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Author Topic: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?  (Read 6877 times)

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princessofthelake

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Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« on: January 26, 2015, 09:21:48 AM »
My finace and I have been planning a trip to Hawaii in October of 2015 for some time now.  When we first started planning the trip in August of 2014 it was just a vacation and we invited friends of ours (a married couple) to join us for part of the trip.  When we got engaged in October of 2014 we decided the vacation would now be a honeymoon.  It's fine with us and fine with our friends.  We are planning 3 weeks on one island and one week on another.  They will only be with us for 12 days in the middle of the trip. 

Last weekend we were at a party with these friends.  I was visiting with the host of the party and the husband of the couple who will be coming with us.  The host asked if we were going to have a honeymoon.  I said yes.  He asked where and I said Hawaii.  The husband of the couple who is coming with us said "it's the kind of honeymoon where other people can come" or something like that.  The host says "Wow, we would love to go too!  Can we join you?"  Akward moment.  They are a great couple but the condo we are staying in is maxed out at 4 people so we can't put them in our room.  I also don't want to invite them to stay with us when the other couple is not there because we want some time to ourselves, honeymoom or no. 

How to handle this?  I do not want to hurt their feelings or make them feel unwanted.

Margo

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Re: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2015, 09:26:09 AM »
I think you smile and say 'no, it's our honeymoon'

If they say that the other couple are going you can say "We had already booked some vacation time with [name] and [name] before we knew we were getting married."


Venus193

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Re: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2015, 09:27:16 AM »
Agree with Margo and I have something to add.

Ideally, you tell the husband with the big mouth that it is up to him to correct this.  You and your fiance are friends with him and his wife and that's why you were OK with them being with you for part of the honeymoon.  He was out of line to invite anyone else.





Margo

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Re: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2015, 09:27:23 AM »
also, speak privately to the original couple and explain that while you are looking forward to the vacation with them, you felt uncomfortable with the comment made and would not be open to adding any extra people to the holiday

EllenS

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Re: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2015, 09:30:11 AM »
Well, what did you say at the time? I would imagine your face was eloquent, and only a clod would not pick up on the fact that they were not welcome. I wouldn't worry about making them feel unwanted - they are not, in fact, welcome on your honeymoon. There's nothing wrong with that.

I would say something afterwards, not to the Pushy Host, but to the Bigmouthed Friend who started inviting other people - something along the lines of "Dude! Not OK!" (as a seperate conversation)

To the person who tried inviting himself, say nothing unless he broaches the topic again. If he does, you are perfectly fine to say, "I'm sorry, [bigmouth friend] mis-spoke. This is not a group trip."

Then, if you want, you can say, "Why don't we have you over for dinner after we get back?" That shows you are not avoiding them generally.


TeamBhakta

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Re: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2015, 09:32:34 AM »
Evil me would tell them "*drops to whisper* We're only inviting certain people from our sw_ngers club" 

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« Reply #6 on: January 26, 2015, 09:47:07 AM »
Evil me would tell them "*drops to whisper* We're only inviting certain people from our sw_ngers club"

Bahahahaha :D

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princessofthelake

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Re: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« Reply #7 on: January 26, 2015, 11:25:11 AM »
Thank you!  Great suggestions.  I have already spoken to the other couple and suggested we not go around announcing our plans. 

TeamBhakta-I would have tried that but we were already at a sw_ngers party!   ;D

daen

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Re: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« Reply #8 on: January 26, 2015, 04:33:02 PM »
In the moment, maybe you could have said "Oh, sorry, you're too late. We're maxed out." Said in a light tone, with a smile, it would probably take care of things without hurting feelings. After all, it's not likely that the honeymoon scenario will arise again soon. (However, if this couple now begins to try to invite themselves to every vacation you mention to them, you'll need a different response.)

I'd agree with previous posters that a word in private to the husband-with-the-big-mouth would be a good idea.

It sounds like you've taken care of things on your own, though, so this is mostly monday-morning quarterbacking on my part.  :)

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« Reply #9 on: January 26, 2015, 08:04:41 PM »
Would you be ok with the Couple No.2 joining you on your honeymoon at the same time as Couple No.1, provided they get their own accommodation? Or is it more that you don't want Couple No.2 joining you at all?

If it's the first case, you can tell Couple No.2 "Our room is maxed out, but you're welcome to get your own space and join us from
  • date to [y] date". If Couple No.2 want to join you when Couple No.1 isn't there, you can tell them what you told us "We'd like some time alone on our honeymoon."


If it's the second case, I'd say something like "Oh sorry, Husband of Couple No.1 may have misspoken. This was actually a pre-arranged vacation just for Fiance and I, and Couple No.1, which kind of turned into a longer honeymoon."

princessofthelake

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Re: Can someone invite themselves on your honeymoon?
« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2015, 02:53:52 PM »
What we decided to do was we told Couple 2 that they were welcome to join during the same time frame Couple 1 would be there as long they could find a place to stay since our condo is maxed out.  We really have no problem with them being part of the fun now that we have had a chance to think about. 

Thanks again for the great suggestions!