Disowning Children?

[MadMadge43]

My sister married into a rather large family, (8 children). My BIL is by far the most successful and normal of the bunch and only he and one of his sisters is still married to their original spouse. Many divorce horror stories here. I grew up in the same neighborhood and consider them all family, although obviously not entirely in the throws of things.

But the worst is the youngest son Kyle who was divorced by his first wife who took most of his money. Kyle and first wife also managed to rip off one of the brothers in a business deal. Kyle finds an apparently very nice woman with three small children). They marry and everyone is happy for them.

The family notices that the children Kyle had with first wife aren't showing up anywhere (they live out of town, so a long time had gone by before anyone started questioning). My sister calls first wife to make sure she knows that the children are invited on the family cruise and of course all expenses will be paid by the family.  This is when she learns that Kyle had signed away all rights to the children! All male siblings, descend on Kyle and have an "intervention". Turns out new wife had decided that as long as she still had to work to help support the family that Kyle was not allowed to give away their money to "those people", even if meant Kyle had to give up all rights. (By the way, his youngest son has a rare disorder and chances are he won't make it to 16, he's now 10). At the intervention my BIL tells him he will support his children and if Kyle doesn't he will, so now Kyle pays my BIL the monthly check and BIL sends it to the ex-wife so new wife doesn't find out.

The only people speaking to Maria (new wife) are Kyles parents. Everyone else doesn't acknowledge her existence, and in effect don't acknowledge the child she and Kyle had together. But parent's are now becoming insistent that they must all start celebrating holidays together. The women in family are insistant that this does not happen, so parent's hopped between celebrations this year.

I guess my question is...are the women right? or should they decide to make peace at least publicly so the family can be together (this has been going on for two years)

Edited to remove inappropriate content.

[Venus193]

This sounds like a Toxic Families issue.

The women probably feel they have spotted a golddigger.  Whether they have or not I think it is completely wrong to disown a child unless s/he has done something so heinous that it can't be forgiven, which doesn't sound like the case here.

Stay out of this; it sounds like a snakepit.

[IndianInlaw]

Would wife #1 allow the children to go anyways?

[MadMadge43]

She didn't let them go on the cruise (which she might have if they had been paying), but has since sent the children down to visit "the family" without her.

Of course she also realizes the inheritance that is at stake and was Golddigger #1.

[Gigi]

I hope this doesn't come off as too harsh, but Kyle sounds like a jerk and so do both wives.  Kyle has an obligation to all of his kids. I'll bet Maria would scream bloody murder if her kids were the ones being cut off.  I'm afraid I'd avoid all of them, except the kids who are the innocent victims of a bunch of adults that have their priorities waaaaay messed up.

[sammycat]

What a mess.  Kyle has a responsibility to all his kids, he can't just pick and choose which ones he'll have in his life.  What kind of a "man" disowns his kids at the request of his new wife just so they can save a few (okay, maybe a lot of) bucks each month.

All Kyle's children are victims here.

I'd stay right out of it.

[MadMadge43]

I am totally out of it, I only saw Kyle at the family gatherings and since he's not invited anymore very little chance of me running into him. (I posted about this before but I wasn't invited to the wedding and everyone was upset, turns out new wife thought I was included in the invite with my mother even though that's not what it said, so I have never even met her).

And it is a mess, I'm just wondering though if it's enough to rip a family apart or if they completely deserve to be outcasts now and when and if you think that should change, if ever. I always like Kyle and just think he's an idiot that is being led astray, he is one of those that is too stupid to be evil, but is being so anyway.

[MadMadge43]

oh, the child support is only $300 a month.

[rockingrandma]

Um, if I'm not mistaken the only way you can legally give up your parental rights is if there is a step-parent in the wings ready to adopt the kids.  If this is the case, then legally there is no child support because he legally isn't the kids' father anymore.  And legally y'all aren't family anymore.  

I got to witness a "friend" take away parental rights and have her husband adopt the child the sneaky way.  Guy had no clue, his family would pay his "child support" so the woman would let them see the child.  That all stopped when they figured out they were no longer legally family.  Took 13 years, but the child ended up, at the age of 15, tracking her real family down and now they visit often, her "mother" be dingdangity

[ettacat]

They all sound like gems. Sheesh!

What IS it about Maria that would make Kyle want to give up his kids? Is she sitting on a gold mine? What kind of woman does that anyway? I absolutely hate when some women marry a guy with kids and then have the nerve to get upset over child support being paid. Of course, Kyle is not without blame either. What kind of man gives up his children for a woman? Disgusting all around.

If you cannot handle that the man has obligations, don't marry him.

[Alida]

It's amazing what stupidity is possible with people in these situations.  A friend's ex did almost the same thing, blocking his children out of his life and giving all of his attention to his new stepchildren instead!  The pain the kids suffer isn't right.

[ZipTheWonder]

Why is there a court order for support from a man whose parental rights have been terminated to the children he gave up??      

I have a friend who has sole custody of a child whose biological donor terminated his rights.  She gets no support (and did not want it) because the guy who terminated is not legally bound to her child -- he's not her son's father.  (And there is no step-parent, by the way, she's a single mom.)

Kyle took himself out of these children's lives. He's not their father.  I don't think there's any intervening or paying to be done.  He's willed himself out of their lives, and he ought to stay out.  (And their mother ought to be insisting that he does.)

[mrsbrandt]

I think this might be harsh, but it seems like the rest of the family needs to butt out.  Kyle and his wives don't sound like very nice people, but I don't think the family should be trying to coerce/manipulate anyone to do anything.  If the family wants to have a relationship with the First Kids then they should go about communicating that with the first wife.  If Kyle and New wife get upset - they can either be adults and still send over their kid and visit too, or not. 

I think Kyle's parents and the women in the family are being super manipulative.  If Kyle wants nothing to do with his first kids, then that's his issue.  The rest of the family could still try to make overtures to the kids or not.  It's sounds like a truly despicable situation, because it seems like at this point no children will be acknowledged since the family isn't spending time with new kid either.  It's a shame but you can't make people do anything they don't want to do and it seems like Kyle doesn't really care if he sees his first set of children.

[Irish Clovers]

This is so unbelievably sad.  All over money.

The only victims in this situation are the children.  All of them.  They all have horrible parents.

It makes me want to cry.   

[ccnumber4]

Why is there a court order for support from a man whose parental rights have been terminated to the children he gave up??     

This was my question, also.  I don't know that there is a lot anyone can do if his parental rights have already been severed legally.  Hate to say it, but those kids might be better off without this "father" in their lives.