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Author Topic: Used it to avoid a sticky situation  (Read 6197 times)

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Midnight Kitty

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Used it to avoid a sticky situation
« on: August 14, 2015, 06:20:34 PM »
[bg]DH and I have a small dog.  We live in a large condo building and have an elderly neighbor lady who also has a small dog.  Our relationship with "Dodi" is based on the dogs - play dates, dogsitting, rides to the groomers or the vet.  As time passes, Dodi is becoming more frail and easily confused.  She has 3 sons, none of which speak to her (my suspicious nature says there must be a reason).[/bg]

Dodi's condo has a parking stall which she rents out since she cannot drive and does not have a car.  She had one excellent renter for years, but now he's gone and she needs to find another renter.  She called me up yesterday and said she is getting all these calls from people who want to rent her parking stall and she doesn't know what to do.  I said I wouldn't know as I've never done anything like that (rent out property), but maybe she should start by asking for references.

Dodi tried again with the "poor me, I don't know what to do!"  I said, well, I guess the most important thing would be finding someone who will pay you on time.  Off Dodi goes on a tangent of how wonderful the last parking tenant was, always paid on time or early, yadda yadda yadda.  I recommended she ask for references.

"Can't you do it?" she asks.

I said, "No, that will not be possible.  I've told you twice and I'm only going to say this one more time, then I'm going to say goodbye: Ask them for references.  I love you, Dodi.  Goodbye."

Dodi said "goodbye" and we hung up.

The thing is I know that Dodi is a bottomless hole of need.  She belongs in an assisted living facility.  Her sons ought to be helping their mother out.  If I found her a parking tenant, she would hold me responsible for picking them any time she has a problem with them.  I'm not a property manager.

 
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Mel the Redcap

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Re: Used it to avoid a sticky situation
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2015, 08:37:18 PM »
I think you dodged a bullet very gracefully! ;D
"Set aphasia to stun!"

lkdrymom

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Re: Used it to avoid a sticky situation
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2015, 03:54:57 PM »
This may be why her sons don't help out.....if something goes wrong she won't let them forget it.

I do my father's taxes. One year he got a call saying there was something wrong with his filing. He gave me heck for that.  You know what was wrong.....HE forgot to sign his return. 

Your description of her is so much like my father....a bottomless hole of need.  And you handled it perfectly.  You have to set firm boundaries. I will help my father...but I am not doing things  he is capable of doing for himself. My famous line is....the more you help him, the more helpless he gets.  I can't get my relatives to understand this. They all think I should be doing more.  I do what I can and sometimes even that is more than I can take.  My aunt keeps running up to clean his apartment....a chore he is perfectly capable of doing....but if she is going to do it for him, why should he bother. Then she looks at me like I should be doing it. Sorry not happening.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: Used it to avoid a sticky situation
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2015, 02:14:18 PM »
Mahalo, lkdrymom.

It's my husband who keeps saying, "Her sons should help her out!"  I'm the one who says, "There's must be a reason not one of her 3 sons are on speaking terms with her."
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

lkdrymom

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Re: Used it to avoid a sticky situation
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2015, 06:41:20 AM »
People always assume that the 'kids' are no good because they are not their for their parents.  My guess is 9 out of 10 times there is a real good reason for that.   Today I have to run over there because he is insisting he is 'allergic' to his bed.  Bed was purchased about 4 months ago and of good quality.  I am not sure what he expects me to do.  The more I do, the more he wants. Normally I see him every other week for shopping. Since the last time I took him shopping (less than two weeks ago) I have been there two more times. Way more than I normally do so now he is finding reasons for me to come over.   Of course he wanted me there yesterday and I couldn't go (job interview). My co-worker who is run ragged by her elderly parent couldn't believe I said "no" to his immediate demand. Of course I may not go over today because Tuesday is casino day and he might not be home. So I get to spend the day dreading my visit to him.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: Used it to avoid a sticky situation
« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2015, 02:05:59 PM »
{{{lkdrymom}}}  Personally, I assumed that her 3 sons had good reasons for not "being there for her."  She drives me crazy at times.  She is manipulative.  She's like a woman who lives in a sensory deprivation chamber - the ones with no light, no sound, and a saline bath.  She feels every stimulus like a cattle prod.  Someone says something to her and she takes offense where none was intended which leads to recriminations, apologies, reassurances, etc.  All the drama is exhausting. :P

Yet still, she's not dying of starvation on my watch.  I'll give her food from my refrigerator or go shopping for her.  I will never take her shopping in the grocery store again.  I might accidentally kill her when she changes her mind for the millionth time after I grabbed my frozen items. {joke}
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

lkdrymom

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Re: Used it to avoid a sticky situation
« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2015, 03:31:10 PM »
You do what you can  but you have to know your limits. I feel sorry for my coworker as her mother makes her life miserable.  She doesn't have the stomach to make the really hard decisions (her mom needs to be in a facility that can deal with her).

My father is at the casino and apparently the urgent bed issue has been resolved. Of course he did remind me the 'end was near".  I reminded him that he said that a few months ago and it never happened.

Minmom3

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Re: Used it to avoid a sticky situation
« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2015, 11:06:14 PM »
My mother is in assisted living.  She's 88.  She'll call up and ask for something to be fetched to her, and expect me to hop right to it.  "Can't do that Mom, I have to work for the next 3 days.  I'll bring it after"  "Oh!  You have to WORK?"  Like I haven't worked all my adult life... 

This being the sandwich generation  absolutely SUCKS!
Double MIL now; not yet a Grandma.  Owner of Lard Butt Noelle, kitteh extraordinaire!

lkdrymom

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Re: Used it to avoid a sticky situation
« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2015, 05:47:10 AM »
My father would would call me at work when his remote wouldn't work and expect me to just leave work and come and fix it RIGHT NOW!  Seriously this was a tragedy in his eyes.  The thing would just need to be reprogrammed so I wrote down all the instructions so he could do it himself. Would rather I did it as it was just 'easier'.  Easier for whom???  He really thought because I had a big position that I could just come and go as I pleased.

You are so right about the sandwich generation!!!  I was so stressed about an issue we had with my daughter's car. Sunday got that resolved. And Monday I get the call over the bed.  I swear the two of them love to tag team me.