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Poll

The First Dance, dancers are:

Just the Bride and Groom
80 (74.8%)
Bride and Groom, joined partway through by Groomsmen/Bridesmaids in the pairing they walked out of the church in
20 (18.7%)
Bride and Groom, joined by their parents
3 (2.8%)
Whoever gets on the dance floor first
2 (1.9%)
First dance is the Father/Daughter dance
2 (1.9%)

Total Members Voted: 107

Author Topic: Dancing  (Read 21179 times)

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CakeEater

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #15 on: February 14, 2015, 04:22:21 PM »
Bridal party dances are the norm here.  The dance floor opens as follows:

1. Bride & Groom
2. joined by Bridal Party
3. joined by parents (maybe grandparents or siblings too)
4. joined by everyone

Thi can be a song for each number or just part of a song, then the next group invited to join.  The Bridal party only dance together in 2 and 3 but may swap partners among themselves during this time.  They start with their ceremony pair.  And I've never found it that awkward to dance with a stanger for a minute or so.

Some people do the father/daughter/ mother/groom dances solo but its nt that common.  Usually those take place in bracket 4 amongst the oher dancers.

This is what I'm used to.

Although, at one memorable wedding, it was announced that the first song was for the B&G, the second for the bridal party and parents to join in, and everyone was welcome up 'for the next song'. As it turned out, the third song where we could have joined in wasn't really a good one for dancing, so DH and I waited for the next song. There wasn't a next song. Three songs were all that played, and if you missed that one, you were out of luck.

And the conclusion of the third song, the MC announced, 'That's the end of the dancing.' It was a very odd wedding.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #16 on: February 14, 2015, 04:23:01 PM »
I would be very annoyed if someone said "You are required to dance, since you're a bridesmaid." I am uncomfortable dancing to begin with. Ordering me to do so would end with me leaving or refusing to get up at all. And honestly, I find watching the first dances to be quite boring. It's only tolerable to me in movies  :P

HorseFreak

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #17 on: February 14, 2015, 06:39:45 PM »
The last wedding I went to was typical in my experience with the B&G dancing alone to the first song. What started to irritate me was all the dad/bride and mom/groom dances especially when they DJ requested all OTHER dad/daughter and mom/son combinations attending participate. I do not like dancing with my father as it makes me really uncomfortable when he gets teary over my (unlikely) future wedding. I'm just not like that with my parents and it was a painful 3 or 4 minutes.

gellchom

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #18 on: February 14, 2015, 11:59:24 PM »
I don't understand the point of a special dance for the attendants, especially if they are dancing with whoever they happened to walk back up the aisle with.  The wedding is a life cycle event for the HC and their families, so the HC's first dance as a married couple and the father/daughter mother/son dances seem to symbolize something, and they can be very moving to watch.  But what is the point of everyone watching the bride's cousin dance with the groom's college buddy?  I'm not criticizing, I'm just surprised by this and wonder what the reason for it is.

CakeEater

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #19 on: February 15, 2015, 01:09:52 AM »
I don't understand the point of a special dance for the attendants, especially if they are dancing with whoever they happened to walk back up the aisle with.  The wedding is a life cycle event for the HC and their families, so the HC's first dance as a married couple and the father/daughter mother/son dances seem to symbolize something, and they can be very moving to watch.  But what is the point of everyone watching the bride's cousin dance with the groom's college buddy?  I'm not criticizing, I'm just surprised by this and wonder what the reason for it is.

There's not a special song or anything, they just mostly join in 3/4 of the way through the B&G's first dance song and stay for another one where the parents join in, and then people join in during that second song often. I guess the purpose is just to get the dance floor filling, and have the attention be not quite so focused on the B&G? Otherwise I don't know - it's just what happens. :)

There's rarely a father/daughter or mother/son dance specifically - everyone tends to swap around partners in the first few songs and do that more informally.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2015, 01:11:36 AM by CakeEater »

Sakuko

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #20 on: February 15, 2015, 03:14:49 AM »
I haven't been to many wedding, but since we don't do a lot of attendants in Germany, just one witness each for bride and groom (and even that is optional now) attendants usually don't join in the special dances. It's usually either just the bride and groom or bride and FoB.

I'm also very much against making anybody dance, if they don't feel comfortable with it. At my aunt's wedding she started the first dance with her husband and halfway through they split and got the two youngest guest to join them, which happened to be me (age 17) and a younger boy from husband's family. I had not been told about that, I had no idea how to dance, I didn't know her husband and I was very socially anxious (even more than you'd expect from a regular teenager). He just told me to let him lead and seemed to assume that would miraculously make me understand how this dance worked. It did not.  :-\ So I awkwardly stumbled about with him for what felt like an eternity feeling extremely embarrassed, exposed and generally unhappy. The episode has turned me off dancing to this very day.

At my wedding there will be no special dances. If some people want to dance there will be some room, but I certainly will not step on the dance floor and BF is not very fond of dancing either.

katycoo

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #21 on: February 15, 2015, 04:25:27 AM »
I would be very annoyed if someone said "You are required to dance, since you're a bridesmaid." I am uncomfortable dancing to begin with. Ordering me to do so would end with me leaving or refusing to get up at all. And honestly, I find watching the first dances to be quite boring. It's only tolerable to me in movies  :P

See, it's so expected here that it wouldn't occur to me that it wasn't part of the deal. I wouldn't agree to be BM if I wasn't prepared to dance.

#borecore

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #22 on: February 15, 2015, 08:09:36 AM »
I would expect that if there was any formality to it, the bride and groom would have their own dance, plus maybe something with the bride and groom and a parent or parents.

But in reality? At my wedding we just pumped up the jams and people started dancing once they felt ready; I think a Madonna song broke the ice when I started dancing with an old friend of my husband's, and we pulled a bunch of others onto the dance floor (aka patio). We didn't have a single slow song. I think my husband and I danced close together for a few seconds of a disco song or punk song after a few drinks when we were acting mushy, but I wanted to party with all my friends, not abide by some rules of formality. We are not slow dance people. Most friends' weddings have had that one slow song, to start, then anything goes.

I've not been to a wedding with a real DJ or band since the '90s.

Alicia

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #23 on: February 15, 2015, 08:50:34 AM »
I think that  this is a good thing to ask of your dance loving bridal party.  If skipping traditional dances to start the ball rolling with dancing

gellchom

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #24 on: February 15, 2015, 01:38:59 PM »
I would expect that if there was any formality to it, the bride and groom would have their own dance, plus maybe something with the bride and groom and a parent or parents.

But in reality? At my wedding we just pumped up the jams and people started dancing once they felt ready; I think a Madonna song broke the ice when I started dancing with an old friend of my husband's, and we pulled a bunch of others onto the dance floor (aka patio). We didn't have a single slow song. I think my husband and I danced close together for a few seconds of a disco song or punk song after a few drinks when we were acting mushy, but I wanted to party with all my friends, not abide by some rules of formality. We are not slow dance people. Most friends' weddings have had that one slow song, to start, then anything goes.

I've not been to a wedding with a real DJ or band since the '90s.

It all depends on your group.  This sounds like fun for a wedding reception of just the HC's peer group, who like the same kinds of music and dancing.  Not so much for a group including lots of people in older generations, though, if they prefer some slow dancing.  Music is very important to many HCs, and I see many getting very particular about the set lists, wanting it composed only of their favorite music -- I guess it feels sort of self-expressive to them, the same way they chose the ceremony music, the colors, and so forth.  But dance music is more like the food, the chairs, and so forth: it's part of the hospitality you are offering, so you need to think about what is going to work well for all your guests, not just those who share your tastes.  It often requires some balance between fast and slow, pop and standards, etc.

#borecore

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #25 on: February 15, 2015, 03:22:04 PM »
To be honest, that's not why we had music -- nor do I think that's why other weddings have the traditional paired-up dances -- certainly, the only older person a father-daughter dance  gets on the floor is the father himself (impossible at my wedding). They have them because they're a tradition someone wants to follow.

The older folks (grandparents' generation) were all already back in their hotel rooms by the time the music even got started, around 9:30 or 10, at my wedding. We wanted to have plenty of low-key socializing at what was largely a family reunion atmosphere before dark and after the very formal wedding ceremony.

We weren't concerned about including people who wanted slow dancing because that's not the party we were hosting.

I certainly had fun dancing with my middle-aged aunts, mom, and older friends to the classic through current rock that filled out much of our playlist.

My grandparents haven't danced to more than 2 songs at any of their children's or grandchildren's weddings; that generation just isn't interested in either slow dancing or modern dancing. Catering to the 10% of our guest list who didn't like dancing or loud music for most of the night would leave us with a 90% disinterested guest list.

gellchom

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #26 on: February 15, 2015, 04:00:42 PM »
To be honest, that's not why we had music -- nor do I think that's why other weddings have the traditional paired-up dances -- certainly, the only older person a father-daughter dance  gets on the floor is the father himself (impossible at my wedding). They have them because they're a tradition someone wants to follow.

The older folks (grandparents' generation) were all already back in their hotel rooms by the time the music even got started, around 9:30 or 10, at my wedding. We wanted to have plenty of low-key socializing at what was largely a family reunion atmosphere before dark and after the very formal wedding ceremony.

We weren't concerned about including people who wanted slow dancing because that's not the party we were hosting.

I certainly had fun dancing with my middle-aged aunts, mom, and older friends to the classic through current rock that filled out much of our playlist.

My grandparents haven't danced to more than 2 songs at any of their children's or grandchildren's weddings; that generation just isn't interested in either slow dancing or modern dancing. Catering to the 10% of our guest list who didn't like dancing or loud music for most of the night would leave us with a 90% disinterested guest list.

I didn't mean to imply that you personally didn't hit the right balance at your reception -- it certainly sounded like you did, even before this post.  I was speaking generally.

I would note, though, that trying to think of your entire guest list, not just those that share your preferences, would not at all mean "[c]atering to the 10% of our guest list who didn't like dancing or loud music for most of the night."  That is almost exactly the opposite of what I said.  "Finding a balance" means exactly that, not going all the way in the other direction to making all or most of the evening tailored to the lowest common denominator. 

More likely (for the typical reception, not yours, where the older people were no longer there), it would mean including a few slow dances, even just two or three, not zero, whether or not the HC or other hosts "do" slow dancing. 

Where there is a band leader or a DJ, they (if they are good) know how to read the room and adjust as they go along.

I'm curious -- you said you haven't been to a wedding in many years where there was either a band or a DJ.  Weddings in my community and family always have one or the other.  What was there at the weddings you've attended?  iPod?  I'm not criticizing; I'm sure that would work fine -- I'm just asking, as it's the opposite of my experience. 

LonniesMom

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #27 on: February 16, 2015, 09:26:59 AM »
the last 3 weddings I have attended have had a band...

Yvaine

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #28 on: February 16, 2015, 09:35:36 AM »
I don't understand the point of a special dance for the attendants, especially if they are dancing with whoever they happened to walk back up the aisle with.  The wedding is a life cycle event for the HC and their families, so the HC's first dance as a married couple and the father/daughter mother/son dances seem to symbolize something, and they can be very moving to watch.  But what is the point of everyone watching the bride's cousin dance with the groom's college buddy?  I'm not criticizing, I'm just surprised by this and wonder what the reason for it is.

There's not a special song or anything, they just mostly join in 3/4 of the way through the B&G's first dance song and stay for another one where the parents join in, and then people join in during that second song often. I guess the purpose is just to get the dance floor filling, and have the attention be not quite so focused on the B&G? Otherwise I don't know - it's just what happens. :)

Yup, I think it's more to fill the floor--and that the "hour-long dance performance by the wedding party" is a misinterpretation some people have.  ;D

Twik

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #29 on: February 23, 2015, 03:01:02 PM »
In another thread there is a bit if a discussion over who is expected to dance and with whom.

All the weddings I have been to, barring the ones with no dancing, have the dance floor opened by the Bride and Groom dancing to a special song of their choice. Halfway through the song, the attendants take to the floor in the pairings they had as they walked out of the church (IE- MOH and Best Man, etc.), and sometimes the parents of the Happy Couple join as well. After that, the dance floor is officially open to whoever wants to dance, with whomever they choose.
In the case of uneven numbers or nontraditional pairings (male bridemaid, female groomsman) additional people can be added or the flower girl/ ring bearer brought in. Depending on the people, I have also seen two females or two males dance with good humour for the brief seconds of the song.

The discussion revealed that this is not the accepted case everywhere, and some people find it a bit much to ask of an attendant. Is it actually rude to expect your Bridesmaids and Groomsmen to dance together for half of one song? What is accepted where you are?

Also of note, all the weddings I have seen this happen at, also had the entire wedding party seated at one head table facing the rest of the room.

Dancing doesn't automatically mean romance, or scrabble. But it does represent a fairly physically intimate connection for a few minutes. If your bridal party is good with it, fine. But if it makes anyone uncomfortable, it is scarcely important enough to justify their distress.
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