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Poll

The First Dance, dancers are:

Just the Bride and Groom
80 (74.8%)
Bride and Groom, joined partway through by Groomsmen/Bridesmaids in the pairing they walked out of the church in
20 (18.7%)
Bride and Groom, joined by their parents
3 (2.8%)
Whoever gets on the dance floor first
2 (1.9%)
First dance is the Father/Daughter dance
2 (1.9%)

Total Members Voted: 107

Author Topic: Dancing  (Read 21122 times)

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Arila

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #60 on: March 02, 2015, 05:15:54 PM »
I like Bride and Groom opening the first dance, then joined by both parents and wedding party. However, I don't think the wedding party should be obligated to dance only amongst themselves. If any of them are married, they should dance with their spouse even if they weren't in the wedding party or lined up with them in the procession....

May I ask why? Is it the norm in your area that couples dance the first dance together? I'm trying to remember if I ever encountered this. I know at social dances I'm most likely dance with my spouse first. But at many family weddings my BIL is usually my first partner. He and I like to dance more than my sister and my DH do and neither of us is self-conscious about dancing on a nearly empty dance floor so we're perfectly happy (as is our spouses) for our first dance of the evening to be together. I never thought of it as a social faux pa.

I think you said it yourself right at the beginning - you're more likely to dance with your spouse first, and this is the first dance of the evening....

I have always felt a little bit like weddings are romantic for all romantic partners, I'd want to dance with my husband at any wedding where I was dancing, not some stranger man who I'm paired with because his relation to the groom is the same order as my relation to the bride.

I don't really feel all that super strongly about it, Just offering (yet another) acceptable configuration for the pile under consideration. it may take more planning to make sure that none of the wedding party are left out for lack of a partner, I guess.

katycoo

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #61 on: March 02, 2015, 06:25:02 PM »
I have always felt a little bit like weddings are romantic for all romantic partners, I'd want to dance with my husband at any wedding where I was dancing, not some stranger man who I'm paired with because his relation to the groom is the same order as my relation to the bride.

See, my husband is not a dancer.  I can agree that weddings can be romantic for all happy couples, but if I want to dance at all, I'd better take what I can get.

I also I've been a BM at 3 weddings, 2 of which I've been paired with a stranger.  The 1 minute of dancing was barely a blip on the evening.  There's plenty of other time to spend with my husband feeling the romance.

lmyrs

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #62 on: March 02, 2015, 09:22:38 PM »
I have an honest and not at all snarky question but I'm worried it will come off as snarky, so please don't take it that way:

For those of you who don't like the idea of pairing up "non-couples" to dance, Did you ever take partner dancing in gym class or some other reason?

I remember having to learn it in grade 10 gym and at about age 11 in 4-H. And by then, I know I'd already had to do it once before. I for sure learned the fox trot, waltz and two step in early elementary school. And when I was in grade 9, there was a 6-week dance lesson session for all ages that I and at least 5 of my girl friends signed up for with boy partners where we learned things like the 7-step. And that was voluntary. And it was a small town so that was nearly our entire grade. And when our partners had hockey, we got other grade 9 or 10 boys to come instead. None of these were boyfriends.

I am certain that is probably more learning than most people had to do as children. But did you have to do any at all? By the time grade 10 come around, I had moved to a larger city but we still had it in gym. I'm wondering if maybe those of us who don't see it as a big deal, were "conditioned" to think that way since its how we learned.

I feel like I should mention that I'm 37, so this learning all took place in the 80s and early 90s.

#borecore

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #63 on: March 02, 2015, 09:53:43 PM »
Lmyrs, I'm not one of those people, but I am someone who had dance in school. 10 years, at least a month a year of gym class. 100%, without fail square dancing and line dancing!

We never learned any other dances (unless we paid for ballet/jazz/tap lessons), and I never heard of anyone learning ballroom dancing in my community (1990s, basically).

Mergatroyd

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #64 on: March 02, 2015, 10:29:47 PM »
Lmyrs, my schools were big on dances. We had Latin dance, square dance, line dance, and dance routines as part of gym class. We also had sock hops two or three times a year, and school wide proms every year of highschool. Dancing with someone was no big deal.

My parents (b. 1961) had ballroom dance lessons in school. They actually were paired together to learn the foxtrot- a few years before they started dating!

My Dad taught all of his daughters how to fox trot, and my great grandfather taught me how to waltz by standing me on his shoes and whisking me round the floor at the old folks dances. Very fond memories.

Lynn2000

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #65 on: March 03, 2015, 09:19:34 AM »
I never had any dancing in school or clubs. Maybe in elementary school we occasionally learned folk-type dances for school programs or exercise, but it was all very casual and no partners. In junior high and high school we had school dances in the evening sometimes, but it was very much about dancing with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and even then a lot of people just stood there hugging the walls.

Also in my extended family we almost never had dancing at weddings, either. I can remember exactly which of my cousins had dancing, because it was so rare. So my particular social circle/region had very little organized dancing opportunities and those that existed, were clearly meant for a romantic situation. Perhaps other people have had similar experiences, and that's why they feel uncomfortable with the idea of randomly dancing with a stranger at a wedding.
~Lynn2000

Arila

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #66 on: March 03, 2015, 12:44:16 PM »
I don't mind dancing with a stranger, and that's not my objection (this is really too strong of a word for how I feel which is very much only a vague inclination, honestly - just enjoying the discussion from this side).


Maybe I can explain this a little better -- having the wedding party dance with their paired partners is...pageantry and possibly a bit...fake? Whereas IRL couples makes it more of a celebration of the institution. The parents and the wedding party, afterall, one would assume would be the absolute closest socially to the couple, so this is already somewhat symbolic.

Does that make sense?

I'm not saying that you always have to dance with your spouse, just that if you're going to have an exclusive dance with certain people dancing, it feels more right** to me to have that be a bit more meaningful to the actual relationships involved.


**when I say "more right" I'm seriously like 55% to 45% - not hugely in favor, just a little bit more in favor than neutral. Pretty much any impediment - like one person in the wedding party being single and everyone else married or whatever would push me right over!



FWIW: Our first dance was just us and a teeny bit choreographed (as in, we practiced lots of foxtrot and did lots of spins). 

Hmmmmm

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #67 on: March 03, 2015, 01:02:32 PM »
I don't mind dancing with a stranger, and that's not my objection (this is really too strong of a word for how I feel which is very much only a vague inclination, honestly - just enjoying the discussion from this side).


Maybe I can explain this a little better -- having the wedding party dance with their paired partners is...pageantry and possibly a bit...fake? Whereas IRL couples makes it more of a celebration of the institution. The parents and the wedding party, afterall, one would assume would be the absolute closest socially to the couple, so this is already somewhat symbolic.

Does that make sense?

I'm not saying that you always have to dance with your spouse, just that if you're going to have an exclusive dance with certain people dancing, it feels more right** to me to have that be a bit more meaningful to the actual relationships involved.


**when I say "more right" I'm seriously like 55% to 45% - not hugely in favor, just a little bit more in favor than neutral. Pretty much any impediment - like one person in the wedding party being single and everyone else married or whatever would push me right over!



FWIW: Our first dance was just us and a teeny bit choreographed (as in, we practiced lots of foxtrot and did lots of spins).

I completely disagree with the bolded. Members of a wedding party have probably had more than one social activity together during the course of the wedding, even if it is just the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, ceremony and taking all the photos afterwards. Dancing with your wedding procession "partner" is just a natural continuation or ending of that association. Shoot I see walking down an church aisle a lot more symbolic of a romantic couple than I do a 1 to 2 minute dance.

gellchom

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #68 on: March 03, 2015, 01:32:05 PM »
Maybe it's because I am not so used to there being much focus on the attendants in the first place -- no head tables, no arriving together in limos, etc. -- but if I were at a wedding where the band leader/DJ called the bridal party to the dance floor (I probably have been, I just don't especially recall it), I'm sure I wouldn't even notice whether they were dancing with each other or their own escorts or or that matter anyone that they just happened to grab on the way to the dance floor.  It wouldn't occur to me that it had been planned beforehand.

And I absolutely wouldn't notice if they were or weren't dancing in the pairs they were in for the recessional -- I wouldn't remember who walked with whom (or probably even notice in the first place).

Lynn2000

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #69 on: March 03, 2015, 02:18:29 PM »
Yes, in all the weddings I've gone to, I've almost never known all or most of the attendants personally. For example, if a cousin is the bride, two of the BMs might be her sisters (my cousins, whom I know) but the others will be her friends, or future in-laws, or cousins from her other side. And I never know those people. Same with the groomsmen. Obviously there are some people in attendance who know all of the attendants and remember the pairs, but I shouldn't think it's even the majority of the guests. That they're dancing with other wedding party members, I can probably tell from the clothes, but I would have no idea who is who, or if they were a pair IRL. Nor do I even pay much attention to that part, honestly, as I'm not going to dance myself. For what that's worth.

On the other hand it probably helps with organization to say, "Dance with who you walked down the aisle with," so that people don't fumble around for a partner while everyone is looking at them.
~Lynn2000

jazzgirl205

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #70 on: April 24, 2015, 09:36:06 AM »
I've read 2 pages on this thread.  What jumps out at me is all the anxiety about dancing with someone who is a different age, a stranger, or simply not your SO.  I grew up on the Gulf Coast where formal balls are a fact of life for people of all social classes.  I was taught that the proper etiquette of a dance was to dance with as many people as possible.  It was seen as rude to just dance with one person all night long.  As my mother would say, "If you're going to do that, just stay home and put on a record."

Lynn2000

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #71 on: April 24, 2015, 07:42:38 PM »
I've read 2 pages on this thread.  What jumps out at me is all the anxiety about dancing with someone who is a different age, a stranger, or simply not your SO.  I grew up on the Gulf Coast where formal balls are a fact of life for people of all social classes.  I was taught that the proper etiquette of a dance was to dance with as many people as possible.  It was seen as rude to just dance with one person all night long.  As my mother would say, "If you're going to do that, just stay home and put on a record."

I have a feeling that a lot of people who are anxious about dancing, really would have preferred to stay home and put on a record, only their BFF/sister/etc. is getting married, and has asked them to participate and saying no would have huge negative consequences for their relationship. So they're trying to grin and bear it, basically, and figure out what they're obligated to do by common agreement, and what they can safely put their foot down about.
~Lynn2000

jazzgirl205

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #72 on: April 25, 2015, 11:50:21 AM »
Lynn2000,

I wasn't trying to be snarky.  I wasn't even talking about wedding dances specifically.  I've been to many websites where people write about how hurtful it was when their SO danced with someone else.  It must be a regional thing.  Where I'm from, a gentleman looks around for a partnerless woman who looks like she would enjoy dancing and asks her.  She could be a grandmother or a teenaged girl.  It's just considered good manners.  DH and I went to a wedding years ago with a great band that played jazz and folk music from all over the world.  A very small boy came up to us and said,  "Mr. and Mrs.... you both danced with everybody except each other."  We had a good laugh and spent the rest of the reception dancing with each other.  We hadn't even realized that we hadn't danced together yet.

menley

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #73 on: April 25, 2015, 02:46:48 PM »

And they often give toasts, especially the MoH and BM, and sometimes other attendants, too, if they are siblings.

Yes, but any guest can give a toast.


Powers  &8^]

This is not the case in any wedding I've attended (or my own wedding). Toasts are restricted to the bridal party (meaning family of the bride and groom, the couple themselves, and any attendants). The most customary, and what I've experienced at nearly all weddings, was a toast by the bride's father, followed by the maid of honor and the best man. The only wedding that didn't follow this custom was a friend's where her father died before the wedding, and her uncle gave a toast/memorial to the bride's father.

Have you ever attended a wedding where random guests got up and gave toasts? I honestly thought that was a Hollywood contrivance for romantic comedies.

Lynn2000

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Re: Dancing
« Reply #74 on: April 25, 2015, 05:24:19 PM »
This is not the case in any wedding I've attended (or my own wedding). Toasts are restricted to the bridal party (meaning family of the bride and groom, the couple themselves, and any attendants). The most customary, and what I've experienced at nearly all weddings, was a toast by the bride's father, followed by the maid of honor and the best man. The only wedding that didn't follow this custom was a friend's where her father died before the wedding, and her uncle gave a toast/memorial to the bride's father.

Have you ever attended a wedding where random guests got up and gave toasts? I honestly thought that was a Hollywood contrivance for romantic comedies.

I feel like I've been to weddings where the DJ tried to get random guests to give a toast/memory recollection of the HC. Kind of like at a funeral where after the prepared speeches they ask if anyone else has any memories to share of the deceased. Usually at the weddings no one volunteers, though, except occasionally the people you don't want to volunteer, like your drunken frat buddy or Grandma who wants to tell embarrassing stories about you. The last bit might only be stuff I've seen in movies, though.

I do recall threads where the HC has mentioned that they will give the DJ strict instructions to not give the microphone to anyone who isn't on the prepared list, so there must at least be this fear of inappropriate things being said by random guests.
~Lynn2000