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  • November 24, 2017, 10:32:11 PM

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Poll

The First Dance, dancers are:

Just the Bride and Groom
80 (74.8%)
Bride and Groom, joined partway through by Groomsmen/Bridesmaids in the pairing they walked out of the church in
20 (18.7%)
Bride and Groom, joined by their parents
3 (2.8%)
Whoever gets on the dance floor first
2 (1.9%)
First dance is the Father/Daughter dance
2 (1.9%)

Total Members Voted: 107

Author Topic: Dancing  (Read 21198 times)

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Yvaine

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #45 on: February 28, 2015, 12:10:22 PM »
I'm not even sure what's meant here.

Of course part of many weddings are for show.

Unless you and your fiancÚ walk into a registry office wearing the clothes you happen to have on, there's definitely a show going on. Why flowers and a ballgown, and matching wedding party, and a beautiful cake, and special cars with ribbons on them, etc etc? (I realise that not everyone has all of those things at their wedding)

Beautiful things can be showy, yes, but that is entirely different from treating a solemn (if joyous) occasion as an evening of entertainment for an audience.


Powers  &8^]

The ceremony, perhaps. I don't think a reception is meant to be solemn at all. And it is entertainment in a sense--you're entertaining your guests. You're entertaining them with music and food and whatever else you have there. It;'s not the same kind of entertainment as, say, a play, but it is entertainment.

HannahGrace

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #46 on: February 28, 2015, 02:09:08 PM »
Yeah, maybe i am super old fashioned, but nothing about my reception was a performance or a spectacle. I wore a nice dress, and my now husband wore a suit, but we both do that sometimes, and we didn't ask anyone else to perform a role or wear anything special.

LtPowers

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #47 on: March 01, 2015, 01:05:53 PM »
The ceremony, perhaps. I don't think a reception is meant to be solemn at all. And it is entertainment in a sense--you're entertaining your guests. You're entertaining them with music and food and whatever else you have there. It;'s not the same kind of entertainment as, say, a play, but it is entertainment.

Yes, the word "entertaining" has a number of related but distinct meanings. Entertaining guests at a reception does not mean you have to put on a show, even if there are showy elements to your entertaining.

And the bridal party are guests, not hosts, so they shouldn't be doing any entertaining anyway -- in any sense of the word.


Powers  &8^]

lmyrs

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #48 on: March 01, 2015, 06:36:24 PM »
I just don't understand how "dance"="show" unless it is on a stage with the express purpose of other people sitting and watching. It's not. That implies that every time I leave my seat to join a dance floor I am "performing" when that is simply not the case. I understand that some people hate to dance or can't dance or just don't feel like it sometimes. But I will never accept the premise that a dance is a "show" and therefore some rude thing to subject anyone to. It seems to be very derogatory and mean spirited.

Yvaine

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #49 on: March 01, 2015, 06:59:21 PM »
The ceremony, perhaps. I don't think a reception is meant to be solemn at all. And it is entertainment in a sense--you're entertaining your guests. You're entertaining them with music and food and whatever else you have there. It;'s not the same kind of entertainment as, say, a play, but it is entertainment.

Yes, the word "entertaining" has a number of related but distinct meanings. Entertaining guests at a reception does not mean you have to put on a show, even if there are showy elements to your entertaining.

And the bridal party are guests, not hosts, so they shouldn't be doing any entertaining anyway -- in any sense of the word.


Powers  &8^]

Maybe that's the disconnect--I feel like the bridal party kind of helps host. They're not the hosts financially or on paper, no. But I think there's usually some degree of being part of the "hosting team" and helping the couple with the day. Obviously, there are different degrees of help, and sometimes people communicate badly and misunderstandings happen. In the strictest sense, I don't think they have to do anything beyond show up. :) But usually, and hopefully there is good communication between couple and attendants about this, they do other things too.

And I think there are some signs that they're part of the hosting team. They're usually involved to some degree in the planning, and also the pre-wedding events like showers. They often deal with minor "emergencies" on the spot behind the scenes. They sometimes stand in the receiving line. In wearing what the bride and groom ask them to wear, they're contributing to the look of the event. They often get special things to thank them--like gifts from the bride, for example, or getting to sit at the head table. And yes, sometimes they help encourage the guests to dance.

gellchom

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #50 on: March 01, 2015, 07:17:28 PM »
And they often give toasts, especially the MoH and BM, and sometimes other attendants, too, if they are siblings.

CakeEater

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #51 on: March 02, 2015, 03:13:56 AM »
The ceremony, perhaps. I don't think a reception is meant to be solemn at all. And it is entertainment in a sense--you're entertaining your guests. You're entertaining them with music and food and whatever else you have there. It;'s not the same kind of entertainment as, say, a play, but it is entertainment.

Yes, the word "entertaining" has a number of related but distinct meanings. Entertaining guests at a reception does not mean you have to put on a show, even if there are showy elements to your entertaining.

And the bridal party are guests, not hosts, so they shouldn't be doing any entertaining anyway -- in any sense of the word.


Powers  &8^]

Maybe that's the disconnect--I feel like the bridal party kind of helps host. They're not the hosts financially or on paper, no. But I think there's usually some degree of being part of the "hosting team" and helping the couple with the day. Obviously, there are different degrees of help, and sometimes people communicate badly and misunderstandings happen. In the strictest sense, I don't think they have to do anything beyond show up. :) But usually, and hopefully there is good communication between couple and attendants about this, they do other things too.

And I think there are some signs that they're part of the hosting team. They're usually involved to some degree in the planning, and also the pre-wedding events like showers. They often deal with minor "emergencies" on the spot behind the scenes. They sometimes stand in the receiving line. In wearing what the bride and groom ask them to wear, they're contributing to the look of the event. They often get special things to thank them--like gifts from the bride, for example, or getting to sit at the head table. And yes, sometimes they help encourage the guests to dance.

Lovely explanation!

Arila

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #52 on: March 02, 2015, 08:20:01 AM »
I like Bride and Groom opening the first dance, then joined by both parents and wedding party. However, I don't think the wedding party should be obligated to dance only amongst themselves. If any of them are married, they should dance with their spouse even if they weren't in the wedding party or lined up with them in the procession....

LtPowers

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  • Posts: 474
Re: Dancing
« Reply #53 on: March 02, 2015, 08:26:52 AM »
Maybe that's the disconnect--I feel like the bridal party kind of helps host. They're not the hosts financially or on paper, no. But I think there's usually some degree of being part of the "hosting team" and helping the couple with the day. Obviously, there are different degrees of help, and sometimes people communicate badly and misunderstandings happen. In the strictest sense, I don't think they have to do anything beyond show up. :) But usually, and hopefully there is good communication between couple and attendants about this, they do other things too.

And I think there are some signs that they're part of the hosting team. They're usually involved to some degree in the planning, and also the pre-wedding events like showers. They often deal with minor "emergencies" on the spot behind the scenes. They sometimes stand in the receiving line. In wearing what the bride and groom ask them to wear, they're contributing to the look of the event. They often get special things to thank them--like gifts from the bride, for example, or getting to sit at the head table. And yes, sometimes they help encourage the guests to dance.

Encouraging guests to dance doesn't require pairing the attendants off as if they're romantic couples while the remainder of the guests sit and watch them perform, which is what the "wedding party dance" that is the topic of this thread is.

As for hosting, showers are a separate event. Bridesmaids may stand in the receiving line, but so do parents of the bride and groom even if they're not hosting.

Miss Manners says: "The fact is that the only real duty of a bridesmaid is to hang around the altar during the ceremony, paying attention and looking pleased or moved (both, if she can manage it without getting so carried away that she stands on the bride's train). Being chief bridesmaid, known as maid or matron of honor, does carry light duties in addition to witnessing the ceremony -- holding the bride's bouquet as she receives her wedding ring, producing the bridegroom's wedding ring when it is needed, and keeping an eye out in case the bride's finery needs straightening or her new mother-in-law has left lipstick on her cheek. That's it. Contrary to rumor, bridesmaids are not obliged to entertain in honor of the bride, nor to wear clothes that they cannot afford and that make them look stupid."


And they often give toasts, especially the MoH and BM, and sometimes other attendants, too, if they are siblings.

Yes, but any guest can give a toast.


Powers  &8^]

lmyrs

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #54 on: March 02, 2015, 09:49:30 AM »
And, again, who says dancing with someone automatically makes them a "couple". If you honestly can't separate two people dancing with each other from a romantic couple, then I don't even know what to say. If you admit that you can dance with someone and not be romantic with them, then that entire argument is built on a straw man, and a ridiculous one at that.

It's fine if you don't want to dance. It's fine if you only want to dance with your husband. But, I hardly think it appropriate to judge others who don't feel the same way that you do. I'm sure Ms. Manners doesn't approve of that.

gellchom

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #55 on: March 02, 2015, 12:08:27 PM »
The bride and her father aren't a romantic couple, either.

daen

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #56 on: March 02, 2015, 12:54:31 PM »
Dancing isn't part of my circles, so none of this came up when we were planning our wedding.

Every time a discussion like this comes up, or I see a video of a bride and groom (with or without parents/family/bridal party) in wedding dance mode, I am relieved all over again that we didn't have to deal with that. It seems like it comes with a lot of unspoken and sometimes conflicting expectations.

Yvaine

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #57 on: March 02, 2015, 01:03:57 PM »
Dancing isn't part of my circles, so none of this came up when we were planning our wedding.

Every time a discussion like this comes up, or I see a video of a bride and groom (with or without parents/family/bridal party) in wedding dance mode, I am relieved all over again that we didn't have to deal with that. It seems like it comes with a lot of unspoken and sometimes conflicting expectations.

Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen it generate a lot of conflict except here on ehell. I think that in most cases, the couples and attendants talk beforehand about what they're going to do, so they're all on the same page; and guests go with the flow of whatever the HC happens to do, and all of this is over after a few songs anyway and people just dance with whoever.

Lynn2000

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #58 on: March 02, 2015, 01:35:43 PM »
Yes, in my family, almost none of the weddings ever had dancing; but as an adult, my friends' weddings almost always do. So I figure the people who are used to dancing, and enjoy it, probably understand a lot of the nuances that seem confusing to me.

You would think you would get occasional clashes, like a bride who didn't dance and a groom whose family expected it. But I also don't remember many threads about it here.
~Lynn2000

Hmmmmm

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #59 on: March 02, 2015, 01:46:29 PM »
I like Bride and Groom opening the first dance, then joined by both parents and wedding party. However, I don't think the wedding party should be obligated to dance only amongst themselves. If any of them are married, they should dance with their spouse even if they weren't in the wedding party or lined up with them in the procession....

May I ask why? Is it the norm in your area that couples dance the first dance together? I'm trying to remember if I ever encountered this. I know at social dances I'm most likely dance with my spouse first. But at many family weddings my BIL is usually my first partner. He and I like to dance more than my sister and my DH do and neither of us is self-conscious about dancing on a nearly empty dance floor so we're perfectly happy (as is our spouses) for our first dance of the evening to be together. I never thought of it as a social faux pa.