News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 22, 2017, 08:22:41 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?  (Read 8240 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

catwhiskers

  • Member
  • Posts: 357
Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« on: July 02, 2015, 12:31:01 PM »
I mentioned in another thread that I am attending a wedding in a few weeks where the bride has asked guests to avoid wearing a number of colours and a type of pattern. I was made aware of these restrictions after I had already purchased an outfit that doesn't match them, and I have been struggling to find something else suitable that I like enough to want to wear again.

I have found a halter neck, ankle length dress that is heavily patterned all over in red and gold. However, because the background to the pattern is white, I am a little concerned about it being seen as a "white" dress.

What do you all think?

(Edited because I missed out a word).
« Last Edit: July 02, 2015, 12:32:53 PM by catwhiskers »

Oh Joy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1982
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2015, 04:33:26 PM »
Add me to the readers distracted by the bride's request.   You must dish!

I'm picturing an insert card in the invitation "requesting" that guests refrain from wearing polka dots or anything turquoise, kelly green, or magenta, though I suppose a Facebook post is more likely.

Compliance is optional, as is attendance...has anyone pushed back yet?

Hmmmmm

  • Member
  • Posts: 8883
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2015, 10:39:00 PM »
DD and I just had this conversation this weekend. We came to the conclusion that if the pattern covers more than half of the white background it's no longer a white dress.

gellchom

  • Member
  • Posts: 3722
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2015, 05:02:33 AM »
I don't even think I'd worry if it's less than 50%.  A print dress with a white background simply isn't a white dress for the purpose of not wearing white to a wedding.

But I'm mostly posting because I, too, want to know what the restrictions were!  A pattern, really?  Sheesh.

Harriet Jones

  • Member
  • Posts: 8650
  • Yes, we know who you are.
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2015, 08:45:45 AM »
As long as the dress doesn't 'read' white (you can still tell there's a pattern from a distance or in photos) I can't see where there would be a problem.

#borecore

  • Member
  • Posts: 5171
  • Extreme normcore
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2015, 09:02:53 AM »
I wore a dress similar to this in terms of flower-to-white ratio to a wedding reception a few years ago and it felt fine to me. (However, I was a tad nervous about it and wore something black to the ceremony to test the waters -- I needn't have worried.)
 http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FGJTpTf-ZvM/TmBZeJDZ0gI/AAAAAAAADqs/zcc-gM1XDXI/s1600/2011WHBM_RosePrintFullSkirtDress_Front.jpg
(Hope the link works!)

catwhiskers

  • Member
  • Posts: 357
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2015, 01:12:20 PM »
The dress is about 40% white, 40% red, 20% gold. The pattern is very obvious from a distance. Normally I'd not be worried in the least, but since in this case the bride is being so picky about colours, I am a little worried. (I've been to loads of weddings, and I've never been told I can't wear even one colour, let alone several and a pattern before).

I'd love to provide full information on the exact restrictions, but I don't want to get into identifying information. However, I can say that four colours and one type of pattern are on the list. Apparently three of the excluded colours are being used in the wedding party, and the other colour and the pattern, the bride just does not like.

This information was not included with the invitation, which is why my original outfit didn't comply with the restrictions. My OH found out about them in conversation with the groom. If it wasn't for the fact that I don't want to look like a special snowflake in front of everyone else, I'd have stuck with the original outfit.

There is another potential drama issue relating to this wedding, so depending on how that pans out I might have an interesting story to tell afterwards. Thankfully I am not personally involved and I intend to keep my head down and stay out of it if anything blows up.



Waltzes with Cacti

  • Member
  • Posts: 66
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2015, 01:30:09 PM »
I wore a dress similar to this in terms of flower-to-white ratio to a wedding reception a few years ago and it felt fine to me. (However, I was a tad nervous about it and wore something black to the ceremony to test the waters -- I needn't have worried.)
 http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FGJTpTf-ZvM/TmBZeJDZ0gI/AAAAAAAADqs/zcc-gM1XDXI/s1600/2011WHBM_RosePrintFullSkirtDress_Front.jpg
(Hope the link works!)

Jmarvellous, that is one gorgeous dress!

Waltzes with Cacti

  • Member
  • Posts: 66
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2015, 01:44:10 PM »
The dress is about 40% white, 40% red, 20% gold. The pattern is very obvious from a distance. Normally I'd not be worried in the least, but since in this case the bride is being so picky about colours, I am a little worried. (I've been to loads of weddings, and I've never been told I can't wear even one colour, let alone several and a pattern before).

I'd love to provide full information on the exact restrictions, but I don't want to get into identifying information. However, I can say that four colours and one type of pattern are on the list. Apparently three of the excluded colours are being used in the wedding party, and the other colour and the pattern, the bride just does not like.

This information was not included with the invitation, which is why my original outfit didn't comply with the restrictions. My OH found out about them in conversation with the groom. If it wasn't for the fact that I don't want to look like a special snowflake in front of everyone else, I'd have stuck with the original outfit.

There is another potential drama issue relating to this wedding, so depending on how that pans out I might have an interesting story to tell afterwards. Thankfully I am not personally involved and I intend to keep my head down and stay out of it if anything blows up.

Catwhiskers, the dress sounds fine. But if you have any doubts, wear what you had originally planned. That bride is a special snowflake if ever there was one. She doesn't like a color and a pattern? Tough. She gets to set the formality of the wedding; that's as far as her veto power extends.

You're a grown woman. Dress to please yourself. And if your favorite bib n' tucker happens to be a puce and chartreuse tartan pinafore with a maroon paisley peplum, all of which are anathema to the SS, too bad! If you like it wear it.

I bet I'm not the only one here who would love to hear more of this story if you'd care to share it.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2015, 09:03:36 PM by Waltzes with Cacti »

Thipu1

  • Member
  • Posts: 7439
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2015, 11:37:40 AM »
What you intend to wear sounds perfectly fine. 

People here sometimes seem to obsess about wearing white, black or red to a Wedding. There was even a thread a few years back about whether a man could wear a white dress shirt or a woman wear a white blouse.  That was absurd. If you don't look like the Bride, a widow at her Husband's funeral or a Lady of the Evening your choice of dress should be just fine. 

A  print dress with a white, red or black background should not be a problem. 

metallicafan

  • Member
  • Posts: 703
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #10 on: July 05, 2015, 08:50:34 PM »
The dress is about 40% white, 40% red, 20% gold. The pattern is very obvious from a distance. Normally I'd not be worried in the least, but since in this case the bride is being so picky about colours, I am a little worried. (I've been to loads of weddings, and I've never been told I can't wear even one colour, let alone several and a pattern before).

I'd love to provide full information on the exact restrictions, but I don't want to get into identifying information. However, I can say that four colours and one type of pattern are on the list. Apparently three of the excluded colours are being used in the wedding party, and the other colour and the pattern, the bride just does not like.

This information was not included with the invitation, which is why my original outfit didn't comply with the restrictions. My OH found out about them in conversation with the groom. If it wasn't for the fact that I don't want to look like a special snowflake in front of everyone else, I'd have stuck with the original outfit.

There is another potential drama issue relating to this wedding, so depending on how that pans out I might have an interesting story to tell afterwards. Thankfully I am not personally involved and I intend to keep my head down and stay out of it if anything blows up.

Catwhiskers, the dress sounds fine. But if you have any doubts, wear what you had originally planned. That bride is a special snowflake if ever there was one. She doesn't like a color and a pattern? Tough. She gets to set the formality of the wedding; that's as far as her veto power extends.

You're a grown woman. Dress to please yourself. And if your favorite bib n' tucker happens to be a puce and chartreuse tartan pinafore with a maroon paisley peplum, all of which are anathema to the SS, too bad! If you like it wear it.

I bet I'm not the only one here who would love to hear more of this story if you'd care to share it.



I agree.  I think it is totally outrageous for a bride to think that she has the right to tell her guests that they are forbidden from wearing certain colors or patterns.   Is everyone going along with this?

gellchom

  • Member
  • Posts: 3722
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2015, 01:21:20 AM »
I'd love to provide full information on the exact restrictions, but I don't want to get into identifying information. However, I can say that four colours and one type of pattern are on the list. Apparently three of the excluded colours are being used in the wedding party, and the other colour and the pattern, the bride just does not like.

This information was not included with the invitation, which is why my original outfit didn't comply with the restrictions. My OH found out about them in conversation with the groom. If it wasn't for the fact that I don't want to look like a special snowflake in front of everyone else, I'd have stuck with the original outfit.

The bolded is what just slays me.  She just doesn't like green and plaid, so no one can wear them?  Seriously?

Actually, I'm thinking that this sounds too ridiculous to be true -- so it probably isn't.  Not that the OP isn't telling the truth -- I'm sure she is -- just that rereading how she heard about the "restrictions" makes me think it all may have been amplified a bit at each step in the game of "Telephone." 

Looking at the posts in this and the other string where catwhiskers first mentioned this, I can't find out exactly what's going on.  The "restrictions" weren't in the invitation, we know, but where exactly are they?  She just says "My OH found out about them in conversation with the groom."  In the other string, she wrote, "I have now been given a small list of colours and even a type of pattern that I am 'not allowed' to wear....OH was discussing the wedding with the groom and only then found out, with a matter of weeks to go that my dress is in the 'forbidden' pattern and the accessories are one of the 'forbidden' colours."  She herself puts "forbidden" in quotes, and the passive voice "I have now been given a list ..." isn't specific.  An actual list?  Posted somewhere, or received in an email?  Or just what she gleaned from the conversation?

So this could be anything from the bride making an announcement on Facebook or a wedding website that guests are forbidden or requested not to wear certain things -- which is the thrillingly disgusting scenario we all seem irresistibly drawn to imagining! -- through a whole continuum of successively less appalling possibilities all the way down to Bride having mentioned in an offhand manner to her fiancÚ (or even someone else who related it to him), "With pink bridesmaid dresses and pink and white polka dot tablecloths, won't the pictures look funny if a lot of people wear either the same shade of pink or something like orange and brown plaid?  I hope no one does!" And then the fiancÚ, perhaps nervously going overboard trying to please her or complaining that she's getting obsessed with the wedding exaggerates it a bit, and by the time it reaches other people's ears it has turned into a "list" of "restrictions" of "forbidden" colors and patterns. 

Probably it's somewhere in the middle, but you get my point.  I remember before my own wedding, my mother was discussing the centerpieces with my husband's mother and mentioned that she told the florist please not too many purple flowers in the mix, as my dad hated purple.  The next thing we knew, MIL (who is a dear but does have a tendency to majorly exaggerate in stories to make them more fun) was telling someone, "And FOB says that it there is a speck of purple anywhere, he's going to have all the centerpieces thrown out then and there!"  Like that.  People are very willing to make anything a bride says sound bridezillish.

Catwhiskers, I already felt that you should go ahead and wear what you'd planned anyway.  I would even if there were something on a wedding website about it, but certainly if the only source for this "restriction" is what your OH said that the groom said.  For all you know, none of the other guests even knows about it.  You should avoid pumping up the drama at your end, too, you know -- don't go trashing Bride about this when you really don't know exactly what she did.  Meantime, wear your terrific outfit and have fun.

And definitely tell us all about this wedding!  I admit it will be more fun if it does turn out that there's an actual list of restrictions .... >:D


LtPowers

  • Member
  • Posts: 474
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #12 on: July 08, 2015, 10:03:39 AM »
That bride is a special snowflake if ever there was one. She doesn't like a color and a pattern? Tough. She gets to set the formality of the wedding; that's as far as her veto power extends.

This. Brides can dictate the attire of their attendants, and they might get a say in their parents' attire. No one else.


Powers  &8^]

catwhiskers

  • Member
  • Posts: 357
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2015, 03:44:32 PM »
Catwhiskers, I already felt that you should go ahead and wear what you'd planned anyway.  I would even if there were something on a wedding website about it, but certainly if the only source for this "restriction" is what your OH said that the groom said.  For all you know, none of the other guests even knows about it.  You should avoid pumping up the drama at your end, too, you know -- don't go trashing Bride about this when you really don't know exactly what she did.  Meantime, wear your terrific outfit and have fun.

And definitely tell us all about this wedding!  I admit it will be more fun if it does turn out that there's an actual list of restrictions .... >:D

The bride is OH's cousin and he checked with her before he even mentioned it to me. The restrictions are for real. If anything else interesting happens, I will let you all know in a couple of weeks.

gellchom

  • Member
  • Posts: 3722
Re: Does this sound acceptable to wear as a guest?
« Reply #14 on: July 10, 2015, 05:33:04 PM »
Catwhiskers, I already felt that you should go ahead and wear what you'd planned anyway.  I would even if there were something on a wedding website about it, but certainly if the only source for this "restriction" is what your OH said that the groom said.  For all you know, none of the other guests even knows about it.  You should avoid pumping up the drama at your end, too, you know -- don't go trashing Bride about this when you really don't know exactly what she did.  Meantime, wear your terrific outfit and have fun.

And definitely tell us all about this wedding!  I admit it will be more fun if it does turn out that there's an actual list of restrictions .... >:D

The bride is OH's cousin and he checked with her before he even mentioned it to me. The restrictions are for real. If anything else interesting happens, I will let you all know in a couple of weeks.

I believe you that "the restrictions are for real,'" but what does that mean?  You only heard about them by word of mouth, so it wasn't in the invitation.  Did the HC call or email everyone who is coming?  Put it on a web site?  Or what?

Edited to add: are all the guests on notice of the restrictions somehow?  Or just some?
« Last Edit: July 11, 2015, 06:01:00 AM by gellchom »