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Author Topic: Public apology required? -- Update at #38  (Read 15283 times)

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Venus193

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #45 on: February 08, 2015, 03:19:07 PM »
There has been speculation that she is an alcoholic because of how much she has drank in the past.   I don't know whether she has any family in the area or any friends outside of Meetup.

No matter; you pull something like this more than once and you're history.





Goog

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #46 on: February 08, 2015, 04:35:00 PM »
I'm glad the hostess defriended her. 

And basically, my thought is that if you slander me and malign my character very publicly and in my own home, to my friends, when proven wrong you'd BETTER apologize just as publicly and say how wrong you are, AT THE VERY LEAST. 

If the hostess ever hears from the nasty woman again, if I was her I would be soooo tempted to tell her that I can't talk to her or be around her anymore because I was afraid of being slandered again.

VorFemme

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #47 on: February 08, 2015, 05:08:26 PM »
Would the woman *hear the slightly hidden message* if the hostess laid on the sarcasm & irony and told her that they just couldn't subject her to being around thieves who kept taking her phone, her coat, and other possessions at the group meetings?

Or would that only work if she was sober at the time she talked to the hostess?  And once she was drunk, the next thing that she couldn't find would have been stolen...?  Not that anyone wants her *mind* and she looses her *sobriety* all too easily by herself...
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Margo

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Re: Public apology required?
« Reply #48 on: February 09, 2015, 09:51:14 AM »
I absolutely think NastyGuest should have immediately gone back upstairs and apologized face to face in front of whoever was left, even if most of the guests had left.  She had a public temper tantrum and owed a public apology.  I'm sure she was embarassed, adn it sounds like this isn't a new thing.

Do I think the hostess got any kind of apology?  Probably not.  Would I ever invite her to my events (whether I was the hostess or just a member of the "audience")?  No way!

I agree. Her allegations that the host was careless and that (presumably) another guest had stolen her coat were made very publicly and should have been withdrawn in the same way.

I also think that the next time the group meets, host would be prefrectly entitled to let people know that RudeGuest had in fact found her coat exactly where she left it. If it's primarily an online groupo than a posting or message to the group saying something like "Bearing in mind {name}'s allegation that heer property had been stolen while at my home on [date] I wanted to to let those who were present know that she was mistaken, and that her coat and other property was found, she had forgotten where she had left it, and there is no suggestion that anything went missing". Because if I was at a party where someone made loud and public allegations of theft, I would feel pretty uncomfortable returning to the group and wondering whether there was a thief, and whether anyone suspected me.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #49 on: February 09, 2015, 11:33:05 AM »
I like Margo's version of an announcement.
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TaterTot

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #50 on: February 09, 2015, 11:34:16 AM »
I had to mull this one over a few days because I'm not sure what the right thing would be in this situation.  This happened at the Super Bowl party.

About 15 minutes after the end of the game about 2/3rds of the guests decided to go home.  Most of their coats were in one of the bedrooms.  One woman couldn't find her coat and immediately ranted that it had been stolen.  Her house keys were in the pocket and she wouldn't have been able to go home without them.  She started blaming the hostess, who had spent the entire late afternoon and evening juggling a total of 45-50 guests, making sure there was adequate food on the table, and barely having time for a bite or a drink herself.  The guest ranted about carelessness, about her cell phone having been stolen at the New Year's Eve party (It was later reported that she lost it in the bar she went to after that party), and she went so far as to call the police.  Nothing anyone said to her would make her calm down and she escalated her vitriol into words we can't use here.

A male guest searched the other rooms again, then went downstairs and found her coat on the rack of hooks outside the downstairs neighbor's apartment.  He called her downstairs to show her.  As he later told the hostess in front of me, she put her coat on, told him she would call the hostess the next day to apologize privately, and left.  She claimed to be deeply embarrassed.

It is entirely possible that the foul-mouthed guest had consumed more alcohol than she could handle, but nobody every has any way of knowing that.

The hostess felt that she had been sufficiently wronged to justify a public apology in front of the other guests who had heard all the nastiness.  I didn't venture an opinion because I'm not sure this is ever required.

Your opinions, please.

I'd be willing to bet she didn't apologize for that incident either. Did the police actually show up after she called them?

Surianne

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Re: Public apology required?
« Reply #51 on: February 09, 2015, 11:42:59 AM »
I absolutely think NastyGuest should have immediately gone back upstairs and apologized face to face in front of whoever was left, even if most of the guests had left.  She had a public temper tantrum and owed a public apology.  I'm sure she was embarassed, adn it sounds like this isn't a new thing.

Do I think the hostess got any kind of apology?  Probably not.  Would I ever invite her to my events (whether I was the hostess or just a member of the "audience")?  No way!

I agree. Her allegations that the host was careless and that (presumably) another guest had stolen her coat were made very publicly and should have been withdrawn in the same way.

I also think that the next time the group meets, host would be prefrectly entitled to let people know that RudeGuest had in fact found her coat exactly where she left it. If it's primarily an online groupo than a posting or message to the group saying something like "Bearing in mind {name}'s allegation that heer property had been stolen while at my home on [date] I wanted to to let those who were present know that she was mistaken, and that her coat and other property was found, she had forgotten where she had left it, and there is no suggestion that anything went missing". Because if I was at a party where someone made loud and public allegations of theft, I would feel pretty uncomfortable returning to the group and wondering whether there was a thief, and whether anyone suspected me.

This sort of announcement would really make me think badly of the hostess, more so than the accuser.  It just seems like stirring up drama for no reason.  Especially with a Meetup group where I may not know the hostess well, I'd be really uncomfortable reading this and I'd probably stay away from events for a while.  I wouldn't want to get entangled in the drama. 

And if I were a member of the Meetup group who wasn't present that night, I'd be confused by the message and worried about the discussion surrounding theft.  I probably wouldn't continue with the group after seeing this message.

Venus193

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #52 on: February 09, 2015, 11:47:38 AM »
No, no police came.

It has been my experience that police will first respond to calls about violent crimes in progress and give last priority to something like this where nobody can identify a thief because the crime was x hours ago.

As to the prior incident I didn't ask. However, my money's also on No Apology.

I'm with Surianne on not posting to social media.  There is no need to do this and it could do more harm than good.  It would be better just to quietly oust the accuser from the group with or without an explanation and move on from there.





Kiwipinball

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #53 on: February 09, 2015, 11:51:34 AM »
I think it's actually helpful that she didn't apologize. She absolutely should have, but as many posters have said, even with an apology, that's not someone I would want at my house. But a lot of people seem to think as long as they apologize, it's all good (my nephew thinks this way, but he's only 4). It might be harder to remove her from the group, etc. if she was the kind of person who got drunk, did something rude/offensive, and then contritely apologized the next day. I have limited patience with people like that, but I think it's much easier to cut someone off when they didn't even apologize.

I agree I would not post something about her finding her coat - that seems to be stirring up drama. However, if someone asked "Did so-and-so ever find her coat?", I would feel find responding "Yes! Happy to report her jacket was found hanging up downstairs and  nothing was missing!" or something like that. But otherwise it seems a little off to me and I'd be weirded out if the hostess just brought it up on her own.

Margo

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #54 on: February 09, 2015, 01:21:40 PM »
jut to clarify, when I suggested a message to the group I meant the group which was at the party - I'm not familiar with Meetup so don't know whether that is practical in how the system works.

Venus193

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #55 on: February 09, 2015, 01:28:12 PM »
There was a Meetup event page for it and those who RSVP'd "Yes" for an event can receive notifications of comments made after the events.  Anyone in the group can read them, but they need to click a few more times to do that.  The other guests were invited through a Facebook page for the party.

I agree with Kiwipinball, however, and think it best that the hostess not post anything more about this.





tinkytinky

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #56 on: February 09, 2015, 04:43:23 PM »
I agree that the hostess shouldn't post anything about the tantrum. However, if there is a question in anyone's mind about a theft at her house, she could post a quick update: "UPDATE: NG's missing item has been located intact . Thanks to everyone for your assistance and for making the party a great success!"

Venus193

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #57 on: February 14, 2015, 08:57:15 AM »
Minor Update

I was at the hostess' home last night for a smaller party and heard the following:

Shortly after the defriending, Nasty Guest contacted a mutual FB friend who had also been at the Super Bowl party.  She asked why she was defriened and was told the reason.  The other woman then told her verbally she was defriending her over the same issue.  Before she had a chance to do so, Nasty Guest closed her FB account.

Someone else at last night's party said that Nasty Guest's page was full of negative stuff as in "nobody loves me" and "It's the end of the world" and he said "I've got too many problems of my own to deal with her negativity."

Someone else who is a member of the Meetup group told her she should oust Nasty Guest and ban her.  Everyone else agreed and nobody thinks she will show her face among us again.





Lula

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #58 on: February 14, 2015, 09:10:14 AM »
Don't you just love when problems solve themselves?  :)

Minmom3

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Re: Public apology required? -- Update at #38
« Reply #59 on: February 14, 2015, 09:12:54 AM »
It is truly sad that somebody who behaved in such an egregious manner has NO idea that a) it was offensive and b) deserves to be apologized for or c) possibly has no memory of the melt down.  She appears completely blank on the causes of her social isolation.  Hopefully, maybe, somebody who remains in her life will at some point sit down with her and enlighten her!
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