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Author Topic: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!  (Read 6727 times)

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JenJay

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Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« on: May 12, 2015, 08:26:08 AM »
I've often said in other threads that I'm not a big user of "don't JADE". I personally prefer to have a conversation most of the time, however of course there are exceptions and today I experienced one.

I recently had a couple of exams by a chiropractor. He's a very nice man and spent a lot of time with me, took several x-rays, explained the issues I'm having, etc. I was looking forward to working with him. I thought maybe he'd have me come in once a week for awhile, then maybe a couple of times a month for a period of time. When I went back for a follow-up to discuss his recommended treatment plan it was a lot more thorough than I was expecting. As in multiple visits per week for months, then twice-monthly visits for an undetermined length of time. I've seen chiropractors once or twice a year for quite awhile so when he said he could offer me a permanent solution I was intrigued, but this treatment plan would have burned through all of the visits my insurance plan will cover in just over a month and then I would have had several more months to cover out of pocket. Financially we're talking thousands, there's no way. If I was in chronic, debilitating pain I'd figure out a way to cover it, but I'm not.

I sat down to send a note to the office to let them know that I wasn't going to be back and asking that they cancel my next appointment. At first I started off with "Unfortunately I can't at this time..." and thought "No, if I say that they'll probably call me in a couple of weeks and want to know if I can come in now, and every month or so after that. Don't say 'at this time'." Then I started to say something about not being able to afford it and stopped myself because they'll probably offer me an extended payment plan, which I'm not interested in. I sat here frustrated for a few seconds and then it hit me - this is what they mean by "don't JADE". This is a business transaction, there's no need to soften a blow like I'm rejecting an old friend. I don't want to continue with this office, for a couple of reasons, and that's completely fine. In fact, I can use that other handy eHell phrase and just say "I'm afraid it won't be possible..."

So, that's what I did. Polite, matter-of-fact, and I feel relieved to be done with it. I'd say the "I don't like disappointing people" part of me had her spine polished up a bit more today, so thanks!  ;D

Morticia

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Re: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2015, 08:51:00 AM »
Good for you. That does seem a little off. Most practitioners I've met are mindful of their patients' budgets.
Now our mom says she's changed her mind about the devil's brood, they may be evil so she thinks, but at least they're never rude...
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Mergatroyd

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Re: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2015, 09:40:44 AM »
Sounds like my chiro, but worse.  Great example of what don't jade means! Thanks

ladyknight1

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Re: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2015, 09:57:49 AM »
Same exact way our former chiropractor worked. We dropped him from our lives and budget quickly.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

cattlekid

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Re: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2015, 06:11:00 AM »
Good job and sorry you had that chiro experience. I had it twice myself and now I am fortunate that I have a chiro who practices solo and I only have to see her when I need to.

malfoyfan13

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Re: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« Reply #5 on: May 21, 2015, 12:52:48 PM »
You did good!!  A few years ago I went to a chiropractor with the exact same M.O. and I didn't have the shiny spine I have today, so I went along with his "recommendation" of a ton of visits and a lot of out-of-pocket expense...and I was still in pain and never seemed to get any better.  I wish I'd been more assertive and just said "that won't be possible".   :-\   Happily, I'm now seeing a chiro who is not only much more effective in his treatments, he tries to treat the "whole patient" so that multiple, frequent treatments aren't necessary. 

delphinium

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Re: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« Reply #6 on: June 05, 2015, 07:55:43 PM »
I haven't been here for a while.  What does don't JADE mean?

rose red

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Re: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« Reply #7 on: June 05, 2015, 08:13:12 PM »
I haven't been here for a while.  What does don't JADE mean?

Justify Argue Defend Explain

greencat

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Re: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2015, 10:29:55 PM »
I haven't been here for a while.  What does don't JADE mean?

Justify Argue Defend Explain

Basically, instead of saying, "No, because...reasons" which makes it sound like you would do the thing you can't or don't want to do if those reasons weren't in the way, and therefore leaves your "no" open to argument by the unreasonable, you just say "No" or some variation of it, without giving a reason.  In the case of the OP, it helped her not leave her firing of her chiro open to interpretation by the scheduling staff as "maybe she'll come back later."

artk2002

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Re: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2015, 02:56:23 PM »
I haven't been here for a while.  What does don't JADE mean?

Others have explained the meaning, let me take a moment and explain the purpose. In saying "no," our natural inclination is to give a reason why. It's certainly a nice thing to do, although etiquette doesn't require it to be polite. When dealing with reasonable people, an explanation for the "no" isn't a problem. Sadly, not everyone is reasonable. These are people who will take an explanation, not as a simple justification for the "no", but as obstacles to overcome. They turn the conversation into a negotiation, trying to work around your "no." Here's how I described that kind of interchange elsewhere: "I can't drive you cross country tomorrow because I'm having a hangnail removed." "You can reschedule your appointment." "No, I can't, it's taken 8 months for the health service to get this scheduled." "Aw, don't you care about meeeeeeeeeeee? We can leave right after your hangnail removal -- you'll just have to drive faster!" That kind of conversation is endless -- I've heard it likened to trying to squeeze a water balloon. Every time you push on one side, it bulges out on another.

We give the "Don't JADE" advice when we see signs that someone is unreasonable.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

MrTango

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Re: Thanks for the phrase, and the "don't JADE" reminders!
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2015, 11:03:04 AM »
I haven't been here for a while.  What does don't JADE mean?

Others have explained the meaning, let me take a moment and explain the purpose. In saying "no," our natural inclination is to give a reason why. It's certainly a nice thing to do, although etiquette doesn't require it to be polite. When dealing with reasonable people, an explanation for the "no" isn't a problem. Sadly, not everyone is reasonable. These are people who will take an explanation, not as a simple justification for the "no", but as obstacles to overcome. They turn the conversation into a negotiation, trying to work around your "no." Here's how I described that kind of interchange elsewhere: "I can't drive you cross country tomorrow because I'm having a hangnail removed." "You can reschedule your appointment." "No, I can't, it's taken 8 months for the health service to get this scheduled." "Aw, don't you care about meeeeeeeeeeee? We can leave right after your hangnail removal -- you'll just have to drive faster!" That kind of conversation is endless -- I've heard it likened to trying to squeeze a water balloon. Every time you push on one side, it bulges out on another.

We give the "Don't JADE" advice when we see signs that someone is unreasonable.

I agree with this.  If I have to say "no" to my wife, my parents, or my friends, I'll offer an explanation.  On the other hand, if I'm saying "no" to my sister the narcissist, I try very hard to not give her anything she can use as a wedge to get me to change my mind.