up with Tay, and then went to the bathroom and climbed out the window. TALK ABOUT MELODRAMATIC! Needless to say, I've been screening my calls ever since.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2007, 11:50:15 PM by Asharah »
Asharah

artk2002

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #39 on: May 04, 2007, 12:22:49 AM »
What a sad, sad person.  A life so narrow, so prescribed by what must be that she can't appreciate the amazing variety in our fellow beings.

Hell is truly of our own making.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

dings

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #40 on: May 04, 2007, 06:30:26 PM »
I think a wedding in a cemtery at night seems kind of cool, actually.   >:D

Clara Bow

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #41 on: May 06, 2007, 01:58:50 AM »
I have to drop in with my two cents about the cemetary thing.
I'm a cemetary person, the older the better. And many of my relatives are buried in cemetaries (as opposed to a home burial, or cremation). I have spent a great deal of time strolling through cemetaries, reading the headstones and pondering.
I would be utterly charmed if I saw a wedding taking place near the gravesite of a loved one. Life is a circle (personal belief) and joy doesn't stop when one dies....I'd like to see someone celebrating life in a place where people are placed at the end of life. It seems oddly fitting to me. I don't believe in endings anyway...but that's me.
I'd be peeved if the wedding party and/or guests were littering on the grounds, or being loud and raucous, but beyond that I think that there's nothing wrong with it. Some visit the dead, others include them.
Again, this is all me personally, and not meant as a flame or a slam against those who are offended by the idea of using a cemetary for weddings....just my viewpoint, and a small point from the other side.
I have finally found the bar I can't get thrown out of....

BethanyAnne

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #42 on: July 12, 2007, 09:05:50 AM »
Wow, somebody is extremely superficial and self-involved. Just because it's not your cup of tea doesn't make it horrible. Grow up. Who are you to judge someone else's wedding just because it's not your lifestyle?

housewife2k

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #43 on: July 12, 2007, 01:12:56 PM »
I jest re-read the OP, and realized, the wedding wasn't in the cemetary, it was in front of the cemetary. They were not in the actual cemetary, just using it as a backdrop.
In my first wedding, ExHub wore a leather blazer, velvet pants, and button up shirt. I wore a six panel dress in crimson and black.
When Hubby and I got married, it was a ten dollar sundress, once again in black and red. The colors look good on me.
I would have been so thrilled to get the flasks or the puzzlebox described in the OP for gifts. They sound awesome, and since Hubby already has three nifty flasks, and my custom flask was stolen, it would be even more awesome.
It's a good thing to know that whoever submitted this to Ms Jeanne finds anything different to be a faux pas!

aventurine

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Re: Weddings from Hell: Goth wedding and Guests from Hell: Follow-up
« Reply #44 on: July 12, 2007, 08:43:01 PM »

So I wrote two notes, one saying they should be disgusted at what they're doing to the tradition of marriage


Every time I read this foolishness, I wonder exactly what she thought they were "doing to the tradition of marriage."  It always amuses me when people confuse a wedding with a marriage. 





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