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Author Topic: No, seriously, whatever you want to wear is okay!  (Read 8274 times)

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turnip

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Re: No, seriously, whatever you want to wear is okay!
« Reply #30 on: June 24, 2015, 11:28:26 AM »
I agree with gellchom.  I've said before that while I don't really care if bridesmaids match or not, I picked out dresses for my bridesmaids because I knew them and I knew _they_ would stress and worry if I told them to wear whatever they want.

My mom is like me and would cheerfully have shown up in jeans and a t-shirt, but my MIL worried and stressed and I knew that what she wanted was for me to care - so I told her what a wonderful dress she picked out, though frankly I was a little surprised she went with ivory.

Weddings can bring out a lot of emotions.  You can dig your heels in and make your mom feel uncared for, you can chastise her for making her clothing a 'referendum on your relationship' - or you can put some time in, give her some feedback, send her a few links, and tell her how happy you are with her choice.  It's not that much to ask.

scarlett

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Re: No, seriously, whatever you want to wear is okay!
« Reply #31 on: June 24, 2015, 12:48:24 PM »
It is so true about weddings bringing out the emotions!

Step-son got married in February of this year and I was going to wear a beautiful beaded dress that  I wore to my engagement party (and can still fit in!). The  Bride to be did not like that idea at all. She went through my closet and vetoed everything I already owned. So to appease her I bought a new dress in lace (her request) but in a color I looked good in. I think she was offended that I wanted to wear something I already owned; as if I thought the  wedding "didn't warrant" a new dress.

BG: She told me she was terrified of being upstaged at her wedding and purposefully had the BM's wear beige/nude lace dresses and her mother a  beige dress. I told her that as the person in the big white dress; being upstaged wouldn't likely happen! I wore black lace.

At my wedding I gave my BM's a color and told them to show up in anything that color and that their presence meant more to me than being "matchy"

gellchom

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Re: No, seriously, whatever you want to wear is okay!
« Reply #32 on: June 24, 2015, 01:18:34 PM »
Quote
At my wedding I gave my BM's a color and told them to show up in anything that color and that their presence meant more to me than being "matchy"

I too prefer "unmatched" bridal parties, but there is nothing wrong with matched ones, and I don't think that anyone should feel bad about making that choice.

I do think it's nicer to avoid adding something like "because I care about your presence, not your clothes" and so forth.  That implies that anyone who does ask for a matched look doesn't care about the people, or at least not as much as you do.  Just like when people say "we don't want wedding gifts" and add "because we value people more than things," you know?  So it's both a little insulting and a little self-congratulatory.  I know you don't mean it that way; I'm just saying to be careful not to give that impression unintentionally.