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Author Topic: No corsage for you.  (Read 11105 times)

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gellchom

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Re: No corsage for you.
« Reply #30 on: March 05, 2015, 12:37:32 PM »
Right, you tell them.  A letter is very nice.  If you think it's in order (like, say, if your parents are paying for the wedding), then a gift is a nice thing to do.

I, too, hang onto many letters and cards.  But not everyone does, so don't feel bad if some of your recipients don't, no matter how nice the notes are.

Don't send your mean grandmother a note thanking her only for coming, especially when you are sending lovely notes to everyone else.  That will come across as a passive-aggressive and petty slap.  Hosts and guests of honor don't write to thank guests for attending; guests write hosts to thank them for their hospitality. If you don't have anything else to thank her for, then just don't write her at all.

sammycat

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Re: No corsage for you.
« Reply #31 on: March 05, 2015, 06:08:26 PM »
For my grandmother that wrote me a "25 things why you are awful" list for my 25th birthday, she will get a short letter thanking her for coming.

Why is she even invited? After that stunt she wouldn't even be part of my life, let alone invited to my wedding and then thanked for coming.

sulygirl

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  • Posts: 64
Re: No corsage for you.
« Reply #32 on: March 06, 2015, 08:23:12 AM »
For my grandmother that wrote me a "25 things why you are awful" list for my 25th birthday, she will get a short letter thanking her for coming.

Why is she even invited? After that stunt she wouldn't even be part of my life, let alone invited to my wedding and then thanked for coming.

My mother's side of the family is incredibly dramatic.  There is one person on my father's side who causes drama but basically my mother's entire side is dramatic as heck.  They are just frustrating.  And, since mom and dad are paying for those guests, she is invited.  Believe me, we've had this conversation numerous times since I got engaged.  My sister has explained it to mom and dad about how I do NOT want to have her there but at least she is going to be kept far away (based on seating chart) and I will spend 0 time with her day of in preparation.  My aunt and cousin who are bringing her are stuck with her.  I feel bad for them but it's not my problem.   

My parents still let her attend their wedding after she claimed neither she nor her husband would be attending their daughter's wedding since she wasn't getting married in the church and they were now damned to hell.  My parents had attempted to (Dad converted to do so) but the Monseigneur was a real idiot and said some very rude things to them.  My mom said "screw it" and decided to leave the church.  It caused a lot of drama.  As the oldest, my grandmother tends to believe I am the root of all evil from this marriage since I was never really involved in the church.  My sister, who she tried to indoctrinate as a child is an atheist now but we do not tell grandma for fear of her exploding into a million pieces and making everyone's life hell.  There are LOTS of things we don't talk about.

Again, it's very complicated.  There is no way I could just tell her not to come.  She would find a way to do so (she'd talk someone into driving her from her church where she's an important person).  And, my mother who refuses to set adequate boundaries with this verbally abusive woman would have a coronary if she didn't invite her.  We got into a fight about it in front of my FMiL last year.  FTR, FMiL is Catholic and still is siding with me because "that's just terrible behavior".  Mom has spent most of her adult life trying to get back into mom's "good graces" so nothing will change.

Twik

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Re: No corsage for you.
« Reply #33 on: March 06, 2015, 02:31:15 PM »
For my grandmother that wrote me a "25 things why you are awful" list for my 25th birthday, she will get a short letter thanking her for coming.  That's about as genuine as I can be somedays with her - especially when she sets in on my mom or aunts. 

You have to thank people for their gifts, but you don't have to thank them for accepting your invitation. Your hospitality is a gift to the guests, you don't have to thank them for accepting it.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."