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Author Topic: You should cook because you're a woman UPDATE p#49  (Read 27508 times)

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Benni

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #45 on: June 21, 2015, 08:45:41 PM »
There is limited benefit of calculus to, say, an English major, so no, it is not a requirement for any field of study where it would not be relevant at most NA universities.

Actually, I took two years of it for my science degree, and have never used it in any professional capacity, so if you're not in the hard sciences, it's in many ways a waste of your educational dollar.

I took a couple of years of it also for my degree, and although I do not use calculus in my employment, I do use problem solving and logic - both which I believe one learns by taking courses such as calculus.

mime

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #46 on: June 23, 2015, 09:09:02 AM »
I think I may have said, "Am I in the correct room? I understood this to be an unemployment support group for the Parrish. Instead it seems like a network marketing meeting for men who want to sell cooking products?"

Okay, maybe not the last sentence but I would definitely make it clear that it was not the meeting that was advertised and that attempting to run off parrishoners on the basis of gender is not cool.

Yeah, the last part maybe isn't the best thing to say, but I sure like it!


aiki

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #47 on: July 28, 2015, 09:22:44 PM »
When I showed up at the meeting, there were about twenty other unemployed individuals there.  They were all men, except for myself and one other woman. 

Gosh. I wonder why. /sarcasm

I expect any other women there may have been there have long since voted with their feet.
"A true gentleman is one who is never unintentionally rude."  - Oscar Wilde

tabitha

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #48 on: July 29, 2015, 12:40:14 PM »
It sounds like it was really uncomfortable.  I would have first been extremely angry that the "guest speaker" at an employment seminar/workshop was there to not support anyone but herself, by exploiting unemployed people so she could sell product. 
A similar thing happened to me When I was unemployed.  I once travelled an hour on public transportation to get to what had been advertised as a call for applications, but was really an info session on how to become a mortgage broker by signing up for a $500 course.  I wanted to cry, I used money on transit when I could barely feed my kids, travelled and wasted a day, fought off depression by telling myself I had to try everything I could to get a job...only to be some salespersons sucker.  :(
If I had faced the sort of sexism you are talking about it as well, it would have made me feel even lower than I already did.  I'm working now, and have no problem facing sexism head on.  But I have my confidence and I'm not so vulnerable.  I'm not sure how you're holding up being unemployed but good for you for taking steps to get back out there! I'm sorry it backfired this way.  And I'm glad you are following up.  I don think this could have happened at a government program though.  Maybe this man actually reflects the way the perish thinks about women.  If so, I suggest finding a perish the will offer support and encouragement instead of sending you back to the kitchen.

------

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #49 on: July 29, 2015, 12:58:55 PM »
Thank you, Tabitha.  I feel very encouraged and comforted by what you said. ((HUGS)) Thank you. :)

It was very disheartening, especially when I did finally manage to speak to the pastor.  He basically just told me that I should be happy being a housewife, and that women in the workforce just take away from men who have to make a living for their families.   >:( >:( >:(

I said what about my family? He answered that I should be content with what my husband brings home, and to learn some new less expensive recipes to economize if he doesn't earn enough, but that I should stay out of the job market for men who need the jobs.

I lost my faith for a time.  That's why I was so messed up and just couldn't post an update for a while.  I couldn't write it without it turning into a major rant (which is against the rules here), so I had to stay away from the topic to remain calm.  I feel better now.

I've given up on my job search and am staying home to be a housewife.  Not because of what the pastor said, but because I just need a break from the years of constant rejection. I have to figure out what direction to go with my career and find out what I'm actually good for.  Right now it seems all I'm good for is vacuuming and cleaning toilets.  But, at least I'm doing something useful. Hopefully, I'll come up with something in regard to my career in the future.  At the moment I'm leaving it up to God.

Meanwhile, it has been announced that we are getting a new pastor. Praise God! Fortunately, my loss of faith in God was not permanent, and I'm working to restore that relationship.  Hopefully, the new pastor will be able to assist with that.  Amen.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2015, 01:02:45 PM by mrkitty »

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #50 on: July 29, 2015, 01:06:46 PM »
Thank you, Tabitha.  I feel very encouraged and comforted by what you said. ((HUGS)) Thank you. :)

It was very disheartening, especially when I did finally manage to speak to the pastor.  He basically just told me that I should be happy being a housewife, and that women in the workforce just take away from men who have to make a living for their families.   >:( >:( >:(

I said what about my family? He answered that I should be content with what my husband brings home, and to learn some new less expensive recipes to economize if he doesn't earn enough, but that I should stay out of the job market for men who need the jobs.

I lost my faith for a time.  That's why I was so messed up and just couldn't post an update for a while.  I couldn't write it without it turning into a major rant (which is against the rules here), so I had to stay away from the topic to remain calm.  I feel better now.

I've given up on my job search and am staying home to be a housewife.  Not because of what the pastor said, but because I just need a break from the years of constant rejection. I have to figure out what direction to go with my career and find out what I'm actually good for.  Right now it seems all I'm good for is vacuuming and cleaning toilets.  But, at least I'm doing something useful. Hopefully, I'll come up with something in regard to my career in the future.  At the moment I'm leaving it up to God.

Meanwhile, it has been announced that we are getting a new pastor. Praise God! Fortunately, my loss of faith in God was not permanent, and I'm working to restore that relationship.  Hopefully, the new pastor will be able to assist with that.  Amen.

That is horrible. Utterly unconscionable. I'm glad you reminded him that even though his boss isn't the type to do hiring and firing, that he can still suffer from PD.

As for being content with what your husband brings home... what would be such a lout's advice in the event the husband *can't* work?
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------

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman UPDATE p#49
« Reply #51 on: July 29, 2015, 01:11:40 PM »
The pastor got re-assigned, somewhere very, very remote.

I have certain friends...plus, the Bishop got an earful from me. ;)

I'm not saying I had anything to do with it...but it certainly is an interesting coincidence, is it not?  :P
« Last Edit: July 29, 2015, 01:13:41 PM by mrkitty »

magicdomino

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman UPDATE p#49
« Reply #52 on: July 29, 2015, 01:12:01 PM »
I had to check the date to make sure it wasn't 1915.  Learn some new less expensive recipes?    Yeesh.  I can understand why you wouldn't want to go back to that church.  Hopefully, the new pastor will be a bit more open-minded.

Zizi-K

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman UPDATE p#49
« Reply #53 on: July 29, 2015, 01:39:31 PM »
OP, that is truly appalling! I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I know there's lots of advice out there for getting back into the workforce, and I'm sure you've looked at a lot of it. but I wanted to suggest a couple of things: 1. Treat this time as a sabbatical to assess your options, and to perhaps start a project or two that isn't immediately remunerative but could lead to something. Since you're in marketing/writing (not sure if you described it more fully elsewhere), could you start a blog to keep your writing hand in, or could you do some work on spec? 2. I hope you don't find this suggestion offensive, but as you put it, "all you're good for is dusting and vacuuming" -- why not do that for pay? I pay my cleaning lady $75 for two hours. She sets her own hours, she fires clients if the arrangement doesn't work out, she owns her own house, she supports her daughter and they go on nice vacations. You might feel better if you were doing something for pay, even if it isn't immediately in your field, just for the time being. It can feel good to be out in the world doing something. My mom always said "G-d helps those who help themselves," and I think there's some wisdom to it. I wish you the best of luck, and don't be discouraged by that idiot.

Tini

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman UPDATE p#49
« Reply #54 on: July 29, 2015, 02:33:55 PM »
Wow... just wow. I'm pretty speechless, which is a pretty rare occurrence. So was my husband when I grabbed him and read him your posts. He had to stop me a couple of times and take some deep breaths.

Good on you for taking it to the higher-ups and kicking up a stink. Nobody should get away with that attitude. I'm hoping that your former pastor is now serving in a tiny church on a rock in the sea, with no Hagrid to come and pick him up.

I really understand your feelings about vacuuming and cleaning toilets - I've struggled with feelings of worthlessness at times. At my best, I now feel that it's not my work that removes value from me but me that gives value to my work, because whatever I do is worth doing.

EllenS

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman UPDATE p#49
« Reply #55 on: July 29, 2015, 03:53:13 PM »
Dreadful.
I'm glad that you're able to distinguish between losing faith in flawed people, and losing faith in God.
I'm especially glad that the icky clergyman (I have trouble using the word "pastor" for someone who is so uncaring) is going far away.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman UPDATE p#49
« Reply #56 on: July 29, 2015, 04:23:13 PM »
Recently, I attended an "unemployment support group" meeting.  I understood it to be an opportunity for networking, mutual support, learning new job search strategies, and guest speakers who could give career advice, etc.
<snip>
Turns out, she was a distributor for a mlm that sold gourmet kitchen gadgets and cookbooks.
Sounds more like an "exploit the unemployed" group meeting to benefit the MLM lady and stroke the ego of the organizer.  I would skip any additional meetings because I have red sauce that needs to be stirred.  >:D
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Danika

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman UPDATE p#49
« Reply #57 on: July 29, 2015, 04:48:54 PM »
I am highly offended at what the pastor had to say to you, but I'm not too surprised that he had that attitude. I once lived in a very religious town in the central US and I felt that was the general sentiment. If you were more educated than your husband, or single or widowed, they didn't care that you might be earning a living and paying a mortgage too. But I've witnessed that opinion in more than one region of my country (the US) usually in older generations.

I first heard it spoken aloud from my own father when I was accepted to an elite predominantly male university. He said that "others" might think that I was taking the spot of well-qualified males. He was also discouraging me from going there and wanted me to go to a far lower ranked (although still well ranked) women's college instead. I didn't take his advice.

I'm thrilled that you gave the bishop an earful and that you won't have to deal with this pastor anymore. But I wish your church had fired him completely rather than transferred him. The remote region he's going to probably has some young people who would be better off with someone more fair rather than a misogynist. The church is doing the remote region no favors by sending a jerk like this there.

TabathasGran

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman UPDATE p#49
« Reply #58 on: August 02, 2015, 11:33:13 AM »
I think I would have said "I'm obeying my husband and getting a job. Are you trying to tell me to go against his wishes?!"  Just to get a rise out of the guy.

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: You should cook because you're a woman
« Reply #59 on: August 02, 2015, 11:40:23 AM »


It was very disheartening, especially when I did finally manage to speak to the pastor.  He basically just told me that I should be happy being a housewife, and that women in the workforce just take away from men who have to make a living for their families.   >:( >:( >:(

I said what about my family? He answered that I should be content with what my husband brings home, and to learn some new less expensive recipes to economize if he doesn't earn enough, but that I should stay out of the job market for men who need the jobs.



"You are absolutely correct Pastor, I really need to economize, I shall start right now, and cut my usual donation down to a quarter."


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