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Author Topic: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*  (Read 21407 times)

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daen

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #30 on: November 08, 2014, 08:55:11 PM »

And my MIL started bringing rice from home (in the Carolina box!) once the brides stopped handing out things to throw, or started using birdseed. I mentioned the reasons why no rice a few times, and then she stopped.

According to Snopes, rice does not harm birds.  The only danger it actually poses is that people might slip on it.

The argument I have for not throwing - well, anything - is that the poor caretakers have to clean it all up. Such a pain.
(One of my college friends inadvertently got around this by having birdseed in little net bundles for people to throw. The only people who threw it didn't open the bundles first. Not her intention, but hey, cleanup was much easier!  ;D )

kareng57

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #31 on: November 08, 2014, 10:37:20 PM »
DH handles the pre-marriage counseling and prep for parishioners.  We have a parish wedding coordinator.  The current coordinator works well with him.  The previous one was horrible. 

There is a common wedding act that originated on a soap opera.  It has no sacramental basis.  DH will explain this and some HCs will opt not to do it.  (If they do DH says okay and moves on.) The previous coordinator would harshly insist that they include it.  Poor couples would be confused.  It's one reason she is the ex coordinator. 

DH insists that he only discusses the weddings with the HCs.  He too often acts as the referee between families trying to make changes that he know HCs don't want.
Is this the "if anyone objects to this marriage speak now"? Because that's an actual thing and it was in Jane Eyre, but it's not about people jumping up and saying that the bride is in love with someone else. It's if the bride was already married, or the bride and groom were closely related, or it was a forced marriage that one of the parties was being taken advantage of.


I know from further posts that this wasn't it - but the marriage-commissioner at my DS's recent wedding mentioned that she usually discourages that line - it's not compulsory - unless the HC insists on it.  She's just found that it leads to too many smart-aleck (albeit good-natured)  responses from guests.

gellchom

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #32 on: November 10, 2014, 02:53:55 PM »
FWIW, I have never seen a unity candle at a Jewish wedding.  But I don't know if that means it has Christian connections; other than a few variations by community, the Jewish wedding ceremony is pretty standardized (and fairly long as it is); other than the officiant speaking to the couple, I never see anything like songs or readings added to the ritual, either.

Or, come to think of it, asking if anyone has any objection to the marriage.

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #33 on: November 10, 2014, 03:20:38 PM »

And my MIL started bringing rice from home (in the Carolina box!) once the brides stopped handing out things to throw, or started using birdseed. I mentioned the reasons why no rice a few times, and then she stopped.

According to Snopes, rice does not harm birds.  The only danger it actually poses is that people might slip on it.

The reasons *I* mentioned to my MIL were:
    -slipping
    -white flecks all over the lawn or sidewalk, and whether the church has forbidden it from a clean-up/aesthetic point of view
    -rice in the bride's gown and hair
    -it hurts when it hits
    -the couple didn't provide it, which means they don't want it, so it's rude to do it to them.

*I* didn't mention birds eating it. I know it doesn't hurt them, so I didn't bring it up.

gellchom

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #34 on: November 10, 2014, 03:45:12 PM »

And my MIL started bringing rice from home (in the Carolina box!) once the brides stopped handing out things to throw, or started using birdseed. I mentioned the reasons why no rice a few times, and then she stopped.

According to Snopes, rice does not harm birds.  The only danger it actually poses is that people might slip on it.

The reasons *I* mentioned to my MIL were:
    -slipping
    -white flecks all over the lawn or sidewalk, and whether the church has forbidden it from a clean-up/aesthetic point of view
    -rice in the bride's gown and hair
    -it hurts when it hits
    -the couple didn't provide it, which means they don't want it, so it's rude to do it to them.

*I* didn't mention birds eating it. I know it doesn't hurt them, so I didn't bring it up.

I don't disagree about throwing rice or other stuff (can't remember the last time I've even seen it, and I don't care for it), but I don't think I agree with you about the bolded.  That seems like the kind of thing other people would see to, if it's going to be done at all, not the couple themselves -- like decorating their car.  It would seem kind of funny to me to say, "Here, throw this at us!"  I might ask them first if it's okay, though.

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #35 on: November 10, 2014, 03:48:34 PM »
I agree w/ you, it's funny ("here, throw this at us!") But weddings were technically thrown by parents, and parents provided it.

If the couple doesn't provide little packets of rice, then I don't think it's polite to bring rice from home to throw at them.

PastryGoddess

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #36 on: November 11, 2014, 01:05:00 AM »
All I can see is a headstone with "Death by rice satchel"  *ka-THUNK....owwwww*

KenveeB

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #37 on: November 11, 2014, 07:41:13 AM »
Every wedding I've been to has had the couple providing something to be done at their exit. I remember being charged with passing out the little packets of birdseed to throw at my sister's wedding when I was little. Most weddings recently have had bubbles, though I went to one that had sparklers.

Harriet Jones

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #38 on: November 11, 2014, 07:48:36 AM »

And my MIL started bringing rice from home (in the Carolina box!) once the brides stopped handing out things to throw, or started using birdseed. I mentioned the reasons why no rice a few times, and then she stopped.

According to Snopes, rice does not harm birds.  The only danger it actually poses is that people might slip on it.

The argument I have for not throwing - well, anything - is that the poor caretakers have to clean it all up. Such a pain.
(One of my college friends inadvertently got around this by having birdseed in little net bundles for people to throw. The only people who threw it didn't open the bundles first. Not her intention, but hey, cleanup was much easier!  ;D )

At my wedding, the guests ended up throwing birdseed in the bundles because the toss ended up inside (torrential rains outside!) and it made the cleanup easier.  The only problem was that one person thought that they needed to throw a fastball and hit me right in the eye.   >:(

Jones

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #39 on: November 11, 2014, 09:09:57 AM »
My dear teen brothers thought it would be funny to pour the rice down the back of my dress. I believe my sisters have all opted to go the no-rice route since then.
A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can will solve most of the problems. CS Lewis

nuit93

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #40 on: November 11, 2014, 10:21:37 AM »
Every wedding I've been to has had the couple providing something to be done at their exit. I remember being charged with passing out the little packets of birdseed to throw at my sister's wedding when I was little. Most weddings recently have had bubbles, though I went to one that had sparklers.

Sparklers can be risky, I saw a wedding dress start to smoke at one send-off.

kherbert05

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #41 on: November 15, 2014, 08:38:59 PM »
Decorating the church up thread -

My sister's wedding the policy was that you were not allowed to decorate the church.  Because the hangings, flowers if any all had a significance to the liturgical calendar. Also there was a very short window when you could get married Saturday Afternoon, because of Saturday Mass (which "counts" as Sunday Mass).

Mom and Sis went to the decorating committee, explained that Dad had just died and that the white roses were significant to him. Since the flowers were white, and Mom and Sis were willing to donate them to the church they were allowed.

Another friend was married in the same parish. There was a major family rift, because they started the service on time instead of waiting an hour for members of the grooms family to show up.

You only have from 4:00 - 5:00 for the wedding. Saturday Mass starts a 6 pm, but the church has reconciliation (Confession) from 5:00 - 6:00.  Every Saturday. The groom's mother voicing the oppinion that that is only on TV didn't  go over well.

Then at the reception the Groom's family kept trying to do different money collection things. The Groom told his siblings and father to either stop or they would be escorted out. Poor Groom was shocked at their behavior. He told me he had never seen them behave that way at a wedding.  From some comments I overheard I think the Groom's family thought the Bride's family looked down on them. That was not true.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

gramma dishes

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #42 on: November 15, 2014, 09:04:59 PM »
...  From some comments I overheard I think the Groom's family thought the Bride's family looked down on them. That was not true.

Well, it hadn't been true ...    ???

kherbert05

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #43 on: November 16, 2014, 12:18:45 AM »
...  From some comments I overheard I think the Groom's family thought the Bride's family looked down on them. That was not true.

Well, it hadn't been true ...    ???
It was weird logic they kept coming up with reasons that the bride's family looked down on them - but the reasons actual showed commonality between the families history. I'm of the oppinion that some of the groom's family are just self loathing types.

The groom's grandmother was an immigrant they look down on us for that- but the bride's mother was an immigrant and the the bride's father was 2nd gen American 1st gen Texan.

Groom's father was an engineer they look down on us because of that - the bride's grandfather and several relatives are engineers - and in Texas that title means you are well educated due to laws passed after the New London/Rusk school explosion. 

Some members of the groom's family had worked as roughnecks. So had member's of the brides family - again this is Texas having roughnecks in your family heritage is a good thing. Not as good as say being descended from the 300 but a good thing.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

faithlessone

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #44 on: November 16, 2014, 05:19:17 AM »
Every wedding I've been to has had the couple providing something to be done at their exit. I remember being charged with passing out the little packets of birdseed to throw at my sister's wedding when I was little. Most weddings recently have had bubbles, though I went to one that had sparklers.

My uncle and his wife had flower petals at their wedding (almost 10 years ago now). A mixture of rose petals in the wedding colours. Looked gorgeous in the pictures, and it was an outside wedding in a garden anyway, so extra petals had no effect on the environment.