Adults Who Gush Over Kids

[NEDESAPIO]

This is not an etiquette question, just a subject I’d like to get others’ opinions on.  I teach at a learning center for kids who have trouble with their school subjects (either English, math, or both).  My employer, who’s a bit flaky anyway, has a habit I find really annoying, for some reason:  she “gushes” all over the kids who attend, liberally using endearments like “honey,” “sweetie,” etc. (She calls the teachers these names, too—but since she does it with everyone, not just with me, I think it pointless to protest).  I don’t know if she’s just trying to put them at ease, or to make up for any love she believes may be lacking in their home lives, but sometimes I wish she’d just stop!  The boys don’t like it (I notice them squirming and looking away when she starts in on them), and one of my young pupils, who’s actually quite precocious, really hates to be gushed over (he's said so, though not to my employer).  I myself always make it a point to “talk up” a bit to the students, but then I’ve never been the “touchy-feely” type when it comes to kids. (I don’t have any myself and don’t really want to).  As I said, I’m not planning to tell her to change her behavior (that would be rude and uncalled for); I just wanted to hear others’ thoughts on this topic.  In short, are you the “gushy” type or not when it comes to kids?

[Clara Bow]

I talk to kids like I talk to adults, no wierd tones or singsongy voice. I keep the subject matter age appropriate, mostly just ask them questions about their interests. I do throw in the occasional endearment, but that's mostly because I'm awful to forget names...though I save "peaches" and "sweetpea" for the girls and use "bud" or "dude" for the guys...
I use endearments with adults when I forget their names while I wait for the name to come back. I called my hubby baby twice in a row and he looked at me and said "You have no idea what my name is, do you?" The sad part is, I was having a brainfreeze and it slipped me....just for a second but still....

[JeanFromBNA]

Most kids can spot a phony, and nobody likes to be patronized. 
I do gush over babies and cats, who seem to appreciate admiration.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

she “gushes” all over the kids who attend, liberally using endearments like “honey,” “sweetie,” etc. (She calls the teachers these names, too—but since she does it with everyone, not just with me, I think it pointless to protest). 

I call all kids "my dear" too. Not because I'm necessarily 'gushing' over them but because it's easier than remembering their names! I'm not joking - I'm terrible with names! I am constantly confusing children. I even confuse children of different ethnic groups! It's just easier to say, "My dear, please open the windows for me," than to try and remember whether I am addressing Zach, Kabelo, Katlego, Motlatjo or Karabo!

But since the person you posted about does that to adults, maybe it's just a cultural thing. Some black people here tend to call people "sweetie", etc. At first it annoyed me, but then I realised it was just a cultural way to be friendly and then I was fine with it.

[NEDESAPIO]

I do gush over babies and cats, who seem to appreciate admiration.[/quote]

My cat is the only one I gush over!

[NEDESAPIO]

But since the person you posted about does that to adults, maybe it's just a cultural thing. Some black people here tend to call people "sweetie", etc. At first it annoyed me, but then I realised it was just a cultural way to be friendly and then I was fine with it.

Well, she is from New Orleans.  I personally have a major problem with being called "dear," "honey," etc.  But, like I said, it probably is a "cultural thing" in her case; she does it to all the teachers, so there's no point in saying to her, "My name is Nicole."

[Sandi Papaya]

I don't like people who gush, period, but I don't mind being called "sweetie" or "honey" or "hon" or the like - by people whom I know and love, or at least like.

But kids are (generally) pretty good at divining when you're being fake with them, so that may be why a few of the kids don't feel very comfortable when she does this. She sounds pretty fake, and I would be bothered, too.

I call kids I don't know "sweetie" or "punkin" (if they're younger) or "dude" or "buddy" or something of the sort (if they're older). And I worked at Disneyland's main entrance, so I used to talk to literally hundreds of kids on a daily basis. I got reprimanded only once by a kid for doing this - "My name's not 'sweetie,' my name is X!" - but he was the only kid who objected in my (admittedly short) tenure at the Happiest Place on Earth. He was kind of a brat anyway, and he got reprimanded by his dad, because I was wearing a nametag, but the kid wasn't - so how was I supposed to know his name?

In a school setting, I'd expect a teacher or the like to be more or less familiar with the kids' names, but there are people out there who just aren't good with names (TMar posted a good example), or it could be a cultural thing. So it could be that (playing devil's advocate here) this woman just isn't good with names, but if it makes the kids outwardly uncomfortable, there's a possibility that more than one kid may feel like they are being condescended to.

I was a pretty smart kid, and I didn't like that feeling of being "talked down to" or gushed over once I was past the toddler stage. In fact, my mom tells me that even when I was a toddler I didn't like being talked down to, so I guess I've had a pretty good "phony filter" for the majority of my life!

[MadMadge43]

I hate gushing!  Drives me crazy and it actually drives me crazy when people have me come over to meet their new baby and I'm expected to gush, it takes everything out of me. To me all babies look the same and they're not that interesting.

But to kids that understand stuff, I pretty much talk to them like an adult, seems to me that they like it because they always talk back and we end up having fun. 

[Sandi Papaya]

I hate gushing!  Drives me crazy and it actually drives me crazy when people have me come over to meet their new baby and I'm expected to gush, it takes everything out of me. To me all babies look the same and they're not that interesting.

I like babies, don't get me wrong - in the beginning they all look the same, but once they start getting to be about five months old and a bit more interactive, they're fun. But what drives me crazy is the high-pitched baby voice/baby talk thing - I just. Cannot. Do. It.

I understand that babies (cats, too) respond to higher pitches and prefer female voices to male voices for that reason, but I feel like an idiot baby-talking to a baby. I feel like somewhat less of an idiot baby-talking to a cat, because well...it's a cat, and it's always going to be a cat, and it's not going to grow up one day and mouth off to you for treating it like a baby. But I cannot do it to a baby.

I realize kids are not miniature adults, but if I talk to a baby, I'm going to talk to it in my normal, medium-high-pitched adult voice (maybe sweetened in tone a bit, but not driven to that insanely high Chipmunk pitch that I can barely tolerate). I might be repetitive and get the child to mimic me or play games with the child, but I've never seen a baby NOT respond to me just because I didn't baby-talk to them.

In fact, I love babies (I didn't used to, but it was a matter of not being accustomed to them - now I'm surrounded by them). I love holding them. The most wonderful moment of my life came when my 4-year-old godson was born, and 4 days later I drove down to L.A. by myself, the first time (at 26) that I'd ever made that 6-hour drive on my own. I didn't even know how to hold a baby, but my aunt settled that little seven-pound, four-day-old bundle in my arms and I was instantly in love (which explains why he's now my godson). I was the first person in the family, outside of my aunt and her husband, to see him and hold him when he was born.

I was devastated when my twin niece and nephew were born, because I was at about the midpoint of being in my halo and couldn't hold them comfortably and without fear of harming them. Come Friday, though, I'll have 2 months of holding and cuddling to make up for... 

[Brentwood]

I'm not gushy, but I *do* call kids honey, sweetie and sweetheart. I work part-time in a day care at an athletic club, and 90% of the time I am working with children under 3. I also call them by their names. Most of the time, the children like to climb into my lap, ask to be picked up, or ask me to play with them, so I'm guessing they don't mind being called honey and sweetie.

When I'm working with the older kids (3 to 12), I usually tailor my conversation and treatment to the individual kid's personality. This method works well for me.

[Nekolove]

I use "sweetie" and "dear" all the time here at work. But I use it as a term of endearment, and only with the people I'm close with. And I'm not gushy about it. Instead of saying "Jane" I say "sweetie" with the same inflection and tone.

With babies and my kitties I'm more gushy, can't seem to help myself.

With children, I tend to feel them out. If they're still pretty young, I'll use "sweetie" and "kiddo" with some gush. If they're older than 5, I try to keep it more gush-free. And for some reason, I'm more likely to use a child's name than an adult's. Go figure!

[Bijou]

Kids like to be treated like people...since your boss treats all people alike, smothering them with smatterings of gooey stuff, I guess she thinks she is doing that. 
When my granddaughter was small she said "I like Dee (my sister) because she treats kids like people."  She was refering to the way Dee talks to kids in a respectful normal way, not down to them, includes them in coversations and projects, etc. 

[NEDESAPIO]

To me all babies look the same and they're not that interesting.

LOL!  I've often thought the same thing myself but have been afraid to say it! 

To me, kittens are a great deal more interesting than babies.

[NEDESAPIO]

I realize kids are not miniature adults

This is perhaps a bit off the topic, but, being American, I've always thought that little English children actually sound like "miniature adults." 

And it seems that in past eras, children in general were expected to behave like little adults: during the eighteenth century, for example, no distinction was made between childhood and adulthood; there was no "adolescence." Once a boy stopped wearing short pants, he was a man and expected to act like one.  I'm not saying this is the best state of affairs, necessarily; I'm just making an observation, repeating something I recall one of my English professors saying.

[Nekolove]

To me, kittens are a great deal more interesting than babies.

LOL! This is exactly what my husband keeps saying! We have a baby nephew now and he keeps wishing it was a kitten instead!!