Disowning Children?

[HermioneGranger]

It's amazing what stupidity is possible with people in these situations.  A friend's ex did almost the same thing, blocking his children out of his life and giving all of his attention to his new stepchildren instead!  The pain the kids suffer isn't right.

You're right.  My father in law has barely given us the time of day since he remarried.  He spends all of his time with his new family.  It's pretty bad, considering my husband is an only child, to boot.  

[goblue2539]

What kind of man gives up his children for a woman? Disgusting all around.

My father.  He claims now that my stepmonster threatened to take his two kids with her and leave if he had me in his life at all.  And by his reasoning, at 19 I was an adult so I didn't really need a dad anymore.  This one wasn't even about money.  Is that better or worse? 

To the OP, stay out of it.  Don't be on his side, don't be on the family women's side, don't be on his parent's side.  If you feel you have to do something, make yourself open and available to the children.  Leave the vipers alone. Venus was right saying this is a snakepit.

[Hawkwatcher]

I am totally out of it, I only saw Kyle at the family gatherings and since he's not invited anymore very little chance of me running into him. (I posted about this before but I wasn't invited to the wedding and everyone was upset, turns out new wife thought I was included in the invite with my mother even though that's not what it said, so I have never even met her).

And it is a mess, I'm just wondering though if it's enough to rip a family apart or if they completely deserve to be outcasts now and when and if you think that should change, if ever. I always like Kyle and just think he's an idiot that is being led astray, he is one of those that is too stupid to be evil, but is being so anyway.

While the ex-wife and current wife may be awful people, the one thing they have in common is Kyle.  Kyle selected and married both of these women.    Although the family may want to believe that he is some poor idiot being lead astray by his evil wives and he may act dumb, he still managed to rip off one of his brothers without apparently going to prison and has cut off his children simply because his second wife wanted him to.  Unless he suffers from some disability, which makes it difficult for him to understand the consequences of his actions, I think that he deserves full responsibility for his actions.

While I think Kyle probably deserved to be an outcast a long time ago, I do not consider the family blameless.  I think that it is a tad hypocritical for the male members of the family to stage an intervention to force Kyle to honor his responsibilities to the children he had with wife #1 but then for most of the family to not acknowledge the child Kyle had with wife #2.

Your sister may want to extremely careful around these people.  It does sound like they are awfully involved in each others' lives and your sister may find herself wanting some privacy. 
   

   

[Clara Bow]

A dear friend of mine's father terminated his parental rights so that he wouldn't go to jail for back child support. She and her sister were adopted by her stepfather and her mother was kind enough to continue to allow their birth father to see them (she didn't want it ever said that she stood in the way of the girls having a relationship with their father and she believed that them knowing their father was more important than money). So their dad saw them when he wasn't busy with some woman and her kids (he supported two stepfamilies in his time, never gave a dime to his daughters and signed them away).
This left scars on these two women, deep scars. My friend Jan can't let go of the pain this caused her and her sister Paige has a terrible substance abuse problem, among other things (issues with abusive men and promiscuity). Both women are psychologically damaged by their father's rejection and they always will be. Meanwhile their "father" whines that he doesn't get to see them often enough, he misses them, blah blah.
Kyle's children are going to be badly hurt by their father's selfish choice. If he was any kind of man at all there'd be nothing that would keep him from his children. Period.

[MineralDiva]

That's my question also:  If his parental rights have been "terminated," then why is he paying support?  Even if it's through his brother?  Something's fishy here.

[platys]

What's odd is that these days, its pretty hard for a father to terminate his rights and not pay child support.  Otherwise, a lot of deadbeat dads would be happily terminating their rights to get out of child support.  For example, I googled and found a law in Florida showing that parental rights can only be terminated if it was shown taht the child wasn't biologically his, and even that has a ton of caveats.  Mainly, in the US, unless you can find someone else to pay child support, you can't terminate your rights.

[Venus193]

Platys, you are provoking a new discussion.  See the Coffee Break folder.

[Adah]

I think this might be harsh, but it seems like the rest of the family needs to butt out.  Kyle and his wives don't sound like very nice people, but I don't think the family should be trying to coerce/manipulate anyone to do anything.  If the family wants to have a relationship with the First Kids then they should go about communicating that with the first wife.  If Kyle and New wife get upset - they can either be adults and still send over their kid and visit too, or not.

I second this!

[MadMadge43]

I am not sure of all the legal issues, but there were papers signed, first wife sent them over for family to see. And I don't think legally he has his rights back, but is just paying her the court awarded child support in return she is allowing them to visit his family for special occassions, like Grandparent's birthdays and family reunions. They still do not stay with with him and his new wife, but rather and aunt and uncle because second wife doesn't know about this new arrangement.  The family was very insistent that he at least live up to his financial obligations and are hoping to get him further into their lives, but have no clue how to do it.

It really makes me want to cry when I think of it too, especially considering the son doesn't have much time left on this earth and I think the father is going to regret this for the rest of his life. Most think he's so dumb that he always needs someone telling him what to do, but the ones he ripped off think he might be smarter than they give him credit for. I've known him for 27 years now and he was always so sweet and well dumb, so I sometimes just think he really doesn't know how to stand up for himself. This of course is still no excuse. I haven't seen him since this I found out about this and always wonder what I would say if I ran into him. Because I do not condone this behavior.

And as for my sister keeping out of it, please, she's the ringleader. Her and her husband are the new "patriarchs" in the family as the parents are getting too old to really keep things in line and my sister has always relished being in charge.

So that's why I wonder if she hasn't taken this out of control by not letting them attend family functions and when they should let them back into the fold. Oh, and yes the others have a choice to see him and have chosen not too, but I think if my sister and the oldest sister of the siblings decided it was ok the rest would follow suit. Do they deserve to be let back in  and if not what would make this better? These are the questions I can't figure out.