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Author Topic: I do not want to discuss this topic  (Read 18723 times)

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Re: I do not want to discuss this topic
« Reply #30 on: July 20, 2015, 05:43:22 PM »
DP loves a good argument just for the fun of it, when he's a bit bored. Me, not so much. He sometimes makes statements that I know he doesn't even believe, he's just aware it's the opposite to my position and is trying to set up a little argument for entertainment. I can now shut him down in a few seconds in a way that makes it impossible for him to continue and rather satisfyingly leaves him turning himself inside out with frustration that I'm refusing to play the game.

Him : that wall used to be yellow.
Me: Hmm? No, it was purple.
Him: No, don't you remember, that wall used to be yellow.
Me: (realising what's going on here) Mmmm? If you say so.
Him: (trying to head me off) Yellow, it was yellow, I said it was yellow.
Me: Yes I heard you. Ok, if you say so.
Him: Do you really think it was yellow?
Me: If you say so.
Him: errrrrrr. (getting frustrated that the game isn't going to happen) Why won't you argue with me!
Me: laughs.

You have to do it in a matter of fact, uninterested 'yes, I'm just humouring you' tone of voice.

They can't argue with someone who is agreeing with them, on the surface. But it's a way of agreeing while showing that actually you don't agree (or you'd be saying, yes, you are right, it was yellow wasn't it) but that it's such a petty little thing you can't be bothered to discuss it with them, and fine, if they want to think it was yellow, go ahead, knock yourself out, I don't really care either way. They don't get that 'win' satisfaction from you, and you don't get dragged into a waste of time argument.

I seem to remember a scene in Taming of the Shrew where Kate does that to Petruchio.
Text: "Yes, dear, whatever you say."
Subtext: "Are you done yet?"


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Re: I do not want to discuss this topic
« Reply #31 on: August 23, 2015, 06:14:08 PM »
This is mainly a problem with my immediate family, as they firmly believe if you stop talking you lose, and losing is unacceptable.  Occasionally we get on a subject that clearly the two parties are not ever going to agree on. In my mind at that point you just change the subject, and move on.  They won't.  They will just keep arguing and arguing until the cows come home.  So recently I've started, after at least two failed attempt to change the subject (one naturally and one with a pointed, I'm changing the subject vibe) I just say "I don't want to discuss this anymore".  Which you would think would be more than enough to make any reasonable people shut up about it.  But there are a couple people who will just keep on and on after I've said that, even though no one else is responding, usually until I actually physically leave the room.  Granted, by that time I'm usually pretty annoyed and it is a pretty severe huff when I do leave, so not exactly polite.  But what else can you do when someone just won't stop talking and silence doesn't seem to help at all?

My mom does this. If you say that you'd rather not discuss something that clearly neither party will agree on, she'll reply with, "Why? Because you know you're wrong?" and will not stop. I have yet to find a solution other than the interminable  cycle of "why?", "because I'd rather not?", "but why?", etc.