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Author Topic: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*  (Read 21511 times)

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Peppergirl

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #60 on: January 21, 2015, 10:06:46 PM »
I was a bridesmaid back in the mid 90's at the wedding of my high-school best friend. 

It was a fraught situation to begin with, because the MOG had passed away from a long battle with cancer several months prior, and the FOG had 'taken up' with the neighbor lady soon after. 

She had been insinuating herself into their lives, and left almost no doubt that some sort of affair had been taking place prior to the illness of the MOG.

Anyway, my friend and her HTB had a picture of his mother on the cake table..it was really lovely.  A way to sort of honor her and make it so it felt like she was sort of there for the festivities. 

Lots of drinking had ensued, and a huge scene occurred when neighbor lady (was there as the FOG's date) actually had the nerve to snatch the picture off the table and take it over to their table, and place it face down.  If I had not witnessed it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it.  It was insane.  Physical violence broke out over it...and to this day, I am horrified at how it all went down. 

I look back now and am still shocked that this woman did this.  She was disgusting.

Side note: He married her, and he ended up dying of a strange, sudden illness several months later.  Quite the scandal.   
« Last Edit: January 21, 2015, 10:09:56 PM by Peppergirl »

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #61 on: February 09, 2015, 01:02:07 PM »
And if the venue has rules about what can or can't be used, how are the guests going to know that? It only makes sense for the bride and groom to be the ones to provide it.

it's been my experience that it's mentioned when the invitations are sent out, along with other information like how to find the reception venue. And then the vicar may mention it, too.

(I don't have any issue with the couple providing it, just that I've never come across that, so I don't think it is/was the custom here.

I've seen lots and lots of wedding invitations, including the inserts, and I've -never- seen things like rice, bubbles, bird seed, etc., and stuff you toss, mentioned at all.

Ever.

Guests aren't expected to bring those things, so why mention it? And it would be rude to bring them on your own (as my MIL used to do w/ a small box of Carolina rice, until I told her I thought it wasn't a good idea).

Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #62 on: February 09, 2015, 01:31:02 PM »
When I got married, one thing I was absolutely set on was that I was not going to be late. I don't know about the rest of the world, but in the UK for a long time, it was deemed to be the bride's privilege to keep the groom waiting, and ten minutes or so was standard. (I went to a wedding where the bride was 40 minutes late and the bridesmaids stood out in the sun waiting for her. One passed out before she arrived and a second collapsed in the church.)

Even before I knew EHell, I thought that was rude. You've invited all these people for two o'clock, you've told your DF you'll be there in your white meringue at 2, the least you can do is show up on time. My father approved, my mother thought it wasn't important as long as it was only 5 or 10 minutes but if I wanted to be prompt, that was just fine with her.

My FIL was baffled. He thinks there's only one right way to do anything, and that's the way his mother would have done it. His conversation is heavily scripted, and if you go off script, he can't handle it. He actually freaks out at people doing formal things any way other than the way he's seen it done. He kept saying to me 'but you're allowed to be late, it's a tradition!' in more and more anxious and unhappy tones. Fortunately, just as I was thinking of giving in (why? why would I have done that?) the Fierce Aunt telephoned. Most families, I think, have a Fierce Aunt, or Fierce Grandma - the one who says the things that everybody else is only thinking. Fierce Aunt said 'you're not going to be late at the church, are you, Hippy Chick? I don't care how traditional it is, it's just plain rude.' So that was that. The Hippy Chick wedding started on time.

I believe it's less acceptable nowadays, and the larger city churches weren't totally sympathetic to it even back in the day: it wasn't uncommon for there to be 5 consecutive weddings in some London churches on a summer Saturday, with the consequent changing of flowers, and photographs in the churchyard. I know one of my friends was told firmly by her minister that if she wasn't standing in the open doorway within 3 minutes of her appointed time, she wouldn't be getting married there that day.

cattlekid

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #63 on: February 09, 2015, 02:01:54 PM »
A couple of things on the tossing question....

When I was about 10, I went to my uncle's wedding.  I didn't realize that you were supposed to untie the little packet of birdseed and I threw the entire thing at my aunt and conked her in the head it with it.   :o

It is tradition in DH's culture to save up your coins and toss coins from the steps of the church after the ceremony.  Kids love it. 

Harriet Jones

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #64 on: February 09, 2015, 02:17:34 PM »

When I was about 10, I went to my uncle's wedding.  I didn't realize that you were supposed to untie the little packet of birdseed and I threw the entire thing at my aunt and conked her in the head it with it.   :o

Someone caught me in the *eye* with the bag of birdseed.  It hurt!  It was a kid, so I don't hold it against them, but it certainly was a mood-killer.

Margo

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Re: S/O declaring some *act* part of the wedding *ceremony*
« Reply #65 on: February 09, 2015, 02:24:34 PM »
And if the venue has rules about what can or can't be used, how are the guests going to know that? It only makes sense for the bride and groom to be the ones to provide it.

it's been my experience that it's mentioned when the invitations are sent out, along with other information like how to find the reception venue. And then the vicar may mention it, too.

(I don't have any issue with the couple providing it, just that I've never come across that, so I don't think it is/was the custom here.

I've seen lots and lots of wedding invitations, including the inserts, and I've -never- seen things like rice, bubbles, bird seed, etc., and stuff you toss, mentioned at all.

Ever.

Guests aren't expected to bring those things, so why mention it? And it would be rude to bring them on your own (as my MIL used to do w/ a small box of Carolina rice, until I told her I thought it wasn't a good idea).

Maybe this is a transatlantic difference? I have never heard of the couple providing confetti. When there has been information it has been along the lines of  "confetti is not permitted in the church or church yard" or something similar - it isn't on the invitation itself,  it would be with information like where local hotels are, maps of the location etc. It would not be consider rude at all to bring your own confetti, guests *are* absolutely expected to bring their own.

In the village I grew up in, there was a tradition that the church gate would be tied up, and the couple would throw handfuls of small change over the gate for local kids, who would then untie the gate to let the guests out. Depending on the age and agility of the happy couple, the Groom would sometimes lift the bride over the gate, rather than waiting for it to be untied.

Regarding lateness - one of my hobbies is bellringing. Many towers will have policies about what happens when the bride is late (for instance, one church where I used to ring made clear to the couples that they were paying for (say) 45 minutes of ringing. If the bride was late the bells would ring for 45 minutes or until she arrived, whichever was first, but that if we ended up ringing for 40 minutes before she arrived, there would only be 5 minutes at the end of the ceremony.

I knew of one vicar, who had church which was very popular for weddings, and he actually gave couples a notice which explained that if the bride (or groom!) was
10 minutes late - one hymn cut
15 minutes late- 2nd hymn cut, choir sent home
20 minutes late - organist sent home
25 minutes late - congregation sent home
30 minutes late - vicar goes home
( i don;'t remember exactly which order things happened in, but the later you were, the less of the non-vital parts of the service you'd get.

He also made clear that if there was more than one wedding, and the earlier one didn't start on time, then he would not make the later wedding wait, the earlier one would get a shortened service.

I once rang for a wedding where we ended up leaving before the bride arrived (she was an hour late at the time we left. She later tried to demand her money back because she had not had the bells ringing when she came into church.

(Quite apart from the fact we were paid (and not paid well!) to be there at and for a specific time, often we'd be rining at several weddings in several different churches, so we *had* to leave on time.