Annoyed at relatives

[Ko-Ko]

I'm annoyed at some relatives right now, but I wonder if my cousins and I were in any way responsible for what happened. Yesterday, My parents and I went to visit my dad's side of the family. These visits last about ten hours on an average, so while we all talk together as one big family at first, we eventually split up into smaller groups. When this happens, I usually hang out with my two oldest cousins. They are both girls, and around my age so we get along well. I also have two seven year old cousins (each girl is one of the boys' older sisters). When we went for the visit, I brought a copy of Monty Python's Life of Brian, as my cousins had not seen it before. For those who don't know, most of the movie isn't that innappropriate, but there are a few scenes which gave the movie its R rating. When we put the movie on, the boys wanted to watch it. We tried to tell them they wouldn't like it, but they kept asking, so we figured they wouldn't understand, get bored and leave, and we let them watch.

Unfortunately, they did not get bored. They continued to watch and interrupt us with questions, as they did not understand what was happening. As the part with nudity was coming I told them that if they did not leave, we were going to cover their eyes as they were too young to watch that. They ignored us. When the scene came, we covered their eyes as we said we would. Suddenly, the two of them began screaming their heads off, even though we hadn't hurt them or anything. Their mothers and our grandmother came running in. We explained what happened, and instead of getting angry at the boys for causing trouble, they yelled at us, saying that if we thought the movie was too innapropriate for the boys, we should have watched a more family friendly movie. They then pointed to my grandmother's video shelf filled with movies for kids so young even the boys don't like them anymore.

So what do you think? I thought we were being perfectly fair to the boys be letting them watch even though they were annoying, and we did warn them that we would cover their eyes. I am sick of the favoritism that is clearly happening. On the other hand, I wonder if the other girls and I had done something wrong. Thanks for reading.

Ko-Ko

[Hawkwatcher]

You probably should not have watched "Life of Brian" at a family gathering because, even if they were not screaming their heads off, there is always a possibility one of the parents would walk in at an inconvenient time and throw a fit.

Is there any way you can get together with these cousins outside of a family gathering?  You all might have more fun if you do more activities without worrying about having to worry about your younger cousins hanging around.

[MsEva]

Sorry, Ko-Ko, the mothers and grandmothers have every right to be angry with you and your two older cousins. It is never OK to have young children watch more than a G-rated movie unless you have their parents' permission. It doesn't matter what their older siblings think. When children are that young, they are totally under their parents rules - no matter what (unless the courts say differently).

There was no favoritism on the part of the little ones. It's only natural that their welfare be put first. If there was no way to keep them away from the room then you shouldn't have turned on the movie. Telling them not to look at certain parts would only want them to look more.

Part of being grown up is to understand that there may be times that one cannot do what one wants and must suffer with boredom, discomfort or what ever the case may be. But don't feel bad, this is a hard thing to master at any age - trust me I know  

[Clara Bow]

I don't think that it was a good idea to watch Life of Brian with kids. It's not just the nudity element, there's some situational humor that is not appropriate. As far as covering their eyes goes, they knew what was going on, there was little covering their eyes would do. I understand that you and your older cousins wanted to watch a movie more your speed, but unless you were going to be able to get the little ones out of the room and keep them out then I think that a different movie would have been a better option. The older relatives were a little over the top to yell, but I wouldn't have been happy if my seven year old had been allowed to watch that movie. Next time bring a movie that is more family friendly that you all like to share as well as something for the older kids just in case.

[NOVA Lady]

This one is tough!

Personally I would have either:

1) Played the movie with the boys out of the room.

or

2) Not played the movie if there was no way of having them not in the room.

I love that movie, and I wouldn't play it in front of 7 year olds. I would want to watch it, and I would remove them from the room if it were a possibility. If it weren't a possibility then I would be annoyed because I couldn't watch the move I want but I wouldn't play it in front of them.

As I recall the one you were playing isn't THAT bad, but I think parents should know what their children are watching and should get to pick (and they should watch their children better too, but thats another post, lol!) what they can and cannot see. I have seen this situation play out with "worse" movies and I don't think I would have children watching questionable movies with me. But, then again I prefer not watching movies with kids/being with my friends (relatives my age) without the ids to begin with

[Chocolate Cake]

You mentioned that the kids started screaming without provocation when you covered their eyes (after warning them ahead of time that you would do so).

Mistake #1:  Continuing to play this movie, regardless, with younger kids present.  It doesn't matter what the "plan" was for protecting them from inappropriate content.  The only truly effective plan was to shut the movie off.

Mistake #2:  Not anticipating that little kids can be unpredictable.   That's why you have to make sure that you aren't doing anything that can be easily misconstrued when you are around them.  Watching an "R" rated movie with them there made you a target.

Mistake #3:  Not taking responsibility for your errors.  Learn from this and take it on the chin.   Now you know better (I hope).

[Pixie]

I agree with the rest. Perhaps next time, explain to the parents that the older cousins want to watch a movie which the little ones shouldn't see. If the parents fail to keep their kids from watching the movie, then its on them, not you.    But please allow the parents to make that call. 

[dawbs]

I strongly second the suggestion that this wasn't the appropriate time or place for the movie if the parents of the smaller kiddos hadn't given any sort of OK.

But I think the result of the kids screaming their heads off is rather expected.  You may have warned them, but their eyes were forcibly covered, I would think screaming would be a natural reaction and covering their eyes against their wishes seems to violate the spirit of the many posts on e-hell that have pointed out that manhandling (even a hug, etc) of a kid ( relative or not) is rude.

[quietgirl]

Hey Ko-ko, if it helps I can relate.  I'm the oldest of 12 cousins - 3 of which are my own siblings.  Word of wisdom - the oldest one in the room usually gets blamed, doesn't matter what you actually did "wrong".       

My 17 year old self says - Of course you did nothing wrong!  Your boy cousins should be lucky they got to hang out with you!  How ungrateful to yell like that and cause you to get in trouble.  Then my 17 year old self probably would have knocked them in the head...   

However, my 36 year old (and present) self says - Yikes!  Not a good idea to watch R-rated movies with the kids.

Of course it did take me 19 years to learn this - so don't be hard on yourself. Live and learn. 

[JoyinVirginia]

This is an error in your labeling this event. This is not favoritism. You could have selected a movie that was not R rated. So yes you and your older cousins were in the wrong and Grandmother and the aunts were perfectly justified in yelling at you. The younger cousins were fulfilling their job descriptions of younger cousins to be hanging around you, generally being in the way, and also being annoying, so you can't blame them!
Joy in Virginia

[hkkatie]

I remember renting that movie with some friends when I was about 18/19, and we ended up turning it off because we thought it was incredibly innappropriate. I think you should not have allowed those boys to watch at all, and feel the parents had every right to be angry with you. Of course the kids will want to watch it if their older cousins are watching it, regardless of the in/appropriateness of it. You probably should have asked the parent's permission before hand.

[fklwmn]

When we went for the visit, I brought a copy of Monty Python's Life of Brian, as my cousins had not seen it before. For those who don't know, most of the movie isn't that innappropriate, but there are a few scenes which gave the movie its R rating. When we put the movie on, the boys wanted to watch it. We tried to tell them they wouldn't like it, but they kept asking, so we figured they wouldn't understand, get bored and leave, and we let them watch.

As soon as I read this, the parent in me said "WHAT? YOU, the OLDER COUSINS, decided to let your 7 year old cousins watch an R rated movie??? unilaterally?!?!? Where were their parents and why in the world didn't you just say "Hey Older Cousins and I are planning to watch this movie. The boys want to watch with us and we aren't sure if it's appropriate." and then let their PARENTS make that call?

As a parent, I would say that 7 year olds are old enough to know if they shouldn't be watching R rated movies so assuming you told them it was an R rating, I'd be mad at the whole lot of you. You and your older cousins for deciding it was okay for my son to watch an R rated movie (and for the record, there are a LOT of things in R rated movies other than nudity that I don't want my boys to see!), and the 7 year olds for watching a movie they knew that they weren't allowed to watch.

Personally, I think if there was no other place for the boys to realistically spend their day entertaining themselves, then you should have watched something family friendly. But if there was another place they could park in front of the TV if they wanted to, then you should have been able to watch that movie and given the boys' parents a heads up so they could make sure the boys stay out of the room. Mom and grandma were perfectly justified at being upset with you, though I think they are giving the little ones an undeserved pass.

[Lisbeth]

I have to agree that this movie wasn't appropriate for the kids.  However, while I think it was perfectly appropriate of the parents and grandparents to be upset that you were showing it in their presence, I think they did not have the right to tell you not to bring it or to bring "family-friendly movies."

However, you could have limited the viewing of this movie to times when the kids weren't present, or not brought or shown any movies at all.  You could have chosen other activities.

[cheyne]

While I agree with the other posters that an R-rated movie is not appropriate fare for 7 year-old children, I have to disagree with the general "tone" of the posts.  Is it the norm in your family that you and your older cousins have to babysit the younger cousins?  Were you asked to watch them?  If you were not asked to watch your younger cousins, then you were being taken advantage of by their parents, as you are not a free babysitting service.  I feel it is the parents responsibility to entertain their offspring and bring appropriate movies and games or toys for them to play with.  I would certainly never "dump" my 7 year-old children on their 17 year-old cousin(s) to watch without at least asking if it is OK.  In this case, I don't feel the parents had a right to be upset about an R-rated movie.  Since they didn't ask anyone to watch their kids, they are lucky the boys didn't end-up in the street!  Parents need to watch their young offspring more carefully, not expect everyone else (even FAAAMILY) to do it.

[Evil Duckie]

Yes you were wrong. While the movie might be fine for adults it is not fine for 7yos.

When you and your older cousins decided to watch the movie with the 7yos present you were in the wrong  and the adults were right to be upset with you.

What you should have done was to ask the adults to take the 7yos off to do something else while you watched the movie or waited until the 7yos were not there.

When watching movies at family events it is best to have them family friendly or make sure that everyone knows about them and when they will be viewed so that those who should watch or do want to watch can be sure to be elsewhere.