News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 21, 2017, 08:13:21 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Poll

The First Dance, dancers are:

Just the Bride and Groom
80 (74.8%)
Bride and Groom, joined partway through by Groomsmen/Bridesmaids in the pairing they walked out of the church in
20 (18.7%)
Bride and Groom, joined by their parents
3 (2.8%)
Whoever gets on the dance floor first
2 (1.9%)
First dance is the Father/Daughter dance
2 (1.9%)

Total Members Voted: 107

Author Topic: Dancing  (Read 21121 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Mergatroyd

  • Member
  • Posts: 1670
Dancing
« on: February 13, 2015, 11:41:30 AM »
In another thread there is a bit if a discussion over who is expected to dance and with whom.

All the weddings I have been to, barring the ones with no dancing, have the dance floor opened by the Bride and Groom dancing to a special song of their choice. Halfway through the song, the attendants take to the floor in the pairings they had as they walked out of the church (IE- MOH and Best Man, etc.), and sometimes the parents of the Happy Couple join as well. After that, the dance floor is officially open to whoever wants to dance, with whomever they choose.
In the case of uneven numbers or nontraditional pairings (male bridemaid, female groomsman) additional people can be added or the flower girl/ ring bearer brought in. Depending on the people, I have also seen two females or two males dance with good humour for the brief seconds of the song.

The discussion revealed that this is not the accepted case everywhere, and some people find it a bit much to ask of an attendant. Is it actually rude to expect your Bridesmaids and Groomsmen to dance together for half of one song? What is accepted where you are?

Also of note, all the weddings I have seen this happen at, also had the entire wedding party seated at one head table facing the rest of the room.

mime

  • Member
  • Posts: 1822
Re: Dancing
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2015, 12:19:48 PM »
I have liked the tradition of the bride and groom doing the first dance. IMO after that, I prefer fewer obligatory dances. I think I've seen wedding party dances at maybe 1/3 of dance-receptions I've attended.

I know that at my own wedding, a wedding party dance would have been awkward. The groomsmen were 2 of DH's brothers-in-law, and BMs were 2 of my cousins. The BILs were mid-30s with kids, etc. while my cousins were 21-year old college students. They were all strangers to each other. The pairing for dances would have felt awkward for them and I didn't want that. BestMan and MOH on the other hand were very compatible and we asked them to help get the dancing started, and they were both perfect for the job. So it may be a "know your audience loved ones" thing.

I was at one reception where B&G danced for one song. Then Bride, Groom, Groom's parents, and Bride's parents all danced to the next few songs, with every possible pairing. Then they threw MOH and BestMan in the mix. Then the whole wedding party.... there was just over an hour of assigned-partner dancing where the clear impression was that everyone was supposed to watch and "oooh and ahhh" for the whole time. (One relative took it upon herself to tell guests "if you're going to chat, please go to that end of the hall so everyone over here can watch the dance"  ::)) That was a bit much.




goldilocks

  • Member
  • Posts: 845
Re: Dancing
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2015, 12:28:24 PM »
Im in Southeast US, and just hosted my DD's wedding this past weekend.   Down here its:

Bride and Groom
Bride and dad
Groom and mother

OPen dancing

I would advise you to have someone "get the dance started" as people are reluctant to be the first on the florr.

Mergatroyd

  • Member
  • Posts: 1670
Re: Dancing
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2015, 12:39:06 PM »
Im in Southeast US, and just hosted my DD's wedding this past weekend.   Down here its:

Bride and Groom
Bride and dad
Groom and mother

OPen dancing

I would advise you to have someone "get the dance started" as people are reluctant to be the first on the florr.

Oh, I'm already married, we were one of the 'no dance' weddings I mentioned. I am just curious, because it seems that it is actually a sticky situation where what goes in one place doesn't in another, in an area where one wouldn't normally think to be looking for faux pas.

Hmmmmm

  • Member
  • Posts: 8879
Re: Dancing
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2015, 01:59:10 PM »
Im in Southeast US, and just hosted my DD's wedding this past weekend.   Down here its:

Bride and Groom
Bride and dad
Groom and mother

OPen dancing

I would advise you to have someone "get the dance started" as people are reluctant to be the first on the florr.

I'm not sure that is across the board standard for the Southeast. In my experience traditionally the B&G dance the first dance and halfway through the parents join in, grooms parents dancing together and bride's parents dancing together.
Second dance is Bride and Father who are then joined by Groom and Mother and then MOB with the FOG. Then the wedding party joins and and the groom may switch to the MOB with the Bride switching to the FOG.
Third dance will open up with all of the guests but the FOG will probably dance with the MOH and the MOB will dance with the BM. Bride and Groom will go back to dancing together. But if the two first dances are longer songs the switch ups might occur earlier.

I know this sounds really structured, but in my experience it normally flows really well and the guests really quit paying attention after the first dance.

But when you have step parents, maybe a missing parent or non-traditional attendants things must switch up from the traditional order. And also, if you have parents or attendants who don't dance it changes things too.

LonniesMom

  • Member
  • Posts: 172
Re: Dancing
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2015, 02:51:45 PM »
Im in Southeast US, and just hosted my DD's wedding this past weekend.   Down here its:

Bride and Groom
Bride and dad
Groom and mother

OPen dancing


This has always ( I think) been my experience; and is how I plan to structure the dancing at my upcoming reception.

(Northeast US)

gellchom

  • Member
  • Posts: 3722
Re: Dancing
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2015, 02:57:05 PM »
I couldn't vote because I'm not sure what we mean by "first dance."  I think of it as the HC's first dance, not the first dance of the evening.  Is the latter what other communities do -- no one else dances until these dances are done?

Around here, there usually substantial "open" dancing, often starting with folk dancing, before any of these things occurs.  In fact, it's very common (and very effective!) for the band or DJ to be playing in full swing as soon as the dining room doors are opened, so people just drop their pocketbooks on the table and get out there before they even sit down.

At some point the bride and groom have their "first dance" together, although they have already participated in the folk dancing, up on the chairs, etc. 

And at some other point in the evening, not usually during the first set for the band/DJ, but during dinner, there is usually a FOB-bride dance, often with the groom and MOG joining in, and then often the MOB and FOG together.  If there are stepparents, they just figure some arrangement out.  Sometimes siblings join in along the way, although at the point other people will join as well.  IIRC, at my daughter's wedding, the band leader just called the FOB and bride out and maybe the groom and his mom, and his dad just brought me out to dance, too, after a moment.  I honestly don't remember who else joined us; I think pretty soon everyone did.  I'll have to wait for the video!

I never see any special attendant dances, but, as I said on the other string, that may be different for Jewish weddings.

Specky

  • Member
  • Posts: 762
Re: Dancing
« Reply #7 on: February 13, 2015, 03:01:16 PM »
I don't think there should ever be any expectations, or pressure placed on anyone, to dance.

Lynn2000

  • Member
  • Posts: 8322
Re: Dancing
« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2015, 03:04:38 PM »
Midwest US. I've seen several different combinations. Usually the bride and groom start, and then switch to bride/her father and groom/his mother. Sometimes the other parents of the couple then come in--like the groom's father dances with the bride. Each of these things tends to get its own song, and they don't dance for the entire song. So maybe a minute of Song 1 for the bride and groom's first dance, then a minute of Song 2 for the couple with their parents, then a minute of Song 3 for the couple with their in-laws.

After the parent dances the wedding party gets on the floor, more as a way to encourage more bodies to get up and dance. I've seen some that are really structured, pairing the attendants in a special way (sometimes obviously awkward for them), and others where it's more like, attendants get out here with your SOs and help get this party started.

I've also seen, instead of the attendants, special dances like "All married couples to the floor! Okay, if you've been married less than a month, sit down!" Ending up with the couple who've been married the longest still dancing. Some people enjoy those special dance "games" but I don't see how they really encourage people to dance, because you can only take the floor and stay there if you meet the rules.

The majority of weddings I've attended over the years did not have dancing, though. It was not really the done thing on either side of my family when my older cousins were getting married. However it seems to be more common now, as my friends and same-aged cousins are getting married. I really don't pay a whole lot of attention to who is dancing with whom, as I'm not going to dance myself, and I see the dancing starting as the signal that it's almost time for me to leave.
~Lynn2000

kudeebee

  • Member
  • Posts: 2702
Re: Dancing
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2015, 05:34:14 PM »
Most weddings I have been to follow this order (midwest)
Happy couple
bride/father**
groom/mother**
Wedding party joined by parents of couple and sometimes the grandparents
The next dance starts immediately with the dj inviting everyone onto the floor

**One or both of these may not occur, depending on the situation

nuit93

  • Member
  • Posts: 1094
Re: Dancing
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2015, 05:57:46 PM »
My plan is:

Bride/groom for the first dance
DJ puts on a more upbeat song and encourages everyone to get on the dance floor for the next song
Open season from that point forward since we don't like "arranged" dances

GreenEyedHawk

  • Member
  • Posts: 2486
  • Not hot but SPICY
    • My Facebook.  Feel free to add me!
Re: Dancing
« Reply #11 on: February 13, 2015, 06:08:03 PM »
Where I am, generally the first dance is just the bride and groom, to their special song that they've chosen.  Then it's usually the bride and her father and the groom and his mother.  Then open dancing for everyone.
"After all this time?"
"Always."

katycoo

  • Member
  • Posts: 4204
Re: Dancing
« Reply #12 on: February 13, 2015, 07:44:34 PM »
Bridal party dances are the norm here.  The dance floor opens as follows:

1. Bride & Groom
2. joined by Bridal Party
3. joined by parents (maybe grandparents or siblings too)
4. joined by everyone

Thi can be a song for each number or just part of a song, then the next group invited to join.  The Bridal party only dance together in 2 and 3 but may swap partners among themselves during this time.  They start with their ceremony pair.  And I've never found it that awkward to dance with a stanger for a minute or so.

Some people do the father/daughter/ mother/groom dances solo but its nt that common.  Usually those take place in bracket 4 amongst the oher dancers.

HannahGrace

  • Member
  • Posts: 1282
Re: Dancing
« Reply #13 on: February 13, 2015, 08:42:22 PM »
My plan is:

Bride/groom for the first dance
DJ puts on a more upbeat song and encourages everyone to get on the dance floor for the next song
Open season from that point forward since we don't like "arranged" dances

That's almost exactly what we did (except iPod instead of DJ) and it worked out great! :)

lakey

  • Member
  • Posts: 967
Re: Dancing
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2015, 04:15:15 PM »
Quote
there was just over an hour of assigned-partner dancing where the clear impression was that everyone was supposed to watch and "oooh and ahhh" for the whole time. (One relative took it upon herself to tell guests "if you're going to chat, please go to that end of the hall so everyone over here can watch the dance"  ::)) That was a bit much.

Definitely too much. Who is so self-absorbed that they think their guests want to spend an hour watching other people dance? That's as bad as the toasts and speeches that go on and on and on and on.