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Author Topic: When they ask you why it isn't possible  (Read 13556 times)

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FauxFoodist

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #15 on: June 13, 2015, 04:22:59 AM »
When a coordinator once tried to guilt me into letting her voluntell me to do a task that I clearly stated I was not interested in doing (I was signed up to update the database; she kept calling me back claiming how happy she was I was going to help with trailer demo clean-up), I finally told her I volunteer my time to several organizations and that I was only willing to do what I want to do and that, otherwise, I would likely no longer volunteer for that organization (and her trying to force me to do that task actually did result in me losing interest in helping them out).  This may not be a good/nice way of looking at it, but I'm thinking I'm volunteering my free time so if I don't want to spend that time doing something I hate, then I'm not going to do it.  Others are willing to do whatever is needed to help an organization; I am not one of those individuals and am not afraid to say so if pushed.  It doesn't make you a bad person, no matter how much the other person tries to guilt you into believing you are for not giving in.

artk2002

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #16 on: June 15, 2015, 09:09:39 AM »
This is why I don't like "it isn't possible." It *is* possible, but that doesn't mean you will do it. I would just be honest and then cheerfully end the conversation. I think saying "it isn't possible" creates intrigue and drama, because everyone knows it truly *is* possible.

You're taking a very narrow definition of "possible" for this. I suspect you mean "physically/legally/financially possible" by that word. The rest of us are using the word in a broader sense.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

TurtleDove

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #17 on: June 15, 2015, 09:11:49 AM »
This is why I don't like "it isn't possible." It *is* possible, but that doesn't mean you will do it. I would just be honest and then cheerfully end the conversation. I think saying "it isn't possible" creates intrigue and drama, because everyone knows it truly *is* possible.

You're taking a very narrow definition of "possible" for this. I suspect you mean "physically/legally/financially possible" by that word. The rest of us are using the word in a broader sense.

Right, but most people are not on EHell. I would expect them to challenge that something really *is* possible - I certainly would. Because it is. (General) you don't want to do it, or won't do it, but it *is* possible. To say it isn't invites a challenge to show how it is possible. I think it is better to be honest that you don't want to or won't do it. Not the fiction that it "isn't possible."

VorFemme

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #18 on: June 15, 2015, 09:30:31 AM »
Then say "that isn't going to happen" - because you aren't going to make it happen.  It might still be possible for that (whatever that is) to happen, but it's not going to be possible for them to make you make it happen.
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

gellchom

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #19 on: June 15, 2015, 11:42:21 AM »
How about:  "I'm sorry, but I won't be participating."

It's a clear "no," it gives no explanation, but it isn't abrupt like "That won't be possible" or "No."

ITSJUSTME

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #20 on: June 15, 2015, 12:55:06 PM »
"Because I said so."
"Because I don't want to."
"No."
Or my personal favorite, just chuckle at them and say you appreciate the call and must go now.

Once I decide upon No, it's somewhat entertaining to deal with the arm twisters and watch them try to change my mind.

One of those times I really wish EH3!! had a "LIKE" button.

magician5

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #21 on: June 20, 2015, 10:05:31 PM »
"Personal reasons."
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

Margo

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #22 on: July 01, 2015, 08:06:16 AM »
I think it depends if a person is trying to negotiate or understand the reason.  In this example, you could have said you were uncomfortable with the process because you saw how much your neighbors donated.  It doesn't obligate you to change your mind, but the organization may decide to change their procedure if enough volunteers complain.  Asking why doesn't automatically equal trying to negotiate, it can be to improve their process or business.

I think this is a good point. In the specific example you gave, the 'why' could be a valid question, and while you don't have an obligation to explain, it might be reasonable to do so.

Lynn2000

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #23 on: July 01, 2015, 09:20:57 AM »
I think the question in general is a good one, as I often find that with friends and family-types, saying something like, "It isn't possible," or "I already have plans then," naturally leads to follow-up questions. "Oh, why not?" or "Oh, what plans?" Not necessarily in a challenging way, more like we are just continuing the conversation--for the "other plans" one, it's almost like we're changing the subject from their thing to mine. They may be genuinely interested in what I'm (allegedly) doing on Saturday while they're moving house, for example.

In other words, I find that people I know (as opposed to sales people, cashiers, etc.) don't see those statements as a shut-down, and if I refuse to elaborate, that will be seen as weird or even hostile. I notice sometimes here we advocate for people using these phrases with friends and family, so maybe it works for some people, and their friends and family get the message that "It isn't possible" or "I have plans" means that line of conversation is over. But I'd be interested in some polite responses to those who think the conversation is still continuing.

Usually I just make up an excuse at that point. "Oh, I think I'm going out of town to see my grandma that day," for example. For why something isn't "possible," I try to avoid JADEing in the sense of saying something specific the person can judge or counter, but I might say, "It's just not my thing/not something I'm interested in," repeated if necessary if the person tries to (cheerfully, thinking I'm open to it) change my mind. Or I say, "I'll think it over," and then never follow up.
~Lynn2000

VorFemme

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #24 on: July 01, 2015, 09:31:27 AM »
"I'll have to check with (someone else: like a significant other, relative, or boss)  to see what the exact plans are - I just know that there is something set up....then trail off and change the subject.
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

nutraxfornerves

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #25 on: July 01, 2015, 09:55:07 AM »
"I'll have to check with (someone else: like a significant other, relative, or boss)  to see what the exact plans are - I just know that there is something set up....then trail off and change the subject.

I don't like to say that I need to check with my calendar or some third party, unless it's something that interests me and I genuinely have to see if I am free. . Either the person keeps bugging you "have you check with your boss yet?" or keeps suggesting alternate times.

Depending on the situation & my relationship with the person, I have had good luck with "Sorry, it's not going to happen" (in a rather determined tone that indicates it's non-negotiable) or "I am choosing not to do it." If pushed, I just go broken record and repeat the same phrase. "I choose not to do it" works well for me, because it is a reason, but a reason that can't be countered. "But, why are you choosing not to do it?" "I just choose not to do it. That all." "There must be a reason." "That's my reason. I choose not to do it."

Nutrax
The plural of anecdote is not data

Chez Miriam

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Re: When they ask you why it isn't possible
« Reply #26 on: July 02, 2015, 07:52:24 AM »
"I'll have to check with (someone else: like a significant other, relative, or boss)  to see what the exact plans are - I just know that there is something set up....then trail off and change the subject.

I don't like to say that I need to check with my calendar or some third party, unless it's something that interests me and I genuinely have to see if I am free. . Either the person keeps bugging you "have you check with your boss yet?" or keeps suggesting alternate times.

Depending on the situation & my relationship with the person, I have had good luck with "Sorry, it's not going to happen" (in a rather determined tone that indicates it's non-negotiable) or "I am choosing not to do it." If pushed, I just go broken record and repeat the same phrase. "I choose not to do it" works well for me, because it is a reason, but a reason that can't be countered. "But, why are you choosing not to do it?" "I just choose not to do it. That all." "There must be a reason." "That's my reason. I choose not to do it."
I'm a person who "checks my calender" for that very reason - it gives me the breathing space to go away & practise saying "I have other plans, and it's not the sort of thing I'm interested in doing, anyway, but thank you for offering."

I suspect that [briefly] raises false hope, but it gives me the space to find where I last saw my spine and tell them the truth [not interested].  I can also do that at a time of my choosing...

With particularly persistent relatives I take the cowardly option of 'speaking to their machine'. :-\

If they do call back to continuing pushing, I find I can firm myself up at that point to say "I said I wasn't interested, and *ooh*, bean dip, yum!  Gotta go, bye."  With my lot, I then let the machine pick up all further calls!

And at this point I want to say a big *huge* thanks to EHell for getting me to realise I'm not an invertebrate, even if I'm still having to do the spine-strengthening exercises.
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich