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  • November 24, 2017, 01:00:19 PM

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Author Topic: No you may not come in (LONG) UPDATED!!!  (Read 80899 times)

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nayberry

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #30 on: December 28, 2014, 07:54:33 PM »
Perfect response Pastry, I'm with those suggesting never inviting her to anything ever again!
baby berry arrived june 2016

MurPl1

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #31 on: December 28, 2014, 08:01:51 PM »
I bet you the others at the party are all telling their spouses about you over dinner!  "Oh my!  I wish I had the spine to do what Pastry Goddess did today!"  :D

Mental Magpie

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #32 on: December 28, 2014, 08:05:32 PM »
So well done!

Don't apologize.

Act like it didn't happen. If she brings it up, "Sorry, I didn't think you'd want to rehash how rude you were so I was trying to do you a favor by pretending it didn't happen." No? MeanMagpie is going back into her cage.

I'd still act like it didn't happen, though.

Karza

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #33 on: December 28, 2014, 08:15:29 PM »
Good work! I definitely don't think you owe her an apology, she owes you one.

Act like it didn't happen. If she brings it up, "Sorry, I didn't think you'd want to rehash how rude you were so I was trying to do you a favor by pretending it didn't happen." No? MeanMagpie is going back into her cage.

I'd still act like it didn't happen, though.

This :)

NFPwife

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #34 on: December 28, 2014, 08:19:23 PM »
I'll follow up with an answer to your question "Do you owe Sally an apology?" No way. However, if you want to be prepared next time you see her, you can try the lather/rinse/repeat "Why?" approach. If Sally (or anyone else) says anything about you being mean or whatever, you can respond with series of "Whys?" "But Sally, I expressly told you more than once that I couldn't accommodate additional guests, so why would you bring them anyway? Why would you assume that was okay? Why would you put your guests in that position? Why would you put me in that position? Why do you think it's no big deal? No, really, why?"

I'd be curious about her answers, frankly.

This is a GREAT strategy. If you use it, I'd love to know the answers too.

JoieGirl7

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #35 on: December 28, 2014, 08:37:50 PM »
An apology?  Sure, if its along the lines of "I'm sorry I invited you at all."
 
She was so far outside the boundaries of good behavior she will be lucky if she ever gets out of ehell!
 
The one tweak I would make to your refusal process in the future (if you are unlucky enough to deal with this again) would be to not give Sally a choice to come in at all.
 
It's actually a smidge rude to suggest to someone they are hosting to abandon them to come in to a party.  Once Sally showed up with guests of her own, she effectively disinvited herself.

I am sure that you were just trying to be fair to her but you once she so blatantly abused your hospitality you were under no obligation to show her any at all.
 
In fact, I would question the sanity of someone who was so bold to not only bring people along with her to someone else's party but then would abandon them at the door when they were refused entry--not someone I would want to hang with.
 
In terms of seeing her in the future, I wouldn't worry what she or anyone else thinks about what happened.  You are the one who is owed an apology.  Don't give it another thought.

apoptosis

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #36 on: December 28, 2014, 08:44:04 PM »
An apology?  Sure, if its along the lines of "I'm sorry I invited you at all."
 

Apop adds this line to his collection of lines he will steal from others and claim as his own  >:D

PastryGoddess

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #37 on: December 28, 2014, 08:45:42 PM »
I'll bet someone in your group tries to tell you that you were mean and rude by not accommodating Sally.

No way.

You are fabulous! You have every right to handle this the way you did, and I'd raise one of those glasses of wine to you.

The problem with stuff like this is that not everyone was there.  So this will be retold in various forms to the people who weren't there like the Telephone Game.  For those who are members of my other meetups and my friends, I don't really care.  For those who are members of this meetup...I'm not so sure...

This meetup already has ~20 event organizers.  Most of whom are not very good at planning things.  This has caused cliques to form within the group.  Since I haven't co-hosted with Sally for a few months, I have no clue how many people have become regulars at her events. 

I'm going to bed...I drank A LOT of wine today. 

gramma dishes

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #38 on: December 28, 2014, 08:53:03 PM »
Just adding my name to the ever growing list of admirers!  Good job!  And I just happen to have a glass of wine right here next to me.  *clink*  Congratulations for your hands down win of the 'Shiniest Steel Spine of 2014' Award.

Raintree

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #39 on: December 28, 2014, 08:58:20 PM »
Applause!! I'd never have had the guts to do this myself. I would have felt bad for the cousin who likely had no idea they'd been explicitly NOT invited, I'd have put up with it and felt immense resentment.

But people like Sally count on you not having the spine to stand up to them. I'm just appalled that she would attempt this. I've declined events when I had family visiting, and so can she. Given her history that you alluded to, I'd not invite her to anything again.

Mel the Redcap

  • Scheming Foreign Hussy married to a Good Ethnic Boy!
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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #40 on: December 28, 2014, 09:26:43 PM »
*applause* ;D
"Set aphasia to stun!"

Yarnspinner

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #41 on: December 28, 2014, 10:03:34 PM »
Pastry Goddess, you are a hero to those of us who are still trying to stiffen our spines.  THANK you for being an inspiration!

Really?

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #42 on: December 28, 2014, 10:12:21 PM »
PG

Good for you.

Think of it this way, if you had let her in with the kids, then what does that say to others who know you, that they can walk all over you too, if you had let her in it would have actually set a bad example IMHO,

Onlyme

Psychopoesie

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #43 on: December 28, 2014, 10:21:32 PM »
That was amazing. Such a hard thing to do in the moment too. Sally doesn't deal well with respecting a no answer, does she?

If you're concerned about the social fallout if she does the rounds with a hard done by version, maybe talk it over with whoever you trust most within the group. Ask them if they are willing to have your back if the issue is raised when you're not around.

If Sally raises it directly, there have been some good suggestions already.

Kaypeep

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #44 on: December 28, 2014, 10:34:18 PM »
Just another Brava! to you, PastryGoddess!

If the issue of your rudeness comes up, I'd not only go to Sally blatantly trying to railroad you into allowing her extra guests and ignoring the invitation instructions of no guests or children allowed, but that Sally was extra rude in that she felt she was more special than all the other guests you did invite who did not bring guests or their children.  You paid for everything, and as hostess you control the invitation list.  Sally was out of line and you stood up for yourself and your invited guests by not letting Sally run roughshod over YOUR PERSONAL EVENT.  This was not a Meetup event, it was a PERSONAL event.  If Sally's schedule didn't permit her to attend it alone because she had family obligations then she should have declined or been a no-show, not bring her family along with her. 

Stay strong and take a break from polishing that spine or you might hurt your arm!  ;)