General Etiquette > Life...in general
Not Wanting to Offend Friend with "Charity".
sammycat:
Today I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine who is going through a rough patch with her marriage and finances. Without going into too much detail, finances are very tight and will become even tighter if they split up.
I have a couple of tops at home that I was going to return to the store as they are a tiny bit tight for me, but I just never got round to it and can't be bothered now. I was going to offer them to this friend's daughter (12) a while ago, and again, never got round to it. I also have an overloaded freezer thanks to some gift baskets we received prior to Christmas. Some of these things we will never eat (nothing fancy - just certain frozen vegetables that aren't to our liking) and sooner of later I would have asked someone (anyone!) if they'd like the food.
My son is going over to their place to play tomorrow and I would like to offer the clothes to the daughter and frozen food to my friend. But I don't want it to come off as a charity drive. Is there a way to offer these things without it seeming like I'm trying to be a do gooder, as I'm really not and the last thing I would want to do is insult my friend. Alternatively, should I not offer the things at all at the moment? Had I not known of these problems I would have offered the tops to the daughter tomorrow anyway but I'd hate it to look as though I'm only offering now because of the circumstances.
Gileswench:
If you were going to offer them anyway, do what you'd originally planned. If she feels uncomfortable taking them, reassure her that this was something you wanted to do all along and it has nothing to do with any change in her circumstance. After all, it's the truth.
supernova:
Turning it into a favor she's doing for you might help both of you save face.
I've done this when guests were leaving. "Does anyone want to take this salmon home? I don't have any more room in the fridge and I'd hate for it to go to waste." "Mary, your husband loves this dip; why don't you take the rest home to him? I don't need the temptation. Tom, you're in college; would any of your friends eat this cheesecake..." etc.
If you can think of a way to word it in those terms, it might be easier for her to accept.
- saphie
ClaireC79:
I'd probably ring the friend and asks if she likes X or Y, as you are trying to empty your freezer as soon as possible, but don't want the food wasted and as son is heading her way anyhow does she want them.
The clothes for the daughter I'd just send anyhow, maybe with a note saying if they don't fit her/ she doesn't like them then could she pass them onto someone who would
freakyfemme:
--- Quote from: starsaphire on January 09, 2007, 04:56:30 AM ---Turning it into a favor she's doing for you might help both of you save face.
I've done this when guests were leaving. "Does anyone want to take this salmon home? I don't have any more room in the fridge and I'd hate for it to go to waste." "Mary, your husband loves this dip; why don't you take the rest home to him? I don't need the temptation. Tom, you're in college; would any of your friends eat this cheesecake..." etc.
If you can think of a way to word it in those terms, it might be easier for her to accept.
- saphie
--- End quote ---
Yeah, I was going to say that.......tell your friend that she'd be helping you out by taking the stuff, because you're trying to de-clutter.
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