Funeral "Stupid Speak"

[Clara Bow]

My stepmother in law pulled off a brain dead moment at a funeral.
When my husband's best friend's mother (who had been like a mother to hubby all these years) died of cancer it was a major heartbreaker. She had raised her boys by herself after escaping an abusive marriage and had finally met and married a wonderful man (who has paid to put her youngest son through college) and she should have had years of happiness. That was not in the cards. Shortly after their wedding she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (she never smoked) and she died right before their first anniversary.
At the funeral there was a gorgeous casket spray of red roses, one of the uber-expensive ones that literally covers the whole casket about a foot and a half deep in roses and baby's breath. No greenery, just a blanket of roses. It was absolutely breathtaking. Stepmother in law looks at the widower and says "Wow, that's more roses than Sherry ever got in her life!" She proceeded to repeat this comment to anyone who would listen. Oh yeah....
When my friend Sam's mother died she had had a long battle with pancreatic cancer and was not looking her best. She requested that the casket remain closed and of course her family did that very thing. The funeral director called Sam's daddy and asked if two busybodies (my words not his) from the church could see Mom. He said he tried to tell them that it was closed casket but they were insisting (!) on seeing her and would not leave. There was no visitation at the funeral home incidentally, it was at the family's house. Sam's father had a fit and told the funeral director "Hell No!" and was livid. Can you imagine??

[MsEva]

My friend, Mike, is the brother I never had. His mom, Edna, was closer to me than my own mother was. Mike's dad, Fred, walked out on his family when Mike was about ten. He moved in with his girlfriend about 3 blocks from Mike's house leaving Edna to raise Mike, his two younger brothers, and her step-daughter (Fred's child from his first marriage). Fred had yet another child with his girlfriend and gave not one dime to Edna or the children.

Fred and Edna never divorced (too long a story to tell) so Edna and the kids didn't have much of a legal leg to stand on. This was many years ago and the courts were a lot different. Mike started working full time when he was fourteen to help make ends meet. Edna got welfare but it didn't cover all the expenses and the house was falling apart. The kids got older and the welfare was cut. They still needed a roof over their heads. Mike's two younger brothers wound up working for their father and he didn't pay much. Edna eventually had to find a job. She was unskilled and had a severe heart problem. She had been told years earlier that she couldn't exert herself. The only job she could find was as a hotel housekeeper.

Edna died of a heart attack. Mike made all the arrrangements and he and his brothers paid for the funeral. The only thing Fred did was buy the dress Edna was buried in. Fred stood buy Edna's casket and proudly told anyone that would listen how he bought Edna a red dress because Edna always wanted a red dress. I have never seen someone standing by a casket beaming with pride because they bought the deceased burial clothes.

The situation had gone on for over fifteen years so it was common knowlege. I don't even think that he noticed all the glaring looks he got from everyone that loved Edna.

Oh, about a day after Edna was buried, he told his youngest sons (17 & 18) that they would have to move out of his house because his girlfriend wanted to move her family in. He gave them a week's notice.

[NEDESAPIO]

This isn't a funeral story, but story of what happened after the funeral.  My maternal grandfather, a WWII veteran, died in 1996.  He was cremated and his ashes buried at Arlington National Cemetary.  It was a very brief and simple service which took most of the morning.  My brother, in grade school at the time, went back to school in the afternoon.  He went into the front office to get a late slip, and the secretary, an acid-tongued woman anyway, said to him, "Oh, playing hooky, were you?" or something like that.

My mom, who was still in earshot, said, "No, he's just been to his grandfather's funeral."  That shut the secretary up good and fast.

[Hawkwatcher]

Oh, have I got one for you.  When my husband's grandmother died, her funeral was in Wisconsin because she wanted to be buried next to her husband. So we all flew to Wisconsin for the funeral, where many of us met the minister for the first time.  He seemed okay until it was time to give the service.  Now, in all fairness to the minister, he had never met my GMIL because, even though she had been a member of this church, she had moved to another state to be closer to her daughter before this minister arrived. 

However, the service was strange.  The minister describe how he talked to people who know my GMIL and thought that she was a "rude" and "abrupt" person.  This surprised my MIL because she was unaware that anyone described her as rude.  But wait! It gets better!  The minister went on to describe how my MIL had described told him about some bizarre pseudo-sexual Native American funeral ritual and what he thought of the ritual.  This did not sound like something my MIL would say and the ritual did not sound like a real Native American ritual.  At this point, my MIL looked stunned.  She later confirmed that she did not  know what he was talking about.

After the funeral, this married minister approached my married SIL and made a pass at her in front of her husband.  If this man's behavior at my GMIL's funeral was any indication of his typical "professional" behavior, I wonder how long he lasted as a minister in this small town.

[Clara Bow]

I thought the minister who kept calling my grandmother a sheep was bad...that one takes the cake!

[Cyndi]

I remember in high school, one of my acquaintances(her locker was next to mine) came to school late after the funeral of a friend who died in a car wreck. A couple of boys came over and started asking the girl questions about her friend. Then one of them piped up, "So, was the casket open or closed?" The girl numbly mentioned it was closed. The guy then said, "The windshield shredded her face, didn't it? Did you ask to look and see how much she got 'effed' up?"(the girl who died wasn't wearing a seat belt).

The guy doing all the talking had his fingers curled around my open locker, so I slammed the door into his fingers(got in big trouble for it too since he was a big mama's boy), then hugged the girl, who had broken into tears.

No, I still don't feel any remorse for what I did to that boy, either.

[Pixie]

This didn't happen AT the funeral, but just before my oldest sister died.  My bother was married on Saturday and on the way home from the wedding my VERY DRUNK oldest sister was asleep while her SOBER boyfriend of 2 weeks fell asleep at the wheel and drifted into the path of an oncoming semi.  The semi driver didn't have time to react, so there was a head-on collision.   Sister's boyfriend was killed instantly, but Sis was clinging to life in a coma.

On Monday, I went ahead and went to work as I needed to keep my mind off things and Mom said I wouldn't be allowed to see Sis anyway.... the damage was that bad.   Background:  Sis was a widow, her first husband had died when her son was 2, 10 years before the accident.   So I'm walking out of the building and this female came up to me, she had gone to school with Sis, and apparently, they were not friends.    Female asked if Sis knew boyfriend was dead, I said No, she was still in a coma.  Female says, well don't tell her because then she'll have nothing to live for.
So.... I asked Female, You have kids right? she said yes 2 boys. I asked, "Which means more to you, your kids, or some guy you've dated for 2 weeks?"   She says, well my kids of course!   I said, Well maybe you can explain  why ...when Sis has her parents, 8 sisters, 3 brothers and a 12 year old son... YOU think Sis had "nothing to live for"??   My parents and siblings shut off Life  support on Thursday and Sis passed away, the funeral was on Saturday, one week after our brother's wedding.   

Then there was the person who claimed to be from M.A.D.D.  who called my mother the Day SIS DIED to say Sis deserved to die because she was drunk.   I watched my Mother fall to the floor in tears, and sob for hours curled up like a baby.....  It broke her heart to hear that, and it broke my heart to see Mom that way.   I have never supported M.A.D.D. since then, even though I know the organization is not responsible for the actions of one cold, heartless person, but every time I hear "M.A.D.D." I picture my Mother sobbing on the floor.   

My Sis was 31 years old, she was beautiful, and looked like a cross between Sophia Loren and Raquel Welch in their primes.... She was the kind of person who lit up a room by walking into it, and the world had more color because she was in it.   She was the best big sister ever, and Jan. 6th, she would have been 59 years old.  Thank you for letting me share her memory with you.

[kingsrings]

Thank you for sharing that memory with us. What a tragic situation. Did you ever find out who it was that called, claiming to be from MADD? That is just so awful, and I wonder who they were and how they got access to your phone number. Grieving famillies have enough on their minds without people calling up and harassing them just to be cruel.

[rockingrandma]

My funeral story is on the main site in the newest updates.  I was 11, no one told me my grampa had died until we were on the way to the funeral home.  I saw his body in the casket and I lost it.  Mom dragged me by the hair into another room, slapped me and told me that I was embarassing her.

An addendum to that story, I stayed in that room until an aunt came and got me.  Everyone had left for the cemetery already, and I rode out there with her.  When we got there everyone was already gathered around the gravesite and the services were about to be wrapped up.  I refused to get out of the car so aunt and I just sat there watching everybody.

As a result, I've managed to distance myself from the grief from death.  I don't cry, I don't whine, I don't do anything.  I'm just "there".  Mom has alienated me so much over the years that I don't have any planned contact with her.  The day of HER funeral will be the day that I show emotion for a death.  I've always said that I'd go to her funeral just so I can take a hat pin and poke the hell out of her just to make sure she's dead.  And then I'll party and dance on her grave.  I'll go to ehell for that, but I don't really care.

[Maggie]

When my dad died, I went to the funeral home the morning of the funeral to say my good-byes.  When I got there I asked the funeral director to make sure I was alone.  We had known each other since high school and he said of course.  I went in and locked the doors the public used to enter the room and while I was in there I heard my aunt (the same aunt who thought she should see him before his immediate family did) come in and ask why the doors were shut.  The director told her his daughter wanted to spend some time with her dad.  She said well I'm his baby sister, I deserve to see him too.  He told her that his daughter came first and she should wait until I was through.  I was in there maybe 15 minutes but I guess that was to long for her to wait.  She left while I was in there and to my knowledge she didn't see him before the funeral.

[VorFemme]

The relationship between his children and his second wife is not good. She has now stated that he has no will, while uncle was the sort of person who always updated his will before going on vacation.

I hope that the adult children can find the name of his soliciter(sp?) as a copy of the will needs to be kept "in a safe place".  It would seem that his own home might not have been the safest place.............any safe deposit boxes at the bank that could be gotten into with legal help?

It sounds like a train wreck in the making...............

[jfulle5]

I've got one but I'm not sure if it was rude

My ex's father died and I went with him, (a 8 hour drive with a new born after a difficult birth and a c-section lets say I wasnt in the best of moods) he had a horrible relationship with his father and his father told him daily he was a disappointment. (The man, of course wasnt that nice in life as was the rest of his family, the father's brother foreclosed on the widow's beach front house a few days after the death, citing his brother "owed" it to him) Anyway, my ex would know manners if he was hit over the head with them. At the funeral, in front of everyone, he took a picture of his father with a disposable camera, flash and all. Was that rude? His family freaked out.

[RegionMom]

I am not sure that taking a photo is rude, except that it was done in public. 
I wish I had photos of my infant daughter's funeral (little white casket), and I have heard 2 family members on my father's side say that they wish they had photos of my dad at his funeral.
A bit odd, yes.  But in "olden days" often the only time a family photo was taken (very expensive in yonder days) was at the death of a child, sort of a documentation of how the family was...
But AT the funeral, with an audience, yes, a bit odd...but not rude...

Now my rude story-
my stepdad has one son who has one child, a lovely young teen, being raised only by mom as my step-BIL is a dead-beat.  At our niece's funeral, (my step-sis's 9 yr old-brain anneurism) he saw his daughter for a brief tense moment, and then was overheard exclaiming how he was "tired" of receiving letters and drawings fom his daughter and just wished she would leave him alone.
 Wish granted, and daughter gets stone cold any time he is mentioned. 

 

[Camarynne]

My ex had a bit of 'foot in mouth' after a neighbor's funeral. She had taken her own life, and I was having a hard time dealing with it. Our family was close to her daughter who was nearly the same age as our own daughter, so the whole thing was a big, ugly shock. We went to the funeral and afterward, there was food to be served at their home.

I wasn't all that hungry and my ex was trying to get me to eat something. I finally agreed to eat a sandwich if he'd make it for me. He went over to the table and wasn't sure what I'd want, so brilliantly using a term generally used as 'a  mix of everything' he loudly asked "Do you want me to make you a suicide?"

Erm. You know how in the movies the room just.stops.completely.? Oddly he lost his appetite too and we left soon after.

[kjdragonfly]

I've told this one before, but it's worth repeating.  My grandfather died.  I was VERY close to grandpa.  He would repeat my name and his pet name for me over and over.  It was like his mantra.  On the other hand, I am not as close to my grandmother.  She's very diffrent from me.  I love her, but prefer not to spend too much time with her, as she is slightly toxic to my health.  At the memorial service, I spoke briefly about grandpa, then ended up sobbing in the pew for the rest of the service.  After the service, Grandma's nosey neighbor comes up to me and start to scold me for not visiting Grandma and instructing me on how to take the bus to her house.  Mind you, I had just finished sobbing for half a hour!  I just stared in shock at her and turned away.  Thankfully, she did not follow me. 
On another note, neither of my cousins attended the service, even though Grandpa had paid for their college educations and had loved them very much.  I think they should have attended out of respect for his help.  Grandpa really believed in education and he wanted all of us to go to college and be happy.  Sorry, I'm about to cry. 
KJ