News:

  • April 19, 2018, 07:34:13 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”  (Read 27926 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Peppergirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 1412
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #105 on: January 21, 2015, 09:36:06 PM »
Just POD'ing Surianne's post above.  I don't think it was at all rude to smile and hand the phone back. I think a smile was a perfectly acceptable response and that the mom was beyond rude to push it with the 'well?'

And yes, I've been a mom and have had baby brain.  I've suffered when I first went back to work and was excited to show pics, etc..but I would have accepted a smile easily.  Despite being all about babies at that point, I think I also would have also had the foresight to realize that not everyone is..and therefore would not have needed the validation of insisting she tell me how cute he was. 

Seriously, it's not as though the woman made a face or said something rude.  She smiled and handed the phone back. 

I know babies are sometimes a polarizing topic here but, respectfully, I'm honestly surprised that so many are seemingly making excuses for this new mom's pushiness. 
« Last Edit: January 21, 2015, 09:38:20 PM by Peppergirl »

AnnaJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 1021
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #106 on: January 21, 2015, 10:56:42 PM »
I'm surprised also, and do not understand the persistent belief that smiling isn't sufficient to acknowledge that the person has looked at the picture and find it pleasing.  If I saw this exchange I'd just assume that the woman who smiled was agreeing with her friend who had had said "nice...awww." 


mmswm

  • Member
  • Posts: 2293
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #107 on: January 21, 2015, 10:58:57 PM »
"Breathtaking" (Seinfeld moment). And, well, it's not only cute things that take your breath away ;) >:D.

At least the other lady didn't react the way Kramer did when he saw the breathtaking baby.  I think that other lady was quite unkind.  Everyone is always so proud and excited to show off their babies - it wouldn't have hurt her to play along and say something nice about the child. 

Exactly. How hard is it to just say something kind about the child. If the woman persists, one can say "Mary, your baby is adorable but we must get back to work now!"

I haven't read the whole thread, so I don't know if this has been discussed, but I couldn't not respond.

You have no idea just how excruciatingly painful it can be to have a picture of a healthy newborn shoved in your face.  Had this happened to me when my babies were newborns and the few years after, I'd have been running for the hills trying to fight the tears and emotional meltdown that would have been certain to follow.  You see, while I have three kids, I should have seven.  I also have no idea what it's like to go home from the hospital with a baby in my arms.  I have no clue what it's like to be able to take a picture of a newborn that shows more baby than tubes and machinery.  Healthy newborns and exuberant new mothers were very difficult for me for a very long time.

You have no clue what somebody's history is.  You don't know if they're dealing with sick babies, or the heartbreak of infertility.  Every response that says "just say something and move on-it isn't that hard" just makes me want to scream.  Yes, for some of us, it is absolutely that hard.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

poundcake

  • Member
  • Posts: 1371
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #108 on: January 22, 2015, 04:33:46 AM »
I'm surprised also, and do not understand the persistent belief that smiling isn't sufficient to acknowledge that the person has looked at the picture and find it pleasing.  If I saw this exchange I'd just assume that the woman who smiled was agreeing with her friend who had had said "nice...awww."

Exactly. I don't want to repeat what I posted earlier about there being dozens of possible reasons, from miscarriage to illness to whatever, why a person would smile instead of "going along with social convention" and saying something specific. For me, it was the "WELL?!" that took this interaction from "social convention" to "personal boundary." Don't demand a specific kind of answer from me, or anyone.

Perhaps the Smiler was deflecting a potential continued conversation, too. Because I cannot tell you how many times a casual acquaintance or a stranger has responded to an innocuous "Oh, a baby" interaction with six dozen personal details about how many inches she dilated, how her nipples are cracking and bleeding, her hemorrhoids, the size, shape and consistency of the contents of the baby's diaper, the fighting she and her husband are doing over who does what when-

I'm not saying New Mommy deserved shunning or rebuking. But the smile WAS the response. If she wants hosannas over her baby's looks from everyone, she's in for a rude awakening. Pun intended. 

Peppergirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 1412
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #109 on: January 22, 2015, 07:08:19 AM »
^^^ Perfectly said, Poundcake!!

EllenS

  • Member
  • Posts: 4654
  • I write whimsical vintage mysteries.
    • My Author Page:
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #110 on: January 22, 2015, 08:05:49 AM »
Oh, I absolutely believe that NewMom was rude, pushy, annoying and OTT.

I also think that some of the reactions suggested/implied here are OTT, which leads me to say, 'hey, wait a minute, it's not that bad."

She wasn't harassing or assaulting people, she (apparently) was not approaching people she did not normally talk to, since she did not approach OP. Being OTT with people you normally chat with is different than trying to draw near-strangers or people you know only by sight into a personal conversation.

I understand that some people have painful circumstances that make it difficult for them to participate in ordinary social niceties. But that does not change the fact that merely showing pictures of a new baby is a social nicety.

If the problem is the violation of personal space, by shoving the camera to close, then address that for what it is - "yes, I saw it" or "hey, back up please" or "yikes, too close" or whatever. Merely offering to show the picture, or holding it up in your general eyeline is not a "boundary violation". It's normal behavior among friendly colleagues.

Yes, the polite smile should have been enough, and NewMom should not have been demanding with her "well?". However, refusing to speak in reply, is a very pointed statement.

It doesn't even have to be about babies. As pp mentioned above, it could be a wedding picture or a new home, or a precious rescue animal, or climbing Everest or cutting an album. Refusing to make nice with a co-worker when they tell you about the most important thing that's happened in their lives in the last year, is not some kind of bold stance of honesty or dedication to your work. It's ungracious.


catwhiskers

  • Member
  • Posts: 365
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #111 on: January 22, 2015, 10:42:44 AM »
I'm surprised also, and do not understand the persistent belief that smiling isn't sufficient to acknowledge that the person has looked at the picture and find it pleasing.  If I saw this exchange I'd just assume that the woman who smiled was agreeing with her friend who had had said "nice...awww."

Me too. The other thing that everyone seems to have overlooked... OP says the two woman New Mother approached were eating lunch. Maybe she didn't say anything because her mouth was full. Either way, I see nothing wrong with a smile when her lunch companion had already complimented the baby. New Mother, on the other hand, was extremely rude.

bah12

  • Member
  • Posts: 6980
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #112 on: January 22, 2015, 10:43:08 AM »
Just POD'ing Surianne's post above.  I don't think it was at all rude to smile and hand the phone back. I think a smile was a perfectly acceptable response and that the mom was beyond rude to push it with the 'well?'

And yes, I've been a mom and have had baby brain.  I've suffered when I first went back to work and was excited to show pics, etc..but I would have accepted a smile easily.  Despite being all about babies at that point, I think I also would have also had the foresight to realize that not everyone is..and therefore would not have needed the validation of insisting she tell me how cute he was. 

Seriously, it's not as though the woman made a face or said something rude.  She smiled and handed the phone back. 

I know babies are sometimes a polarizing topic here but, respectfully, I'm honestly surprised that so many are seemingly making excuses for this new mom's pushiness.

I want to respond to the bolded specifically.  I think that New Mom was rude.  Just like those that are making excuses (if that's the right word) for the coworker who didn't answer the question asked of her, some of us are pointing out that new mother can be and often is over-excited about her baby and maybe pushes the topic a little over-zelously.  That doesn't mean that she wasn't rude.  She was.  It also doesn't mean  that just because she is talking baby now and showing pictures now, that any amount of kindness or tolerance shown to her will result in this behavior continuing or will invite her to harrass you (general) in the future.  While New Mom's behavior is clearly OTT, so is, I think, a lot of the reaction to it.


You have no idea just how excruciatingly painful it can be to have a picture of a healthy newborn shoved in your face.  Had this happened to me when my babies were newborns and the few years after, I'd have been running for the hills trying to fight the tears and emotional meltdown that would have been certain to follow.  You see, while I have three kids, I should have seven.  I also have no idea what it's like to go home from the hospital with a baby in my arms.  I have no clue what it's like to be able to take a picture of a newborn that shows more baby than tubes and machinery.  Healthy newborns and exuberant new mothers were very difficult for me for a very long time.

You have no clue what somebody's history is.  You don't know if they're dealing with sick babies, or the heartbreak of infertility.  Every response that says "just say something and move on-it isn't that hard" just makes me want to scream.  Yes, for some of us, it is absolutely that hard.

Actually, I do know.  I should have five kids.  I have one.  And she was a premie and didn't get to come right away.   And because I had her, it is now too dangerous for me to even try having another.  I understand the pain.  There was a time when my sister and I were pregnant at the same time.  Then my pregnancy ended in hearbreak and I watched her through every milestone...reminding me of the ones I was missing.  To this day, I look at my neice and think about the child who's not here.  I get it. 

I still think that we need to muster up the energy to say something.  I've done it what seems like a million times.  I watched my close friend get engaged and get married on the heals of a huge break-up for me.  I've watched friends, family members, coworkers have baby after baby while I struggled just to have one. And yet, I still managed to say "cute" when I was shown a new baby.    When I had DD, I was just two months ahead of another friend of mine.  This time, she had the miscarriage, where I didn't.  I understood her pain...yet, she enthusiastically came to my baby shower, she knitted blankets and stockings for DD.  She has not missed one birthday.  And I know it's not easy for her.  Like I see my neice, I know that's how she sees my daughter.  Yet, she doesn't make my joy about her pain.  If she can do that a coworker can say "adorable" or "congratulations."

Like I said, I actually think that the coworker in question probably wasn't trying to communicate anything unkind when she chose to only smile and not say anything.  Yet, the OP certainly interpreted her action as communicating that she thought the baby was ugly or that she didn't want to see or talk about the baby at all.  If her smile communicated that to the OP, then it's possible, that depsite her intentions, she communicated that to New Mom.  That is why saying something is usually better.  It's easier to interpret and when asked a question, words are usually expected in return.  Yes, New Mom was rude first and she was rude to push the issue after coworker didn't say anything.  Her being rude, however, doesn't matter for my feelings.  When asked a question, we need to answer it.  Life doesn't guarantee that we are only in situations that makes us happy and part of life is dealing with 'pleasantries' we find largely unpleasant.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2015, 10:53:56 AM by bah12 »

knitwicca

  • Member
  • Posts: 629
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #113 on: January 22, 2015, 01:09:48 PM »
Quote
The lady she was talking to asked if she breastfed with her 3 other children.  New Mom said no.

If I read the update correctly, this is baby number 4?
I wonder if she has been this demanding of attention when each of the previous babies were born...

As for shoving a cell phone in someone's face and demanding a response, I would have not reacted well.
I have reasonably well-controlled PTSD. Anything shoved too close to my face is likely to produce an adverse reaction.

ITA with the PP who is a motorcycle enthusiast.  If this had been a demand for praise of a new hairstyle, shoes, car...people might not be defending NewMom so strongly.
If it were NewMom's first baby, even I could give her a pass. But for baby #4?  Nope.

Allyson

  • Member
  • Posts: 2788
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #114 on: January 22, 2015, 01:16:24 PM »
Yeah, I think a smile is plenty of acknowledgement! It's not like the coworker gave the new mom an evil glare or anything, she looked at the picture and smiled! Asking for a specific type of acknowledgment (verbal) is a bit over the top I think. I get that she was excited and I don't think she was rude to show the pictures, but especially while someone's eating, I think smiling is plenty fine.

KenveeB

  • Member
  • Posts: 8861
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #115 on: January 22, 2015, 07:21:07 PM »
Oh, I absolutely believe that NewMom was rude, pushy, annoying and OTT.

I also think that some of the reactions suggested/implied here are OTT, which leads me to say, 'hey, wait a minute, it's not that bad."

She wasn't harassing or assaulting people, she (apparently) was not approaching people she did not normally talk to, since she did not approach OP. Being OTT with people you normally chat with is different than trying to draw near-strangers or people you know only by sight into a personal conversation.

I understand that some people have painful circumstances that make it difficult for them to participate in ordinary social niceties. But that does not change the fact that merely showing pictures of a new baby is a social nicety.

If the problem is the violation of personal space, by shoving the camera to close, then address that for what it is - "yes, I saw it" or "hey, back up please" or "yikes, too close" or whatever. Merely offering to show the picture, or holding it up in your general eyeline is not a "boundary violation". It's normal behavior among friendly colleagues.

Yes, the polite smile should have been enough, and NewMom should not have been demanding with her "well?". However, refusing to speak in reply, is a very pointed statement.

It doesn't even have to be about babies. As pp mentioned above, it could be a wedding picture or a new home, or a precious rescue animal, or climbing Everest or cutting an album. Refusing to make nice with a co-worker when they tell you about the most important thing that's happened in their lives in the last year, is not some kind of bold stance of honesty or dedication to your work. It's ungracious.

I don't think anyone has a problem with "merely" showing a picture of a new baby. If the coworker had responded to that with a rude remark, then yes, she's rude. But a polite smile is a perfectly fine response, especially following on another person's response that a smile was probably intended as an agreement with. But New Mom didn't accept that perfectly normal response and followed up with aggressive actions of shoving her phone in her coworker's face and twice demanding an additional response. That's rude. It's not merely a social nicety. New Mom is the problem here. I don't see that Coworker did anything wrong. Just because her response wasn't as effusive as New Mom wanted doesn't make her rude.

Sharnita

  • Member
  • Posts: 22429
Re: “Look At My Baby! Isn’t He Adorable? Well?”
« Reply #116 on: January 22, 2015, 08:06:45 PM »
Actually, babies aren't the only topic that a person might have a sensitivity to. A previous poster mentioned a love of motorcycles. O have never loved motorcycles and since two family friends have died in motorcycle accidents my instinct is to recoil. However, if PP or a coworker was really geeked and showed me a pic of a new bike, I'd come up with some sort of positive response. Maybe "Looks shiny" or something similar.

ETA: I have had people show me their new bike/jacket/helmet.


Sorry, this topic is locked. Only admins and moderators can reply.