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Author Topic: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....  (Read 91407 times)

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cattlekid

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #15 on: October 21, 2014, 01:15:58 PM »
I would like to add on another time-related one to this list:

When a host invites you over for a meal and x time is agreed upon.  Then when you get to their home at the agreed-upon time, they have already started eating the meal. 

The one that really, really gets me is when people are hours late, even if they call, then make passive aggressive comments on how we already served dinner without them.

Yet call me wondering where I am because I'm less than 5 minutes late since I couldn't find a parking space in front of their apartment and had to drive down a block.

Or worse, call me wondering where I am ten minutes *before* I was even supposed to be at their place.

CreteGirl

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #16 on: October 21, 2014, 01:53:23 PM »
People who cancel plans with an excuse that seems fabricated. 

siamesecat2965

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #17 on: October 21, 2014, 02:35:28 PM »
People with their eyes glued to their phone and text while they are suppose to be spending time with me. And no, if you have to keep asking me to repeat myself, that means you can't do both at the same time.

I was just talking about this today, and how much I despise it. I am very direct, and I've said to close friends "are you going to play on your phone all day, or talk to me?" Usually does the trick.

AstiTheWestie

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #18 on: October 21, 2014, 02:49:22 PM »
Definitely on the "late" train of thought here. I mentioned on another thread that my cousin and I made plans to meet for lunch. Both of us traveling 30 minutes to a central location. I own a business, so I had to do a little bit of juggling. She does not work outside the home. I have no doubt that she is busy as well.

When I got to the restaurant to give my name, she texted me to tell me she would be 45 minutes late.   :o   So I told her we had to reschedule because I could not wait that long. She was shocked that I wanted to reschedule because "she always runs late" and she thought I had cleared most of my afternoon to spend time together. Well, I did ... but I wasn't going to cool my heels for 45 minutes waiting for her to get there.

Respect needs to go both ways. Just because you are "always" late does not make it right.

AngelicGamer

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #19 on: October 21, 2014, 03:06:57 PM »
Definitely on the "late" train of thought here. I mentioned on another thread that my cousin and I made plans to meet for lunch. Both of us traveling 30 minutes to a central location. I own a business, so I had to do a little bit of juggling. She does not work outside the home. I have no doubt that she is busy as well.

When I got to the restaurant to give my name, she texted me to tell me she would be 45 minutes late.   :o   So I told her we had to reschedule because I could not wait that long. She was shocked that I wanted to reschedule because "she always runs late" and she thought I had cleared most of my afternoon to spend time together. Well, I did ... but I wasn't going to cool my heels for 45 minutes waiting for her to get there.

Respect needs to go both ways. Just because you are "always" late does not make it right.

I've always wondered with this story is if your cousin ever changed her ways?  Or does she still expect people to wait for her?



AstiTheWestie

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #20 on: October 21, 2014, 03:10:53 PM »
Definitely on the "late" train of thought here. I mentioned on another thread that my cousin and I made plans to meet for lunch. Both of us traveling 30 minutes to a central location. I own a business, so I had to do a little bit of juggling. She does not work outside the home. I have no doubt that she is busy as well.

When I got to the restaurant to give my name, she texted me to tell me she would be 45 minutes late.   :o   So I told her we had to reschedule because I could not wait that long. She was shocked that I wanted to reschedule because "she always runs late" and she thought I had cleared most of my afternoon to spend time together. Well, I did ... but I wasn't going to cool my heels for 45 minutes waiting for her to get there.

Respect needs to go both ways. Just because you are "always" late does not make it right.

I've always wondered with this story is if your cousin ever changed her ways?  Or does she still expect people to wait for her?

Nope. Still always runs late because "that's how she is and that is what everybody expects." Well, not me.

Kiwipinball

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #21 on: October 21, 2014, 04:10:17 PM »
Definitely on the "late" train of thought here. I mentioned on another thread that my cousin and I made plans to meet for lunch. Both of us traveling 30 minutes to a central location. I own a business, so I had to do a little bit of juggling. She does not work outside the home. I have no doubt that she is busy as well.

When I got to the restaurant to give my name, she texted me to tell me she would be 45 minutes late.   :o   So I told her we had to reschedule because I could not wait that long. She was shocked that I wanted to reschedule because "she always runs late" and she thought I had cleared most of my afternoon to spend time together. Well, I did ... but I wasn't going to cool my heels for 45 minutes waiting for her to get there.

Respect needs to go both ways. Just because you are "always" late does not make it right.

I've always wondered with this story is if your cousin ever changed her ways?  Or does she still expect people to wait for her?

Nope. Still always runs late because "that's how she is and that is what everybody expects." Well, not me.

I love people who refuse to wait (especially when there's no good reason for being late) for people who are that late.  If I was ever running that late (and I think the only time I was was when I got in a car accident) I would not expect anyone to wait for me.  I would be apologizing left and right and asking what they prefer to do.  And I can't imagine anyone wanting to wait at a restaurant for 45 minutes.

turtleIScream

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #22 on: October 21, 2014, 04:11:48 PM »
Then there's the companion phrase - "You're the only one who cares about things like that." Said dismissively when you try to point out (politely and appropriately, of course) an etiquette blunder or other offense.
Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not. - Uncle Iroh

pwv

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #23 on: October 21, 2014, 04:23:20 PM »
I would like to add on another time-related one to this list:

When a host invites you over for a meal and x time is agreed upon.  Then when you get to their home at the agreed-upon time, they have already started eating the meal. 
 
 

and its close cousin:

When you arrive, they have just returned from the supermarket and haven't even started the meal and it won't be ready for several hours.

Another Sarah

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #24 on: October 21, 2014, 04:44:11 PM »
Also the inverse I find just as rude - the overly early - when you invite someone over for seven and they show up at six fifteen just after you got home from work, then complain about how disorganised you are because you're not ready 45 minutes in advance.

CrochetFanatic

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #25 on: October 21, 2014, 05:06:08 PM »
Showing up over an hour late to a party or a gathering of some sort...and bringing an uninvited friend, wearing a big grin, and saying, "This is so-and-so; I knew you wouldn't mind, so I told him he could tag along."

Um, yes, we do mind.  Very much so.  But more than that, we don't want to have a scene that would spoil the whole evening.

I'm convinced that this is the main reason why many people don't say anything when rudeness happens.

AngelicGamer

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #26 on: October 21, 2014, 05:09:22 PM »
Also the inverse I find just as rude - the overly early - when you invite someone over for seven and they show up at six fifteen just after you got home from work, then complain about how disorganised you are because you're not ready 45 minutes in advance.

I only had to train a friend once about doing this.  She always showed up early.  I didn't mind when it was like 10 to 15 minutes, because I was ready by then due to having it drilled in my head that 10 to 15 minutes early is on time (orchestra and JROTC), but then it got to a half hour early.  Then 45 minutes, then a hour.  So I got ready earlier and earlier because she was coming from another state to visit me.  Sometimes it was really that traffic was great and sometimes it was just that she was a morning person and just got an early jump on traveling for the day.  I'm a night person and just got everything done that I could, save for last minute things like fussing over towels and getting myself ready for the day.

Well, one day, I was doing a few last minute things to get ready for her.  The last thing I had to do was shower.  She showed up a hour and 15 minutes early.  I let her in, let her use the restroom, and then went "here's the remote, I have to shower".  She was flabbergasted, I went in to shower, and we had a talk about how showing up early wasn't really that great for me.  She's a really close friend, someone I feel who is like family, so that talk was a two way street and we came to the conclusion that it just wasn't great for her to show up so early.  Sure, she still shows up 10 to 15 minutes early, but I'm okay with that as I'm usually ready for her.  ;D



mmswm

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #27 on: October 21, 2014, 05:40:21 PM »
Definitely on the "late" train of thought here. I mentioned on another thread that my cousin and I made plans to meet for lunch. Both of us traveling 30 minutes to a central location. I own a business, so I had to do a little bit of juggling. She does not work outside the home. I have no doubt that she is busy as well.

When I got to the restaurant to give my name, she texted me to tell me she would be 45 minutes late.   :o   So I told her we had to reschedule because I could not wait that long. She was shocked that I wanted to reschedule because "she always runs late" and she thought I had cleared most of my afternoon to spend time together. Well, I did ... but I wasn't going to cool my heels for 45 minutes waiting for her to get there.

Respect needs to go both ways. Just because you are "always" late does not make it right.

I've always wondered with this story is if your cousin ever changed her ways?  Or does she still expect people to wait for her?

Nope. Still always runs late because "that's how she is and that is what everybody expects." Well, not me.

I love people who refuse to wait (especially when there's no good reason for being late) for people who are that late.  If I was ever running that late (and I think the only time I was was when I got in a car accident) I would not expect anyone to wait for me.  I would be apologizing left and right and asking what they prefer to do.  And I can't imagine anyone wanting to wait at a restaurant for 45 minutes.

On the flip side, there's the people who refuse to be forgiving even when something unforeseen happens.  I had a (now ex) friend get nasty when I was very, very late to a planned meeting to go out bar hopping on a Friday night.  I lived in the extreme southern portion of the county and she lived fairly far north.  Traffic was always a nightmare.  Even though it was only about 30 miles, I left my house an hour and 15 minutes before I was supposed to arrive at hers.  Within minutes of me leaving, a multi-car, multiple fatality accident happened between her place and mine.  The way that city is laid out, an accident on one of the major arteries can effectively gridlock the entire city.  So, a drive that should have been about 45 minutes (but which I'd given myself a half hour "slush", for bad traffic), took 2.5 hours.  As soon as I realized that I was not going to make it, I pulled over and called and asked what she wanted to do.  Apparently, I should have predicted that there would be a major accident and left early enough to avoid it.  Though that would have put me there over an hour early, which would have upset her as well.  Anyway, the friendship ended over that, as I do understand that people who are late for no good reason are annoying, but sometimes things happen.  Also, as another long time orchestra member, the whole "if you're on time, you're late" thing is so completely drilled into my head that I'm always 15-20 minutes early for everything, even if I have to sit in my car and play on my phone to pass the time while I wait for the real time to arrive.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Kiwipinball

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #28 on: October 21, 2014, 06:02:13 PM »
Definitely on the "late" train of thought here. I mentioned on another thread that my cousin and I made plans to meet for lunch. Both of us traveling 30 minutes to a central location. I own a business, so I had to do a little bit of juggling. She does not work outside the home. I have no doubt that she is busy as well.

When I got to the restaurant to give my name, she texted me to tell me she would be 45 minutes late.   :o   So I told her we had to reschedule because I could not wait that long. She was shocked that I wanted to reschedule because "she always runs late" and she thought I had cleared most of my afternoon to spend time together. Well, I did ... but I wasn't going to cool my heels for 45 minutes waiting for her to get there.

Respect needs to go both ways. Just because you are "always" late does not make it right.

I've always wondered with this story is if your cousin ever changed her ways?  Or does she still expect people to wait for her?

Nope. Still always runs late because "that's how she is and that is what everybody expects." Well, not me.

I love people who refuse to wait (especially when there's no good reason for being late) for people who are that late.  If I was ever running that late (and I think the only time I was was when I got in a car accident) I would not expect anyone to wait for me.  I would be apologizing left and right and asking what they prefer to do.  And I can't imagine anyone wanting to wait at a restaurant for 45 minutes.

On the flip side, there's the people who refuse to be forgiving even when something unforeseen happens.  I had a (now ex) friend get nasty when I was very, very late to a planned meeting to go out bar hopping on a Friday night.  I lived in the extreme southern portion of the county and she lived fairly far north.  Traffic was always a nightmare.  Even though it was only about 30 miles, I left my house an hour and 15 minutes before I was supposed to arrive at hers.  Within minutes of me leaving, a multi-car, multiple fatality accident happened between her place and mine.  The way that city is laid out, an accident on one of the major arteries can effectively gridlock the entire city.  So, a drive that should have been about 45 minutes (but which I'd given myself a half hour "slush", for bad traffic), took 2.5 hours.  As soon as I realized that I was not going to make it, I pulled over and called and asked what she wanted to do.  Apparently, I should have predicted that there would be a major accident and left early enough to avoid it.  Though that would have put me there over an hour early, which would have upset her as well.  Anyway, the friendship ended over that, as I do understand that people who are late for no good reason are annoying, but sometimes things happen.  Also, as another long time orchestra member, the whole "if you're on time, you're late" thing is so completely drilled into my head that I'm always 15-20 minutes early for everything, even if I have to sit in my car and play on my phone to pass the time while I wait for the real time to arrive.

Yes, life absolutely happens. For me the big indicator is how often is someone late (or really late, I can tolerate 5-10 minutes if I like the person)?  If a friend is always calling because traffic is bad, that friend needs to plan better.  If it happens once in a while, well that's life.  Ridiculous that your friend would end the friendship over that (or be so angry you had to end it).

MommyPenguin

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #29 on: October 21, 2014, 08:28:44 PM »
I cringed when a friend who had three baby boys all within 5 years time started hinting to me that I should throw her yet another baby shower. I had helped out with her second shower (we were just acquaintances when she had her first), but I didn't want to be volun-told to host a third shower. I tried to deflect her hints by saying it was a good thing she already had all her baby items, and since she had three sons, they could share clothes. In the end, a co-worker of hers ended up getting a small baby shower together for her (I wasn't invited). She dropped a few PA remarks to me later about how "Every baby should be celebrated." She didn't want to hear it when anyone told her that, etiquette-wise, a mom-to-be gets a baby shower for her first child only.

I can't even imagine what you'd do with all the stuff.  Get rid of all the original baby clothes and replace them?  Even just with birthdays and Christmases, it's getting hard to come up with new ideas to get the younger ones, because they already have plenty of baby/toddler toys and clothes.
Emily is 10 years old!  1/07
Jenny is 8 years old!  10/08
Charlotte is 7 years old!  8/10
Megan is 4 years old!  10/12
Lydia is 2 years old!  12/14
Baby Charlie expected 9/17


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