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Author Topic: Mean girls  (Read 14504 times)

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lakey

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #15 on: May 30, 2015, 02:50:30 PM »
Quote
Can you keep a cell phone in your pocket and record the encounters?  What they are doing is harassment and any rational person would ban them with evidence.

I like this idea. I hadn't thought of that.

I guess I'm just not picturing the dynamic very well. I really don't get the idea of recording something like this in a crowd or what the purpose would be. Maybe the standard for "harassment" differs in other parts of the world. Where I live, obnoxious conversations are not "harassment."

I don't think this is a matter of some definition of harassment, but a matter of OP showing these people that their juvenile, nasty behavior won't be tolerated. These people do this as a group, and when OP is alone. They're cowards. They need to have their (b)witchy behavior confronted. Facing them with a recording device does this. The fact that OP has suggested making friends with them causes me to suspect that she might be coming across as weak. People like this go after those that they know won't cause trouble. The recording device is a way to confront them without getting into a noisy confrontation. It's all well and good to quietly walk away, but when the brats continue to be nasty, it's time to take steps. Recording seems like a good next step. As an added benefit, if this stuff causes her problems professionally, she has documentation.

EllenS

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #16 on: May 30, 2015, 03:04:48 PM »
I'm not saying she shouldn't record it, if it makes her feel better. I just don't really understand the context/purpose and am unable to picture/figure out the dynamic. IME, obnoxious people don't actually mind having "evidence" that they are obnoxious.  They often record themselves and post it online!

I've worked with audiences and been heckled.  I've been in social situations with inappropriate and pushy people. I've been in work situations with obnoxious and vulgar co-workers. Pulling out a video phone and recording it would never occur to me, because it would require allowing it to continue, and it just seems like really odd behavior to me.

So far it sounds like OP has tried 1) participating the conversation with a gloss of "what an interesting assumption," and 2) avoidance.  There are lots of ways to shut this nonsense down as mentioned above, and I'm not sure what else (if anything) she's tried.

TootsNYC

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #17 on: May 30, 2015, 03:06:03 PM »
Check the laws in your state first; they vary a lot in terms of what you can legally record.

But you could also simply repeat back to them everything they say, as a sort of question.


And since you are working, you might sort of absently say, "I'm working, you're in the way. Please go back to [wherever]." But it also gives you grounds to ask someone with more clout to approach them and say, "You need to leave our staff members alone--they are working, and you are in the way. Do not approach and distract them again, or we will ban you."

I kinda wish you could just pinch them. But that would get you in trouble instead.

Toots - you made me LOL ! I can't imagine you pinching anyone.  It would be effective though.  I was thinking a spray bottle like I use with the cat/

I confess I thought about that as well. With pink food coloring in it, maybe.

TootsNYC

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #18 on: May 30, 2015, 03:10:28 PM »
The recording might be useful if she could take it to someone with some authority in the organization to say, "Look, here's what they do. I'm at work, so I'm not in a position to retaliate, and they're taking advantage of my professionalism to be nasty to me. Here is the misbehavior you can use to ban them from being at the venue."

It would give her evidence to take to whichever of "the boys in the band" that would have some influence over them.

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There are lots of ways to shut this nonsense down as mentioned above,

There are lots of way to *try* to shut this down. There is no guarantee any of them will work.

This is so true!
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These people do this as a group, and when OP is alone. They're cowards. They need to have their (b)witchy behavior confronted. Facing them with a recording device does this. The fact that OP has suggested making friends with them causes me to suspect that she might be coming across as weak. People like this go after those that they know won't cause trouble.

EllenS

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #19 on: May 30, 2015, 03:25:28 PM »
The recording might be useful if she could take it to someone with some authority in the organization to say, "Look, here's what they do. I'm at work, so I'm not in a position to retaliate, and they're taking advantage of my professionalism to be nasty to me. Here is the misbehavior you can use to ban them from being at the venue."

It would give her evidence to take to whichever of "the boys in the band" that would have some influence over them.

Quote
There are lots of ways to shut this nonsense down as mentioned above,

There are lots of way to *try* to shut this down. There is no guarantee any of them will work.

This is so true!
Quote
These people do this as a group, and when OP is alone. They're cowards. They need to have their (b)witchy behavior confronted. Facing them with a recording device does this. The fact that OP has suggested making friends with them causes me to suspect that she might be coming across as weak. People like this go after those that they know won't cause trouble.

Well, that's part of my confusion.  I'm not sure what the "misbehavior" is, or how it relates to her job.

If they are hurling insults, threats and verbal abuse, that's one thing and would likely lead to banning. 

If the inappropriate questions she mentions are more along the lines of whether her dh wears boxers or briefs, or about their Scrabble life, or how she "caught" him, or what she did to persuade him to help her career, or similar vulgarities that would be way out of line in a social setting -- well, in some parts of the entertainment industry that is part of the show and it's the entertainer's job to control the conversation and work the "fanservice".  Trying to escalate it to some kind of formal complaint is only going to make her look like she's not good on her feet.

MommySloth

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #20 on: May 30, 2015, 04:24:19 PM »
Considering that you are working in a situation with an audience and fans I'm going to assume the entertainment angle as well. I think the best approach would probably be to be polite but very short - like the previous suggestions of "I can't talk now, I'm working." If there is a big crowd and other people that want/need your attention you could try to "not hear" them as often as possible, especially if they are asking/saying something inappropriate. Only "hear" them if they're being reasonable.

Coralline

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #21 on: May 30, 2015, 06:12:10 PM »
Thank you everyone for giving me some much needed perspective. I can see now that I've let these women get under my skin. From now on it will be easier for me to look on them with pity, rather than being worried about them.

I'm going to try a lot of the techniques mentioned above and see how that goes. If anything else happens I'll let you know, but with luck, I won't need to come back and tell you anything.

(...and if all else fails I'll resort to the spray bottle! haha)

EllenS

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #22 on: May 30, 2015, 06:13:35 PM »
I saw Kitty Flanagan shut down a heckler awesomely in a comedy special.  She just very quickly gave the pinchy-fingers (a "shut-it" gesture) and said, "Pssst! My show."  Like an extra-prissy preschool teacher.

It was cute and hilarious.

Hillia

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #23 on: May 30, 2015, 10:50:34 PM »
I saw Kitty Flanagan shut down a heckler awesomely in a comedy special.  She just very quickly gave the pinchy-fingers (a "shut-it" gesture) and said, "Pssst! My show."  Like an extra-prissy preschool teacher.

It was cute and hilarious.

In an old Steve Martin live show, a heckler shouts something unintelligible.  Steve chuckles and says, "yeah, I remember my first beer'.

Or for a considerably more vulgar take, the late, great Sam Kinison replied to some female hecklers with, ''are you really sure you want my undivided attention...'

JoieGirl7

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #24 on: May 31, 2015, 12:24:15 AM »
Thank you everyone for giving me some much needed perspective. I can see now that I've let these women get under my skin. From now on it will be easier for me to look on them with pity, rather than being worried about them.

I'm going to try a lot of the techniques mentioned above and see how that goes. If anything else happens I'll let you know, but with luck, I won't need to come back and tell you anything.

(...and if all else fails I'll resort to the spray bottle! haha)

I'm part of a fan community and there are definitely mean girls--though usually just one who stirs up all the drama.  I've had it directed at me in person and more annoyingly--online.  That's where they really go to town!

When they approach you, tell them you are working and to leave you alone.  If they persist, tell that they if they don't leave you alone you will have security throw them out and then follow through.
 
As a fan, I have had to deal with other people who have had too much to drink or are just out of control in some way.  For a while I thought it was just part of the landscape.  But, then, I started to see that it would usually escalate and one time nearly ended up in one of the performers being injured.
 
Yes, people drink at a show and that's cool.  But, no, its not OK to be out of control.
 
I asked the tour manager what I should next time and he told me to just go get security--that that was what they were there for.
 
The kind of bullying that these girls are engaging in is not only detrimental to you but to the whole enterprise.  It's not easy to deal with the public and other people see and hear things that affect their experience of the event.  For your sake and for the sake of the greater audience, this should not be tolerated.

YummyMummy66

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #25 on: May 31, 2015, 06:29:52 PM »
I am not sure why you cannot talk to someone about these mean girls.  It sounds like you and your dh are highly respected by your employers.  After all, they did come after you for a job.  You might not think that you would not be believable, but I am guessing you would b against what they are saying and doing.

I would try the advice that has been given, but if it continues, I might talk to someone about the situation and what you should do about it.   "I really hate to bring this up, but this is becoming a problem for me and I am not sure what to do?".   


atirial

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #26 on: June 01, 2015, 02:31:01 AM »
If you are in media, it isn't unknown for fans to try to break up a performer's marriage or drive off the spouse (there's even a TV tropes page on it). From a few years in media, the best way to deal with it I ever saw came from a rather well-known actor who turned to someone who had obviously been a problem for a while, started talking about the problems of fame to their sympathetic nods, and then said something like "I think the worst problem is dealing with obsessives who keep insulting my wife. She's a saint to put up with it, but if they ever upset her I would have them banned from the venue. I certainly wouldn't speak to them again." and went on to the next person.

Unfortunately, if they are doing it for that reason, only your spouse or the management can really deal with it. All you can do is rise above it, because any reaction you give will be taken as a win because they are getting to you. You need to talk to your DH and management, so at least they can keep an eye out for it and shut the girls down.

Arila

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #27 on: June 01, 2015, 12:42:08 PM »
I was thinking about the recording and how they do things when they can't be observed. Could you "make an exciting YouTube series" by wearing a body camera or google glass or something? You know, to just give all your fans a behind the scenes look?  >:D You could ask them to introduce themselves because they are such well known super fans....

MrTango

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #28 on: June 02, 2015, 07:35:19 AM »
I was thinking about the recording and how they do things when they can't be observed. Could you "make an exciting YouTube series" by wearing a body camera or google glass or something? You know, to just give all your fans a behind the scenes look?  >:D You could ask them to introduce themselves because they are such well known super fans....

As hillarious as this would be, I'd go the opposite direction with them.  Get your DH on board, and both of you give them the CD.  Neither of you would talk to them, hear what they say, or even acknowledge their presence.  Give them zero attention.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Mean girls
« Reply #29 on: June 02, 2015, 01:12:33 PM »
The problem with making a video is that it can backfire big time.
 
For one thing, these people have drama down to a science and will spin whatever you come up with.  Also, it doesn't look good to treat fans like this even if they are mean girl fans.
 
The OP should have the power through her employer to have security either warn them or remove them.  Depending on how close they are to the "talent"--it could be arranged for the "talent" to gently warn them or for the "talent" to express, like someone else described a famous person mentioning their wife--that the OP is a valued member of his/her team and that its really important that everyone in the fan community treat his team as well as they would treat him/her.


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