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Author Topic: Save the Date ... for whom?  (Read 8094 times)

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Caycep

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Save the Date ... for whom?
« on: August 08, 2015, 09:23:23 AM »
DH received a Save the Date photo card yesterday in the mail.  Two first names, a picture of the happy couple taken from the back, and no name on the return address, only the street and town.  We've racked our brains (and Facebook) and cannot for the life of us figure out who these people are.  Would you just toss it?  We have a common last name so we're thinking that it may have been a mixup.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2015, 09:29:59 AM »
Have you tried to look up the street address to see who lives there?  I think some of the online phone books have 'reverse' lookups.

Caycep

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2015, 09:41:25 AM »
I did - the last name is the same as ours, but the first names are totally unknown.  That's why we're thinking it might be some kind of mistake.  DH is asking MIL later today.

Danika

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2015, 09:43:29 AM »
That is funny and a bit sad at the same time. I commend them for planning ahead with save the date cards. But it's sad that they didn't put a return address and they are not telling the right people to save the date.

They probably have relatives with your common last name, as you suggested, and just Googled and found your address. And then they were very vague about who they are, either purposely or accidentally.

I'd just toss it out, but I might mark my calendar for the date, not to attend, but just to have one toast/beverage at home on the wedding date and say "to whomever you are!"
« Last Edit: August 08, 2015, 09:45:55 AM by Danika »

Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2015, 09:49:17 AM »
I would ask around the family in case it's relatives you might know by nicknames, or second names. The kid you've always known as Fuzzy or Tadpole might actually be called Robert, and I've been to a wedding where all through the service, the minster referred to 'John Steven' because his family called him John but his friends all knew him as Steven.

Belle

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2015, 12:29:20 PM »
I would ask around the family in case it's relatives you might know by nicknames, or second names. The kid you've always known as Fuzzy or Tadpole might actually be called Robert, and I've been to a wedding where all through the service, the minster referred to 'John Steven' because his family called him John but his friends all knew him as Steven.

Or relatives you haven't seen in a really, really long time. That happened to us this summer.

We received a save the date with first names only, from our hometown, and a photo of two people I didn't recognize at all. The save the date was definitely intended for us - the invitation included my correct and unusual last name and spouse's different and also unique name. Even if somebody managed to find the wrong Belle Weirdlastname, there's no way they would have also had my spouse's correct name.

I asked my husband if he knew who the heck these people were, and he stared. And stared. And stared. And then finally said, "Oh my gosh, that's my cousin's son! I haven't seen him since he was twelve!" How we made the cut-off for the wedding, I'll never know, but the save-the-date was legit.

Mergatroyd

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2015, 12:47:33 PM »
If it is a mistake do you plan to mail it back, with a 'wrong number' type message?

Danika

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2015, 02:26:26 PM »
If it is a mistake do you plan to mail it back, with a 'wrong number' type message?

I think the OP said the return address was just a street name, city, no street number. Am I interpreting this correctly?
no name on the return address, only the street and town.

Was the return address complete, like:
123 Main St
Anytown, ME

or just
Main St
Anytown, ME

Caycep

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2015, 03:22:53 PM »
If it is a mistake do you plan to mail it back, with a 'wrong number' type message?

I think the OP said the return address was just a street name, city, no street number. Am I interpreting this correctly?
no name on the return address, only the street and town.

Was the return address complete, like:
123 Main St
Anytown, ME

or just
Main St
Anytown, ME

It was 123 Main St
Anytown, ME

But no names.  When I did a reverse search with that address, it gave me a "Bob and Sue White*", so same last name as us but we have NO Bob and Sue in the family.  The names on the Save the Date are Christine and Derek* I texted SIL and she has no idea either. 

*No real names were used here.  :)

I'm not planning on mailing it back, but if we get an actual invitation then I'll take action.

MyFamily

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2015, 04:16:27 PM »
My parents once received a wedding invitation and absolutely could not figure out who the couple getting married were.  The invite only referred to the couple by their first names (no last names at all); the parents were not hosting, so they weren't mentioned (usually another good clue - that is how I identified the invite for the wedding of my second-cousin-once-removed).  The wedding was taking place and the RSVP was going to a city that my parents had no connection to (this was before googling an address was common). 

A few days later, they got a call from a very good, dear friend who asked if they'd received the invite to his daughter's wedding.  Growing up, she'd used a nickname based on her middle name, and the invite only mentioned her first name; so her parents were calling all their friends who received invites, letting them know it was their daughter, since they realized it was a problem when their neighbor mentioned getting an invite to a wedding and not knowing who it was for.

My sister is getting married this summer and my parents told her to include her and her groom's last names on the invite. 
"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

EllenS

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #10 on: August 13, 2015, 04:47:25 PM »
There is also the (remote) possibility that your relative is the groom, and Bob and Sue (bride's parents) just happen to have the same last name as you. Bizarre, but it does happen.

Do you have any Christines or Dereks in the family?

My curiosity would get the better of me. If MIL didn't know who Bob, Sue, Christine or Derek were, I'd call Bob and Sue from the reverse-search and say something like, "Hi, this is MyFamily White. I know this sounds like a silly question, but we got a Save the Date for Christine and Derek's wedding. You know how families move around and spread out -- we're having trouble tracking down whose kids Christine and Derek are?"

They might be somewhat put out, but that's the price they pay for being too cutesy.

Caycep

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #11 on: August 13, 2015, 08:12:40 PM »
There is also the (remote) possibility that your relative is the groom, and Bob and Sue (bride's parents) just happen to have the same last name as you. Bizarre, but it does happen.

Do you have any Christines or Dereks in the family?

My curiosity would get the better of me. If MIL didn't know who Bob, Sue, Christine or Derek were, I'd call Bob and Sue from the reverse-search and say something like, "Hi, this is MyFamily White. I know this sounds like a silly question, but we got a Save the Date for Christine and Derek's wedding. You know how families move around and spread out -- we're having trouble tracking down whose kids Christine and Derek are?"

They might be somewhat put out, but that's the price they pay for being too cutesy.

The only Christine we have is definitely NOT this person, and absolutely no Dereks at all.  I figure we'll deal with it if/when we get an actual invite, :)

gellchom

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #12 on: August 18, 2015, 12:31:07 PM »
We've had exactly this situation at least twice with save-the-dates.  Common first names only, no photo (or one we couldn't recognize a face in -- like a relative you haven't seen since he was little, or a distant or from the back shot), and no last name on the return address.  We stared at the card and asked each other, "Who?"

And I've been invited to bridal showers for "Anna" or whatever without any clue who she is (turned out to be the fiancee of a friend's son).

I'm sure that the people sending these invitations felt they were breezy and casual, and told themselves that everyone they know well enough to invite knows their names.  But even if you are sending it to your own aunt, you may not be the only "Anna" she knows who is getting married this year.  And if the thing is going to someone in the other family, or to friends of families, for sure there will be confusion -- i.e., if you send one to someone with a niece named Anna who is engaged, she for sure will think it's for her, not you.

So in my opinion, it's a bad idea not to have last names anywhere.  Just put the full names on the return address of a save the date if you really don't want them on the card itself -- that's what my daughter did. (Of course, in this case, the last name was on there and didn't help, but in most cases, that's all it will take.)

Danika

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #13 on: August 18, 2015, 12:56:59 PM »
We've had exactly this situation at least twice with save-the-dates.  Common first names only, no photo (or one we couldn't recognize a face in -- like a relative you haven't seen since he was little, or a distant or from the back shot), and no last name on the return address.  We stared at the card and asked each other, "Who?"

And I've been invited to bridal showers for "Anna" or whatever without any clue who she is (turned out to be the fiancee of a friend's son).

I'm sure that the people sending these invitations felt they were breezy and casual, and told themselves that everyone they know well enough to invite knows their names.  But even if you are sending it to your own aunt, you may not be the only "Anna" she knows who is getting married this year.  And if the thing is going to someone in the other family, or to friends of families, for sure there will be confusion -- i.e., if you send one to someone with a niece named Anna who is engaged, she for sure will think it's for her, not you.

So in my opinion, it's a bad idea not to have last names anywhere.  Just put the full names on the return address of a save the date if you really don't want them on the card itself -- that's what my daughter did. (Of course, in this case, the last name was on there and didn't help, but in most cases, that's all it will take.)

I, too, have had this happen with several shower invitations. In our area, generally a friend throws the bridal or baby shower. I don't know all of my friends' friends or cousins' friends so the names on the return address mean nothing.

I don't like when they're vague and just give you a phone number to RSVP to and there's no hostess name listed anywhere. You often get a robot voice on voicemail stating "you have reached 415 555 1212" and you're not even sure you were connected to the right number before you leave a message like "uhhh, I'm Danika, uhhh, I plan to be at Sarah's shower."

And you're hoping it's your cousin's wife Sarah, because they only listed the GOH's first name. You didn't even know she was pregnant but she's the only Sarah you know who's not currently going through a divorce so you hope she's the right Sarah.

I have my maiden name so I've had a couple of invitations arrive with my first name and DH's last name. Then I'm leaving a voicemail on a phone number that I hope connected correctly and I'm saying "This is Danika Smith RSVPing" and I know that the hostess probably only has a guest list with a Danika DHlastname and I hope she can figure it out.

Pooky582

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Re: Save the Date ... for whom?
« Reply #14 on: August 18, 2015, 01:39:59 PM »
My sister and her fiancÚ had this happen to them with a high school graduation invitation. It even had a picture of her on it.  Neither of them recognized her or her name.  But it was their correct names, unique spellings and all.  They asked everyone they knew and no one recognized the name, so they just let it go.  Had it been a more important event, like a wedding, they would have looked into it more. It was a very interesting experience. 

I'd do exactly what you have said, and act if an actual invitation shows up.