Let's Talk About Declining Gracefully

[ZipTheWonder]

There are so many threads on this board right now about people who are inappropriately manufacturing occasions for gift-giving for themselves or others (the Grandmother shower is what set me off on this....)

So, just what is the right way to remove yourself should someone offer to host an event where you are to be the guest-of-honor at a shower honoring you for having a 4th baby or expecting a grandchild?  It seems likely that some of us will be needing a script for appearing to be grateful while being ungrateful.

Ideas?

[madmusician]

Oh, my dear, that's so lovely! Oh, dear, darling, Hubby/SO/Best Friend is taking me out that night for X occasion. I am so sorry!

OK, maybe not *that* gushy

[ZipTheWonder]

Gushier might be better!  Because then they might be sufficiently queasy from it that they are not inclined to offer to rearrange around your busy schedule!

[Rose2Bear]

I would think sincere thanks is definetly necessary. But then a firm "but it's really not necessary [insert reason, ie, we already have all the baby stuff we could possible desire]".

[housewife2k]

"Wow, I bet So-andso will be REALLY excited about this <insert gratuitous gift grab, or any event you don't feel like attending here>. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend. Send So-and-so my best."
leave it at that. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend is my best friend, if they ask why I cannot be there- "I wouldn't want to bore you with the details, but have fun!" or "It just isn't going to work for me, sorry."
Simple, honest, and to the point. No having to keep track of what you need to do that day.


ETA-It's pro'lly fairly obvious that I read the OP wrong. If someone is offerring to host an event FOR you, and you do not want it to happen, simply tell them "Thank you for the offer, and I am glad you care, but I would prefer not to have said event." after that, they can respect your wishes, or it's out of your hands.

[kingsrings]

I would think sincere thanks is definetly necessary. But then a firm "but it's really not necessary [insert reason, ie, we already have all the baby stuff we could possible desire]".

Agree with this. I really don't think it is necessary to be dishonest and say that you have other plans that day and therefore wouldn't be able to make it. Honesty is the best policy. There is nothing wrong with politely saying that this just isn't your thing and declining.

[nutraxfornerves]

A couple of days ago I was offered a wedding shower I don't want. My response was something like "Gosh, that's an honor, and I really thank you for thinking of me, but I'm not sure I'm really ready for that. It might be different if we were in our 20s and just starting out, but Mr. Nutrax and I between us have just about everything we need. So, I hope you'll understand when I say 'thanks, but no thanks.'

But, you know, it sure would be fun to see [name and name]. Maybe we could get together for lunch or something."

The person who offered to do the shower is now happily organizing lunch--do come, it's just lunch, not a shower and Nutrax really does prefer "no gifts."

Now that I read it over, I think I sound like Elizabeth Bennet turning down Mr. Collins: "Accept my thanks for the compliment you are paying me, I am very sensible of the honour of your proposals, but it is impossible for me to do otherwise than decline them.''

[Slartibartfast]

I don't see a problem with being honest - "Oh, but I've already had a [baby shower, bridal shower, embarassing 40th birthday party, etc].  I couldn't possibly use another!"  Or "Oh, but it's my daughter who is the new mother, not me!  I'm just excited for her!  Want to see some baby pictures?"

If you don't tell them (even indirectly) you're being rude, they won't know.