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Author Topic: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”  (Read 28098 times)

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Kiwipinball

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #30 on: January 20, 2015, 04:46:25 PM »
Questioned coworker looked at the picture and smiled.  To me, this is a response.  It is both complete and polite.   The New Mom's actions were obnoxious.  I wouldn't have wanted to engage her any further than a polite smile.

I agree. That's exactly what I was thinking. Especially when there were two of them and one already said something. I think a smile says a lot (or should say a lot). I think she thought she had responded adequately and wasn't refusing to say something nice, but just happened to not say something, especially given nice comments had already been made.

Ceallach

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #31 on: January 20, 2015, 04:54:47 PM »
To be perfectly honest, most newborns look like wrinkly aliens to me. There are very, very few that I find objectively beautiful, at least until they reach about 6 weeks. But it's not hard at all to find something to say, like many previous posters have suggested.

Still, I think I agree with the previous poster who wanted to know how often the new mom has done this. I would be really annoyed to have to stop my conversation on a daily basis to coo over someone's baby.

My son was a cute baby from birth.  But my daughter - phew she was ugly!!   She looked like a mini jabba the hut.   Four months on and she's turned into the most gorgeous little girl with the sweetest dimple when she smiles, she's quite the charmer and really is super cute now.   But those first couple of weeks I felt like rolling my eyes at my friends who would say "Oh she's just gorgeous!"  because I'd much rather have a sincere compliment than gushing.    Of course I adored my baby, but I wasn't blind!   There were many other great things to say about her - she's such a good sleeper!  Look at that hair colour is it ginger?   Oh those tiny feet and toes, so sweet!    But I guess some people lack imagination.    ;D

So yes I'm agreeing with PPs that there's always *something* sincere one can say.

On the other hand, the mother is absurd going around soliciting compliments this way.   I might make a comment the first time but after that I'd be tempted to use silence just because how many times can you keep pandering to that desperation for validation?  Particularly at work when busy!
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JeanFromBNA

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #32 on: January 20, 2015, 05:16:22 PM »
What's your objective here: To tell the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, or to get rid of her and get back to work?  How hard is it to do a quick look, gush, and beandip?  Not every question is literal, and not everyone really wants your honest opinion.  Sorry!

But I would have been hard pressed to hide the gobsmacked look if she told me the kid's name was "King Midas."  Please tell me that's not true.  :o  Or that baby is really an AKC Golden Retriever.

cross_patch

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #33 on: January 20, 2015, 05:28:04 PM »
I don't find silence to be rude at all. There's nothing in etiquette that requires us to respond to every demand made of us. Not the beggar on the street, and not the new mom in the kitchen.

I might respond to "Well?" with "Well, what?" and to "LOOK" with "I did." With a totally bored, zero-affect. I can gush over babies, but not if someone demands it.

I do think it's rude to not answer a question directly asked of us.  "Isn't he adorable?" is still a question, regardless of how annoying it is or how rude of New Mom it is to impose baby gawking on her coworkers.  To just not say anything in return, when a simple "Congratulations" will diffuse the situation, seems to do nothing but make an awkward situation more awkward.

Yeah, I actually think that's super rude. I really don't think *everything* needs to be turned into a stand off. She's just being enthusiastic, admittedly in an irritating way but why can't you just suck it up and just say 'oh, adorable'.

Mrs. Tilney

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #34 on: January 20, 2015, 05:58:36 PM »
What's your objective here: To tell the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, or to get rid of her and get back to work?  How hard is it to do a quick look, gush, and beandip?  Not every question is literal, and not everyone really wants your honest opinion.  Sorry!

The problem with this attitude is that it just encourages the new mother to continue forcing pictures of her child onto coworkers. If I play along once, how many more times am I going to have to see pictures of this baby? A nice smile seems like enough, to me.

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #35 on: January 20, 2015, 05:59:34 PM »
I don't find silence to be rude at all. There's nothing in etiquette that requires us to respond to every demand made of us. Not the beggar on the street, and not the new mom in the kitchen.

I might respond to "Well?" with "Well, what?" and to "LOOK" with "I did." With a totally bored, zero-affect. I can gush over babies, but not if someone demands it.

I do think it's rude to not answer a question directly asked of us.  "Isn't he adorable?" is still a question, regardless of how annoying it is or how rude of New Mom it is to impose baby gawking on her coworkers.  To just not say anything in return, when a simple "Congratulations" will diffuse the situation, seems to do nothing but make an awkward situation more awkward.

Yeah, I actually think that's super rude. I really don't think *everything* needs to be turned into a stand off. She's just being enthusiastic, admittedly in an irritating way but why can't you just suck it up and just say 'oh, adorable'.

Once? Twice? Sure, I'll play, for the sake of office harmony and to get her off my back.  But if it keeps happening, then, no, I'm not rewarding that.  Now, the OP never said whether it was a one time thing or happens frequently.  If it's a one time thing, then sure, say something nice and get on with your day.  But if this is the fifth time the woman has interrupted your conversation/work/phone call/activity/whatever, then I don't think it's inappropriate to say "knock it off," or, failing that, not responding, or more specifically, not responding the way she wants.

But really, this woman is going to another department to solicit complements for her baby? Seriously? Were I her supervisor, I'd be wondering about her work getting done, and whether she's interrupting the work of others....
« Last Edit: January 20, 2015, 06:01:36 PM by mrkitty »

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #36 on: January 20, 2015, 06:00:17 PM »
What's your objective here: To tell the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, or to get rid of her and get back to work?  How hard is it to do a quick look, gush, and beandip?  Not every question is literal, and not everyone really wants your honest opinion.  Sorry!

The problem with this attitude is that it just encourages the new mother to continue forcing pictures of her child onto coworkers. If I play along once, how many more times am I going to have to see pictures of this baby? A nice smile seems like enough, to me.

Well stated. Exactly. Don't reward obnoxious behavior.

Sharnita

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #37 on: January 20, 2015, 06:01:20 PM »
What's your objective here: To tell the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, or to get rid of her and get back to work?  How hard is it to do a quick look, gush, and beandip?  Not every question is literal, and not everyone really wants your honest opinion.  Sorry!

The problem with this attitude is that it just encourages the new mother to continue forcing pictures of her child onto coworkers. If I play along once, how many more times am I going to have to see pictures of this baby? A nice smile seems like enough, to me.
Well, that strategy doesn't seem to be working too well. Now you are a challenge and she doesn't want to give up. Once she has "won" and admiring word she can move on. You can make it a battle of wills but those usually turn into really long wars.

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #38 on: January 20, 2015, 06:04:25 PM »
What's your objective here: To tell the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, or to get rid of her and get back to work?  How hard is it to do a quick look, gush, and beandip?  Not every question is literal, and not everyone really wants your honest opinion.  Sorry!

The problem with this attitude is that it just encourages the new mother to continue forcing pictures of her child onto coworkers. If I play along once, how many more times am I going to have to see pictures of this baby? A nice smile seems like enough, to me.
Well, that strategy doesn't seem to be working too well. Now you are a challenge and she doesn't want to give up. Once she has "won" and admiring word she can move on. You can make it a battle of wills but those usually turn into really long wars.

Seriously? This is an office. A place of business. Instead of being polite and asking someone if they would like to see the picture, she busts in on a conversation and demands cooing over her picture?  When on this board do we ever encourage people to tolerate rude/obnoxious behavior? Is this any different than standing there silently when someone cuts in front of us in a line? Because I think they are the same level of rudeness.

And in an office setting, I think it's particularly obnoxious to go from cube to cube, to people you may not even know (different department) to interrupt their work to demand attention. Rude, rude, rude.

Sharnita

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #39 on: January 20, 2015, 06:11:19 PM »
What's your objective here: To tell the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, or to get rid of her and get back to work?  How hard is it to do a quick look, gush, and beandip?  Not every question is literal, and not everyone really wants your honest opinion.  Sorry!

The problem with this attitude is that it just encourages the new mother to continue forcing pictures of her child onto coworkers. If I play along once, how many more times am I going to have to see pictures of this baby? A nice smile seems like enough, to me.
Well, that strategy doesn't seem to be working too well. Now you are a challenge and she doesn't want to give up. Once she has "won" and admiring word she can move on. You can make it a battle of wills but those usually turn into really long wars.

Seriously? This is an office. A place of business. Instead of being polite and asking someone if they would like to see the picture, she busts in on a conversation and demands cooing over her picture?  When on this board do we ever encourage people to tolerate rude/obnoxious behavior? Is this any different than standing there silently when someone cuts in front of us in a line? Because I think they are the same level of rudeness.

And in an office setting, I think it's particularly obnoxious to go from cube to cube, to people you may not even know (different department) to interrupt their work to demand attention. Rude, rude, rude.

I am indeed serious. The people in line are not people I need to spend hours, days, weeks, years with. In most workplaces I benefit from contributing to pleasant or at least tolerant relationships. If I cut somebody off at the knees, it makes it awkward for everybody from then on. So an innocuous pleasant comment about a baby who hasn't transgressed against me certainly serves me better than scoring points against a coworker.

kategillian

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #40 on: January 20, 2015, 06:16:50 PM »
Oh, for the love of Pete. How hard is it to say, oh my goodness, what a beautiful bundle of love! Oh My heavens, I want to bite his toes! He's the most specialist cutest fluffernutter on the face of the earth! Come on now people, this may seem like a sarcastic post, but I'm serious. Babies are all beautiful.

kategillian

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #41 on: January 20, 2015, 06:21:44 PM »


Still, I y.

My son was a cute baby from birth.  But my daughter - phew she was ugly!!   She looked like a mini jabba the hut.   Four months on and she's turned into the most gorgeous little girl with the sweetest dimple when she smiles, she's quite the charmer and really is super cute now.   But those first couple of weeks I felt like rolling my eyes at my friends who would say "Oh she's just gorgeous!"  because I'd much rather have a sincere compliment than gushing.    Of course I adored my baby, but I wasn't blind!   There were many other great things to say about her - she's such a good sleeper!  Look at that hair colour is it ginger?   Oh those tiny feet and toes, so sweet!    But I guess some people lack imagination.    ;D

S

Um, I don't think we lack imagination, I think a lot of people would find it offensive if we say they think their baby is ugly but a good sleeper. Or, your baby looks like Jabba the Hut, but I bet she has a good appetite!  Again, all babies are beantiful.

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #42 on: January 20, 2015, 06:22:07 PM »
I don't think this is about "scoring points."  I think everyone has a responsibility to contribute to office harmony, and I think the woman interrupting people incessantly is responsible for contributing to office disharmony.

I'm sure that the person in question isn't begrudging the baby.  True, the baby hasn't committed any transgressions against anyone, but the mother is.

Were it me in the situation, if I were in the middle of a conversation with a coworker and was interrupted, I'd be slightly annoyed.  I'd probably smile and hand the phone back, not because of what I thought or didn't think about the baby, but just out of confusion and being surprised/thrown off.  It wouldn't be about the baby, but about my *personal* reaction to being interrupted mid-sentence.   If the woman reacted by demanding I coo about her picture, I'd be confused and flummoxed, and my response would probably be "what? Huh? Okay, your baby is gorgeous," and then get back to my conversation and hope the interruption is over.

If it happens subsequent times, then office harmony will certainly NOT be achieved, I can guarantee that.



Two Ravens

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #43 on: January 20, 2015, 06:31:48 PM »
I was just in the kitchenette washing my dishes and New Mom walked over to two ladies having their lunch.  She pulls out her phone with, “look at my baby!  isn’t he adorable?”.  One lady says, “ohh . . . nice . . . aww”.  The other lady looked at the phone, smiled and handed it back.  New Mom said, “well?”  New Mom then put the phone to the other lady’s face and said, “LOOK!”.  It was an uncomfortable moment.  I would imagine the other lady didn’t find the baby adorable and didn’t want to say so, so she didn’t say anything.

Is it rude to remain silent when asked this question?  How about just a small smile and beandip?  Or do you just say yes even if you don’t agree?

I think it would be incredibly rude and insulting not to say anything. In fact, I would think less of a person who couldn't drum up something nice to say about someone's baby.

If she wanted to shut New Mom down, she could have said bluntly "Sorry, I don't have time to look at pics" or "I saw them yesterday" or "Sorry, do I know you?" or whatever. No need to bring the baby into it at all.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2015, 06:39:05 PM by Two Ravens »

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Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #44 on: January 20, 2015, 06:39:54 PM »
If I were New Mom's supervisor, she'd be written up for not performing her duties as assigned and for disrupting the work of others.  Unless her job description states that her job is to spend the day going from department to department showing her baby pictures, she is not performing her job and is being disruptive, and potentially harassing co-workers.  I'm sorry, but shoving something into someone's face is disruptive and possibly harassing. 

This is an office, not a social club or baby shower.  She does not have a business need to shove her photos (or any other object) in the face of others.  At the very least, she could ask if someone would like to see her pictures.

She needs to be written up. 


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