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Author Topic: Well, I felt proud for a minute at least...  (Read 8940 times)

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AnonymousAnonAnon1

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Re: Well, I felt proud for a minute at least...
« Reply #15 on: August 20, 2015, 09:19:30 PM »
That it is!
« Last Edit: August 27, 2015, 10:00:37 AM by AnonymousAnonAnon1 »

greencat

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Re: Well, I felt proud for a minute at least...
« Reply #16 on: August 20, 2015, 09:48:49 PM »
I think your FIL may have to receive the message that there is simply no room for him at your house.  It will probably upset him.

You made a mistake - you are dealing with an unreasonable person, and should have followed the rule to not JADE - justify, argue, defend, explain - your statement of "I'm afraid that won't be possible."  Not giving a reason/excuse like "no room" leaves no room for FIL to argue or be offended.

I ran into this myself lately - several of my friends and I are sharing a room for a convention.  There's a guy that some of us know better than the others don't want to have stay in the room with us for various reasons.  We had a full room already anyway and told him that there's no room when he asked to stay with us. He's secured accommodations with one of my coworkers.  Recently, one person dropped out of our room, and we were just going to go up with one less person in the room.  However, the girlfriend of one of the guys had her separate arrangements fall through (they started dating six months after the rooms were set up) and she asked me if we had space, and I told her I was okay with her staying with us as long as everyone else was okay with it.  She unfortunately asked them in front of this other guy, at which point he started objecting because he'd been told before there was no room.  He wanted her to take the spot in the coworker's room so he could have the spot instead.  He was made to understand that our friend's girlfriend, who is also longtime friends with other people in the room, was not going to stay with a stranger to her instead of our room.

VorFemme

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Re: Well, I felt proud for a minute at least...
« Reply #17 on: August 21, 2015, 09:36:49 AM »
After friend leaves, do a little remodeling of the guest room.  Move the furniture around, have it half painted, the curtains at the cleaners, and such so that it will look much better after DH's birthday but it won't be ready to use during the time FIL would be in town for the surprise party?

:-)

We don't have a guest room. We live in a very small apartment. The guest that's coming to stay is our best friend and therefore someone we don't mind staying in close quarters with for a couple of days. However, for many, many reasons, neither I nor DH would want FIL staying under the same conditions.

So the awkward part is his potential realization of "we have room for aomeone else, just not you". It's not even like I can go the route of "well, we really wouldn't be able to make you comfortable, etc.", since his first request was sleeping on a couch.

Note: The reason I wouldn't want FIL there is because he has a history of violent (at the worst) and uncomfortable (at the best) behavior. The fact that he even asked this is, frankly, nervy. So my top priority is more keeping the peace than tiptoeing on.eggshells.

Ah - yeah - I have an aunt who makes me uncomfortable as well.  She shared our house for a few weeks one summer while working on her masters degree program.  Let's leave it at "she's never staying with us again".  It was more a matter of not listening to anything that I said and telling me that I was doing stuff "wrong" (differently than she thought it should be done - she was the baby of four girls and the older three were out of the house & on their own by the time she was ten, so she might as well have been an only child, in most ways).  I stick to seeing her at family gatherings where I can say "oh, I have to go see Cousin Soandso & the new baby" or something else in the way of bean dip.

My husband's parents are nice - but they have brought their dog with them the last two times they have driven down the six hours or so to stay with us. They have decided that it is easier not to travel that far with their (new) dog - it's about a six hour drive from here to their house.  I'd really rather we made the trip to their location than that they show up again, with another dog and tell me that they're going to sleep on the recliner as the stairs would take them too long when they let the dog out of the house in the middle of the night for a brief time.  I would prefer that the dog stay in the backyard for the entire visit - but their son wasn't going to tell them that they couldn't bring the dog inside. 

We have a cat.  We didn't see much much of her for their visit.
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

wheeitsme

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Re: Well, I felt proud for a minute at least...
« Reply #18 on: August 21, 2015, 11:27:45 AM »
All the other really good reasons not to host your FIL, but how can you plan for your FIL to stay with you without your DH becoming aware of the surprise party?