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Author Topic: No you may not come in (LONG) UPDATED!!!  (Read 80714 times)

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doodlemor

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #45 on: December 28, 2014, 11:03:35 PM »
That was amazing. Such a hard thing to do in the moment too. Sally doesn't deal well with respecting a no answer, does she?

If you're concerned about the social fallout if she does the rounds with a hard done by version, maybe talk it over with whoever you trust most within the group. Ask them if they are willing to have your back if the issue is raised when you're not around.

If Sally raises it directly, there have been some good suggestions already.

Wise words.  Someone should know about all of the pre-party shenanigans, in case it becomes necessary for the truth to be spread around.

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #46 on: December 28, 2014, 11:28:46 PM »
I'll follow up with an answer to your question "Do you owe Sally an apology?" No way. However, if you want to be prepared next time you see her, you can try the lather/rinse/repeat "Why?" approach. If Sally (or anyone else) says anything about you being mean or whatever, you can respond with series of "Whys?" "But Sally, I expressly told you more than once that I couldn't accommodate additional guests, so why would you bring them anyway? Why would you assume that was okay? Why would you put your guests in that position? Why would you put me in that position? Why do you think it's no big deal? No, really, why?"

I'd be curious about her answers, frankly.

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greencat

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #47 on: December 28, 2014, 11:35:49 PM »
Actually, you may want to speak with the other organizers, and outline the problems Sally has been causing you.  The things she has done would be grounds for booting from more than one meetup group I've participated in.

cicero

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #48 on: December 29, 2014, 05:39:11 AM »
add me to your growing list of groupies. brava! well done!

That was amazing. Such a hard thing to do in the moment too. Sally doesn't deal well with respecting a no answer, does she?


so true. it's the kind of response i usually come up with *way* after the incident

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Venus193

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #49 on: December 29, 2014, 05:52:29 AM »
Actually, you may want to speak with the other organizers, and outline the problems Sally has been causing you.  The things she has done would be grounds for booting from more than one meetup group I've participated in.

Absolutely.  I organize two groups and am an assistant organizer on four more.  This is definite grounds for expulsion and banning.





Redsoil

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #50 on: December 29, 2014, 06:34:48 AM »
Maybe this is the time to choose whose opinions you care about?  Those who wish to gossip, will.  Sides will be taken, depending on how the story is "spun". 

Hold your head up, be warm and charming to all, and firmly say "I found it extremely embarrassing to be put in such a position and find it incredible that Sally would be so rude as to bring uninvited guests.  I specifically told her previously, no extras could be accommodated.  I've let issues slide in the past when she pushed boundaries but no more."
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kategillian

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #51 on: December 29, 2014, 07:53:33 AM »
OP, you must be blushing with all this praise, but let me add mine! She was absolutely the rude one to bring three guests, when you told her she couldn't even bring one! I know that I would definitely have not been able to do this, so bully for you!

PastryGoddess

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #52 on: December 29, 2014, 08:43:23 AM »
Actually, you may want to speak with the other organizers, and outline the problems Sally has been causing you.  The things she has done would be grounds for booting from more than one meetup group I've participated in.

The issues she caused me actually triggered an organizer meeting to be held.  She was not the only organizer, just the newest, that was allowing paid events to be treated like free events with people acting willy nilly.  Part of the way the meetup works is that new organizers have to co-host at least 5 events with veteran organizers.  The two she did with me were disasters and so I said, never again.  However, she did work with 2 other organizers for her last 3 events.  So she got to be a standalone event organizer after her 5th event.  One of those organizers, the organizer that invited her to the meetup, and the Co-Org for the meetup were at the potluck.


Absolutely.  I organize two groups and am an assistant organizer on four more.  This is definite grounds for expulsion and banning.

This particular group is much much much more laid back than that.  Which is why I'm only an event organizer and not Assistant or Co-Org

m2kbug

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #53 on: December 29, 2014, 08:47:35 AM »
I join in the cheers.  You have accomplished what many people on this board say you should do in this situation, but not everyone could actually pull off...and then kick themselves later, with a bunch of people saying, "What about your other guests who left their SO's at home and found sitters?"  You did it!  Yay, you!! 

I like the "why" response as how to manage Sally and other Meetup members should this topic come up.  Otherwise, I would probably just go about like it didn't happen beyond talking to my closest friends about the situation.  I would hope they would be my allies in backing me up to other group members. 

gen xer

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #54 on: December 29, 2014, 08:54:52 AM »
Yes....I know I probably would have caved and then fumed about it so congrats for being able to stand firm.  I do, however feel badly for the cousin and her children who must have been embarrassed and confused.  The fault for that, however lies with Sally and not you.

It's a shame that the others had to bear the brunt of Sally's rudeness.  How awkward for them.

poundcake

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #55 on: December 29, 2014, 08:57:11 AM »
I join in the cheers.  You have accomplished what many people on this board say you should do in this situation, but not everyone could actually pull off...and then kick themselves later, with a bunch of people saying, "What about your other guests who left their SO's at home and found sitters?"  You did it!  Yay, you!! 

I like the "why" response as how to manage Sally and other Meetup members should this topic come up.  Otherwise, I would probably just go about like it didn't happen beyond talking to my closest friends about the situation.  I would hope they would be my allies in backing me up to other group members.

Yes, and the other guests' comfort is a good thing to include in the "whys," because I'm betting at least two of those glasses of wine that Sally demands to know why her extra guests were "such a big deal?!" "But Sally, why would it be okay for your extra guests to be accommodated when Jim and Petra and Claudia weren't able to bring their spouses/kids/friends? Why would you think you are the exception to that? Why do you think it's 'no big deal' to host three unplanned guests? Why do you think that's fair to the other guests? Why would you bring univited children to an adult party like this? Why do you think that's remotely acceptable? Really? Why?"

Hmmmmm

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #56 on: December 29, 2014, 08:57:38 AM »
Add me to your list of admirers.  Was any other guest witness to the exchange? This would have been the talk of the rest of the party.

twoferrets

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #57 on: December 29, 2014, 09:03:02 AM »
This story makes me so happy.  Sometimes I feel like etiquette requires us to behave in ways that don't really call rude, obnoxious people to account for their actions. It's fantastic to see someone behaving politely while making it blatantly clear that the offender has overstepped in a big way.

Also, if I were one of the people Sally dragged along, I would be humiliated!  How awful for them to be put in that position, I hope they let her have it too.

Winterlight

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #58 on: December 29, 2014, 10:20:05 AM »
What were cousin and kids doing during this exchange? If my cousin put me in that position I'd be livid (with her).

I would have been horribly embarrassed and angry with Sally. And very apologetic to my non-hostess, who has been put in a bad position by someone I trusted.
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Of whom you speak,
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #59 on: December 29, 2014, 10:44:58 AM »
Wow.  I'm impressed.  Not sure I could have done the same thing, even though it was most certainly correct, in terms of etiquette.

If cousin was looking suitably embarrassed, EvilOG would have been tempted to grab cousin's hand, pull her in and tell Sally, 'Oh, cousin can fill your spot.  You don't mind looking after the kids for a few hours, do you?'  Then shut and lock the door.   >:D
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