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Author Topic: When they ask you why it isn't possible  (Read 13542 times)

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delphinium

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When they ask you why it isn't possible
« on: June 05, 2015, 08:19:33 PM »
A few years ago, I was called by a local volunteer and asked to send letters to my neighbors asking them to donate to a national charity.  They would supply the names and addresses and envelopes, etc.,  and all I would have to donate would be the postage.  The neighbors would send me the donations and I would remit them to the charity. Well, I did do it but wasn't comfortable asking my neighbors for donations.

I'm sure the reason why they did it that way was that supposedly the neighbors would give more if their donation was seen by me. I didn't like that way of doing business and the next time they called me to do this, I declined.  The woman wanted to know why.  ??? I just said it was personal.  So what do you say when the person asks why something won't be possible?

Now I live in a retirement community and when they called one time, I just said that we're not allowed to solicit our neighbors. ;D

artk2002

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2015, 08:46:21 PM »
You repeat, "I'm sorry, it's just not possible." The repeated "why?" is a sign that you have someone who is going to try to negotiate. This is where "Don't JADE" comes into play. If they don't accept your "no," then disengage from them.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

TabathasGran

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2015, 09:49:05 PM »
"Because I said so."
"Because I don't want to."
"No."
Or my personal favorite, just chuckle at them and say you appreciate the call and must go now.

Once I decide upon No, it's somewhat entertaining to deal with the arm twisters and watch them try to change my mind.

CakeEater

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2015, 10:31:46 PM »
The last time I had a charity call and ask me to doorknock my neighbourhood for donations I said no. The guy tried to convince me, ad I ended up saying, 'Look, if you get me to say yes and send me all the stuff, I won't do it, and I'll end up sending it back empty. You're better off trying to find someone else.'

That seemed to do the trick.

Hmmmmm

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2015, 03:36:18 AM »
A few years ago, I was called by a local volunteer and asked to send letters to my neighbors asking them to donate to a national charity.  They would supply the names and addresses and envelopes, etc.,  and all I would have to donate would be the postage.  The neighbors would send me the donations and I would remit them to the charity. Well, I did do it but wasn't comfortable asking my neighbors for donations.

I'm sure the reason why they did it that way was that supposedly the neighbors would give more if their donation was seen by me. I didn't like that way of doing business and the next time they called me to do this, I declined.  The woman wanted to know why.  ??? I just said it was personal.  So what do you say when the person asks why something won't be possible?

Now I live in a retirement community and when they called one time, I just said that we're not allowed to solicit our neighbors. ;D

I can actually see the coordinator asking once to see if there was an issue that needed to be addressed... Are you no longer supportive of the organization?, was the process too tedious?, was there a problem last time?....

So in that case I would have responded with "I do not like soliciting my neighbors" or "I don't want to".

In other situations or really pushy people I'm ok with saying "my reasons are of no concern to you. I've said no."

KenveeB

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2015, 06:11:37 AM »
I agree with Hmmmm that it's reasonable for the organization to ask why since you did it once before and now don't want to. They would want to know if something went wrong last time or if there's a problem with it that they can fix. You're fine to just repeat "it just won't be possible" if you don't want to answer, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking. But personally, I would've told them what my problem with it was. If enough people tell them that, then they might change to a different method that you'd be happier with.

MrTango

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2015, 11:00:23 AM »
When someone tries to start negotiating after I've made my decision, I think it's time to end the conversation.  That might mean walking away, hanging up the phone, deleting their emails/texts without further response, or putting my headphones back on.

I think it's perfectly polite to say "I already said 'no'.  Goodbye." and hang up the phone.  I also think it's perfectly polite to simply stop responding to messages of any sort (email, voicemail, etc) once you've given them your final decision.

TootsNYC

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2015, 11:07:47 AM »
Or there's, "Are you arguing with me?" in an inquiring tone.

DavidH

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2015, 11:35:00 AM »
I think it depends if a person is trying to negotiate or understand the reason.  In this example, you could have said you were uncomfortable with the process because you saw how much your neighbors donated.  It doesn't obligate you to change your mind, but the organization may decide to change their procedure if enough volunteers complain.  Asking why doesn't automatically equal trying to negotiate, it can be to improve their process or business.

Tini

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2015, 12:48:04 PM »
"I'm afraid you'll just have to take my word for it."

VorFemme

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2015, 01:18:21 PM »
"Because it just isn't."
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

TurtleDove

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #11 on: June 12, 2015, 01:20:34 PM »
This is why I don't like "it isn't possible." It *is* possible, but that doesn't mean you will do it. I would just be honest and then cheerfully end the conversation. I think saying "it isn't possible" creates intrigue and drama, because everyone knows it truly *is* possible.

Minmom3

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #12 on: June 12, 2015, 09:51:29 PM »
I've had great success using "Sorry, I don't want to do that!"  And if they're being pushy after that, "I don't wish to, and I don't have to!"
Double MIL now; not yet a Grandma.  Owner of Lard Butt Noelle, kitteh extraordinaire!

Benni

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #13 on: June 12, 2015, 09:58:41 PM »
My standard is "Sorry, no."  Sorry to soften the no, but the no is very firm.  If questioned why, I am happy with saying "Sorry, but just no." in a very firm voice - think the voice a teacher uses at 3:27 p.m. to a student that wants to leave the class to use the restroom and the class is over at 3:30. 

I have learned in the past 10 years that "No." is a sentence I can use.  We sometimes have to give ourselves permission to use that sentence, but once we figure it out, there is really not much one can argue with you about.

gellchom

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #14 on: June 12, 2015, 11:00:59 PM »
This is why I don't like "it isn't possible." It *is* possible, but that doesn't mean you will do it. I would just be honest and then cheerfully end the conversation. I think saying "it isn't possible" creates intrigue and drama, because everyone knows it truly *is* possible.
That's a good point.  Sometimes the person might be trying to show polite concern, or might think that you'd like to but there is some obstacle that perhaps they could help with.  Like, I don't know, if you were thinking you'd have to pay for stamps, and the organization would be willing to provide them -- something like that.  I don't think giving them a short statement of your reason is getting into a protracted negotiation.

So I agree: just be polite but clear. When I get these calls, I say something like, "I'm so so sorry, I know you need volunteers, but I'm really not your gal for this project, because I don't feel comfortable soliciting my neighbors.  Good luck!  Have a nice day.  Bye!"

These people are volunteers for a good cause.  There's no need to be abrupt or hang up on them. Just be nice but clear with your "no," and it'll work fine.