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Author Topic: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....  (Read 93734 times)

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turtleIScream

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #60 on: October 22, 2014, 02:44:08 PM »
Quote
or its evil twin of being invited for a set time and dinner is nowhere near ready. for hours. I'm not a baby and I don't have to eat by X o'clock, but if you invite me for dinner at 6, I would *at least* expect a set table, delicious aromas wafting from the kitchen, or at least some semblance of food being put together, not a "whatever" atmosphere that has us eating at 9....

My father would do this for holiday meals. After it happened the second time, I never went to his house for another holiday.

My husband is perpetually late. I am perpetually early/on time. Over the years, we have had to negotiate some things. There are certain circumstances (usually involving plans with others) in which I can nag him so that we are on time together. There are certain circumstances (appointments, travel, holidays, events) in which I will simply leave without him if he's not ready on time. And there are other occasions where everyone involved knows if he's late, it's his problem (meals, parties). He's gotten better, but I simply do not get the way his mind calculates "We are meeting at noon. Therefore, at 11:50, I'm going to start a project that will take 20 minutes." To be fair, he doesn't make excuses for it, ever. It just still happens.

BF has a case of this too. It's terribly irksome, yet at the same time, I know every person out there has flaws, and most of the time, I think this is one I can live with. ;) I have no idea exactly how his brain manages to manufacture Projects(tm) out of thin air whenever we need to get somewhere.

My husband is almost never late, but he does the project thing when we have people coming over.  If we need to tidy up the house in general, clean the kitchen/bathroom/floors for a party we are having, he will suddenly and urgently need to clean out the garage.  Or paint a door.  Or vacuum the car.  Things that no guests will ever see and leave me alone to clean the things that they will see.  It's gotten to the point where we have to sit down and negotiate our expectations of cleaning before each party.

Are we married to the same man?? It drives me absolutely nuts - It'll be the morning of the day we have people coming over later that evening, and we'll get ready to clean. Then he'll disappear to the farthest reaches of the house to clean an area that no one will ever see. Baffling.

Ha!  I thought I was the only one!

I have you all beat. One time we were preparing to host (his parents, I believe), and my husband disappeared to the basement for awhile. When he finally resurfaced, I wondered what cleaning task in the basement could have taken so long. His answer? "Oh, I was cleaning up the computer hard drive."
Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not. - Uncle Iroh

mlogica

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #61 on: October 22, 2014, 02:47:25 PM »
Quote
or its evil twin of being invited for a set time and dinner is nowhere near ready. for hours. I'm not a baby and I don't have to eat by X o'clock, but if you invite me for dinner at 6, I would *at least* expect a set table, delicious aromas wafting from the kitchen, or at least some semblance of food being put together, not a "whatever" atmosphere that has us eating at 9....

My father would do this for holiday meals. After it happened the second time, I never went to his house for another holiday.

My husband is perpetually late. I am perpetually early/on time. Over the years, we have had to negotiate some things. There are certain circumstances (usually involving plans with others) in which I can nag him so that we are on time together. There are certain circumstances (appointments, travel, holidays, events) in which I will simply leave without him if he's not ready on time. And there are other occasions where everyone involved knows if he's late, it's his problem (meals, parties). He's gotten better, but I simply do not get the way his mind calculates "We are meeting at noon. Therefore, at 11:50, I'm going to start a project that will take 20 minutes." To be fair, he doesn't make excuses for it, ever. It just still happens.

BF has a case of this too. It's terribly irksome, yet at the same time, I know every person out there has flaws, and most of the time, I think this is one I can live with. ;) I have no idea exactly how his brain manages to manufacture Projects(tm) out of thin air whenever we need to get somewhere.

My husband is almost never late, but he does the project thing when we have people coming over.  If we need to tidy up the house in general, clean the kitchen/bathroom/floors for a party we are having, he will suddenly and urgently need to clean out the garage.  Or paint a door.  Or vacuum the car.  Things that no guests will ever see and leave me alone to clean the things that they will see.  It's gotten to the point where we have to sit down and negotiate our expectations of cleaning before each party.

Are we married to the same man?? It drives me absolutely nuts - It'll be the morning of the day we have people coming over later that evening, and we'll get ready to clean. Then he'll disappear to the farthest reaches of the house to clean an area that no one will ever see. Baffling.

Ha!  I thought I was the only one!

Nope!  This summer we had relatives coming to stay with us for a few days.  We agree on the house cleaning and decluttering that we need to do in advance.  Then I find my DH out behind the garage digging out a post from an old fence that has been there for two years and was unlikely to be seen (or particularly noted, if seen) by the visitors.  Go figure.

Yvaine

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #62 on: October 22, 2014, 02:55:58 PM »
I have you all beat. One time we were preparing to host (his parents, I believe), and my husband disappeared to the basement for awhile. When he finally resurfaced, I wondered what cleaning task in the basement could have taken so long. His answer? "Oh, I was cleaning up the computer hard drive."

 :o :o :o ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

PastryGoddess

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #63 on: October 22, 2014, 03:22:06 PM »
I have you all beat. One time we were preparing to host (his parents, I believe), and my husband disappeared to the basement for awhile. When he finally resurfaced, I wondered what cleaning task in the basement could have taken so long. His answer? "Oh, I was cleaning up the computer hard drive."

 :o :o :o ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

And THAT's why I killed him your honor

DanaJ

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #64 on: October 22, 2014, 03:28:24 PM »
People who cancel plans with an excuse that seems fabricated.

I have a (former) friend who made plans to stop by for a brief visit a few years ago. It was a huge big deal because we hadn't seen each other in several years because we live over a 1,000 miles away from each other. She was visiting her mother who lived in a neighbouring small town, Smallville, but she had to fly in through Metropolis, where I live.

She remarked that she had to fly into Olson Airport (20 minutes outside of Metropolis) because flights were so much cheaper than flights to Luthor Airport (in downtown Metropolis). I offered to pick her up at Olson, but she declined because she needed to rent a car to drive to Smallville anyway. We made plans for an early dinner the day she arrived, but nothing major because she'd be coming from a long day of travel, and then still had to continue on to Smallville. We were both very gushy-excited to see each other again after so long.

A couple weeks later, she says her brand new boyfriend was coming too and I'd get to meet him! That was great! But then the day before she arrives I get the email: "We can't stop in Metropolis after all. Because it turns out we're going to fly in to Olson Airport instead of Luthor Airport. Maybe next time." (Next time would be in 5 years or so.) Plus, she'd still need to drive through Metropolis to get to Smallville from Olson Airport.

I understand that plans can change. She made sight-seeing plans with her new beau. Fine. I would have been just disappointed, but I'm a grown-up and can deal with it. But what made me mad was that her excuse was bullpucky! She had always intended to fly in to Olson! So her excuse was type of fib that: a) was completely unnecessary, and b) only served to tick me off.

She compounded my annoyance by emailing me a day later to ask if I could drive the 2.5-hours out to Smallville during Metropolis commuter rush hour to see her. She suggested we could meet at a road-side truck stop by the Jonathan Kent Memorial Highway or something of similar appeal.

littlelauraj

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #65 on: October 22, 2014, 03:42:30 PM »
Re: The significant other cleaning weird things, this happened with us *once*, way back at the beginning of our relationship.  Dh and I were both working, and neither of us cares to clean, so our apartment was a mess and his parents were coming for a visit.  The morning of the visit (they were coming around noon) I start cleaning up the public areas of the apartment.  He spends a solid hour straightening his tool box.  Which he had to pull out of a closet that no one would have gone into.  My,wasn't he shocked when I had to leave in the middle of the morning for my weekly, mandatory employee meeting at work?  He truly couldn't wrap his head around the idea that I still had to go to my *mandatory* meeting, even though his parents were on the way.  When I got back home, his mother was in the kitchen doing dishes.  It actually made her happy, but it never happened again. 

Bobbie

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #66 on: October 22, 2014, 04:16:16 PM »
My former friend was a bridesmaid in my wedding. I had arranged all the different transportation to best maximize time, parking restrictions, and out of town family. I arranged for her to pick me and my sister up at my house and drive us to the beauty parlor and to the church.  She didn't show.  I called and called, she was on her way, she couldn't find her keys etc.  I missed my hair appointment and luckily got one of the groomsman to get me my car (other family members were using it) so I could get my make up done and to get to the church on time.  She did show up at the church.  The friendship faded soon after that (I was young and my eyes opened to other selfish stuff on her part).

I got you beat.  The ILs show up for dinner, you look at your DH and he has a look of innocence on his face, "Oh yeah, Mom and Dad are coming to dinner...tonight".  Luckily I had some stuff on hand and threw it together....yea me ;D.

blueyzca01

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #67 on: October 22, 2014, 04:41:30 PM »
I have you all beat. One time we were preparing to host (his parents, I believe), and my husband disappeared to the basement for awhile. When he finally resurfaced, I wondered what cleaning task in the basement could have taken so long. His answer? "Oh, I was cleaning up the computer hard drive."

 :o :o :o ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

And THAT's why I killed him your honor


BUT, in all fairness, would you really have been comfortable hosting your in-laws and discovering that the hard drive was simply a mess?!?!  Because you know your MIL's hard drive is always impeccable!  >:D
No one ever says, "Why me?!?!" when something good happens.

katycoo

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #68 on: October 22, 2014, 05:10:40 PM »
I got you beat.  The ILs show up for dinner, you look at your DH and he has a look of innocence on his face, "Oh yeah, Mom and Dad are coming to dinner...tonight".  Luckily I had some stuff on hand and threw it together....yea me ;D.

I believe the correct response to that is "Oh, what are you making for them?".

CakeEater

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #69 on: October 22, 2014, 09:57:45 PM »
Re: The significant other cleaning weird things, this happened with us *once*, way back at the beginning of our relationship.  Dh and I were both working, and neither of us cares to clean, so our apartment was a mess and his parents were coming for a visit.  The morning of the visit (they were coming around noon) I start cleaning up the public areas of the apartment.  He spends a solid hour straightening his tool box.  Which he had to pull out of a closet that no one would have gone into.  My,wasn't he shocked when I had to leave in the middle of the morning for my weekly, mandatory employee meeting at work?  He truly couldn't wrap his head around the idea that I still had to go to my *mandatory* meeting, even though his parents were on the way.  When I got back home, his mother was in the kitchen doing dishes.  It actually made her happy, but it never happened again.

I have a theory about this, and all the other similar stories. My DH does it too, to a lesser extent.

I think that they think 'It's cleaning time - I'm supposed to be cleaning. Vacuuming and mopping are boring. My tool box needs tidying - I'll clean that!' And off they go, thinking that they're doing the right thing.

I know, it's not logical, but I'm sure that's what happens in their brains.

nolechica

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #70 on: October 22, 2014, 10:26:58 PM »
Re: The significant other cleaning weird things, this happened with us *once*, way back at the beginning of our relationship.  Dh and I were both working, and neither of us cares to clean, so our apartment was a mess and his parents were coming for a visit.  The morning of the visit (they were coming around noon) I start cleaning up the public areas of the apartment.  He spends a solid hour straightening his tool box.  Which he had to pull out of a closet that no one would have gone into.  My,wasn't he shocked when I had to leave in the middle of the morning for my weekly, mandatory employee meeting at work?  He truly couldn't wrap his head around the idea that I still had to go to my *mandatory* meeting, even though his parents were on the way.  When I got back home, his mother was in the kitchen doing dishes.  It actually made her happy, but it never happened again.

I have a theory about this, and all the other similar stories. My DH does it too, to a lesser extent.

I think that they think 'It's cleaning time - I'm supposed to be cleaning. Vacuuming and mopping are boring. My tool box needs tidying - I'll clean that!' And off they go, thinking that they're doing the right thing.

I know, it's not logical, but I'm sure that's what happens in their brains.

My parents split the duties inside/outside.  Company coming means outdoor repairs, lawn mowing, pet wrangling etc for dad, and vacuuming, beds/baths for mom.  That doesn't work for apartment dwellers, but could be an idea for house dwellers.

kareng57

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #71 on: October 22, 2014, 11:07:18 PM »
Dress inappropriately for an event, knowingly, and then just expect everyone to accept it. I know you have the proper clothing for the funeral, and just because you decided to wear your peach capri pants and a shirt does not make it right! I will always remember that.

Anyone who dines with someone else and will not turn off their ringer or wireless earpiece. It's distracting and inconsiderate, if not rude.


For funerals/memorials - I think "dress etiquette" is very regional.  Around here, capri pants and a nice short-sleeved or long-sleeved shirt would not be considered inappropriate at all.  Cut-off jeans and tank tops - not so much.

A few years ago I attended a memorial where even the mother of the deceased wore long pants, sandals and a short-sleeved blouse.

WolfWay

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #72 on: October 23, 2014, 01:40:35 AM »
People who cancel plans with an excuse that seems fabricated.
I once arranged to meet a friend at a place that was a 45 minute drive for me, but a 5 minute walk for her. I got to the place a little early and five minutes before we were due to meet up, she texted me to say "Sorry, I forgot about lunch! My boyfriend wants to go shopping for accessories for his fishtank."

I'd known the boyfriend was setting up a fishtank and had been doing it for weeks. The fact that she decided right then and there to go shopping for little plastic castles, rather than have lunch with me, very clearly told me how I ranked on the importance scale in her life.

I made a point of telling her that I'd driven 45 minutes to be there and would have appreciated a cancellation notice before I'd left my house an hour ago. She did apologise for that. I've never met up with her again, I know where I rank now (below pieces of brighty coloured plastic), but would have appreciated not having a nearly two hour commute to drive that point home.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2014, 02:08:37 AM by WolfWay »
<3

hannahmollysmom

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #73 on: October 23, 2014, 02:06:51 AM »
I have relatives on both sides of the spectrum for punctuality. A couple that arrive early, I always tell them at least 1/2 hour later than I plan. For the perpetually tardy, I tell them 1/2 earlier than I plan.

It took me years of frustration to figure it out, but now it works!

The early ones actually annoy me more than the tardy ones. I am a very organized person and have my schedule before an event down to the minute. Early arrivals (of more than 1/2 hour) really throw me off. I do try to have everything complete at least 1/2 hour prior, but if someone shows up prior to that 1/2 hour, it really throws me off!

My sister is usually one of the early ones, so being a sibling, I just put her to work, LOL.

DavidH

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Re: "But I *insert faux pas here* and no one cared!" Well actually....
« Reply #74 on: October 23, 2014, 06:06:21 AM »
CakeEater, your husband is a lucky man that you understand him so well.  You get a gold star and could teach classes on how men think.

"I have a theory about this, and all the other similar stories. My DH does it too, to a lesser extent.

I think that they think 'It's cleaning time - I'm supposed to be cleaning. Vacuuming and mopping are boring. My tool box needs tidying - I'll clean that!' And off they go, thinking that they're doing the right thing.

I know, it's not logical, but I'm sure that's what happens in their brains."


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