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  • November 20, 2017, 10:53:25 PM

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Author Topic: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*  (Read 21416 times)

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Margo

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #45 on: November 17, 2014, 02:40:09 PM »
I agree w/ you, it's funny ("here, throw this at us!") But weddings were technically thrown by parents, and parents provided it.

If the couple doesn't provide little packets of rice, then I don't think it's polite to bring rice from home to throw at them.

Out of interest, when and where was it the custom for parents to provide the confetti/rice?  Asking as I have never heard of the couple or their families providing confetti / rice / rose petals - it has always been something which guests and well-wishers do. I'm wondering whether the tradition is/was different in the US and the UK.

I know that now a lot of churches and register offices ban confetti due to mess and slipping hazards, so some couples have started noting on their invitation that confetti is not allowed, or that only biodegradable confetti is allowed, and some couples do now provide  bubbles or something similar, but that's very recent - within the last 10-15 years.


TootsNYC

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #46 on: November 17, 2014, 02:43:04 PM »
I don't know--I just know that the only times I've seen it actually happen, there were little packets available in the back of the church.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #47 on: November 17, 2014, 02:45:38 PM »
I heard about one church who was concerned about the mess from all of the various things that could be thrown - confetti, rice, birdseed.

So their rules were that you had to be outside and you could throw grass seed!  They figured either the birds would get it or it would help enrich the lawn around the church.  Must have been a pain to get out of their clothes, though; grass seed is pretty small!
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
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LtPowers

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #48 on: November 18, 2014, 08:44:04 AM »
Out of interest, when and where was it the custom for parents to provide the confetti/rice?  Asking as I have never heard of the couple or their families providing confetti / rice / rose petals - it has always been something which guests and well-wishers do. I'm wondering whether the tradition is/was different in the US and the UK.

Pretty much since things other than rice became options. Without some sort of coordination (and, thus, provision), you would end up with an odd mixture of confetti/rice/birdseed etc.


Powers  &8^]

KenveeB

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #49 on: November 18, 2014, 08:53:25 AM »
And if the venue has rules about what can or can't be used, how are the guests going to know that? It only makes sense for the bride and groom to be the ones to provide it.

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #50 on: November 18, 2014, 09:11:13 AM »
I remember little rice packets from *way* before venues started restricting the use of rice. Like, 1970. And the impression I had at the time was that this was just how it was "always done." Like, in the 1950s even.

Celany

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #51 on: November 18, 2014, 09:30:22 AM »
I've always been a little confused/freaked out about the rice/birdseed thing. I would be terrified of getting it in my eye!

I do like the recent tradition of the little bubble wants & blowing bubbles when the HC leave. Seems like a lot less mess, and can make for some pretty pictures.

And even if it gets in the eye (which I think is less likely), your eye can water it out, whereas something little & scratchy could scratch the eye (and having had an ulcer on my cornea due to a scratch, that is on my list of things to NEVER need to deal with again - so painful!).
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine

lmyrs

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #52 on: November 18, 2014, 12:20:08 PM »
I don't think people realize just how big a mess those bubbles do leave. First, they leave soap stains on your clothes which isn't a big deal with one or two bubbles, but when you're dealing with hundreds of bubbles being blown directly at you... well, that's outfit ruining sometimes.

Second, the mess on the floor. If it's carpet, you're again dealing with a bunch of soap stains all over your carpet. You need to wash it out. If it's floor, it's usually easily wiped up, but it is slippery as heck and downright dangerous in a lot of cases until you scrub them up.

gramma dishes

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #53 on: November 18, 2014, 02:29:59 PM »
I don't think people realize just how big a mess those bubbles do leave. First, they leave soap stains on your clothes which isn't a big deal with one or two bubbles, but when you're dealing with hundreds of bubbles being blown directly at you... well, that's outfit ruining sometimes.

Second, the mess on the floor. If it's carpet, you're again dealing with a bunch of soap stains all over your carpet. You need to wash it out. If it's floor, it's usually easily wiped up, but it is slippery as heck and downright dangerous in a lot of cases until you scrub them up.

Usually the bubbles are blown outside in the general direction of the bride and groom, but from the edges of the sidewalk of the church (which are often quite wide).   I've never known of or even heard of anyone's clothing being damaged by being touched by a bubble or too.  Most pop in the air before they get near a person. 

If the bubbles land on the sidewalk they contain so little actual moisture that they usually dry right up immediately once they hit the pavement, so they don't really get slippery either. 

I've never heard of them being used indoors, but yeah, that would be a whole different situation I agree.

Celany

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #54 on: November 18, 2014, 02:33:41 PM »
I don't think people realize just how big a mess those bubbles do leave. First, they leave soap stains on your clothes which isn't a big deal with one or two bubbles, but when you're dealing with hundreds of bubbles being blown directly at you... well, that's outfit ruining sometimes.

Second, the mess on the floor. If it's carpet, you're again dealing with a bunch of soap stains all over your carpet. You need to wash it out. If it's floor, it's usually easily wiped up, but it is slippery as heck and downright dangerous in a lot of cases until you scrub them up.

Usually the bubbles are blown outside in the general direction of the bride and groom, but from the edges of the sidewalk of the church (which are often quite wide).   I've never known of or even heard of anyone's clothing being damaged by being touched by a bubble or too.  Most pop in the air before they get near a person. 

If the bubbles land on the sidewalk they contain so little actual moisture that they usually dry right up immediately once they hit the pavement, so they don't really get slippery either. 

I've never heard of them being used indoors, but yeah, that would be a whole different situation I agree.

Yeah, the times I've seen people use the bubbles, they're always outside, and they're from this tiny wand/bubble solution holders that are about the same dimension as my ring finger. 3" long with a 3/8" diameter. Not enough bubbles to harm anything, unless spilled directly onto something.
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine

kherbert05

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #55 on: November 18, 2014, 02:39:40 PM »
I've always been a little confused/freaked out about the rice/birdseed thing. I would be terrified of getting it in my eye!

I do like the recent tradition of the little bubble wants & blowing bubbles when the HC leave. Seems like a lot less mess, and can make for some pretty pictures.

And even if it gets in the eye (which I think is less likely), your eye can water it out, whereas something little & scratchy could scratch the eye (and having had an ulcer on my cornea due to a scratch, that is on my list of things to NEVER need to deal with again - so painful!).
The one time I was at a wedding were bubbles were used - we had problems because the side walk was so slippy after. Of course it was just after TS Allison so everything was wet. Stepping in the grass wasn't an option because there was standing water.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

Margo

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #56 on: November 18, 2014, 02:40:27 PM »
And if the venue has rules about what can or can't be used, how are the guests going to know that? It only makes sense for the bride and groom to be the ones to provide it.

it's been my experience that it's mentioned when the invitations are sent out, along with other information like how to find the reception venue. And then the vicar may mention it, too.

(I don't have any issue with the couple providing it, just that I've never come across that, so I don't think it is/was the custom here.

FauxFoodist

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #57 on: January 21, 2015, 04:35:58 PM »
But has anybody else experienced this? Someone who is not the bride or groom trying to insist "well, of *course* you're going to do X thing during the ceremony", even at the 11th hour? I don't understand what people are thinking when they do this.

The female half of the couple we hired to do the music for our ceremony was a few hours from getting them fired because she is a different Christian denomination than we are and was fighting DH and me on the music we wanted (accepted by the Catholic church as it was in our missalettes).  She even went as far as stating to DH that I had very "strong" feelings about the music.  Uh, no -- she wanted us to select according to *her* standards for her Christian denomination.  I wanted to select according to what I knew from the missalettes and what of those have meaning for DH and me -- perfectly-acceptable-for-the-Catholic-church hymns so accusing me of having strong feelings was way off-base (I'm thinking it was a way of indicating I was being a bridezilla -- uh, no again; it was to keep her from inserting inappropriate non-Catholic traditions into our wedding ceremony).  I don't know what in freaking hell she was thinking -- maybe it's because she and her husband have been doing the music for one of the Masses at our then-parish for years and haven't been guided by the parish priest as to what particular hymns to select.  DH and I were on the same page.  He knew the music she was pushing at us was not appropriate, and he recognized it was part of her Christian denomination (that part I wouldn't have known -- I was questioning why she was insisting on something unfamiliar to us in our Catholic tradition and why she was so against us selecting music we knew was acceptable for our ceremony).

Anyway, it was extremely upsetting for DH and me.  We hadn't encountered planning issues for any other part of the ceremony.  One week before our wedding, DH contacted another friend of ours who is a cantor (trained to be an opera singer in college for a few years) and asked about hiring her as we were having problems with the couple we hired.  Friend said she'd be happy to do the music for us if need be.  Friend was also a wedding guest so she volunteered it would be her gift to us so not to worry about payment.

I think the day after we contacted Friend, MusicFemale contacted DH and said the music we selected was fine.  An odd coincidence but fortunate in its timing since the couple are also friends of DH and were invited to our wedding.  When we asked to hire them to do the music, they said it would be their gift to us.  I actually never wanted to hire them in the first place.  When DH and I were planning, I said I'd much prefer having someone who is actually Catholic perform our music because I felt that someone who is Catholic would be able to provide us the best feedback as far as selecting the proper music.  DH persisted so I gave in.  When we encountered the problems and to this day, I've told DH that if anyone ever asks me about hiring those two for a Catholic ceremony, I wasn't going to hold back as far as the absolutely unnecessary problems we encountered with MusicFemale over selecting music (I still find it upsetting when I think about it -- planning a wedding is stressful enough, and she added unnecessary stress by trying to put her Christian-denomination's focus into our ceremony).

It was the final straw for me.  I haven't seen them since our wedding and have no interest in seeing her again (I stopped attending the Mass where they do the music about a year before our wedding; she tried to insert herself in an argument DH and I had, which was completely inappropriate -- it was that repeated attempt at insertion that compelled me to tell DH I wasn't going to attend that Mass anymore; her bullying of DH over the music selection offended me further so I have no interest in socializing with her on any level).  I can't remember if DH has seen her since our wedding, either, as he hasn't attended that Mass time.  I'm still appalled she had the nerve to actually flat-out ask me if my argument with DH had anything to do with something she did; whether or not it did, it was none of her business as we didn't involve her so I don't know why she had to push the matter.  All her asking did (and I think she asked twice) was make me not want to attend that Mass time ever again (DH and I are no longer part of that parish so it's now a moot point).

magicdomino

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #58 on: January 21, 2015, 04:59:06 PM »


I've never heard of them being used indoors, but yeah, that would be a whole different situation I agree.

At my nephew's wedding, The Happy Couple took a while to finish photos at the church.  Meanwhile, at the reception where we were waiting, the bubble bottles were on the tables as favors.  I believe there was a open bar/happy hour set-up.  So, yes, there were a number of bubbles floating around.  I don't remember any damage, even though I was not participating in the drinking.  We did quit as soon as Nephew and his new bride appeared, and well before food was served.

Celany

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #59 on: January 21, 2015, 09:32:17 PM »
SoCalVal - in addition to that being totally ridiculous of MusicFemale...um...it's your wedding...I would kind of expect you to have passionate feelings about the music being used - your wedding, your music. I think EvilCelany would have been tempted (when told about her passionate feelings) to say something like "Yes, of course I have passionate feelings about my wedding music! What's wrong with that?" Because if someone was trying to use a euphemism for Bridezilla, I'd want to back them into the corner of either agreeing that I have the right to be passionate about my music or outright call me a Bridezilla, so I can nip that little bit of stupidity in the bud.

I'm glad you don't have to deal with her any more. What a pill!  >:(
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine