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Author Topic: No you may not come in (LONG) UPDATED!!!  (Read 80713 times)

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Redneck Gravy

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #60 on: December 29, 2014, 11:50:26 AM »
 I admire your spine!

Many years ago I had to body block someone from entering our home for a party - it was adults only and the written invitation plainly said so.  The wife had called to rsvp and say, "surely you didn't mean our kids..."    Yes, I specifically told her NO CHILDREN would be allowed.   It wasn't an ugly scene but our friendship cooled significantly after the event.

You rock.  No need to jade, just that will not be possible, I told you no, no is a complete sentence.  I am almost stunned that she showed up, not only with her cousin but also with two additional guests (I understand it was the cousins children, but that's still guests). 


Celany

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #61 on: December 29, 2014, 12:07:23 PM »
Today seems to be the day that I follow poundcake around PODing.

You don't need to apologize, and if she brings it up, I would ask her (in a genuinely wanting-to-know voice) why she thought it was OK to show up with extra guests when she'd been told no extras, AND how it wouldn't have been fair to all the other people who couldn't bring guests to have hers come in. Just keep asking. And whatever excuses she makes, keep responding with "I told you no guests. You knew you couldn't bring guests. You shouldn't have brought guests after being told 'no guests."

If I were her cousin, I would also be absolutely livid.
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine

wheeitsme

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #62 on: December 29, 2014, 01:26:06 PM »

So now what?  Do I owe her an apology?  We’re going to see each other at future events, do I just pretend this never happened?  The other organizers saw what happened and they seemed to be sympathetic, but I don’t want them to feel like they have to choose a side. Am I overthinking this?  :-\


You definitely do NOT owe her an apology.  She owes you one. 
And while she probably won't let you, I think that the polite thing is to pretend that she committed the behavior while possessed by an obnoxiously rude alien entity that has since departed her body, or while under the influence of some necessary medication with side effects that include a total lack of understanding of basic social mores.

Cali.in.UK

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #63 on: December 29, 2014, 01:39:54 PM »
I think she also owes her cousin an apology. I would be so uncomfortable if I were at a party and I found out that the host had said (multiple times) I couldn't come.

Cherry91

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #64 on: December 29, 2014, 01:47:56 PM »
Way to go PastryGoddess! Bullies like this rely on the awkwardness of a situation to force their way to an end result that's in their favour, so bravo for not caving in to her.

I do feel a little sorry for the cousin though. I bet Sally told her cousin that of course she was welcome to tag along, it was the more the merrier, etc...
All will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

green.and.blue

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #65 on: December 29, 2014, 03:29:31 PM »
Today seems to be the day that I follow poundcake around PODing.

You don't need to apologize, and if she brings it up, I would ask her (in a genuinely wanting-to-know voice) why she thought it was OK to show up with extra guests when she'd been told no extras, AND how it wouldn't have been fair to all the other people who couldn't bring guests to have hers come in. Just keep asking. And whatever excuses she makes, keep responding with "I told you no guests. You knew you couldn't bring guests. You shouldn't have brought guests after being told 'no guests."

If I were her cousin, I would also be absolutely livid.

I keep coming back to this one. I hear that you're worried about what other people in the meet up might think about what happened. I wonder if instead of ignoring from now on, if you shouldn't look for this conversation, on your own terms, asking her why.

Redneck Gravy

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #66 on: December 29, 2014, 04:28:22 PM »
Today seems to be the day that I follow poundcake around PODing.

You don't need to apologize, and if she brings it up, I would ask her (in a genuinely wanting-to-know voice) why she thought it was OK to show up with extra guests when she'd been told no extras, AND how it wouldn't have been fair to all the other people who couldn't bring guests to have hers come in. Just keep asking. And whatever excuses she makes, keep responding with "I told you no guests. You knew you couldn't bring guests. You shouldn't have brought guests after being told 'no guests."

If I were her cousin, I would also be absolutely livid.

This is another one of those situations when you want to ask "why do you think you are above the rules" kind of thing. 

If the matter comes up I would just ask her (loudly), "why, when told she could not bring additional guests, she chose to embarrass both herself and her guest by showing up anyway?  Why did she think that was appropriate?" put it back on her promptly.   

I hate this, hate it.  When I have a sit down dinner planned and someone comes in with an unexpected, uninvited guest, I hate it passionately. 

ITSJUSTME

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #67 on: December 29, 2014, 04:34:12 PM »
You owe her nothing but the stink eye next time you see her & if you prefer to do it only in your mind, well, you're a better person than I am.

(sings) "Did you ever know that you're my heeeee-rooooow?"

Nemesis

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #68 on: December 29, 2014, 07:43:11 PM »
That was....fantastic. I am awestrucked!

Please do update us on the aftermath. I have always wondered what would happen if I did something like this, and my fear of the unknown had always stopped me from barring uninvited guests.

Mergatroyd

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #69 on: December 29, 2014, 07:53:12 PM »
Just amazing. Bravo, you!

JenJay

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #70 on: December 29, 2014, 08:15:42 PM »
You owe her nothing but the stink eye next time you see her & if you prefer to do it only in your mind, well, you're a better person than I am.

(sings) "Did you ever know that you're my heeeee-rooooow?"

Aww, you beat me to it!
(Sings) "And everything I would like to beeeeee!"  ;D

PastryGoddess

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #71 on: December 29, 2014, 10:46:27 PM »
The aftermath may be coming sooner than expected.  I just got an email from the Organizer asking for all hands on deck to co-host a NYE event. On Monday night...for a Wednesday event. 

The good news is that it's going to be at a local club, so we'll get free entrance and will be asked to help MC and run games, etc.  But yeah...last minute much. 

I'm pretty sure I'm going to say no.   I've already got things planned for next year, with plenty of chances to come in to contact with Sally.  4 days after this all went down might be pushing it. 

Redsoil

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #72 on: December 30, 2014, 12:30:28 AM »
I'm pretty sure I'd be saying "no" too!  Do they expect you don't actually have a life???
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Sun and Shadow

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #73 on: December 30, 2014, 05:30:43 AM »
I'll bet someone in your group tries to tell you that you were mean and rude by not accommodating Sally.

No way.

You are fabulous! You have every right to handle this the way you did, and I'd raise one of those glasses of wine to you.
The problem with stuff like this is that not everyone was there.  So this will be retold in various forms to the people who weren't there like the Telephone Game.  For those who are members of my other meetups and my friends, I don't really care.  For those who are members of this meetup...I'm not so sure...

This meetup already has ~20 event organizers.  Most of whom are not very good at planning things.  This has caused cliques to form within the group.  Since I haven't co-hosted with Sally for a few months, I have no clue how many people have become regulars at her events. 

I'm going to bed...I drank A LOT of wine today.

If you're worried because you're picturing what people will say, here's a prettier picture.  I'm sure other people who were there whve dealt with Sally or people like her are thinking it's about time someone did so and are just as glad you did as we are.  I've noticed that when someone finally speaks up and calls people on their bad behavior, there are a bunch of people who are relieved and happy that someone did. 

zyrs

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Re: No you may not come in (LONG)
« Reply #74 on: December 30, 2014, 06:09:23 AM »

If she begins to ramble on about how you "embarrassed " her

If she starts to talk about how you embarrassed her, just remind her you had already told her repeatedly 'no guests' and that she was the one who tried to force three uninvited guests into your home.  The only person that embarrassed her was herself.