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Author Topic: If you give us stuff, it's ours.  (Read 17969 times)

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bopper

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #30 on: May 14, 2015, 12:38:14 PM »
You could also mow a small lawn with it.

Seraphia

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #31 on: May 14, 2015, 01:52:17 PM »
That's upcycling for you!

On the original subject, my MiL has been cleaning her house out lately. Some of the things she's given us, we're definitely keeping. But some things, I'm really just taking so that she doesn't have to feel guilty about throwing out herself (things that her Mom/DH's grandma gave to him, like stuffed animals). I can only hope the day won't come where she asks for the novelty keychains or the random beanie babies back, because those things are not staying.

I like the idea of replacing the cutter for her and then just not taking any more storage requests.
Ancora Imparo - I am still learning

EllenS

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #32 on: May 14, 2015, 07:20:20 PM »
That's upcycling for you!

On the original subject, my MiL has been cleaning her house out lately. Some of the things she's given us, we're definitely keeping. But some things, I'm really just taking so that she doesn't have to feel guilty about throwing out herself (things that her Mom/DH's grandma gave to him, like stuffed animals). I can only hope the day won't come where she asks for the novelty keychains or the random beanie babies back, because those things are not staying.

I like the idea of replacing the cutter for her and then just not taking any more storage requests.

We have actually done this for a few friends (two couples who did international moves with small children). They just got to a point in the packing/planning stages where they couldn't deal with anything else, and we told them we'd be their 'guilt repository.'

We don't have most of the stuff, and we also did not hold onto any guilt.  ;D

blue2000

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #33 on: May 15, 2015, 06:18:41 AM »
That's very nice of you, EllenS!

And now I'm thinking I need one of those...
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

GratefulMaria

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #34 on: May 15, 2015, 11:17:30 AM »
My MIL moved to OurTown a few months ago, downsizing from a house to a one-bedroom apartment in a retirement home. In the course of this, she's given us boxes of stuff. We sorted through it, kept what we wanted and donated the rest.

She changed her mind on some things, so we gave them back to her. If we still had them.

MIL is glad to have her silver bowls back, but just Can't Believe (tm) that I gave away her croissant cutter! A croissant cutter (aka "What the heck is this thing?") is a bulky metal rolling pin with sharp edges. See it here.

We've done bean dip until we're growing garbanzos in our ears. The next step is, "Sorry; you gave it to us, so it was ours. We cull our things pretty often."

I wouldn't worry about bean-dipping; there is nothing impolite in your final quote.


JoW

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #35 on: May 16, 2015, 07:57:25 PM »
If I recall correctly you live in a small city apartment.  You don't have space for anything that doesn't get used regularly.  If she want to know why you didn't keep her heirloom/junk tell her you don't have enough space to store stuff you don't use. 

Harriet Jones

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #36 on: May 16, 2015, 08:36:29 PM »
If I recall correctly you live in a small city apartment.  You don't have space for anything that doesn't get used regularly.  If she want to know why you didn't keep her heirloom/junk tell her you don't have enough space to store stuff you don't use.

OP keeps chickens, so I don't think they're in an apartment ;)  However, no matter how big one's house is, it has a finite amount of space. 

JoW

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #37 on: May 16, 2015, 09:06:33 PM »
Oops - I had this OP confused with someone else. 

JoieGirl7

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #38 on: May 16, 2015, 09:15:45 PM »
My MIL moved to OurTown a few months ago, downsizing from a house to a one-bedroom apartment in a retirement home. In the course of this, she's given us boxes of stuff. We sorted through it, kept what we wanted and donated the rest.

She changed her mind on some things, so we gave them back to her. If we still had them.

MIL is glad to have her silver bowls back, but just Can't Believe (tm) that I gave away her croissant cutter! A croissant cutter (aka "What the heck is this thing?") is a bulky metal rolling pin with sharp edges. See it here.

We've done bean dip until we're growing garbanzos in our ears. The next step is, "Sorry; you gave it to us, so it was ours. We cull our things pretty often."

I think you need to keep in mind what she has gone through.  Going from a house to a one bedroom apartment in a retirement home is a huge change.
 
Our stuff is a part of our story.  Even something as small as a croissant cutter.  It's a placeholder for memories which begin to fade.

I still have my grandmother's potato ricer.  I don't know why I keep it except that it reminds me of my grandmother and her life.

I would be very sympathetic to her.  Her problem with you getting rid of stuff isn't you getting rid of stuff so much as her life changing so drastically and having to leave parts of it behind.

When she says that she can't believe it, ask her to recount when she purchased the item and what she remembers about it.  I don't think this is about a kitchen gadget so much as someone dealing with a big life change.

veryfluffy

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #39 on: May 18, 2015, 04:41:00 AM »
I think a lot of us can learn from this: If a relative offers your their stuff, ask straight away "Is there any chance you will ever want this back?" Be clear with them right away if they think you are keeping it *for them* or they are giving it to you to either keep or dispose of.
   

Jocelyn

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #40 on: May 18, 2015, 05:34:29 PM »
I think a lot of us can learn from this: If a relative offers your their stuff, ask straight away "Is there any chance you will ever want this back?" Be clear with them right away if they think you are keeping it *for them* or they are giving it to you to either keep or dispose of.
Better yet, look at the item and say, 'I have no use for this; but I will take it to the Goodwill for you.' I had to do this with my mother, when she was getting rid of all her fabric. She wanted me to take it all, but I didn't have the space to store it, and some of it was gosh-awful stuff she'd gotten from her SIL. I was not about to create the family museum of unwanted fabric.
She knew that it was GONE, and there was no way to retrieve it.

Marbles

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #41 on: May 18, 2015, 06:30:28 PM »
That's upcycling for you!

On the original subject, my MiL has been cleaning her house out lately. Some of the things she's given us, we're definitely keeping. But some things, I'm really just taking so that she doesn't have to feel guilty about throwing out herself (things that her Mom/DH's grandma gave to him, like stuffed animals). I can only hope the day won't come where she asks for the novelty keychains or the random beanie babies back, because those things are not staying.

I like the idea of replacing the cutter for her and then just not taking any more storage requests.

We have actually done this for a few friends (two couples who did international moves with small children). They just got to a point in the packing/planning stages where they couldn't deal with anything else, and we told them we'd be their 'guilt repository.'

We don't have most of the stuff, and we also did not hold onto any guilt.  ;D
I've done this, too.

NFPwife

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #42 on: May 18, 2015, 09:27:52 PM »
Marbles and EllenS, you two are offering a valuable service. You might consider charging for it :D

I have to agree with JoieGirl7, this might be about more than the item. Maybe letting her tell you the story and what her emotional attachment was to it will help. I'd ask her directly if she wants you to replace it and I'd be clear that this is a one time offer. I wouldn't take anything else she offers/ casts off and make it really clear that you aren't her storage center. In hindsight, she should have gotten a POD or storage locker and then went through her things and made decisions and that's what she can do next time :D

EllenS

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #43 on: May 19, 2015, 07:54:45 PM »
Marbles and EllenS, you two are offering a valuable service. You might consider charging for it :D

I have to agree with JoieGirl7, this might be about more than the item. Maybe letting her tell you the story and what her emotional attachment was to it will help. I'd ask her directly if she wants you to replace it and I'd be clear that this is a one time offer. I wouldn't take anything else she offers/ casts off and make it really clear that you aren't her storage center. In hindsight, she should have gotten a POD or storage locker and then went through her things and made decisions and that's what she can do next time :D

Only for love. It's actually a bit surprising how many of our dearest friends wind up moving to the other side of the planet. Perhaps we're doing something wrong?

Marbles

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Re: If you give us stuff, it's ours.
« Reply #44 on: May 20, 2015, 02:27:45 AM »
Marbles and EllenS, you two are offering a valuable service. You might consider charging for it :D

I have to agree with JoieGirl7, this might be about more than the item. Maybe letting her tell you the story and what her emotional attachment was to it will help. I'd ask her directly if she wants you to replace it and I'd be clear that this is a one time offer. I wouldn't take anything else she offers/ casts off and make it really clear that you aren't her storage center. In hindsight, she should have gotten a POD or storage locker and then went through her things and made decisions and that's what she can do next time :D

Only for love.
It's actually a bit surprising how many of our dearest friends wind up moving to the other side of the planet. Perhaps we're doing something wrong?
It's true. I've done this for my grandparents and surrogate family.

And so often the things are items that still have a bit of life left in them, which is why the giver has such trouble parting with them. I usually take them to pass them along to someone who I know will use them.