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Author Topic: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)  (Read 6138 times)

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Caycep

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That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« on: July 17, 2015, 05:16:28 PM »
Little brother's wedding is coming up in a few weeks and my mom and stepmom have been shopping online for dresses.  My mom's came in and it's very pretty.  Floral maxi dress, perfect for an outdoor August wedding.  She asked me to mention to my stepmom that she and MOB were wearing long dresses.  I think they both went with sheath style for my wedding and had been having a hard time finding something similar this year, or whatever.  So I'm having coffee at stepmom's today and saw a package in the foyer.  Stepmom said "oh, I've been sending dresses back, it's so hard to find something in my size.  Let me show you what I have that I'm deciding between."  We do this a lot.  Very fun.  So we go into her closet.  She's got a white lace maxi dress with sequins.  I'm just  :o

I messed up.  I said, "That's so pretty!  It's very white!" She said, "It's cream.  Do you think it looks too much like a wedding dress?" 

I flat out said, "Yes, it does."  Eep.  :(

I'm in EHell for that one.  But it is whiter than the bride's dress.  What should I have done?!

Jones

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2015, 05:26:34 PM »
Blunt yes, rude no. She asked your opinion, you gave it, she avoided a blunder.
A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can will solve most of the problems. CS Lewis

metallicafan

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2015, 05:27:31 PM »
What was your step mom's response to you telling her that it looked like a wedding dress?

rose red

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2015, 05:31:56 PM »
I'm sure you didn't say it in a nasty snotty "you're so stupid" way so I think you're fine.

Caycep

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2015, 05:36:05 PM »
What was your step mom's response to you telling her that it looked like a wedding dress?

Something like "oh, well, I do have this other one that is also nice."  She understood.  Dress is below.  Sorry for the wonky formatting.

http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/r-m-richards-sleeveless-lace-blouson-gown?ID=2230710&CategoryID=5449&LinkType=#fn=COLOR%3DIvory/Cream%26PAGEINDEX%3D2%26sp%3D2%26spc%3D89%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D61

metallicafan

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2015, 05:40:01 PM »
What was your step mom's response to you telling her that it looked like a wedding dress?

Something like "oh, well, I do have this other one that is also nice."  She understood.  Dress is below.  Sorry for the wonky formatting.

http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/r-m-richards-sleeveless-lace-blouson-gown?ID=2230710&CategoryID=5449&LinkType=#fn=COLOR%3DIvory/Cream%26PAGEINDEX%3D2%26sp%3D2%26spc%3D89%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D61


I think you did the right thing in telling her not to wear it.

Zizi-K

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2015, 06:23:27 PM »
I agree - it's a very pretty dress, but for a wedding? just no. I don't think you were rude at all. And it doesn't sound like she's upset either.

Danika

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2015, 06:29:30 PM »
You weren't rude. I think you said it perfectly. And you spared her and the bride a lot of heartache. Other guests would not have thought too well of your stepmom if she wore a dress like that to someone else's wedding.

KenveeB

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2015, 07:58:20 AM »
I don't think you did anything wrong. She specifically asked for your opinion, and you saved the much bigger problem of her wearing that dress to the wedding. Be sure to compliment her in the other dress on the wedding day. :)

Thipu1

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2015, 10:48:22 AM »
I agree with the earlier posters.  The dress is lovely but it could easily be used as a Wedding dress.  In another color it would be just fine.

You aren't going to E-He'll for what you said.  You were asked for your honest opinion and gave it.  In a way, it was a kindness to spare your SMIL embarassment. 

She seemed to take your response to her dress in good part.  You seem to have a relaxed relationship so I wouldn't worry.

gramma dishes

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2015, 11:17:08 AM »
She obviously asked your opinion because she herself had some doubts as to the appropriateness of that particular color.  So while your answer was maybe a little blunt and quite to the point, I think it was the correct answer and there was nothing at all wrong in the way you delivered it.  I suspect she is grateful that you were quick and honest. 

Kiwipinball

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #11 on: July 18, 2015, 01:59:21 PM »
I also think there's a huge difference between saying something when people can still do something about it (e.g. before showing up at the wedding) and when it's too late (already arrived at wedding - not practical to change). If there's nothing they can do, it's rather unkind to say anything - even if they asked my opinion, I'd be inclined to downplay it (or offer a solution like a different color jacket if I had one). She was probably worried, but liked the dress and was trying to decide if it was bad or not. Quite common and when I ask people's opinions, I want honesty.

chicajojobe

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #12 on: July 19, 2015, 08:16:31 AM »
Little brother's wedding is coming up in a few weeks and my mom and stepmom have been shopping online for dresses.  My mom's came in and it's very pretty.  Floral maxi dress, perfect for an outdoor August wedding.  She asked me to mention to my stepmom that she and MOB were wearing long dresses.  I think they both went with sheath style for my wedding and had been having a hard time finding something similar this year, or whatever.  So I'm having coffee at stepmom's today and saw a package in the foyer.  Stepmom said "oh, I've been sending dresses back, it's so hard to find something in my size.  Let me show you what I have that I'm deciding between."  We do this a lot.  Very fun.  So we go into her closet.  She's got a white lace maxi dress with sequins.  I'm just  :o

I messed up.  I said, "That's so pretty!  It's very white!" She said, "It's cream.  Do you think it looks too much like a wedding dress?" 

I flat out said, "Yes, it does."  Eep.  :(

I'm in EHell for that one.  But it is whiter than the bride's dress.  What should I have done?!

Actually, I disagree that you're in EHell for that one. She asked a very relevant question and you answered.
There's a difference between telling a slightly uncomfortable truth, and being rude.


EllenS

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Re: That's very ... white. (I was unintentionally rude.)
« Reply #13 on: July 19, 2015, 09:49:36 AM »
POD.

Giving an honest opinion when asked a direct, specific question is not rude.

You were not insulting or abusive in any way. "Too much like a wedding dress?"
"Yes."

Nothing wrong with that at all.