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Author Topic: How would you have responded?  (Read 14512 times)

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Hmmmmm

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #15 on: January 07, 2015, 10:14:12 AM »

Also... I raised an eyebrow at Mark's explanation of how the vase came to be in his possession.  Really?  Mom accidentally "left" it at his house?  Really?   ???   My suspicion is that Mark outright took the vase and Mom knew this and didn't want to confront him about it.  Hence her "shuffling excuses".

I could totally see myself doing the "leaving the vase at someone else's house" thing. I would bring it in to show off what a wonderful thing I got, but since that is a one off when I was ready to leave I would forget I had it and leave it behind. And then when I remembered the vase have no idea where I left it. And if I was flakey to being with... that one I would give the benefit of the doubt to. But the giving as a christmas gift. No - that is beyond the pale.

Yeah, I can see a gift being left. My BIL brought in a Xmas gift last year to show my DH. Stayed here till May. He forgot it, it got put away and every time they'd visit we'd forget to give it to him. It wasn't till he needed it and began looking for it that he thought to ask if we had it.

Lynn2000

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #16 on: January 07, 2015, 10:46:39 AM »
As Steve, the married-in person, I wouldn't do anything else regarding Mark--everyone saw Mark for what he was when the true origin of the gift was revealed. If anything this would just be further reason to solidify boundaries with Mark--if I had still been giving him nice gifts I'd downgrade them, for example. He was blatantly taking credit for a gift *I* gave and that's just ridiculous and juvenile behavior, not something I'd want to associate with.

If I really though Mark had actually stolen the gift from his mother, even more reason to not have him in my home or near my things. Sadly it might also mean I'd stop giving my MIL nice things, to prevent them from being stolen by Mark or lost carelessly by her. I do think it makes a difference if Mark was stealing the vase in order to give it back as a gift, vs. stealing it to keep or sell for his own profit, but that's still not cool behavior. If Claire wanted to take her brother to task for upsetting their mother, I think that's a normal sibling thing to do.

This may have no bearing on the real situation, but I could see this happening innocently in my family. Hoarders with too much stuff + careless gift-givers = Ann's gift from Bob gets left behind at Carl's house, Carl sees it months later and thinks, "Don't remember where I got this, but it would be a great gift for Ann!" and then gives it to Ann for Christmas in front of Bob. ::) Things get regifted back to the original giver, or with the original giver in attendance, a lot too.
~Lynn2000

rose red

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #17 on: January 07, 2015, 10:56:53 AM »
This may have no bearing on the real situation, but I could see this happening innocently in my family. Hoarders with too much stuff + careless gift-givers = Ann's gift from Bob gets left behind at Carl's house, Carl sees it months later and thinks, "Don't remember where I got this, but it would be a great gift for Ann!" and then gives it to Ann for Christmas in front of Bob. ::) Things get regifted back to the original giver, or with the original giver in attendance, a lot too.

Since the family is flaky, this is what I think happened. If he stole it, he would have given it to someone else. He's now being thought of as a fool by his family.

eta: I agree with the PP who ask for the OP to please replace the letters with actual names. It was very confusing and I just now edited part of my post because I got some details wrong.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2015, 11:00:22 AM by rose red »

JeanFromBNA

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #18 on: January 07, 2015, 12:37:21 PM »
How would I have responded?   I would have laughed uproariously, because the whole situation is absurd.

And I wouldn't give any more expensive presents to that side of the family.  That's like throwing money out of an open window.

bah12

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #19 on: January 07, 2015, 12:56:35 PM »
This whole situation is just bizarre to me.  First, if someone had given me an expensive one of a kind vase, and I though I had lost it, I would try to find it.  It's not a small gift (in size) and I would think that it wouldn't be easily lost.  I'd retrace my steps.  First I got the vase, then I went to Marks, then I went home.  It's not home, it's not in the car, so I'm going to check with Mark.  And if Mark told me it wasn't there, then gave it to me for a gift, I'd be livid.

To me, it sounds like this family is too absent-minded and careless to purchase gifts that are too meaningful (to the giver) for.  I wouldn't spend a lot of money on someone who just leaves artwork at random places and doesn't bother to look for it.  And that action doesn't match with the enthusiasm they displayed when receiving the gift.  It's contradictory behavior that would lead me to assume they didn't care for it anyway.

As for what to say...I vote for nothing.  There was already a confrontation.  Mom knows who originally bought the gift and Mark looks like a fool.  The desired outcome has already been reached with what has already been said.

wolfie

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #20 on: January 07, 2015, 01:36:45 PM »
This whole situation is just bizarre to me.  First, if someone had given me an expensive one of a kind vase, and I though I had lost it, I would try to find it.  It's not a small gift (in size) and I would think that it wouldn't be easily lost.  I'd retrace my steps.  First I got the vase, then I went to Marks, then I went home.  It's not home, it's not in the car, so I'm going to check with Mark.  And if Mark told me it wasn't there, then gave it to me for a gift, I'd be livid.

To me, it sounds like this family is too absent-minded and careless to purchase gifts that are too meaningful (to the giver) for.  I wouldn't spend a lot of money on someone who just leaves artwork at random places and doesn't bother to look for it.  And that action doesn't match with the enthusiasm they displayed when receiving the gift.  It's contradictory behavior that would lead me to assume they didn't care for it anyway.

As for what to say...I vote for nothing.  There was already a confrontation.  Mom knows who originally bought the gift and Mark looks like a fool.  The desired outcome has already been reached with what has already been said.

We don't know that she didn't call Mark and ask if she left the vase there. What would she do if he said no? Call him a liar? Or accept that she must have left it somewhere else and it is gone?

bah12

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #21 on: January 07, 2015, 01:42:24 PM »
This whole situation is just bizarre to me.  First, if someone had given me an expensive one of a kind vase, and I though I had lost it, I would try to find it.  It's not a small gift (in size) and I would think that it wouldn't be easily lost.  I'd retrace my steps.  First I got the vase, then I went to Marks, then I went home.  It's not home, it's not in the car, so I'm going to check with Mark.  And if Mark told me it wasn't there, then gave it to me for a gift, I'd be livid.
To me, it sounds like this family is too absent-minded and careless to purchase gifts that are too meaningful (to the giver) for.  I wouldn't spend a lot of money on someone who just leaves artwork at random places and doesn't bother to look for it.  And that action doesn't match with the enthusiasm they displayed when receiving the gift.  It's contradictory behavior that would lead me to assume they didn't care for it anyway.

As for what to say...I vote for nothing.  There was already a confrontation.  Mom knows who originally bought the gift and Mark looks like a fool.  The desired outcome has already been reached with what has already been said.

We don't know that she didn't call Mark and ask if she left the vase there. What would she do if he said no? Call him a liar? Or accept that she must have left it somewhere else and it is gone?

See bolded.

Twik

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #22 on: January 07, 2015, 03:33:21 PM »
I would laugh, as if M had played a joke on his mom. I'm sure it was not a joke, but it is so childish and ridiculous that would be my gut reaction.

"That's hysterical, Mark. Now where's Mom's *real* present?"
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MurPl1

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #23 on: January 07, 2015, 08:58:14 PM »
The only thing I'd be getting that side of the family is candy bars going forward. Brother was way out of line but Mom was incredibly disrespectful to *lose* a valuable one of a kind gift.

wolfie

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #24 on: January 07, 2015, 09:05:22 PM »
The only thing I'd be getting that side of the family is candy bars going forward. Brother was way out of line but Mom was incredibly disrespectful to *lose* a valuable one of a kind gift.

I didn't realize that losing something was a choice and not something that happens that you regret and wish hadn't happened.

MurPl1

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #25 on: January 07, 2015, 09:09:52 PM »
She was careless and left it somewhere and didn't know where.  That is disrespectful of the OP and her husband in my opinion. 

wolfie

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #26 on: January 07, 2015, 09:11:11 PM »
She was careless and left it somewhere and didn't know where.  That is disrespectful of the OP and her husband in my opinion.

I am pretty sure she didn't do it on purpose. I know I have left important stuff behind before too - not because I want to disrespect anyone but because I got distracted and it just slipped my mind. Part of being human.

MurPl1

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #27 on: January 07, 2015, 09:26:03 PM »
I'm sorry but I don't understand how someone is given a gift like that and doesn't make every effort to try to find it. And if you dont make that effort, why should I waste time, effort and money buying a gift like that again?

Tea Drinker

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #28 on: January 07, 2015, 09:28:57 PM »
The only thing I'd be getting that side of the family is candy bars going forward. Brother was way out of line but Mom was incredibly disrespectful to *lose* a valuable one of a kind gift.

If she had actually lost it, that would have been carelessness, which is not inherently disrespectful. Yes, it's a one-of-a-kind vase, but probably the artist makes a large number of vases and other objects, each of them one-of-a-kind. It's not a family heirloom.

"Shuffling excuses" followed by her saying that she lost the vase is also what might have happened if she thought that her son might have taken it, either as deliberate theft or because he broke it, but didn't want to accuse him in case she was wrong, or because she didn't want to deal with accusing him and having him deny it even if she was sure.
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Surianne

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Re: How would you have responded?
« Reply #29 on: January 07, 2015, 10:44:25 PM »
This just sounds like family being goofy to me.  To cause a scene over it wouldn't be productive at all.