General Etiquette > Life...in general

Let's Talk About Declining Gracefully

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ZipTheWonder:
There are so many threads on this board right now about people who are inappropriately manufacturing occasions for gift-giving for themselves or others (the Grandmother shower is what set me off on this....)

So, just what is the right way to remove yourself should someone offer to host an event where you are to be the guest-of-honor at a shower honoring you for having a 4th baby or expecting a grandchild?  It seems likely that some of us will be needing a script for appearing to be grateful while being ungrateful.

Ideas?

madmusician:
Oh, my dear, that's so lovely! Oh, dear, darling, Hubby/SO/Best Friend is taking me out that night for X occasion. I am so sorry!

OK, maybe not *that* gushy

ZipTheWonder:
Gushier might be better!  Because then they might be sufficiently queasy from it that they are not inclined to offer to rearrange around your busy schedule!

Rose2Bear:
I would think sincere thanks is definetly necessary. But then a firm "but it's really not necessary [insert reason, ie, we already have all the baby stuff we could possible desire]".

housewife2k:
"Wow, I bet So-andso will be REALLY excited about this <insert gratuitous gift grab, or any event you don't feel like attending here>. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend. Send So-and-so my best."
leave it at that. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend is my best friend, if they ask why I cannot be there- "I wouldn't want to bore you with the details, but have fun!" or "It just isn't going to work for me, sorry."
Simple, honest, and to the point. No having to keep track of what you need to do that day.


ETA-It's pro'lly fairly obvious that I read the OP wrong. If someone is offerring to host an event FOR you, and you do not want it to happen, simply tell them "Thank you for the offer, and I am glad you care, but I would prefer not to have said event." after that, they can respect your wishes, or it's out of your hands.

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