Doesn't S/He Make YOU Want One?

[kiero]

It's interesting to read most of your responses.  I was always the person who saw babies and desparately wanted one.  I don't know how many nights I cried myself to sleep because of how badly I wanted a baby.  DH wanted them too - but he was very firm about needing to have all the things in place to make sure we could take care of the baby.  We were married for 2 years - I qualified for 1 year of mat leave, and we had enough savings to know it would work. 

Even though I felt so strongly that I wanted children I would never ask someone else.  That's just plain rude.  I've had friends who've held my baby and alost cried because they want one, friends who've either politely helf her for a few minutes or delclined because right now that's not what they're interested in.

[Coruscation]

I actually love babies and they do make me clucky. Reason has prevailed and I stopped at three though. I still get this question. Usually I reply with a variation of "Yes I would, but I don't like childbirth. You have one and give it to me." My SIL, who adopted due to infertility likes to use this one as well.

[LadyDyani]

Sometimes I tell people "As soon as science develops a way for hubby to carry and give birth to it."  or  "As soon as we win the lottery."  or  "I'd have to kick hubby out to make room for another."

Yah know, typing those out just made me realize how often that question is asked.

[EvilAlice]

I don't get this anymore but I have intervened on niece's behalf with her stepmother who just can't let it go sometimes.

I told her pointedly that Niece is really not obligated to have a child because "I want to be a grandma" when A- she is already a grandma and B- even if she wasn't, she doesn't get to dictate someone else's life plans.

That shut her up for a good long time but recently she had to make another little comment.  I sweetly said, "YOU'RE still fertile, why don't YOU have another one?"  She shuddered and shut up.

[Scritzy]

Evil SIL is on Oldest Niece's case to have a kid, saying, "Your eggs are getting old and they're going to dry up!" ON is 29.

Evil has also been pushing Middle Niece to "try again," even though MN is still having problems related to her miscarriage. MN is 21.

Evil claims Youngest Niece will have a baby by age 23; YN, who is 19, isn't even dating anyone right now.

I know now that Jerkoid Nephew (who is 25) is on speaking terms with Evil again, she is pushing him to marry Squeeze #4. It wouldn't surprise me if she isn't telling him to have a baby with her as soon as possible.

As for all these arguments about being too "old" — Evil gave birth to YN at the age of 37.

[ehartsay]

Evil SIL is on Oldest Niece's case to have a kid, saying, "Your eggs are getting old and they're going to dry up!" ON is 29.

Evil has also been pushing Middle Niece to "try again," even though MN is still having problems related to her miscarriage. MN is 21.

Evil claims Youngest Niece will have a baby by age 23; YN, who is 19, isn't even dating anyone right now.

I know now that Jerkoid Nephew (who is 25) is on speaking terms with Evil again, she is pushing him to marry Squeeze #4. It wouldn't surprise me if she isn't telling him to have a baby with her as soon as possible.

As for all these arguments about being too "old" — Evil gave birth to YN at the age of 37.

Oh YES, I  LOVE that one - as if getting older is a reason to have a child you either do not want or are not ready for!

[ehartsay]

Now what does this have to do with the topic?  They use to ask me to baby sit a lot.  Nephew would had me the baby and say "don't you want one of these?"  He knows my BF and I are not married yet but he kept asking if I was going to go ahead and start with the babies.  He even mentioned how I was getting older.  I'm 26.

no I don't want one and I don;t want strangers asking why I don't want one.  I usually tell people "Babies are so cute" and do the baby talk smooshy thing.  With him I just got rude and said I have a full exciting life and am working on my career.  I don;t have time for a child.  He called me selfish.  this from a man who gets mad that he has to "baby sit" his child while his wife is out.

See I just don't understand this whole line - it simply does not make logical sense.

What is the operative definition of 'selfish' at work here?

If you are interested in other things than he is you are 'selfish'?

[Scritzy]

Oh YES, I  LOVE that one - as if getting older is a reason to have a child you either do not want or are not ready for!

Yup. Some people are ready at 21, some aren't ready at 41! And some (like me) will never be ready!

When ON told me her mother said "Your eggs are going to dry up," I almost fell off the couch laughing.

[123bees]

Just my 2 cents...
I sometimes find that the "No, but he or she sure is cute" response usually results in a wink-wink nudge-nudge response from people asking the question, sort of "she'll change her mind soon" look.  I find it more effective to flatly say "no" and move on.  I might be overanalyzing these situations but I also hate hate hate that females are pretty much socially expected to gush, which I do not do unless I really mean it.  I am never rude, but I won't put on a show either.

[ehartsay]

Just my 2 cents...
I sometimes find that the "No, but he or she sure is cute" response usually results in a wink-wink nudge-nudge response from people asking the question, sort of "she'll change her mind soon" look.  I find it more effective to flatly say "no" and move on.  I might be overanalyzing these situations but I also hate hate hate that females are pretty much socially expected to gush, which I do not do unless I really mean it.  I am never rude, but I won't put on a show either.

And if you talk to a kid like a rational being and do not use baby talk there are people out there who consider THAT rude, can you imagine??!!!???

[LadyJaneinMD]

My typical response to such a question is that said precious child makes me want to run out and get sterilized more than I did before. Sorry, but babies don't melt my heart, and yours - which looks exactly like every other baby I've ever seen - will not make me change my mind.

Aww...my nieces melt my heart.  I would walk through fire for them. I can't imagine loving anything more than I adore them.

Do I want my own?  Heck no!  Never did, never will.  Fortunately I'm old enough now that they've stopped asking.

[Venus193]

And if you talk to a kid like a rational being and do not use baby talk there are people out there who consider THAT rude, can you imagine??!!!???

I HATE baby talk; I don't even use it with my cats!

[hobish]

Now what does this have to do with the topic?  They use to ask me to baby sit a lot.  Nephew would had me the baby and say "don't you want one of these?"  He knows my BF and I are not married yet but he kept asking if I was going to go ahead and start with the babies.  He even mentioned how I was getting older.  I'm 26.

That reminds me of a former boss of mine. When he found out i was 24 he told me that i was "breeding age" and "better get started."
}}}}shuddershuddershudder{{{{

[kingsrings]

Oh yes, I've had many people tell me that I had better hurry up and have one now, regardless of whether I have a husband or not, because I am getting 'up there' in age, and my eggs will soon start dying. So what if the baby doesn't have a father in it's life, at least you will have a baby. Seriously, that's what they say.

[alli_wan]

Do I want my own?  Heck no!  Never did, never will.  Fortunately I'm old enough now that they've stopped asking.

Dare I ask how old that is?  I finally seem to be old enough that they stop asking if I have a boyfriend, but now they are asking about kids.

Um, I never got that boyfriend thing done.  Much less the husband thing.  Why are they even asking about kids?