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Author Topic: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."  (Read 14473 times)

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GratefulMaria

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"You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« on: October 20, 2014, 02:52:51 PM »
My 84 y.o. mother, who lives with us, loves to read.  She's not comfortable browsing through bookstores or the library and prefers to tell me what kind of book she'd like and wait for me to either borrow one or come across it at a book sale.  We have vastly different tastes, too, so she's pretty much exhausted whatever inventory of ours might be interesting to her.  The other day we were talking about books in general and I mentioned that we had purged quite a few.  She indicated the tall bookcase we were standing next to, saying "You can get rid of these.  I don't like them."

It was a perfect moment for "Why would I want to do that?" and the afternoon progressed without friction or drama.

the girl person

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2014, 05:24:45 PM »

This phrase is so perfect for so many occasions and you used it beautifully.

I am so grateful for this site.  Being a very sarcastic person, the first thing I would say in a situation like this (fortunately, now only in my head) is, "Yeah. Right.  I'll get right on that".   Having phrases like this all ready for delivery give me peace of mind.

Kudos to you, Grateful Maria!

BeagleMommy

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2014, 08:15:06 AM »
I'm getting the shakes just because of the fact she wanted to get rid of books!  You used the phrase beautifully.

If I get rid of a book it's because I hated the story, but I usually pass them on to others or book swaps.

TootsNYC

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2014, 08:58:33 AM »
Cover your ears, BeagleMommy: I have thrown books in the garbage.

(OK, well, the recycling. I'm not *totally* evil.)

Usually I do that with books that I think are awful and nobody should read.


Also, "get rid of" may -mean- passing them on to other people--which I do a lot of.

Books aren't sacred items. And you can end up with a ton of them. And lot of people don't re-read (I don't--if I don't truly plan to read them again, I send them out of my house! Which makes room for more, or makes room for me to keep books that actually matter to me.)

GratefulMaria

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2014, 09:10:26 AM »
Yikes!  We never trash or recycle books unless they're physically irredeemable, sorry about the confusion.  Mother meant to donate.  Well, what she really meant was "you shouldn't have something in your house unless I like it."   >:D

Now, why would I want to do that?   :)

So, internet bouquets, chocolate, and kisses to eHell for showing me compassionate ways to stand up for myself!

BeagleMommy

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2014, 10:16:23 AM »
Cover your ears, BeagleMommy: I have thrown books in the garbage.

(OK, well, the recycling. I'm not *totally* evil.)

Usually I do that with books that I think are awful and nobody should read.


Also, "get rid of" may -mean- passing them on to other people--which I do a lot of.

Books aren't sacred items. And you can end up with a ton of them. And lot of people don't re-read (I don't--if I don't truly plan to read them again, I send them out of my house! Which makes room for more, or makes room for me to keep books that actually matter to me.)

I really do need an intervention.  Books are my obsession.  Is there such a thing as Bibliophile Anonymous?

Morticia

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2014, 10:33:13 AM »

I really do need an intervention.  Books are my obsession.  Is there such a thing as Bibliophile Anonymous?

Why should we want to have that?  >:D
Now our mom says she's changed her mind about the devil's brood, they may be evil so she thinks, but at least they're never rude...
                                        -- Big Rude Jake

My travel blog: http://www.stepmonster.ca

Minmom3

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #7 on: October 21, 2014, 10:50:52 AM »
"Hah!  You might not like them, but I do, and it's MY house..."
Double MIL now; not yet a Grandma.  Owner of Lard Butt Noelle, kitteh extraordinaire!

Thipu1

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2014, 10:15:42 AM »
Many of the books we get we find in boxes on the sidewalk.  It's that sort of neighborhood.   ;)

We often pass on books to others but some books are so factually inaccurate that we just throw them away.  Passing them on would be a disservice to future generations. 

'Why would I want to do that?' is a lovely way to counter unreasonable demands.  It puts the ball into the court of the person making the demand.

E-Hell is very useful in teaching us how to handle awkward situations. 

Shalamar

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2014, 04:03:28 PM »
I think OP's mum is also my mother-in-law.  When we moved into our house, we bought brand-new towels for the downstairs bathroom.   MIL stayed with us for a few days and used that bathroom.  She said "You have to buy new towels."  "Why?  Those are brand-new."  "Because they're awful and I don't like them."  (She never did say what was so "awful" about them.)  Our response was basically "Not going to do that."

WolfWay

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2014, 12:56:09 AM »
If you lived in Cape Town, I'd suggest you could donate any unwanted books to the Cape Town airport Flybrary.

http://www.heraldlive.co.za/books-fly-cape-town-airport-flybrary/
<3

JoieGirl7

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #11 on: October 24, 2014, 01:03:46 AM »
My 84 y.o. mother, who lives with us, loves to read.  She's not comfortable browsing through bookstores or the library and prefers to tell me what kind of book she'd like and wait for me to either borrow one or come across it at a book sale.  We have vastly different tastes, too, so she's pretty much exhausted whatever inventory of ours might be interesting to her.  The other day we were talking about books in general and I mentioned that we had purged quite a few.  She indicated the tall bookcase we were standing next to, saying "You can get rid of these.  I don't like them."

It was a perfect moment for "Why would I want to do that?" and the afternoon progressed without friction or drama.

I don't think her intent was that you should get rid of the books but that you shouldn't keep them just for her.  After all, you were the one who was talking about purging your book collection.  Sometimes things just come out wrong.  And the woman is 84.  I think you should give her a break.

GratefulMaria

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #12 on: October 24, 2014, 08:56:54 AM »
My 84 y.o. mother, who lives with us, loves to read.  She's not comfortable browsing through bookstores or the library and prefers to tell me what kind of book she'd like and wait for me to either borrow one or come across it at a book sale.  We have vastly different tastes, too, so she's pretty much exhausted whatever inventory of ours might be interesting to her.  The other day we were talking about books in general and I mentioned that we had purged quite a few.  She indicated the tall bookcase we were standing next to, saying "You can get rid of these.  I don't like them."

It was a perfect moment for "Why would I want to do that?" and the afternoon progressed without friction or drama.

I don't think her intent was that you should get rid of the books but that you shouldn't keep them just for her.  After all, you were the one who was talking about purging your book collection.  Sometimes things just come out wrong.  And the woman is 84.  I think you should give her a break.

Good point about interpreting her remark.  My apologies, because in my effort to be brief in my OP, I didn't say that when talking about purging my words were along the lines of "we've passed along the ones we don't like and now have the books that are meaningful and we want to keep."

The best thing about "Why would I want to do that?" is its courteous applicability to the situation regardless of her intent -- the phrase is non-combative, especially in the pleasant tone of voice I made sure to use -- so if she had meant it the way you raised, it would still be an appropriate response.  In light of the conversational flow (and I apologize for leaving out something that may have shaded it more accurately), I think it's a generous response to someone who's trying to make personal decisions for another person.

I think I did give her a break.  And I think, thanks to eHell, I was able to do that and give myself a break at the same time.  I don't think I should wait until reaching 84 myself to do that.

Pandora

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #13 on: November 01, 2014, 01:27:50 AM »
 Off topic, but the thread reminded me of a post I'd read on another forum.

 People were posting about various individuals who didn't like cats and felt it necesary to let us cat owners know it. One woman was told she ought to get rid of her 3 as her house would look better. The writer replied to the complainers that it was a good thing they didn't live there. The complainers replied Well, we have to stay here when visiting family, you know.

 The poster responded Actually, you don't.  :)

Tea Drinker

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Re: "You should get rid of these, I don't like them."
« Reply #14 on: November 01, 2014, 11:52:02 AM »
Off topic, but the thread reminded me of a post I'd read on another forum.

 People were posting about various individuals who didn't like cats and felt it necesary to let us cat owners know it. One woman was told she ought to get rid of her 3 as her house would look better. The writer replied to the complainers that it was a good thing they didn't live there. The complainers replied Well, we have to stay here when visiting family, you know.

 The poster responded Actually, you don't.  :)

Nice answer.
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