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Author Topic: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!  (Read 9799 times)

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Little Jo

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I am not doing well in this school at all I can't think of what to say in certain situations. I am short, slight but put on weight on my tummy. Today as I was walking my dog, a woman I used to work with came over and grabbed me in a hug "Oh you are pregnant!"
No no I am not. My reply was "No it is just too many sweets"
She then said "but surely you want to be pregnant."
I know I know I should have shut up at this stage, passed the bean dip done something sensible. I didn't.
I failed big time.
My reply "In good time I need to get married first"
"Oh you don't need to be married to have a baby"
It may not be necessary for everyone but for my fiance and I it is. However I knew that she would not understand that I am Orange and have certain beliefs as an Orange. I didn't want to get into any future discussion and was very sorry I hadn't just said "No I am not" and kept going. I laughed nervously. I was wishing the road would open up and swallow me.  I managed
"Best keep going need to walk these sweets off"
Darn it all why can't I think of the Bean Dip sooner?

GreenBird

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2015, 06:27:05 PM »
The next time someone says something jaw-droppingly inappropriate like that, an all-purpose thing to say is "Excuse me?", and then just wait for them to respond.  It gives you a little extra time to figure out how you want to react, while putting them on notice that they've probably said something inappropriate.  It won't necessarily stop people from pressing their point, but it gives you something automatic to say that gives you a little breathing room so you can choose how you answer.

oz diva

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2015, 07:34:44 PM »
Look it's hard to be polite and think straight when someone has called you fat. I've had too many people announce my pregnancy to me. It throws me everytime. Particularly when they insist that I must be. I feel like handing them a shovel, so they can dig their hole a little deeper. Honestly!!  Did their mother never tell them not to comment unless they see the baby's head crowning?

Victoria

CakeEater

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2015, 08:55:56 PM »
No no I am not. My reply was "No it is just too many sweets"
She then said "but surely you want to be pregnant."


This is the worst for me - sometimes people put their foot in their mouths and say something about a non-existent pregnancy. The thing to do then is to apologise profusely, not go on with, 'but surely you want to be pregnant.'

Surely? Why would someone you hardly know 'surely' want to be pregnant? And what if they do and they're not?

Just horrible all around.

OP, don't feel bad about not knowing just what to say when someone says something as idiotic as that.

TaterTot

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2015, 10:37:27 PM »
"But surely you want to be pregnant"

That comment is just so totally bizarre. I think I would fall back on "Don't call me Shirley" until at least until I could figure out something to say. There is also the possibility of saying "What am interesting assumption."

Kiwipinball

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2015, 11:05:44 PM »
I'd be really tempted to tell her (with a completely dead pan face) "actually the doctors say I'll never be able to have kids." Just to try to get a light bulb that she's inappropriate to go off. That's not a nice thing to do, but I'd want to. General rules:

1. Never imply a woman is pregnant unless she's told you (or you've heard it from a reliable source - i.e. the father, someone else close to the pregnant woman)
2. If you slip and imply a woman is pregnant who is not pregnant - you apologize! A woman once asked me when I was due. When my confused reply was "what?" (I thought she'd said what do you do but couldn't figure out why she was using a cutesy voice) she was mortified and started stammering - which is when I figured out what she said. To be fair, there was a woman who fit my vague physical description (blonde, youngish) who was pregnant - I think (hope!) she confused us. Still never wore that shirt again.

NFPwife

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2015, 11:29:27 PM »
How awful. It's so hard when you're caught in the moment. You did fine. I love the idea of, "Excuse me?" while giving yourself time to think.

When I was really thin (very bottom of my weight range,) I'd get a monthly bloat and look three months pregnant - my mother was lovely enough to routinely point that out.  ::) I worked in retail and one customer was convinced I was pregnant. When I said I wasn't, she didn't believe me. She said I was "Just starting to show," and that I "Must have lost track." I told her I really wasn't pregnant and it was a monthly bulge not a nine-monthly bulge. She apologized so profusely and was nearly in tears.  (I still get it. Weirdly it doesn't "show" once I hit the middle of my range.)

HorseFreak

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2015, 06:46:15 AM »
I once had a coworker do something similar to NFPwife's situation. We were waiting for a training to start and she congratulated me on my pregnancy. I told her that I wasn't pregnant and she kept insisting over and over until I cried. I told her I just had a tummy (on my then 120 lb frame) and she wouldn't take no for an answer and I couldn't leave because of the training. This person was from another country so it might have been cultural, but heavens that is miserable!

FauxFoodist

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2015, 11:36:37 AM »
I'm afraid I would not have a polite response for anyone who would insist I was pregnant after repeatedly being told I wasn't.

Team HoundMom

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2015, 09:53:43 AM »
I'd be really tempted to tell her (with a completely dead pan face) "actually the doctors say I'll never be able to have kids." Just to try to get a light bulb that she's inappropriate to go off.

I would totally do this.  My jaw literally dropped at "surely you want to be pregnant" - what. the. heck.

I'd be like "Nope.  No can do.  You need working parts for that." 

(I'm pretty sure my own parts still work, but I do not and never have wanted children, let alone to be pregnant.)

AfleetAlex

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2015, 09:58:09 AM »
Depending on the audience, I've said with a big smile, "Not unless it's the next Christ child."
I have a chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease.

Nikko-chan

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2015, 11:40:31 AM »
Depending on the audience, I've said with a big smile, "Not unless it's the next Christ child."

I have wanted to use that on so many people.

magicdomino

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #12 on: July 06, 2015, 11:44:47 AM »
Depending on the audience, I've said with a big smile, "Not unless it's the next Christ child."

I have wanted to use that on so many people.

I believe I have said something about how it would be the first miracle in 2000 years.

Elisabunny

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #13 on: July 06, 2015, 02:04:13 PM »
I would have been totally gobsmacked.  That is, until she got to the "you don't need a husband..." bit.

At that point, there is a very good chance that FilibusterBunny would make an appearance (usually she only shows up to deal with kids asking about Santa Claus.  >:D ). She would go into excruciating detail about her belief that children do better with married parents, citing various studies (real or made up  ;) ) to back her up.  All with a snobbish tone implying, "of course my children deserve only the best.  How dare you imply otherwise?"  ;D

You must remember this: a ghoti is still a fish...

greencat

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Re: Too stunned to pass the Bean Dip need to resit this test!
« Reply #14 on: July 06, 2015, 04:20:29 PM »
I am fairly thing but wearing certain styles of clothing apparently makes me look like I might be pregnant.  People don't usually continue when you give them the "You are crazy for saying that" look and say "No" in an offended tone.  At that point, they typically fall over themselves apologizing, because they realize what they did was rude, as they should, since most people past about eight years old know not to ask that question.