News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 21, 2017, 08:17:57 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: You should cook because you're a woman UPDATE p#49  (Read 27437 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

merryns

  • Member
  • Posts: 869
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2015, 04:16:40 PM »
I think you found out why there were so few women in the group. Only the most impervious to insults come back.

ladyknight1

  • Member
  • Posts: 11905
  • Not all those who wander are lost
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #16 on: May 17, 2015, 04:39:41 PM »
I would have been speechless also, since I rarely encounter any overt sexist behavior or statements as what occurred here. I would have later spoken directly to the person who made such a statement questioning the appropriateness of what they said. Not only the cooking product catalog, but the secretary comment is terrible!
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

sammycat

  • Member
  • Posts: 7934
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #17 on: May 17, 2015, 06:57:58 PM »
If this group is sponsored by a larger organization, I would contact them and let them know what a sexist idiot they have running their 'support' group.  IF they agree with his approach, then you know the whole organization is made up of sexist (and probably ageist, racist, and every other -ist) idiots and you can avoid them.  If the organization is properly horrified, they might have a group led by a non-idiot that would be beneficial to you.

Definitely!  This has to be brought to the attention of whomever is running the overall scheme. I'm absolutely disgusted on your behalf.

If is there anywhere you can leave a review or comments about this absolutely shameful situation I would do do. Group Facebook page? Community page?

TaterTot

  • Member
  • Posts: 164
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #18 on: May 17, 2015, 09:38:50 PM »
I wonder if head organization/coordinator didn't know that the group leader was also allowing the MLM presentation. Originally, I was going to assume that the head organization/coordinator was allowing the group leader to conduct things as he saw fit, which included all the sexist stuff, too.

If the head organization/coordinator allows this kind of thing in general, there is not much you can do unless you want to try to rock the boat with what other PPs have suggested. But I think it is a good idea to bring this up to the head organization/coordinator to make sure he/she realizes that this stuff is going on just in case. He/she may not realize that some of the people they are trying the attract are being put off by this behavior.

In any case, I hope you find a job soon!     

------

  • Member
  • Posts: 912
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #19 on: May 17, 2015, 09:49:56 PM »
I wonder if head organization/coordinator didn't know that the group leader was also allowing the MLM presentation. Originally, I was going to assume that the head organization/coordinator was allowing the group leader to conduct things as he saw fit, which included all the sexist stuff, too.

If the head organization/coordinator allows this kind of thing in general, there is not much you can do unless you want to try to rock the boat with what other PPs have suggested. But I think it is a good idea to bring this up to the head organization/coordinator to make sure he/she realizes that this stuff is going on just in case. He/she may not realize that some of the people they are trying the attract are being put off by this behavior.

In any case, I hope you find a job soon!   

Well, the head organizer/sponsor/coordinator would be the church pastor, since this event is an actual church program, completely organized and run by and within the local parish for parishioners (and anyone else who hears about it is welcome to attend), so I presume the person to speak to would be the pastor.  I'm hoping to speak to him privately this week sometime. I phoned his office and left a message to schedule a meeting, so hopefully I'll get a chance to bring this to his attention.


EllenS

  • Member
  • Posts: 4654
  • I write whimsical vintage mysteries.
    • My Author Page:
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #20 on: May 17, 2015, 11:26:43 PM »
I wonder if head organization/coordinator didn't know that the group leader was also allowing the MLM presentation. Originally, I was going to assume that the head organization/coordinator was allowing the group leader to conduct things as he saw fit, which included all the sexist stuff, too.

If the head organization/coordinator allows this kind of thing in general, there is not much you can do unless you want to try to rock the boat with what other PPs have suggested. But I think it is a good idea to bring this up to the head organization/coordinator to make sure he/she realizes that this stuff is going on just in case. He/she may not realize that some of the people they are trying the attract are being put off by this behavior.

In any case, I hope you find a job soon!   

Well, the head organizer/sponsor/coordinator would be the church pastor, since this event is an actual church program, completely organized and run by and within the local parish for parishioners (and anyone else who hears about it is welcome to attend), so I presume the person to speak to would be the pastor.  I'm hoping to speak to him privately this week sometime. I phoned his office and left a message to schedule a meeting, so hopefully I'll get a chance to bring this to his attention.

Please do. That's pretty disgusting, not only the sexism but that people are using church time/space/resources/organization/contacts to do sales pitches.

MLM pitches are not "employment networking". 

Complete silence is a perfectly polite response, and often quite sincere - when you are in shock. I probably would be, too.
It's also a decent protective mechanism when the only responses you can think of are profane or violent (as mine would be).

NFPwife

  • Member
  • Posts: 1925
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #21 on: May 17, 2015, 11:48:17 PM »
I wonder if head organization/coordinator didn't know that the group leader was also allowing the MLM presentation. Originally, I was going to assume that the head organization/coordinator was allowing the group leader to conduct things as he saw fit, which included all the sexist stuff, too.

If the head organization/coordinator allows this kind of thing in general, there is not much you can do unless you want to try to rock the boat with what other PPs have suggested. But I think it is a good idea to bring this up to the head organization/coordinator to make sure he/she realizes that this stuff is going on just in case. He/she may not realize that some of the people they are trying the attract are being put off by this behavior.

In any case, I hope you find a job soon!   

Well, the head organizer/sponsor/coordinator would be the church pastor, since this event is an actual church program, completely organized and run by and within the local parish for parishioners (and anyone else who hears about it is welcome to attend), so I presume the person to speak to would be the pastor.  I'm hoping to speak to him privately this week sometime. I phoned his office and left a message to schedule a meeting, so hopefully I'll get a chance to bring this to his attention.

Please do. That's pretty disgusting, not only the sexism but that people are using church time/space/resources/organization/contacts to do sales pitches.

MLM pitches are not "employment networking". 

Complete silence is a perfectly polite response, and often quite sincere - when you are in shock. I probably would be, too.
It's also a decent protective mechanism when the only responses you can think of are profane or violent (as mine would be).

POD. This was awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I think shocked silence is the most polite thing to do. (That's not also my go-to strategy though :)  Hence, it's why eHell is good for me.)

Good luck job hunting. The good news is that if you can handle this, then you'll manage any and all interview questions!

Margo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2153
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #22 on: May 18, 2015, 05:06:03 AM »
This is appalling and I am glad that you plan to report it. I would follow up your meeting in writing, if possible, either to reiterate the concerns or to  reflect back on what the pastor has promised will be done to improve things in future.

I would hope that you won't come across such behaviour again, but if you do, I think Nutraxfornerves' suggestions are good.

------

  • Member
  • Posts: 912
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #23 on: May 18, 2015, 06:31:05 AM »
Nutrax gave me some of the best advice I've heard - an excellent strategy for responding and maintaining dignity and professionalism.  Thank you Nutrax!

Margo, thank you for the idea to follow up in writing.  I haven't yet heard back from the pastor yet, of course (it's not even 8 a.m. on Monday here) but I think following up in writing is a great idea.  Thank you.

z_squared82

  • Member
  • Posts: 604
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #24 on: May 18, 2015, 09:07:30 AM »
“I’m sorry, Brother, you seem to have misunderstood. If I were a housewife, I wouldn’t be at a support group for the unemployed. (to the room at large) Are there any groups for communications folk? Oh, there are my people.” And make sure he sees you throw away the MLM catalog.

Now, just a thought, but his sexism might come from a place of real ignorance, not malice. There is a priest in my diocese who went straight from 12 years of all-boy education to the seminary. He quite literally has no experience with women. He evidently comes off as sexist until you realize how much women intimidate him. He just wants the women to go away.

nutraxfornerves

  • Member
  • Posts: 1676
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #25 on: May 18, 2015, 12:20:05 PM »
Nutrax gave me some of the best advice I've heard - an excellent strategy for responding and maintaining dignity and professionalism.  Thank you Nutrax!

You are very welcome. What a lovely compliment!

Nutrax
The plural of anecdote is not data

Danika

  • Member
  • Posts: 2737
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #26 on: May 18, 2015, 05:40:04 PM »
I agree that Nutrax's response was probably the best.

I've worked in a very male-dominated field my whole career. I probably would have remained silent at the cooking comment, because I usually let the first offensive comment go. And I'm usually too shocked to reply quickly. But with the second one, my jaw would have dropped and I would have said "Are you kidding me! This isn't 1800!" I would have disregarded anything else he had to say after that and would have just gone and joined my discussion group.

I would definitely be writing letters to the pastor and anyone else who could change this situation. If I didn't get results, I'd start my own career-networking group, hold it elsewhere, and advertise heavily at the church.

EllenS

  • Member
  • Posts: 4654
  • I write whimsical vintage mysteries.
    • My Author Page:
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #27 on: May 18, 2015, 06:24:09 PM »
“I’m sorry, Brother, you seem to have misunderstood. If I were a housewife, I wouldn’t be at a support group for the unemployed. (to the room at large) Are there any groups for communications folk? Oh, there are my people.” And make sure he sees you throw away the MLM catalog.

Now, just a thought, but his sexism might come from a place of real ignorance, not malice. There is a priest in my diocese who went straight from 12 years of all-boy education to the seminary. He quite literally has no experience with women. He evidently comes off as sexist until you realize how much women intimidate him. He just wants the women to go away.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that falls squarely into the definition of sexism.

Arila

  • Member
  • Posts: 1263
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #28 on: May 21, 2015, 10:59:42 AM »
I would have laughed in his face. But then again, I find absurd things funny.  ;D

scotcat60

  • Member
  • Posts: 720
Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #29 on: May 22, 2015, 03:33:28 AM »
Say you belong to the school of thought of George Clooney's wife. He said she doesn't cook, but she is good at making reservations in restaurants.


Sorry, this topic is locked. Only admins and moderators can reply.