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Author Topic: There is an issue with your date...UPDATE page 65  (Read 27806 times)

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lakey

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #15 on: June 26, 2015, 09:16:41 PM »
I think that it was a bit inconsiderate of her, but an invitation is not a summons. In my family, cousins who live halfway across the country often don't fly in for weddings anyway. Since she's having such a small wedding it isn't going to affect most of your other guests, only her immediate family. Again, I think it was kind of bad form for her to have her wedding the same day as yours, but I don't think it's going to affect you that much. I would be the bigger person and send her and her family members an invitation.

Mopsy428

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #16 on: June 26, 2015, 10:00:10 PM »
Well, if she has people that are coming to her wedding from out of state, then it's probably easier to have it on a long weekend. If that justification is good enough for you, it should be good enough for her, shouldn't it? What are her long weekend alternatives? I guess 4th of July? That seems like a pretty big deal in the States. Like having a wedding at Christmas. It's not ideal, but it's hardly up to you to "call" the date and not allow anyone else to have it.

I'm also curious about the "6 weeks" comment? Several years ago my cousin was married in June. Three weeks later, his sister was married. One week later, my sister was married. The next year, another cousin was married one week and his sister was married the next week. I didn't know that "6 weeks" was a requirement? That's nuts to me since I come from a place where winter weddings are nearly unheard of due to the high probability of the whole thing ending up in disaster due to a blizzard. Which, combined with a farming background (no weddings during harvest, none during calving, none during seeding), there's only maybe 2 months of "good" wedding time available in a year.
*shrugs* I don't know. I just pulled that number out. She's the one who didn't want to be married close to her brother-in-law's.

Look, I get that the world doesn't revolve around my wedding. And I don't think that her wedding is a comment on mine. Her first wedding was outside in a backyard, and it was fun. I've tried to make everything easy on people, make everything convenient. However, maybe it's the way I was raised, but you just don't do that to family. It's my COUSIN, not some distant relative that I last saw in 1996. We grew up together. My parents opened their home and pool to them when they were growing up. I wanted my cousins and aunt to come to the wedding, and I'm just stunned that she picked that weekend when she knew that I was getting married. To me, this is very disrespectful and hurtful.

Mopsy428

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #17 on: June 26, 2015, 10:04:10 PM »

My mind = blown. It never ceases to amaze me how selfish people are. It's not all about you. It's like it would kill these people to take a time out and think about someone else for 2 minutes. It's not all about YOU either dear.
I never said it was, did I? And don't call me "dear". Thanks.

thedudeabides

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #18 on: June 26, 2015, 10:31:39 PM »
Has it occurred to you that her decision has absolutely nothing to do with you? That she didn't do this to hurt you but did it because this was the date that worked for them? Somehow I doubt their first thought was, "Hey, let's do this the same day as Mopsy just to pissed her off!" You put considerable thought into your date, so why do you assume she didn't?

You can be mad about it. You can say it's rude and inconsiderate until the cows come home. But that's not going to help you be happy with your own wedding - it's just going to hang a cloud of anger and hurt over what should be a good day. So choose instead to give this the more generous (and honestly more likely) interpretation: this date worked for them and they've done what they can to minimize overlap with you.

Ceallach

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #19 on: June 26, 2015, 11:32:56 PM »
It's definitely eyebrow raising.  A childhood friend of mine scheduled her wedding for the same day as the already planned wedding of another girl in the same circle - many, many overlapping guests - and it caused a bit of talk.   But it's not actually rude.   It could be rude if they say or do other rude things - for example trying to coerce guests to attend theirs instead of yours, or making comparisons.  But simply choosing to get married on the same date isn't rude.

If anything what they are sending is a message that the relationship isn't as close as you think it is - attending your wedding is obviously not important to them at all, given they have chosen to schedule their own special occasion for the same day.     And that is definitely hurtful.   Again, not rude, just life.   But hurtful. 

So sending you some ( ( hugs ) ) OP, I understand why right now you are upset about this.  But remember it's not about you and in no way detracts from the happy day you and your fiance will share.   
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


Ceallach

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #20 on: June 26, 2015, 11:33:55 PM »
Has it occurred to you that her decision has absolutely nothing to do with you? That she didn't do this to hurt you but did it because this was the date that worked for them? Somehow I doubt their first thought was, "Hey, let's do this the same day as Mopsy just to pissed her off!" You put considerable thought into your date, so why do you assume she didn't?

You can be mad about it. You can say it's rude and inconsiderate until the cows come home. But that's not going to help you be happy with your own wedding - it's just going to hang a cloud of anger and hurt over what should be a good day. So choose instead to give this the more generous (and honestly more likely) interpretation: this date worked for them and they've done what they can to minimize overlap with you.

I agree with this, it's great advice.
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


gellchom

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #21 on: June 27, 2015, 12:41:28 AM »
It's good advice not to make a drama over it and not to let it spoil your wedding for you, of course.

But I don't blame the OP for feeling hurt and I don't think she deserves to be criticized for caring or to accuse her of saying her cousin did this just to p**s her off -- she never said that.  This cousin and her immediate family are considered close relatives in the OP's family.   So in addition to the bad spot that this puts other relatives who have to choose, I can certainly understand the OP feeling sad that this cousin doesn't care about attending her wedding and doesn't care about the OP, her parents, or her siblings attending hers.  Maybe her first post was a little emotional, but I think most of us would be taken aback if it happened to us.

No, it wasn't "rude" for Cousin to pick the same date.  But it wasn't very nice, thoughtful, or considerate of others.

OP, I do, though, agree that you can't change this; you should send an invitation and a gift, don't criticize or whine to others in the family, and be a lady.  I promise you will be glad you did.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2015, 01:16:00 AM by gellchom »

LifeOnPluto

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #22 on: June 27, 2015, 01:31:41 AM »
OP, I get where you're coming from. I'd be feeling hurt and annoyed too. Even giving her the benefit of the doubt that *that* date was the only one that worked for her and her fiance, it's still a deliberate decision that she's made, not to attend your wedding (and effectively prevent her immediate family, your aunt and uncle and other cousins) from attending your wedding too.

cicero

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #23 on: June 27, 2015, 02:24:31 AM »
I think that if your cousin knew you were getting married on the same date, and it would be inconvenient/impossible for these 11 guests to  be at both weddings, then she is being inconsiderate. I would be annoyed too if i knew that my cousins and aunt/uncle couldn't be at my wedding because cousin chose the same date as I did. And since she is having it on private property, it seems reasonable that she could have chosen a different date (week before, week after, etc). I like to hope that she didn't do it to deliberately hurt you. The only thing you can do is not make a big deal about it.

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sammycat

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #24 on: June 27, 2015, 03:09:10 AM »
I think that if your cousin knew you were getting married on the same date, and it would be inconvenient/impossible for these 11 guests to  be at both weddings, then she is being inconsiderate. I would be annoyed too if i knew that my cousins and aunt/uncle couldn't be at my wedding because cousin chose the same date as I did. And since she is having it on private property, it seems reasonable that she could have chosen a different date (week before, week after, etc). I like to hope that she didn't do it to deliberately hurt you. The only thing you can do is not make a big deal about it.

OP, I get where you're coming from. I'd be feeling hurt and annoyed too. Even giving her the benefit of the doubt that *that* date was the only one that worked for her and her fiance, it's still a deliberate decision that she's made, not to attend your wedding (and effectively prevent her immediate family, your aunt and uncle and other cousins) from attending your wedding too.

I agree with these and similar posts.

I think the OP has been dogpiled on a bit.

nayberry

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #25 on: June 27, 2015, 06:16:11 AM »
i think the op has every right to be upset.  the cousin knew the wedding date and still chose to pick the same one.  even tho she and her family were already invited to the OPs.
baby berry arrived june 2016

Oh Joy

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #26 on: June 27, 2015, 07:45:38 AM »
Of course it's in poor form to schedule a social event that competes for guests with another host's social event.  It can also just plain hurt when loved ones won't be at your wedding, or when family conflict arises over it.

That said, OP, take a few deep breaths and step back.  You know that old saying about how you can't control what others do but you can control your own response?  Your posts are reading as very emotional and dramatic to me. 

Here’s the bottom line: there is an eleven-member branch of your family that won't be at your wedding because they have somewhere more important to be.  I'm sorry.  That sucks.  But it's not the most over-the-top thing that's ever happened,  and it's nowhere near the list of the most important things about your wedding day.  Is it really where you and your fiance want your energy and attention?

Best wishes.

Mary Lennox

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #27 on: June 27, 2015, 08:38:51 AM »
If anything what they are sending is a message that the relationship isn't as close as you think it is - attending your wedding is obviously not important to them at all, given they have chosen to schedule their own special occasion for the same day.     And that is definitely hurtful.   Again, not rude, just life.   But hurtful. 

What if this is the one weekend of the year where the cousin's future in-laws can make it. Should the cousin put her wedding off just so it doesn't clash with the OP's? If it comes down to your wedding or my wedding, it's going to be mine all the way. That doesn't mean I'm not close to my cousin or I don't love her - it means that this is the only weekend I can get married.

Luci

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #28 on: June 27, 2015, 08:56:15 AM »
I would be disappointed, too, if my wedding were to be a big event and I "expected" everyone to attend.

But there is a matter of travel involved, too. The weddings are pretty far apart, I think, and for the other bride's family to go to Mopsy's might have been prohibitive because of the time and money needed, so it really in the long run wouldn't impact Mopsy at all. Even if there are grandparents to think of, they would probably just go to the closest wedding anyway, but Mopsy didn't mention them (I think).

If my thoughts are correct, it wasn't a slap at Mopsy at all. They are just doing what is best for them maybe even after considering Mopsy's date.

I don't think OP quite deserves the bashing she got from the first few posters, but I do think she needs to rethink her hurt and love her day and enjoy the planning.

gellchom

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Re: There is an issue with your date...
« Reply #29 on: June 27, 2015, 09:15:17 AM »
If it really were the only possible date for the cousin or something like that, she still could have handled it differently: "Mopsy, I am so sorry, but we have tried and tried and this is the only date that will work because [X].  I feel so bad about this; we really wanted you to be there and I hate it that I will have to miss your wedding, too. I'm so sorry, but we just couldn't work it out any other way.  Thank you for being understanding."